IS IT REALLY SO HARD TO TEACH YOUR KID HOW TO BEHAVE IN A RESTAURANT?

[Lilacs4Me]

Please don't take him to IHOP, I deserve to eat my Rooty, Tooty, fresh and fruity in peace too!!

Seriously, we never had restaurant manners. I expected my kids to eat at our dinner table with the same manners as they used in a restaurant. Keep you voices down, hands and feet to your self, eat what you are served, and stay seated until you are told you can leave. If you teach them these are the rules for the dinner table, there is no such thing as restaurant manners, just normal table manners.

This^^

When our kids started to eat like normal people without getting food everywhere and sitting still at our dinner table at home, is when we started taking them out to eat. Actually, to think about it, we expected the same thing at home that we did while eating out, so it was really the same thing to us. but, we eat at a table every night as a family (barring DH working late or other activities going on, but my point is, IF we are eating dinner at home, whoever is there is at the table), so it was just normal to sit and behave during a meal. Great time to teach manners and how to have appropriate conversation!

So many people I know sit in front of the TV and throw their babies/kids in the high chair at the table by themselves during dinner. I have *somewhat* of a feeling that these might be the kids who don't behave while eating out.

I've only been posting here for a short while, but have already learned to always say: **Barring any special needs, of course.

 

[JoeA]

And yet another parent bashing thread

Or another way to look at it...

And yet another thread bashing the lack of generally accepted parenting.

As parents and adults it's up to us to teach. And this is/was a "teaching moment" about how to behave in public. You don't disrupt everyone around you so little buttercup there can get his drum grove on. It's a lack of respect and not "cute".

 

[mamacatnv]

I still remember DS's first "table cloth" restaurant. He was six, we had spent several years practicing and he was so excited. He did great, I am the one who knocked over the water glass and he gave ME the look! Haha
We eat at the table as a family, always, we used to pull DS's high chair to the table, same with DD - we practiced and practiced and as their ability levels went up, so did the scale of the eateries we visited. Now my kids are 26 and 17, they have no tolerance for uncontrolled, screaming kids or even kids not ready for the environment.

 

[Andtototoo]

Right now, I am working in a boutique store in a nice part of town. This is not Walmart. This is not the Dollar Store. This is a nice store. But it proves that bad parenting cuts across all socio-economic classes. Every single day, I am amazed at how many parents simply do not parent. First off, I would never bring my little kid into this store -- it's crowded, full of glass and other breakables, and has lots of glass shelves. Secondly, if I DID bring my kid into the store, I would have them glued to my hip.

Instead, we have parent who let their kids literally RUN around the store. Or TELL them to "Go play hide and seek with your brother!".

We have parents who put their barefoot toddlers down to walk around the store. Hellooooo? We have glass everywhere. It breaks... often because some kid breaks it.. and try as we might, there are going to be occasional pieces of glass that escape us, hiding under tables or chairs... the exact place your kid is crawling.

We have parents who come in and tell their kids, "Go into the pillow section and have a pillow fight while Mommy shops."

We have parents who tell the associates, "Your turn to watch my kids!"

We have parents who tell the kids, "Sit on the sofa." Which makes it hard to sell when the kid refuses to get up when a customer is interested in it. Or the kid proceeds to stand on the sofa and jump up and down. Of course, the kid then falls off the sofa and hurts himself. Of course, the parents then blame us for not watching the kid.

We have parents who simply ignore the kids in the store. The kids then run up and down the aisles (again, glass everywhere.) We have had kids pee in the aisles, poop in the aisles, spit in the aisles. All while the parents are in the store. When you draw the parents attention to what the kid has done, NOT ONCE has any parent offered to clean up their kid's waste products or demanded the kid apologize. Nor have they apologized themselves.

So after a hard day at work, I am not happy when -- as last night -- I go out to a nice restaurant and get seated across from a couple with two out of control kids. Who are screaming, banging their utensils, crawling all over their chairs like it's a jungle gym. Then tried to crawl all over the chairs of the people next to them. The people next to them were having none of it and sharp words were exchanged. At which the parents called over the manager and whined, "Those people haaaaaaaaaaate our babies!" Those babies were at least 7-9 years old.

So tired of people procreating but not wanting to do the work of parenting.

 

[robinb]

And yet another parent bashing thread

I thought that too from the title and opened the thread expecting to roll my eyes right out of my head. That being said, I found myself agreeing with the OP and his (her?) vent .

Skywalker, sometimes it takes a village to raise a child ... and their mom. Why didn't you politely go to the table and tell her that Jonas' drumming was disruptive? It would have been a reality check for the mom who was in her own little "Jonas is the best drummer" world. I can't imagine that it could have gotten any worse if she was insulted according to your description.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

This is why we stopped going to Chef Mickey's now that are kids are teens. All the little kids act like hooligans.

 

[mefordis]

This is just a vent. People can be so annoying.

We went out for lunch today to a new Italian restaurant. It was quite busy with a good mix of couples, families and friend groups. The restaurant has a kind of a low key vibe, just quiet conversation.

Then comes the noise. I look around to see this kid about 3 years old banging his silverware loudly against the table, then his plate, then against his glass. Over and over. And the mother was laughing! And then she started egging him on, saying "Jonas, are you a drummer? Can you drum Jonas? Can you hit the glass, Jonas? Can you hit the plate Jonas? What a great drummer you are Jonas! Louder so mommy can hear Jonas!" At which point mom takes out her cell phone to start filming the amazing(?) and talented(?) Jonas loudly hitting his plate and glass.

She seemed completely oblivious to anyone else around (some of whom - not me - were literally covering their ears lol), completely unaware that she should be teaching Jonas how to behave in public, and completely unconcerned about the restaurant's property.

The customers and the owner kept looking at them, but that was the extent of it. How I longed for that diner owner in Maine from the summer that told a kid to "STOP IT" lol.

So many parents nowadays just completely suck. Just completely fail at it.

It was all I could do to not walk past and say "You know what Jonas? Your drumming sucks and so does your upbringing."

No one ever had to suffer through our ill behavior as kids because my parents never took us to restaurants until we were about in Jr. High School! You can't really have a relaxing meal with a 3 year old anyway. Can't really have a relaxing anything with a 3 year old.

 

[DisneyOma]

My answer to the OP is yes it really can be that hard. For my third child (3yo) I could remove her from a restaurant 20 times in a row and 1) it would be a REWARD for her because she does not want to be there and 2) she would not stop the behavior

So basically, I never take her out to eat or to the mall, etc

If the child has to sit in the car, buckled up, with no entertainment, while the rest of the family (minus one adult in the car who is ignoring said child) eats, would that be considered a reward for her?

If she just needs out of a very stimulating environment, and calms down once outside, perhaps she should be tested for sensory issues.

 

[KateP85]

Yes it is hard but if you want to eat out, you work on it. We have been taking my 2-year old out to eat in all kinds of restaurants since he was 3 weeks old (when he was probably at his best behaved!) and he knows his manners. He knows you don't scream or shout, you don't use the utensils as drumsticks, he can order for himself and remembers to say please and thank you. But he wasn't always this good, and many meals either myself or my husband would be sat eating alone while the other one sat in the car with a screaming child! We do take things to keep him entertained; we take coloring books, crayons, card games, books, quiet toys, etc, we don't expect him to sit there in silence while we wait for our food. But I'm pretty confident he's never ruined anyone else's dinner (except maybe ours!)

 

[LilyWDW]

Yes it is hard but if you want to eat out, you work on it. We have been taking my 2-year old out to eat in all kinds of restaurants since he was 3 weeks old (when he was probably at his best behaved!) and he knows his manners. He knows you don't scream or shout, you don't use the utensils as drumsticks, he can order for himself and remembers to say please and thank you. But he wasn't always this good, and many meals either myself or my husband would be sat eating alone while the other one sat in the car with a screaming child! We do take things to keep him entertained; we take coloring books, crayons, card games, books, quiet toys, etc, we don't expect him to sit there in silence while we wait for our food. But I'm pretty confident he's never ruined anyone else's dinner (except maybe ours!)

As someone without children but has more then once had to deal with ill behaved kids that have ruined events and meals for me, THANK YOU for parenting. It's sad that that even has to be said, but it does. So again, thank you.

 

[Hrhpd]

And yet another parent bashing thread

You approve of the parent encouraging the child to "play the drums" while in a restaurant?

 

[aprilgail]

I still remember DS's first "table cloth" restaurant. He was six, we had spent several years practicing and he was so excited. He did great, I am the one who knocked over the water glass and he gave ME the look! Haha
We eat at the table as a family, always, we used to pull DS's high chair to the table, same with DD - we practiced and practiced and as their ability levels went up, so did the scale of the eateries we visited. Now my kids are 26 and 17, they have no tolerance for uncontrolled, screaming kids or even kids not ready for the environment.

Sorry but even at Ihop that behavior is NOT acceptable! Heck I don't even want to hear that at burger king LOL. I have no patience to kids acting out at restaurants. We took my daughter on her first cruise when she was 2 1/2, she sat that that table the entire dinner time (and cruise dinners are long!) and behaved because that is what she was expected to do. If she had not we would have left and not subjected other people to her. Her first wedding she was 4 and she behaved the whole 4 hour reception. I brought a coloring book for her to do and some books for her to look at in case she got antsy but I would not have tolerated her banging on glasses or tables etc! She is 15 now and I think she has less tolerance for misbehaving kids than I do!

 

[LetsTalkWDW]

Another person failing to be a parent bashing thread.

That doesn't even make sense

I think it needs punctuation: How about:

Another "person failing to be a parent" bashing thread.

Any better? I had to read it a few times to get Goofy_Disney_Dad's meaning.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I think it needs punctuation: How about:

Another "person failing to be a parent" bashing thread.

Any better? I had to read it a few times to get Goofy_Disney_Dad's meaning.

I knew what he meant. I was just picking on him.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

My boys are now 13 and 15. We've been taking them out to restaurants with us since they were still in the little car seat/carrier thing that we brought in and put on the bench next to us. Maybe not 5-star places but certainly nicer than McDonald's. They know how to behave. Period. They've never gotten out of their seats. They've never thrown anything. They apologize if they drop something on the floor. They know inside voices. Heck, they've ordered for themselves and said please and thank you to the waitress since they were preschoolers!

It's really not that hard. Set expectations and consequences--and then be consistent. It's just like anything else with parenting. It seems so common sense, but sooooooo many are lacking!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I would have gotten up and spoken to the manager on that one.
As a person who has some hearing impairment, and as a person who is aware of people who may have hearing hypersensitivity, or wear hearing aides, etc... that is not just annoying... That can be excruciating, and may even cause more hearing loss.

We are talking metal utensils on plates and glass, right???
The manager would have been informed that if this was allowed in the restaurant, I would simply not be able to stay and finish my meal. Which would also mean that I might not be paying the check.

Perhaps the family should be given plastic to-go utensils.

What was described doesn't sound like just an annoying child.
This would have been a problem.

I am always one who might call out parent-bashing, as in, this parent is not parenting and disciplining to my standards.

IMHO, what was described goes way further than that!

 

[MIGrandma]

Ugh........I hate that type of behavior. Its all about appropriate behavior has a time and a place. Take the kid to Ihop and let him play the drums not to a quite cozy restaurant. To me, it screams of the mentality that my kid is so stinking cute, everyone should be subject to and enjoy his antics. Its disrespectful and I would have said something to my wait staff and to the manager. I have done that before. Once I had a waitress tell me the manager wouldn't ask a screaming kid to be removed from an adult atmosphere restaurant after we complained because the manager didn't want to lose the business, so I removed our business. Informed the waitress to cancel our order, left her a few bucks because it wasn't her fault and we had taken up a table for a few minutes and left. I am not going to spend my money to eat a meal while gritting my teeth, its not going to happen. Restaurant managers need to make a choice, if they choose to say nothing, they risk losing paying customers who won't tolerate the behavior and their lack of backbone.

I remember you and I agreeing a few times on kids in restaurants. But no, no, no...the behavior the OP is talking about isn't acceptable even at a place like Ihop. Really, it isn't acceptable in any restaurant. And to encourage the child to keep "drumming" on the plate, glass, table is just plain rude to the rest of the people in the restaurant.

Please don't take him to IHOP, I deserve to eat my Rooty, Tooty, fresh and fruity in peace too!!

Seriously, we never had restaurant manners. I expected my kids to eat at our dinner table with the same manners as they used in a restaurant. Keep you voices down, hands and feet to your self, eat what you are served, and stay seated until you are told you can leave. If you teach them these are the rules for the dinner table, there is no such thing as restaurant manners, just normal table manners.

Totally agree with you!

The older i get, the less patience I have with children. I hate the person I'm becoming. I'm turning into the "get off my lawn, you damn kids" person But I seriously have a problem with parents that allow their children to turn any place they are at into their own personal arena. I would bet that little Jonas doesn't play the drums at his dinner table in his own home

Me too, but some people would call me a grumpy old hag for that. But I do think it's true, for many people the older they get the less tolerant of other people's kids they are. I have grandchildren, love them dearly, but not-so-much other people's kids, especially when they don't behave and the "parents" do nothing to even attempt to correct the behavior.

Right now, I am working in a boutique store in a nice part of town. This is not Walmart. This is not the Dollar Store. This is a nice store. But it proves that bad parenting cuts across all socio-economic classes. Every single day, I am amazed at how many parents simply do not parent. First off, I would never bring my little kid into this store -- it's crowded, full of glass and other breakables, and has lots of glass shelves. Secondly, if I DID bring my kid into the store, I would have them glued to my hip.

Instead, we have parent who let their kids literally RUN around the store. Or TELL them to "Go play hide and seek with your brother!".

We have parents who put their barefoot toddlers down to walk around the store. Hellooooo? We have glass everywhere. It breaks... often because some kid breaks it.. and try as we might, there are going to be occasional pieces of glass that escape us, hiding under tables or chairs... the exact place your kid is crawling.

We have parents who come in and tell their kids, "Go into the pillow section and have a pillow fight while Mommy shops."

We have parents who tell the associates, "Your turn to watch my kids!"

We have parents who tell the kids, "Sit on the sofa." Which makes it hard to sell when the kid refuses to get up when a customer is interested in it. Or the kid proceeds to stand on the sofa and jump up and down. Of course, the kid then falls off the sofa and hurts himself. Of course, the parents then blame us for not watching the kid.

We have parents who simply ignore the kids in the store. The kids then run up and down the aisles (again, glass everywhere.) We have had kids pee in the aisles, poop in the aisles, spit in the aisles. All while the parents are in the store. When you draw the parents attention to what the kid has done, NOT ONCE has any parent offered to clean up their kid's waste products or demanded the kid apologize. Nor have they apologized themselves.

So after a hard day at work, I am not happy when -- as last night -- I go out to a nice restaurant and get seated across from a couple with two out of control kids. Who are screaming, banging their utensils, crawling all over their chairs like it's a jungle gym. Then tried to crawl all over the chairs of the people next to them. The people next to them were having none of it and sharp words were exchanged. At which the parents called over the manager and whined, "Those people haaaaaaaaaaate our babies!" Those babies were at least 7-9 years old.

So tired of people procreating but not wanting to do the work of parenting.

I can't even imagine working in a place where you have to deal with kids' behavior, and the "parents" behavior like that. Oh my gosh! My bottom jaw dropped to the floor just reading about all the crap you have to deal with.

As for the OP's situation, that would have irritated me to no end. If a child starts "drumming" like this child was, and the parent stops it, then fine. But to actually encourage it and let it go on and on? Wow. Another "I can't even imagine..." situation.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Right now, I am working in a boutique store in a nice part of town. This is not Walmart. This is not the Dollar Store. This is a nice store. But it proves that bad parenting cuts across all socio-economic classes. Every single day, I am amazed at how many parents simply do not parent. First off, I would never bring my little kid into this store -- it's crowded, full of glass and other breakables, and has lots of glass shelves. Secondly, if I DID bring my kid into the store, I would have them glued to my hip.

Instead, we have parent who let their kids literally RUN around the store. Or TELL them to "Go play hide and seek with your brother!".

We have parents who put their barefoot toddlers down to walk around the store. Hellooooo? We have glass everywhere. It breaks... often because some kid breaks it.. and try as we might, there are going to be occasional pieces of glass that escape us, hiding under tables or chairs... the exact place your kid is crawling.

We have parents who come in and tell their kids, "Go into the pillow section and have a pillow fight while Mommy shops."

We have parents who tell the associates, "Your turn to watch my kids!"

We have parents who tell the kids, "Sit on the sofa." Which makes it hard to sell when the kid refuses to get up when a customer is interested in it. Or the kid proceeds to stand on the sofa and jump up and down. Of course, the kid then falls off the sofa and hurts himself. Of course, the parents then blame us for not watching the kid.

We have parents who simply ignore the kids in the store. The kids then run up and down the aisles (again, glass everywhere.) We have had kids pee in the aisles, poop in the aisles, spit in the aisles. All while the parents are in the store. When you draw the parents attention to what the kid has done, NOT ONCE has any parent offered to clean up their kid's waste products or demanded the kid apologize. Nor have they apologized themselves.

So after a hard day at work, I am not happy when -- as last night -- I go out to a nice restaurant and get seated across from a couple with two out of control kids. Who are screaming, banging their utensils, crawling all over their chairs like it's a jungle gym. Then tried to crawl all over the chairs of the people next to them. The people next to them were having none of it and sharp words were exchanged. At which the parents called over the manager and whined, "Those people haaaaaaaaaaate our babies!" Those babies were at least 7-9 years old.

So tired of people procreating but not wanting to do the work of parenting.

What did the manager do?

We've taken our two out to eat pretty much from the day they were born. We expected them to behave and there were consequences if they did not. The expectations were the same regardless of the restaurant.

I remember taking the oldest to a "nicer" restaurant when she was about three. We went early to avoid crowds and agreed the one of us would step out with her if she acted up. We got looks from other patrons and our server when we were seated. She did absolutely fine and we were shocked when an older woman stopped by and complimented us on how well behaved our daughter was. She had been one of the ones giving us the look and she told us that she was expecting a problem and that's why she wanted to tell us that we were doing a good job.

It's funny but both of mine are not very tolerant of poor behavior in a restaurant now.

 

[mamacatnv]

Please don't take him to IHOP, I deserve to eat my Rooty, Tooty, fresh and fruity in peace too!!

Sorry but even at Ihop that behavior is NOT acceptable! Heck I don't even want to hear that at burger king LOL.

I remember you and I agreeing a few times on kids in restaurants. But no, no, no...the behavior the OP is talking about isn't acceptable even at a place like Ihop. Really, it isn't acceptable in any restaurant. And to encourage the child to keep "drumming" on the plate, glass, table is just plain rude to the rest of the people in the restaurant.

Y'all are right, I was being facetious and it didn't come across well let me rephrase to McDonalds or a similar play place type eatery. I didn't let my kids be ill mannered heathens in McD's anymore than any place else but if I am going to a fast food type eatery, my expectations are much lower and it is a good environment to begin to train children to sit at the table, use their manners, inside voices etc. in a "out to eat" type atmosphere

 

[Christine]

I took my kids out to eat from infancy. They were REALLY well behaved at 6 months. At around 18 months to 2 years. Not so much. In fact, my son had quite a love for doing the same thing Jonas did. He could.not keep his hands off the utensils. Quiet warnings at the table wouldn't work. No way was I doing a "time out" in the restaurant. I took him out and brought him back in but that didn't work. What would have worked was slapping his hand and mortifying him but God knows I didn't want to be hauled of by social services sooooooo, I stopped taking him out to dinner. Until he was 5 years old and could control himself. He was just horribly impulsive up through the age of about 8 years old. He wasn't a bad kid otherwise and never had any other discipline issues except controlling his impulses when he was in a very stimulating environment. Believe me...he wanted to act JUST LIKE JONAS.

However, this mommy was NOT impressed by his "musical" talents and let him know it. I'm sure Jonas' mommy was boosting his self-esteem.