Is it possible to fall in love over the internet??

[dizneenut]

I have a friend who met her now-DH in a Christian chat room a few years ago. They are happily married now. So, yes, it is possible. But I don't think its possible after only 18 hours of "talking" to someone.

 

[DoeWDW]

I think your friend is in a stressful marriage relationship and is looking for an escape. By meeting this guy and having these wonderful new happy feelings of "love" (?) she is escaping from the reality of her unhappy life for a while. It's like a powerful drug that makes you feel better for a while. However, just like drugs, the long-term consequences of getting emotionally involved with another man while married will be negative and destructive.

Please tell your friend to get some counseling ASAP to help her deal with the reality of her unhappy marriage. She needs to spend time deciding if she wants to save it and try to make it better or if she really wants out. She needs to make that decision with a clear head and follow through with it before starting another relationship.

I wish her and her DH the best. I hope they can find the love that brought them together years ago (as long as there is no abuse involved).

 

[Serena]

Love or not, she has to walk away. She's got a marriage that needs worked on, and herself too.
He needs to do the same.

 

[avdeane]

I agree with the others here that are telling you to recommend that your friend either end her marriage, or get help to work it out. She's reaching out for the affection and comfort she is probably lacking in her marriage and now has found somebody to do that, even if it is only through the net. I've been in that situation. I was in an abusive marriage and when I first got the internet I did chat with people who helped me build my confidence and feel good about myself again. Fortunately I ended the bad marriage and did eventually meet a wonderful guy...on the net, but after the marriage was over. I have been married to that wonderful man now for almost 6 years!!

Tell your friend that things will get better but she needs to take it slowly and take care of one relationship at a time. I wish her the best and hope things work out for her!!

 

[jipsy]

what were their spouses doing during these 18 hours in the last two days?

 

[mickeyboat]

DH and I had a long distance relationship for several years before we were married (we just celebrated our 12th anniversary). We got engaged while we were doing all this letter-writing. I was very concerned that although we were madly in love, that things will change when we actually see one another day in and day out.

Relationships do not only involve the couple, they involve families, friends, jobs, etc. I think you can develop a strong interest and possibly fall in love over the internet, but that should only be a starting point in the relationship, it must go much further before you could even dream about making a committment. Also keep in mind that when you correspond with someone through the internet and letters, he or she is only telling you what they want you to know. There is a whole lot more to find out about a person besides that.

As far as your sister goes, I agree with all the previous posts, she needs to work through her current relationship - either fix it or end it - before she moves on to someone else. Maybe by corresponding with this internet person, she can see that there may be something better out there for her - this guy or someone else.

But don't forget, the grass isnt always greener on the other side of the fence.

Denae

 

[DMickey28]

I don't know about completely falling in love but I met my Fiance over the internet. We met on a Thursday, IM'ed and phone calls for at least 6 hours a day for a week before we met. We knew we had something building. We sent pictures but you really can't "know" if you are attracted to someone with pictures...it's more chemistry than that!

We talked about, if we were attracted to each other and there was chemistry we would have something to work with.

It can happen but the situation is a bit off....

 

[Melora]

Ive been in a similiar situtaion. When I was just thinking about leaving my ex I met a man on line and "fell in love". I was so unhappy in my relationship it was easy to become disillusioned about the person. Despite the fact that he really was a nice guy, it wasnt the same when he came out to see me. I was in love with what I wanted rather than who he was.

Then I did it again. Met another man and he came out to see me and thats when I knew for sure that things are rarely what they seem on line vs reality.

Both of the men were nice but not what I expected. Day to day living it different than online.

Yes you can fall in love but things better be similiar when you meet in person or else the "love" will not turn into the real thing.

I met my husband via the internet (through an ad) but we talked on line and the phone for just a short period of time before we met. We didnt have the opportunity to develop fantasies about the what ifs etc.... I was also available to meet him, through with my divorce and ready for a real commitment. Not caught up in wanting to be away from my ex and out of that situation at any cost and feeling like a knight in shining armor was going to come rescue me.

But long distance "probably won't meet for awhile" and "desperately unhappy with real life" type of relationships turn into mental made up love where you go to escape reality not to find it.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

I don't think that you can fall in love on the internet. Wouldn't she actually have to meet the person first? Some people scare me that jump into internet relationships! It doesn't sound like such a hot idea. Maybe I'm just a cynic.

 

[LScot]

Originally posted by Kristi1357
Falling in love with someone on the internet can happen, of course. But not in 18 hours and NOT when you are MARRIED? Hello?! To me this is cheating.

I think she is in love with the fantasy of a new life. Not necessarily this person. JMO. She needs some counseling, asap.

I agree with this post. I think it is sad when marriages break up. My DH's cousin and his wife split over another woman on the Internet. She left her DH and both left their kids!

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I met my ex-husband in a chatroom. We talked every day for 2 months before meeting in person and we didn't even feel we loved each until way after that. IMO, I don't think you can fall in love in a matter of a few days. Also, some people over the internet lie all the time (found that out firsthand), because they can. You have to get to know them....really know them....first. Just my opinion.

ETA: I just read the other posts and agree with everyone else about considering it cheating. She should work on her marriage first.

 

[KingsFanInRI]

DW and I met this way, but it sure didn't happen overnight.
ITA with everyone who says that the issues at home need to be handled first.

 

[meandtheguys2]

My (former)babysitter (married) has been involved with a guy over the internet for years now. She "met" him in a chat room when she was devestated after being dumped by another guy she met over the net. This one dumped her because she was overweight, which she says she told him. She also went back and broke the heart of the guy that broke hers through lying and deceit. So, when it comes down to it I do not believe that true love cann be developed without personally interacting with someone for a bit. People aren't always honest about themselves and their life circumstances!

 

[DebbieB]

Be very careful of internet dating. My brother got taken for a $1,000 by a women he met on the internet. He thought they were madly in love and he got engaged in only 2 weeks! Then she came to him with an offer from a friend to sell him an engagement ring, she had an appraisal showing it was worth much more then $1,000. He fell for it! She turned out to be really wacky, he asked for the ring back, she refused. Then he gets an e-mail from her sister saying she died! He checked into it and of course she didn't die. What a mess! I suspected all along that the ring was hers from her first marriage. He was just so desparate to find someone, he didn't use his head.

 

[elgerber]

My mom met her husband online. They have now been married for 5 years. BUT, neither of them were married or in any type of relationship when they met. And it was not love at first type, they spent quite a bit of time online together, then met several times in person before deciding they were in love.

So yes, it is possible, but in your friends case it sounds very dangerous.

Erika

 

[totalia]

Yes there are bad things that can happen over the internet. People really have a hard time understanding that two weeks is NOT long enough to know someone and say your in love.

I have to say though, most of the internet relationships I've seen people have on here sure went alot faster than mine. We are heading on four years long distance very soon here though planning on me moving down and on us getting married this winter.

It was two years before he and I met.

 

[Saffron]

Yes you can fall in love on the Internet. I fell in love right here on the DIS. The true test of whether or not it's love can only be measured after spending time together, on an every day, average day type of situation. Love goes through good times and bad times and, in my eyes anyway, can only be measured in the way those times are handled.

On the net everything is wonderful. In real life, everything isn't always, although I wish it were. It's how those everyday ups and downs are handled and lived that test true love. I can honestly say that I am in love with the man I met right here on the DIS, and it's a much deeper, much more binding love then we had over the net. Over the net it was fun and superficial, in real life it's still fun, but we also have storms, which we weather, together. We ALWAYS come out closer and stronger after the storms. Although while we're going through those storms ...

I think your friend is infatuated with the man she's gotten to know for 18 hours. Infatuation feels like love, but it's not.

 

[Jolie C]

I think it's possible to fall in love anywhere, including over the internet. But in 18 hours?? No.

 

[ShuisFan584]

You can't fall in love over the internet just like you can't fall in love at first sight. To fall in love with someone, you have to actually know the person and spend time together, getting to know each other. I think that people who say they're in love right after meeting a person, don't know exactly what love is.