Is it okay for your kids to be bored??

[Disney01]

My son is entering a new stage and I'm not adjusting to it well. He's 11 and has given up many of the younger toys...All he wants to do is play video games and watch TV. (I know, sounds normal.) He used to want to do things, even "play" with Mom. Now, he gets moody and grumpy when his TV time and video game time is up. (We limit it at our house.) I find myself trying to appease him, find things for him to do, cater to him, etc. I know that's probably wrong, but I also feel bad that he doesn't want to do as much with me anymore. He does have swimming and bowling, but when not involved with those he either wants a friend, TV or his video games. When I mention "family time", he rolls his eyes and acts bored. Is this okay? I think family is important, but I am forcing it on him and he will rebel and not want anything at all to do with us then. Does anyone else have this problem?

 

[mommytotwo]

My SS just turned 11 and he loves to play video games and watch t.v. Those are on the top of his list when he is with his mom, but not here. When he comes to visit us, we do things together and we give him his own time to choose what he wants to do. I think it's part of them growing up. Say if they go to school and someone is talking about you and your family at the beach together-he maybe embarrassed, but if he was with his friends, it's the COOL thing to do. Don't worry about it and let him have fun, but don't let him walk all over you when it comes to the decisions that you have made.

 

[Serena]

It's fine. And next time he says he's bored, put him to work cleaning. He'll start finding something of interest to do soon enough. He's old enough, it's his job to learn to entertain himself, not yours.

 

[bsnyder]

I wouldn't cater to him or try to find other things to amuse him. He has to learn to do that for himself. As for not wanting to do family things, it's perfect natural (just wait until he's 18 and 20, like my two ) All kids have to gradually start pulling away, and 11 is a typical age for that to begin.

Talk to him and come up with a reasonable compromise as to how much time he spends doing the activities he likes and those you want him to do with the family. And then stick to it.

Also, if he is an only, make sure he has plenty of "friends" time, if he's socially inclined. You can still limit the video games and tv watching when he has a friend over. My daughter is much younger than my two boys, and she has very high social needs. She has friends over much more than her brothers ever did, but they had a constant companion in each other. Some of the family time could include a friend also....it's still time you're spending time with him, without the distraction of the tv or video games. And it gives you a great opportunity to get to know his friends well.

And Serena's suggestion works great....I've tried it!

 

[mickeyfan1]

Keep in mind that at his age he is also starting puberty. His hormones are going to be out of whack for many years to come. The moodiness can be really bad. As far as being bored, encourage him to read, help with the housework, get his imagination going. Family time for many boys that age is like torture. I know, I am a mother of a 28 year old, we went through a lot of the same thing. Except the video games, he was deprived of that.

It will get better, really.

 

[The LK 4]

This sounds like our house. My kids would sit and watch TV (DD) or play video games (DS) all day long if I didn't stop them. Yesterday, I told them to shut everything off and find something else to do. They complained about being bored at first, but within 15 minutes they were both camped out in his room playing with the Legos, K'nex, Lincoln Logs, etc. It was nice to see them having so much fun together instead of fighting.

I think they are happier when they find something to do on their own. It seems when I suggest things to play with they always roll their eyes.

 

[aprilgail2]

11 is still young but I know once I hit 13 when I was bored it just meant trouble...we would be out someplace causing some type of trouble! Kids with interests and activities get in less trouble than kids left with nothing to do and bored. This year my daughter is only going to camp 3 days a week and she wishes she went 5 days so that is in the budjet for next summer.

 

[shortbun]

It's a child's birthright to be "bored." It means summer is a
success!! The 11 year olds in my neighborhood are hanging
out in groups-the boys anyway, I don't see the girls. They skateboard, walk around, sit on steps talking and pushing each other, play basketball, ride bikes, harass their parents and siblings, video games to be sure but parents must be limiting
this because these boys are always outside. These boys are
not all neighbors so parents must be dropping them in or they
are skating in. I saw them playing street hockey yesterday
morning around 9am. Does your DS have a group of friends
he could be hanging with? Next summer you might want
to find a couple of sport camps to sprinkle into his routine.
Volunteering someplace like dog walking for the local
animal shelter might be interesting.
I'd quit mentioning "family Time" specifically and just do it.
I'd give him extra chores to do every morning. I'd make sure
he's covered all the books on his summer reading list and
more-take him to the library. Limiting screen time has always
been the norm here. DS is 9 and he turns it off by himself
now when his time is up-YES! We do have friends over for
the whole day about twice a week, they take care of themselves
except when they are hungry.

 

[Mskanga]

My dd is 11 right now and I find myself that the moment she has nothing to do , I am the one who is supposed to be entertaining her......not in this house!!! We have taken lots of side trips this summer to do fun things, we have season passes for the local waterpark and we go at least 2-3 times a week with our friends, if one day we stay home because I have things to do and she complains that she's bored, I simply give her a list of chores, that makes her snap out of it real quick.

 

[HollyJoy]

LET HIM BE BORED! It gives him time to use his mind! I think it's perfectly fine for kids to be bored once in a while.

"Boredom should be a stimulus for change, for invention. Unless a child is left to struggle with boredom, he or she will never tap that inner source of creativity. Every child can think of something to do if it is a necessity. They may need some guidance in finding acceptable alternatives, but children need to practice being creative. Boredom is nature's way of saying, "Think of something to do."" --

Elaine Gibson

 

[shelbyjosh]

My DD9 is a constant sufferer of boredom. SHe doesn't have anything to do. I suggest that she grabs a book from the library and sit on her bed and read. Not fun enough. DS6 is just the opposite. He can do anything by himself and be fine with it. He does not need me or anyone else to cure his boredom. I have repeatedly told DD that it is not my job to keep her entertained. I will have to try the chore thing next time she says she is bored. I am 99% sure she will find something to keep her occupied!!

 

[Nancy]

My kids are so bored (3 girls ages 11, 14 and 16)...mainly because this summer has been lousy and they are stuck in the house too much. I have noticed some benefits to me...dishes are being washed, laundry is being put away, I've seen some books laying around.....and I don't have tons of towels to wash because they can't go in the pool!

PLUS...they all want to go with me when I run errands on my day off, so we go for lunch and have some great chances to spend time together, even grocery shopping.

 

[Nancy]

double post

 

[Sandy V.]

As so many before me put it so well, yes, this is normal for an 11-year old to act this way, and it is HIS job to entertain himself, not yours.

The phrase "I'm bored" was always one that pushed my buttons when my kids were younger. They had plenty of creative options, but were often too lazy to explore them.

As someone else said, being bored is good because is spurs your creative side in order to remedy it!!

Once I turned off the electronic gadgets and gave them a LONG list of household chores to do, they were suddenly motivated to find alternative means of entertainment the next time before they told me they were "bored"!!

(The chores are good for them, anyway. As family members, they need to contribute to the household's upkeep.)

Good Luck!!

Edited to add: Just realized that I forgot to add in about his resistance to "family time." Our kids were never given an option to opt out of family events, especially those planned in advance. Now, I think they treasure that time spent together as much as we do, especially since our oldest leaves for college in two years. At 11, many kids think that friends are everything and family is uncool. Keep your sense of humor and firmly insist that he accompany you if you've got something special planned. You can never get this time back!

 

[sha_lyn]

My son is entering a new stage and I'm not adjusting to it well.

LOL sounds like the 2 of you need to find some new activities that you can enjoy together. Does he like role playing games, chess or Risk? Are there some video games that you could enjoy together? Hey around here if I feel the need for some time with DS I just challenge him to a game of foose ball (spelling? that one doesn't show up in spell check.. LOL)

Is he really bored, or are you? Sounds like he knows how he likes to fill his time.
Since he like video games, he might like to try some simple game designing of his own. Sure it is still video games, but I've found that DS is learning a lot about computer programing, which is a good thing IMHO. He's even been teaching me a thing or two.

I'm glad that DS finally has a love for reading for fun. It took a while, because he saw reading as "school work". Now he has an extensive collection of books. At 11 your DS might enjoy the Lemoney Snickett series A Series of Unfortunate Events

I agree that your DS needs to find way to fill his own time, but I also understand your fustration and desire to help him find ways.