Is it ok for spouse to go to lunch with co-worker of opposite sex?(Inspired by RIDISN

[NFLDERS]

Old thread but I'll play along..

I would have absolutely no problem if my husband chose to eat with females at his job. Young, old, pretty, ugly, wouldn't make a difference to me. I know my husband feels the same way about me eating with males.

Heck, his best friend is a girl and my best friend is a guy (outside of each other).

I have been friends with mine for over 20 years and there has never been a sideways glance or an inkling to fool around (eeewweww).

I also thought it would be interesting to read the take on the thread question 13 years later?

 

[NFLDERS]

Just can't quit thinking about this issue...

My DH is a District Manager with his HUGE company. Over half of the group of employees under him are female (and most have been with the company longer and make more $) and his direct boss is also female. He probably eats lunch with co-workers three out of five days a week - often with one or two females. Many times this is necessity, not social...I mean, they're on the road alot (in town and out) and they have to eat! He even travels with them and stays in the same hotel. This is HIS JOB...male or female isn't exactly a choice - thank goodness IMO!!

I have never even questioned this practice and even after reading recent posts, I still don't. I've been trying to find a problem with it, but I can't!! Once, he even called from his hotel to let me know where he was staying and he said, "We're in room..." He was with a female that trip!! I did actually call both of them IN THEIR SEPARATE ROOMS to tell them what he said in a JOKING WAY...still wasn't worried. DH still has to live that one down at work though, cause everyone heard about it!

Anyway, my DH works very, very hard for us. I trust him completely. I will say that I personally know his direct co-workers and we do family get-togethers every so often with kids and all. Very comfortable situation! Just wondering what others think!

By the way, DH doesn't know my DIS name nor would he even think to care to. He could ask and I'd tell of course, but HE JUST DOESN"T CARE!!

Post 100 could start a 13 years later view point Update?

 

[NFLDERS]

I'd have had no reservations in '04 and none today 13 years later. However, if I thought the woman was displaying an interest in him, I'd caution him about my concerns. Ultimately, it would be his decision. I've always trusted him completely. For the record we did go out with co-workers of the opposite sex for lunch, dinner.

 

[NotUrsula]

I think it depends. I, personally, would not be comfortable with it if it was on going. I can understand business trips and such when two or three people are out on the road and need to eat.

There are two co-workers of mine that go to lunch everyday together. EVERYDAY, just the two of them. They are both married! A few times they ask someone to join them, saying they are always welcome. Last week I asked what she was doing and she stated that she would be able to eat because she had to many errands to do. They left together again.

They both arrive early (about 1/2 hour) and take their breaks together.

Do I think something is going on? Possibly, however I can't imagine what he sees in her. (That's mean but I've met his wife and she is lovely.) Is it wierd? I think so. Would I be comfretable if it was my husband? NO WAY.....

However, on the flip side and a little off topic. She doesn't have a problem with her husband going to strip/nudi clubs with the reasoning that he comes home to her. Personally, I don't go for that. I don't want to take care of someone else "business" I want to be the cause of it as well......

To each his own.....

I'm sorry, but this is one of the biggest wink-nudge reaches I've ever seen. Unless you have personally witnessed inappropriate touching or language between them in the workplace, there is no "there" in what is described. Normal workplace friendships often look like this, IME. The whole "strip club" comment is completely irrelevant, all right, but wouldn't have been brought it up if the poster didn't think that her co-workers' relationship was a romantic one. SO WHAT if they ate lunch together every day? SO WHAT if they took breaks together and both happened to work the same hours? This would have described me at a job I had early in my career; my co-worker was married and I was single at that time, and we loved to discuss film because we are both film buffs. What coworkers didn't see was the movie dates we went on together -- along with his wife and my then-fiance. I was good friends with both members of the couple, though the wife worked elsewhere. We were such good friends that he was one of MY attendants at my wedding. Also, FWIW, he happens to be a pastor now, and he always was quite religious. There has NEVER been any inappropriate sexual contact between us.

And yeah, I know it's an old thread, but it burns my biscuits when people let their own prejudices put nasty implications onto situations where they don't exist.

 

[Allison]

You are perfectly human

The poster you responded to has not been here for 10 years.

 

[NHdisneylover]

OK, I can play along too!

Nope, it wouldn't, and doesn't bother me.

I trust my husband and he tursts me. And espeically where work is concerned, how can that even be avoided legally or ehtically if there isa need for a bussness dinner?

Even without a need, it has happened various times over the years and never concerned me at all.

Funny story, the year my son was born we had moved to a small down for DH's job. (well, we lived half an hour away in a larger town). DH likes a hot lunch rather than brown bagging it. There was no microwave or cafeteeria at the plant so most days he'd go out to somewhere local and inexpensive. Only one other coworker prefered to eat out--a woman. So most days they went to lunch together. Several months in I got a call from another woman in the workplace who felt she should inform of these lunch "dates" and her suspicions that they were having an affair becuase they "sneak off" togeher every lunch hour.

I was shocked at first that this perosn I basically did not know called me with this, then just highly amused. Heck, I drove down with the kids and met up with them for lunch from time to time and was well aware of the "dates" Good lord people---prefering a hot lunch and being willing tro pay for it is not tantamount to cheating!

 

[soccerdad72]

The poster you responded to has not been here for 10 years.

And, for the record, is divorced now.

 

[NFLDERS]

The poster you responded to has not been here for 10 years.

Some of us are now responding 13 years forward. Post 100 the starting point.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

And, for the record, is divorced now.

I'm not sure what the lesson is I should take from that.

 

[DopeyDame]

I am in a very male dominated field. I have lunch with guys all the time. DH knows and doesn't care. Likewise, I wouldn't care at all if DH has lunch with women in his group (he's in the same male dominated field, so it's less likely but it has certainly happened)

I don't trust people who feel like they need to have these arbitrary rules in their lives. If they have so little faith in the person they've committed to for life, I assume they'll have no faith at all in me and that they'll always assume the worst in every scenario.
Not someone I'd want to do business with or put in a leadership position.

 

[soccerdad72]

I'm not sure what the lesson is I should take from that.

Probably nothing - I'm sure there were a whole host of issues. I just saw the username and thought it ironic to see comments about her DH.

 

[Allison]

Some of us are now responding 13 years forward. Post 100 the starting point.

I know. I was responding to the poster who quoted someone from 13 years ago.

 

[Skippy918]

I had lunch with the guys all the time in my jobs. I worked in a male dominated industry so I didn't have many options. I have gone on business trips with male coworkers and it was no big deal.

 

[Hikergirl]

No, it isn't okay at all. In fact you should never come out of your house after you are married because there are people of the opposite sex out there and who knows what could happen.

 

[amberpi]

I am in a very male dominated field. I have lunch with guys all the time. DH knows and doesn't care. Likewise, I wouldn't care at all if DH has lunch with women in his group (he's in the same male dominated field, so it's less likely but it has certainly happened)

I don't trust people who feel like they need to have these arbitrary rules in their lives. If they have so little faith in the person they've committed to for life, I assume they'll have no faith at all in me and that they'll always assume the worst in every scenario.
Not someone I'd want to do business with or put in a leadership position.

Agree. If I'd only gone to lunch with women, it could have some lonely years at lunchtime. I've never had an issue with a partner having lunch, or dinner, with a colleague.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

OOOO A zombie thread.
7 out of 10 zombies said yes, they'd have members of the opposite sex for lunch.
2 out of 10 zombies said sex doesn't matter.
One Zombie invited us over for dinner. We declined and ended the survey and left quickly.

 

[dosekies]

I have no problem with this at all. My SO has come to be ok with it after a while too. My first job out of college was at a baseball facility which consisted of mostly males working, and then there was me at the front desk daily. I would sit and chit chat with them all the time during slow periods. We all had inside jokes and if one person ordered food they would usually share, that sort of thing. I think that kind of environment just comes naturally when you're with each other all the time and not too far in age.

Now, I work in an office where only a handful of people are under 30, so we all eat together. It started as 2 female, 2 male, but has changed to 4 female, 1 male. Sometimes it will be 1 and 1 depending on who decides to go out for lunch or stay back. Once a month we also all go out for trivia night after work. Nothing inappropriate is happening, so I don't see it as an issue at all.

SO works in plumbing, so it is only males in his shop other than the female office assistants. He talks to them all the time when he is there. He also has met up with female friends from high school for lunches before which I don't mind. Heck, one of them is an ex (middle school - come on lol) and she and I are actually becoming really good friends!

 

[Minnesota!]

No issues with it, at all. I work with all women, so it's a moot point here, but DH's closest coworker is female and I couldn't care less how much time he does/doesn't spend with her.

 

[NFLDERS]

OOOO A zombie thread.
7 out of 10 zombies said yes, they'd have members of the opposite sex for lunch.
2 out of 10 zombies said sex doesn't matter.
One Zombie invited us over for dinner. We declined and ended the survey and left quickly.

Yeah! But, we few resurrected at post 100.

 

[scrapquitler]

No, it isn't okay at all. In fact you should never come out of your house after you are married because there are people of the opposite sex out there and who knows what could happen.

NIKE! NIKE!!! (Sorry, just helping out here...wouldn't want the guys to be unaware that there's another woman lurking around ready to entice them)