Is being gay a lifestyle choice?

[Patty3]

Wasn´t Lisa trying to say she did not choose this as a lifestyle? Hope I´m not putting words in your mouth Lisa. Correct me if I´m wrong.

I read Lisa has saying that she tried not to live this lifestyle, but in the end, she realized that is who she is and she has come to accept it.

 

[Laura]

Some people just think gays should keep their wicked gayness to themselves, never date, never talk about it, never wear feather boas, etc. "Just hide in the closet, and we won't beat you to death."

 

[Crankyshank]

Some people just think gays should keep their wicked gayness to themselves, never date, never talk about it, never wear feather boas, etc. "Just hide in the closet, and we won't beat you to death."

well to be honest some people really should not wear feather boas.

 

[C.Ann]

I think it is like a spectrum with strictly gay people on one end and strictly heterosexual people on the other end.

For people on the ends of the spectrum, it is NOT a choice. But I believe there are people in the middle that could go either way and do have a choice. Many of those people are bi.

I know people that have switched over, both directions, and some switched back again. Making a connection with someone sometimes goes deeper than what gender they are.

I think lots of people that consider themselves heterosexual have expiremented and enjoy gay sex. I think a lot of people that are gay went through part of their lives enjoying straight sex.

I don't think it is as cut and dried as straight/gay for a lot of people.

There are others though, for whom it is clear what they are, and for them, there is no choice.

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This comes closest to my feelings on the subject.. The only thing I would add is that there is also the aspect of "institutional lesbianism or homosexuality".. DD encounters that quite often amongst the girls who are institutionalized in the facility she works at..

 

[LJC1861]

Acceptance.....it did not come easily, but it did finally grace my life.

When I first came out to my parents they were shocked, confused, upset, and concerned about my youngest sister ( also lesbian and more obvious about it than I was...in fact my Mom said to me, "just don't drag your sister into this!" ) It took YEARS of only talking about work and the weather and never my personal life until finally I decided to start talking about it. At the time they were enjoying their retirement travelling around the country in their RV, and as they met new friends with children who were gay, I think they began to realize that they were not alone in struggling to accept not one lesbian daughter but ultimately two. After Mom's health began to decline and they settled into life in Hickory NC, and joined a church, I think they began to realize that life was just too darn short to be distant from their daughters. What started out as "You will never bring anyone home to sleep in our house" turned into a vacation where my youngest sister brought along her girlfriend.

When Lisa and I found each other and Mom and Dad could see that years of depression had finally resulted in happiness, I think they finally got it. Now when my Dad is asked if he has a gay son or daughter he replies...." No, I have 2!" He has even taken a stand at his church, which is struggling with the whole gay clergy issue, and openly talked about my sister and I and our relationship with our parents. Lisa and I are truly blessed to have the support of my parents....who are now beginning to inquire if we will ever have a commitment ceremony. We have been together for 5 years, and really want to plan one soon.

Thanks for letting me share my story. This is a good thread and I am glad to see that we can have open discussion on this forum.

Linda

 

[Planogirl]

Linda, thanks for sharing that. I'm glad that your parents came around.

I have a male friend who has been living openly gay for about 15 years now. However, he's still hiding it from his mother. Since he's always out and about with his SO I suspect that she knows anyhow but he wouldn't dare mention it to her. He is one who had a very difficult time coming out though so I'm not real surprised.

It's such a shame to me that this has to be such a big struggle so often. Even IF it were a choice (which I don't believe it is), why is it such a big deal to people who aren't even involved in it?

 

[azgal81]

I don't think it's a choice I think you are born that way. I am straight but I think people need to be more accepting of people who aren't exactly what they are.

 

[U2_rocks]

It can't be a choice for those people who start having feelings for people of the same sex even before they understand what those feelings are! (ya know, the whole "first crush" thing).

When you fall in love with someone, it's a combination of attraction (chemical-based) and emotional connection. We all know how important it is to have emotional connections, and everyone wants someone to love. What are gay people supposed to do if they just cannot find this kind of physical and emotional connection with someone of the opposite sex, but have found it with someone of their same sex? Are they expected to live barren lives?

Oh, I know that we have to use our heads as well, not just our hearts, and we can't act on our emotions only (thinking now of temptations like adultery etc.). But if someone is not ever going to be capable of forming true love bonds with someone if the opposite sex, it seems unfair to expect them to live an unhappy life of celibacy and no romantic love.

I must admit, homosexuality feels strange and unnatural to me because I am straight. I guess because I can't imagine being attracted to a woman! But I do understand that this is not a choice that people make; therefore, I would never want them to be penalized for it. I think they should have the same legal rights as opposite sex partners. I may be a little uncomfortable with the idea, but that's MY problem. I need to accept that that's how some people are made.

I hear the arguments that homosexuality is a sin. But you know what .... I see people make a bigger stink sometimes about homosexuality than they do about sins that are truly choices, such as adultery! That doesn't make sense. How can something that you have no control over be a sin? I guess you can't control the feelings but you can control acting on them - but then that brings us back around to gays being forced to live unhappy lives without true love. Does anyone deserve this kind of life? The only people that would choose it are those who wish to give themselves over to the service of God (in a monastary, convent, priesthood etc.). But since that calls for a very deep commitment to God that most of us are unable to give, that leaves gays in a very difficult place. This is why, despite my ambivalent feelings, I will support the equality of same sex relationships. I think we all deserve the chance to fall in love, get married and grow old together.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I think that the only people qualified to answer the question are gays and lesbians. Every single one of which I've ever discussed this with has said that it's not a choice, it's just who they are. I believe them. I don't understand how a straight person can possibly think they know better than a gay person whether they "chose" to be attracted to their own sex or not.

I know, someone always says they know someone who was gay for while, then chose to be straight and got married and is happy. I don't think that's a matter of "choosing", I think that's a bisexual. And even bisexuals, who might be equally attracted to men and women, don't really have a "choice" as to who they fall in love with, anymore than any of us do. It just happens, that's why they call it "falling in love", not "choosing someone to love".

 

[mickeyfan2]

I was born hetero and my cousin was not.

 

[beckmrk04]

Even IF it were a choice (which I don't believe it is), why is it such a big deal to people who aren't even involved in it?

Same reason abortion is a big deal to people who would never have one, and abstinence only sex-ed is a big deal to people.... Because they want everyone else's values to be as "good" and "pure" and "Godly" as their own. It's nosiness combined with arrogance and the assumption that they know what is better for you than you do.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I read Lisa has saying that she tried not to live this lifestyle, but in the end, she realized that is who she is and she has come to accept it.

But she specifically said that it wasn't a choice, so your use of the word choice, twice even, is puzzling.

 

[C.Ann]

I am straight but I think people need to be more accepting of people who aren't exactly what they are.

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Actually I think acceptance has come a long, long way.. Back when I was in high school (gonna "date" myself here - 40 years ago) there is NO WAY there would have been ANY kind of acceptance or understanding for this segment of the population.. Many of the older generation now (in their 80's) still don't accept the concept because that's the way they were raised and old habits die hard.. Now we have the thirty-something group (also older and younger folks) who have come to understand and accept and that acceptance will continue to grow over the years ahead.. Unfortunately though, it's going to take time - and probably a long time at that.. Remember how unacceptable it used to be for whites and blacks to date - let alone marry? Over time that all changed - but that too took a long time and I don't see it being any different than the length of time it will take for most people to accept homosexuality for what it is.. And of course you will have a certain segment of the population - mostly based on religious beliefs - that will never accept it.. I realize it's hard, but unfortunately, only the passing of time will bring about a more universal acceptance..

 

[Holly]

Same reason abortion is a big deal to people who would never have one, and abstinence only sex-ed is a big deal to people.... Because they want everyone else's values to be as "good" and "pure" and "Godly" as their own. It's nosiness combined with arrogance and the assumption that they know what is better for you than you do.

Good post. I wholeheartedly agree and couldn't have stated it better.

 

[Buckalew11]

But she specifically said that it wasn't a choice, so your use of the word choice, twice even, is puzzling.

I think she meant 'choice' as in "she chose to be true to herself and not try to be someone she is not" as in marrying because that was expected. I don't think she was saying choice as in "choosing to be gay or choosing to be straight". Doesn't that make sense?

 

[JoeEpcotRocks]

Yes, it's a lifestyle choice -- and not a good choice.

 

[luvindisneyworld]

OMG, I cant believe you are from Asheville.I live just West of Asheville in Canton.Yay, I have someone who lives near me.

OK, Back on topic.
I do not think it is a choice.I have friends who are gay, lesbian and bi,and I love them all.we have lost touch over the past few years but I do miss them so much. How can anyone say its a choice

I am a lesbian and I can assure you that it is not a choice. I tried to live the life that everyone expected me to live....to the point of being engaged to a man and planning a wedding. Ultimately, I just couldn't do it. As difficult as it was to come out, to myself, to my family and my friends it was totally liberating to finally be living MY life.

My partner and I have been together for 5 years...and will be forever. I have found my soul mate in Lisa and have never been happier.

As to the choice....why would anyone CHOOSE to be discriminated against, to have to look around before you hold your Honey's hand in public, to be treated differently in the eyes of those collecting taxes, to be denied family medical insurance plans for your partner, to have to mark the spot that reads 'single' on forms because you are not legally married and there is no spot that says 'domestic partner', to be looked at differently when you request a king sized bed when checking into a hotel and there are two women's names on the reservation,.....I could go on and on.

I am truly blessed to have found acceptance in my life. My parents adore my partner and she adores them. I could not ask for anything more. We live in Asheville NC, which is a very accepting place with a large gay and lesbian community. I am out at work and it is not an issue. We have a large circle of friends who are a wonderful support system. We have found a wonderful family doctor....who happens to be a lesbian herself. All in all, life is truly good.

Linda

 

[LukenDC]

Sexual orientation is NOT a choice. I have never heard of someone choosing whether or not they would be physically attracted to someone. Acting on those feelings is voluntary, but gay and lesbian people are just as entitled to love, sex, and happiness as their heterosexual counterparts.

 

[disneynutt1225]

Sexual orientation is NOT a choice. I have never heard of someone choosing whether or not they would be physically attracted to someone. Acting on those feelings is voluntary, but gay and lesbian people are just as entitled to love, sex, and happiness as their heterosexual counterparts.

Exactly. Well said.

 

[LukenDC]

I also believe that you are born that way.

A gay male friend of mine once told me that he had a crush on the guy who played Don West in the TV series "Lost in Space". He would have been about 8 yrs old at that time.

I can't imagine an 8 yr old choosing to "like" boys over girls. It just seems to me that there must be some type of genetic component involved for a child to be having those kinds of feelings.

I clearly remember sitting in my crib when I was between 1 and 2. My grandmother had given me a lunchbox with baseball players (male) on the front. I remember wishing that they were naked and vigorously rubbing my finger over them hoping to rub the clothes off. While I do not remember being aroused from the experience, I am sure that it was a sexual fantasy of sorts. I'm certain that I was born gay.

I remember all sorts of things from very early childhood---from even younger than one. It's a real gift that has amazed---and at times embarrassed---my parents.