Is being gay a lifestyle choice?

[Mishetta]

In my opinion your are born gay, lesbian, hetro, bi or anything inbetween. It is not something your conciously choose, but something you are, from the very core of your inner being.

I totally agree with this statement. My best friend & I have had this argument. I love her dearly but she thinks the devil is the one making the person, who is gay, to be gay. She thinks that praying about it would make them straight. (Gee, I don't feel like a good friend right now, airing this statement to thousands of people......) I just don't understand her way of thinking. I don't think that praying about it could make someone be straight & I do believe in prayer!

 

[Patty3]

I am a lesbian and I can assure you that it is not a choice. I tried to live the life that everyone expected me to live....to the point of being engaged to a man and planning a wedding. Ultimately, I just couldn't do it. As difficult as it was to come out, to myself, to my family and my friends it was totally liberating to finally be living MY life.

My partner and I have been together for 5 years...and will be forever. I have found my soul mate in Lisa and have never been happier.

As to the choice....why would anyone CHOOSE to be discriminated against, to have to look around before you hold your Honey's hand in public, to be treated differently in the eyes of those collecting taxes, to be denied family medical insurance plans for your partner, to have to mark the spot that reads 'single' on forms because you are not legally married and there is no spot that says 'domestic partner', to be looked at differently when you request a king sized bed when checking into a hotel and there are two women's names on the reservation,.....I could go on and on.

I am truly blessed to have found acceptance in my life. My parents adore my partner and she adores them. I could not ask for anything more. We live in Asheville NC, which is a very accepting place with a large gay and lesbian community. I am out at work and it is not an issue. We have a large circle of friends who are a wonderful support system. We have found a wonderful family doctor....who happens to be a lesbian herself. All in all, life is truly good.

Linda

Very well said. I am very happy for you that your family has accepted your choice. I have three grown children and if any of them told me that they were gay, I would still love them the way I do now and accept their choice.

 

[pearlieq]

I believe sexual preference is pre-wired. Sexual behavior is a choice. I don't think that any choice made in private between consenting adults is bad.

 

[FreshTressa]

Just want to point out that it is not just about sex, although that it part of it, as in any relationship. It is about attraction and love for another human being.

And if you see in my post, I say that that sometimes making a connection goes deeper than what gender you are.

 

[beckmrk04]

I believe we are born with our sexual preferences, it is not a choice.

And I don't buy the whole "we were created to be man and wife" crap. Homoerotic behaviors predate the Bible, and they are found in many different areas of the animal kingdom. It's not ALL about procreation, and this part fits in here...

And it isn't just about SEX. It's about love, and partnership, and caring, and friendship- JUST LIKE any hetero relationship.

 

[Freyja]

Very well said. I am very happy for you that your family has accepted your choice. I have three grown children and if any of them told me that they were gay, I would still love them the way I do now and accept their choice.

Wasn´t Lisa trying to say she did not choose this as a lifestyle? Hope I´m not putting words in your mouth Lisa. Correct me if I´m wrong.

 

[FreshTressa]

Okay...some straight girlfriends and I were talking one night about "girl crushes"

All of us, at one time or another were attracted to another female.

I think I, in the right circumstances, could become affectionate with a female.

I'm perfectly happy with my man, and feel no need to expirement, and don't even consider myself bi. BUT, I am not repulsed by the concept of same gender sex.

So, how do you explain people that enjoy same sex relationships that are not solely gay? I guess you call them bi, but I think then, that a LOT of people are somewhat bi.

I guess you explain that as you don't CHOOSE to be someone that is in the middle.

But if you are in the middle, does that mean you have a choice of genders to have a relationship with??

 

[beckmrk04]

Okay...some straight girlfriends and I were talking one night about "girl crushes"

All of us, at one time or another were attracted to another female.

I think I, in the right circumstances, could become affectionate with a female.

I'm perfectly happy with my man, and feel no need to expirement, and don't even consider myself bi. BUT, I am not repulsed by the concept of same gender sex.

So, how do you explain people that enjoy same sex relationships that are not solely gay? I guess you call them bi, but I think then, that a LOT of people are somewhat bi.

I guess you explain that as you don't CHOOSE to be someone that is in the middle.

But if you are in the middle, does that mean you have a choice of genders to have a relationship with??

I totally get where you are coming from. And yes, I think there is a spectrum, too, because I have a "girl crush" on the hair dresser from TLC's "10 Years Younger"- she's adorable. I would never act on this, but I don't find the idea repulsive, either.

But, I wouldn't really consider myself bi- because I wouldn't consider having a relationship with a woman. I think that defines it more than sexual curiosity or experimentation..

Anyone else agree/disagree?

ETA- Yeah- I think those in the middle are comfortable having relationships with men and women, and look for someone more on an individual basis, rather than a gender basis. Just my understanding of it- could be way off.

 

[Freyja]

Okay...some straight girlfriends and I were talking one night about "girl crushes"

All of us, at one time or another were attracted to another female.

I think I, in the right circumstances, could become affectionate with a female.

I'm perfectly happy with my man, and feel no need to expirement, and don't even consider myself bi. BUT, I am not repulsed by the concept of same gender sex.

So, how do you explain people that enjoy same sex relationships that are not solely gay? I guess you call them bi, but I think then, that a LOT of people are somewhat bi.

I guess you explain that as you don't CHOOSE to be someone that is in the middle.

But if you are in the middle, does that mean you have a choice of genders to have a relationship with??

I think those who have same sex relationships and are not solely gay are bi. I do somewhat believe those in the middle have a choice. However, I don´t believe you have a choice about whom you fall in love with, whether gay, straight or bi, but of course you have a choice about what you act out.

P.S I love your siggy pic of the icelandic dog. Coming from Iceland myself, I couldn´t help but notice.

 

[Planogirl]

The spectrum makes sense to me. Probably few of us are rigidly on one end or the other.

It makes me wonder though if someone right in the middle of that spectrum, i.e. a "true" bisexual would be someone who could choose either the gay or straight lifestyle. I suppose that they could decide to exist in both worlds but could they choose just one and be happy?

 

[Pooh67_68]

In my opinion your are born gay, lesbian, hetro, bi or anything inbetween. It is not something your conciously choose, but something you are, from the very core of your inner being.

Agree

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't think gay is a lifestyle choice. I think you are either gay or not. I think sometimes people take a long time to figure or admit to themselves that they are gay, which is why it may seem like a choice rather than an inborn thing.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

One of my sons is engaged to a woman whose last relationship was with a woman. She explains it to us by saying that she has always been attracted to the person not the gender. My gift daughter ( I won't call her my step-daughter because I don't feel that way about her, she's a gift to me) is and always has been a lesbian. Her first crush was on a girl. She didn't CHOOSE it, it is simply reality. She and her partner have been together for 10 years and continue to have a loving and happy relationship.

Choice? Nope.

 

[FreshTressa]

The spectrum makes sense to me. Probably few of us are rigidly on one end or the other.

It makes me wonder though if someone right in the middle of that spectrum, i.e. a "true" bisexual would be someone who could choose either the gay or straight lifestyle. I suppose that they could decide to exist in both worlds but could they choose just one and be happy?

That is always my question.

It seems like some bi people HAVE to be involved with both sexes to be happy, while other bi people are content in relationships with either.

 

[jonestavern]

I think it is like a spectrum with strictly gay people on one end and strictly heterosexual people on the other end.
For people on the ends of the spectrum, it is NOT a choice. But I believe there are people in the middle that could go either way and do have a choice. Many of those people are bi.
I know people that have switched over, both directions, and some switched back again. Making a connection with someone sometimes goes deeper than what gender they are.
I think lots of people that consider themselves heterosexual have expiremented and enjoy gay sex. I think a lot of people that are gay went through part of their lives enjoying straight sex.
I don't think it is as cut and dried as straight/gay for a lot of people.
There are others though, for whom it is clear what they are, and for them, there is no choice.

Jean

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It amazes me when people think that it's a lifestyle and a coice. How I live--ie, in suburbia, with my kids and minivan, cats and dogs, etc that's my lifestyle. My sexual orientation is hardly my lifestyle and my DH would likely agree.

It's like saying that someone's race is their lifestyle. Sure, it's an important part of who they are, but it isn't something that they choose. They can't wake up one day and think, "Hey, I don't think I'll be Asian from now on--think I'll try being Russian!".

 

[Laura]

I believe that being gay is not a choice. You can choose to keep it to yourself, lie to yourself and the world around you and be even more miserable because society at large despises you. Or you can choose to be true to yourself and live outside the closet. Honestly, though, if being gay WERE a choice, it wouldn't matter to me in the slightest.

This "love the sinner, hate the sin" stuff is a total cop-out. The same goes for those who say that "'legal unions' for gays are okay by me, but not 'marriage'". Please. Get over yourselves and let these folks get married.

 

[DisneyGirl421]

I definetly think it is not a choice. You are born who you are... gay, straight, bi, asexual, whatever.

And I could care less what you are. I'm only 17, but alot of my very close friends are gay. My best guy friend is gay... I was the second person he told, and I'm glad that he had that much trust in me.
Being in highschool still, I see the way my friends are treated, and it makes me sad how prejudice people can be. Yes, I know the people harassing them are still teens themselves, but this just again proves that being gay is not a choice. As alot of you have already said, why would someone choose to be gay when they have to endure all that discrimination? Especially as just teenagers.

 

[Freyja]

This "love the sinner, hate the sin" stuff is a total cop-out. The same goes for those who say that "'legal unions' for gays are okay by me, but not 'marriage'". Please. Get over yourselves and let these folks get married.

Could have come from my mouth.

 

[beckmrk04]

It amazes me when people think that it's a lifestyle and a coice. How I live--ie, in suburbia, with my kids and minivan, cats and dogs, etc that's my lifestyle. My sexual orientation is hardly my lifestyle and my DH would likely agree.

It's like saying that someone's race is their lifestyle. Sure, it's an important part of who they are, but it isn't something that they choose. They can't wake up one day and think, "Hey, I don't think I'll be Asian from now on--think I'll try being Russian!".

Couldn't have said it better! I get so SICK of the term "lifestyle." It's just another term used by the other side to imply choice, and various other misinformed ideas.