Is anyone else not saving or paying for college?

[Ginny Favers]

My parents paid for my college education and I partied the whole way through. When I was that age, I really just thought that was what ALL parents were required to do. I admit I was sheltered and not very well-informed.

My husband complains that we are not on track with our savings right now, since we only have a semester put away for our 3 year old and a year put away for our 6 year old. But I say, hey, if we do a semester for them, every 3 years, we should at least be able to cover 3/4 of the cost, as long as they go to a public university. So that they aren't as completely oblivious as I was, I plan to tell them how much money is in their college account, and let them make the choice as to where they want to spend it, community college, public or private, living at home or away, etc.

 

[mommyrosa2]

A co-worker of mine, has two daughters. Her oldest was given 4 cars between high school and college. All she paid towards them was gas. She tore them all up. She did graduate from college (think her parents paid part and she took out loans fo the rest) with a good degree and has a good job. She is in her 30's, lives at home totally rent/bill free. She has since purchased her own vehicle. She apparently makes more than her father does (my co-worker told me this) but can't afford to move out (she spend her money on cloths, expensive pets, jewelry, etc). She also once told her parents that they owed her $5,000 because she didn't need braces and she didn't think it was fair that they spent that money on her sister's braces and she didn't get anything (and she brought this up recently, not back when her sister first got braces but years later).

Her younger daughter has also been given several cars, although she hasn't wrecked them like the other. She went to college out of state. Changed majors 4 times and 6 years later still hasn't graduated. In the mean time, she also got married. Guess who is still paying for her tuition and sending her a weekly allowance? And if the allowance isn't there "on time" guess who is on the phone calling wanting to know where it is?

Oh, and guess who also fully funds all family vacations...my co-worker. She pays for her out of state daughters plane ticket home. Pays for the condo. Provides the transporation. Pays for all the food. The kids don't help out at all. (In my family, when the kids got full time jobs, we had to pay for a portion of the vacation).

She and her husband have spoiled their kids rotten and given them everything. Now, they expect it (like asking to be reimb because you didn't need braces). I think its sad and what is it teaching them? What will these "kids" do when something happens to the parents? I don't think they have done these girls any favors by making life so easy on them.

I'm sorry but this co-worker of yours needs to get her head examined!

 

[Disneybuckeye]

We have three kids and will pay every penny of college for them all. They all had some scholarship and grant money Two are out and have great jobs. The last one is in her second semester of her Junior year. I feel it it was a great investment.

For grad school they are on their own, or their employer's, dime.

 

[ilovemk76]

Those who are paying, what are you covering?

We have a 529 setup for our Goddaughter. A public university in her state will cost 4x the tuition for all fees, room and board , transportation, books, expenses and tuition.

 

[punkin]

We will not be paying for college, unless we win the lottery. We had started out that we would pay for at least some, but we were hit hard by the recession. Our DD was hospitalized 4 times last year and even with health insurance picking up 80-90% of the tab, it's very expensive. Then my in-laws had not made any plans for their aging years and the unexpected death of my FiL, and we had to pay for the funeral which is also expensive and helping out my disabled MIL (she gets $770 a month of assistance), I'm just hoping to not put my kids in the same situation, paying for us in our elderly years!

I think your case is different from the case of people who CAN afford it, but REFUSE to pay. Obviously you are doing the best you can and if you just can't swing it, you should not feel bad for a single second. However, if you were just rolling in money but refused to help your children get a good start in life, I would feel differently.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Those who are paying, what are you covering?

We have a 529 setup for our Goddaughter. A public university in her state will cost 4x the tuition for all fees, room and board , transportation, books, expenses and tuition.

Our current plan is for tuition and fees, dorm, and a dining plan. She will be getting a job as soon as she is old enough (provided that there are no extenuating circumstances) and the money that she saves from that will go towards books, gas money, and any fun stuff that she want to do.

 

[Patience]

Those who are paying, what are you covering?

We have a 529 setup for our Goddaughter. A public university in her state will cost 4x the tuition for all fees, room and board , transportation, books, expenses and tuition.

We pay for tuition, student fees, books, dorm, parking permit, and meal plan. Her grandmother deposits a bit of money into her account each month for spending cash and gas for when she is able to come home.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I think a good compromise is if they parent can't afford to pay for college, they should help their kids research how to get scholarships, grants, etc. there is a lot out there, but it takes time and perseverance to get it. It's hard for a senior in high school to get all their homework done AND spend hours searching and applying for grants and scholarships. So if you can't give money, give time and support.

 

[Metsfan520]

I said this before on another thread with the same people, so I'm sure they'll chime in and say they won't - but all the parents I know who've said they'd expect their children to totally pay their own way have ended up helping.

It's easy to say "go in the military" until your smart, talented, hard working child has absolutely no desire to do so. It's easy to say "get a part time job" until your child who has been working since age 13 is struggling to make ends meet. It's easy to say "go to the local community college" until your child has aced all his APs and the local school doesn't have anything to offer him. It's easy to say "live at home while you go to school" until you realize he'll be commuting FOUR hours a day to the nearest university. It's easy to say "he can work hard and get scholarships" until you see your honor student working his tail off and getting about 1/4 of the expense covered after a trillion essays and applications. It's easy to say "take out loans" until you realize they'll only give him about 5K (don't have exact number here) a year without a parent co-signing. It's easy to say "he'll get grants" until you realize the money YOU make will prevent him from doing so. And most of all, it's easy to say "they'll do better if they do it on their own" until you realize how HARD it is going to be on them and how EASY it will be for you to take the money you've always been spending on them that is now out of your budget and simply put it towards their education, thus HELPING them.

Helping your child doesn't mean you have to hand them a four year education on a platter and watch them barf it back out partying, it means you'll be willing to be part of the equation as long as they're working hard and doing their part. I don't think there is a single poster here who has advocated just handing over money blindly. Helping your child with school doesn't mean you're doing the horrific job of parenting described by MissManda in the post above.

PS - providing your child the use of a car, letting them live at home, feeding them, etc. IS helping.

I know this has already been quoted, but there are so many excellent points here that it's worth quoting again.

 

[clarkshel]

We contribute monthly to an RESP for both of my two boys. The Canadian government also added in $500/each child when we opened the RESP accounts. If one of my kids don't go to college/university, then the money in his RESP will go to my other son. We will help both kids as much as we can with their education. But I also think that they should also have to work to pay some of it. That way they wont take their education for granted. We will also provide a roof over their heads and food, if they decide to go to school in our city. I am afraid my boys will not take their education serious if they didn't have to pay any of it.

I did have to pay for my own college programs I took. With work and student loans, I was able to finish school. Had a little debt when I was done. My wife also had to pay for her university degrees. Her parents helped her by buying her a $500 car and let her live at their house for free while she went to school. When she went to college out of her city, her parents bought a house in the city she went to school at. Then she paid rent to live there for the 2 years she was attending that school.

 

[2girls4me]

My kids are 5 and 2, so as of rigth now, no we don't have savings for them. I'd love to say that we will carry them for 4 years of college, grad school and med school. But who knows what the future will bring?

Do what works for you.

 

[pumpkinmomma]

I said this before on another thread with the same people, so I'm sure they'll chime in and say they won't - but all the parents I know who've said they'd expect their children to totally pay their own way have ended up helping.

It's easy to say "go in the military" until your smart, talented, hard working child has absolutely no desire to do so. It's easy to say "get a part time job" until your child who has been working since age 13 is struggling to make ends meet. It's easy to say "go to the local community college" until your child has aced all his APs and the local school doesn't have anything to offer him. It's easy to say "live at home while you go to school" until you realize he'll be commuting FOUR hours a day to the nearest university. It's easy to say "he can work hard and get scholarships" until you see your honor student working his tail off and getting about 1/4 of the expense covered after a trillion essays and applications. It's easy to say "take out loans" until you realize they'll only give him about 5K (don't have exact number here) a year without a parent co-signing. It's easy to say "he'll get grants" until you realize the money YOU make will prevent him from doing so. And most of all, it's easy to say "they'll do better if they do it on their own" until you realize how HARD it is going to be on them and how EASY it will be for you to take the money you've always been spending on them that is now out of your budget and simply put it towards their education, thus HELPING them.

Helping your child doesn't mean you have to hand them a four year education on a platter and watch them barf it back out partying, it means you'll be willing to be part of the equation as long as they're working hard and doing their part. I don't think there is a single poster here who has advocated just handing over money blindly. Helping your child with school doesn't mean you're doing the horrific job of parenting described by MissManda in the post above.

PS - providing your child the use of a car, letting them live at home, feeding them, etc. IS helping.

Well said. I teach community college and a significant portion of my students are working their way through school. I see a lot of kids working 40+ hours, going to school in the evenings, then trying to fit in studying, homework, etc. They get burnt out, their grades suffer, and it is such a struggle. Many of them ending up not finishing because they just can't juggle the schedule or can't figure out how to make ends meet. College has become increasingly expensive. Tuition rises at a rate of 5-10% per year sometimes. It's incredibly hard for a working student to pay the bills without taking out significant loans, etc.

If you can't afford to help, that is one thing. Your kid will likely qualify for financial aid to help ease the burden. But if you can afford it and spend the money on a car, an expensive vacation, etc, well, that's a different story. It's ultimately your choice but you need to be realistic about the options your kids will have when they graduate high school.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

Unfortunately parents don't usually know.

It would appear that you would be surprised by how many kids can pull off reasonable, even good or great grades, without putting in their all. If parents think that grades are a reliable barometer, they are fooling themselves.

I'm not sure I understand your objection. Isn't it a credit to the student if they can get good grades, have fun and build relationships and a network that will carry them through their entire life?

Part of going to school is the partying, I think. And paying your own bills, and negotiating your own schedule, cooking your own food, dealing with friends on your own, etc.

I was a sorority member, a fraternity little sister, worked on the school newspaper, went to parties every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night, AND got great grades AND a great job out of school.

THese things are hardly mutually exclusive.

The networking at my school was as valuable as the education, quite honestly. I was not a big "partier" but I spent as much time building friendships and connections as I did studying, and both were a critical part of my education and preparation for life.

Apparently you missed my point but I'll bite......


That is your opinion (and yes you are entitled to it)

I personally do not feel that college is FOR partying, dealing with friends on your own, cooking your own food or negotiating your own schedule. (I'll just leave paying your own bills out of it lol). IMO college is for getting an education. If you feel the need to pay 100-150 grand for your kid to learn how to grow up and find themselves...that's fine for you. Not me.

Again, I don't understand what you're trying to say. While it appears that you don't value extracurriculars as a component of higher education, which is fine, what precisely do you think students should be doing when they are not in class? As I stated above, the experiences outside of the classroom were valuable to me and to my classmates, but what would you prefer for your children to be doing while not actively in class, because I'm confused how they should be spending the other 18 hours a day.

 

[bas71873]

I've seen too many parents waste their money on their children's education, just for them to get married and not work,

This just burns my behind.

I would HATE to see my daughter go through all those years of studying hard and working hard just to quit and stay at home!

My parents have NEVER thought that they wasted their money on my colledge education (they paid as I went, so there was no debt on me when I graduated and no bills to pay for them upon graduation either). Now my MIL, she makes snide comments all the time about how "these parents pay for college educations and they their daughters become SAHM". One of DH's cousins is a FSU grad and now stays home with her 3 kids and I personally think that MIL is just jealous that her daughter (my DH's step sister) isn't in a position, financially, to do that. Nor was MIL when she was raising SIL.

Anyway, I did work after graduation, for 12 years, and 5 of those were after DD were born. DH and I had hoped to be in a position finacially for me to stay home when DD was born, but we weren't and frankly, I wasn't ready at that time to be a SAHM. When she started school, I decided it was time and I have not regretted that decision one bit.

You saying it's a waste of money is like other people who say that working moms just pop out babies to have other people raise them. A statement I also disagree with because I've been both a WM and a SAHM.

But to OPs question, we are saving for DD's college through a 529 and a VA College Savings fund, however with the way college costs are rising, I'm pretty sure what we are saving won't touch what we'll need, but we'd rather put more toward our retirment because there's no guarantee she'll go to college and she's and only child, so there's no sibling to roll the money down too.

 

[HelenePA]

Right now we are just putting my husband thru college. He finally went back 1.5 yrs ago he has another year to go.. Our first dd will not go to college (because of a car accident that left her with a brain injury its just not going to happen) I'm hoping our 2nd dd will do dual enrollement at a local college when she is old enough. I have no idea if our sons will go.. our first? He is like me.. He would do MUCH better in a tech school then college I'm not going to lie.. at 7 you can just tell he doesn't love school like his 10 yr old sister does.. and the 4 yr old? well... he's 4.. who knows

 

[KennesawNemo]

Those who are paying, what are you covering?

We have a 529 setup for our Goddaughter. A public university in her state will cost 4x the tuition for all fees, room and board , transportation, books, expenses and tuition.

My plan is to cover everything (tuition, books, room, food, gas, insurance, even study abroad) for an in-state four-year public college for both kids. I am talking about a very frugal life here though. I will encourage them to work part time if they can without affecting their grades. They can use their own money for fun.

If they choose to go out-of state or private, I'll pay approximately the same amount, but they are responsible for the rest.

If one of them choose not to go college, I will pay more for the other.

If one of them gets any merit-based scholarship, the money will be reserved for his/her graudate school or his/her children's education.

That being said, DS is only 7 and I am still expecting DD. We've been saving for DS and will start saving for DD once she is born. We might change our mind later. ......

 

[Pigeon]

Those who are paying, what are you covering?

We have a 529 setup for our Goddaughter. A public university in her state will cost 4x the tuition for all fees, room and board , transportation, books, expenses and tuition.

We'll cover pretty much all expenses for four years living away at an in-state public institution. The kids will be expected to get summer jobs if at all possible, and save as much of that as they can to help out. I don't really want them working during the school year unless it's pretty minor. They will need to keep their grades up or we'll stop paying.

We will not buy cars for our kids. The one exception would be that if they want to live home and get their gen ed requirements done at the local community college and transfer later to the university, or do all four years at the state university within commuting distance, we will buy a modest used car. We will cover car insurance while they are at school.

We don't do a lot of fancy vacations. I'm currently dealing with a 15 year old who is whining that we won't throw her a big sweet 16 party at a fancy venue like all her friends are having. She's not getting a school trip abroad or other big ticket items. But we are happy to make sacrifices for their education.

 

[Ceila]

Interesting couple of threads you've started recently, OP.

We absolutely plan to pay for college for our children. While I'm sure some people don't take it seriously if they're not paying for it themselves, that was not the case personally or with my family or friends.

 

[SC Minnie]

Those who are paying, what are you covering?

We have a 529 setup for our Goddaughter. A public university in her state will cost 4x the tuition for all fees, room and board , transportation, books, expenses and tuition.

We paid for DD tuition, she got a scholarship that covers her meal plan and dorm. She worked part time while in HS and saved up a lot of money- enough to buy a used car plus some. We pay for her books which so far haven't been that bad. She's allowed to have her car on campus. I transfer $20/paycheck (every other week) into her account just as a safety net for her. That is all the other money she gets from us. While she was home for Christmas break she got her hair cut and paid for it herself.

Now, when she comes home my parents will slip her cash for gas $, etc. But we don't get the calls to send money.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I said this before on another thread with the same people, so I'm sure they'll chime in and say they won't - but all the parents I know who've said they'd expect their children to totally pay their own way have ended up helping.

It's easy to say "go in the military" until your smart, talented, hard working child has absolutely no desire to do so. It's easy to say "get a part time job" until your child who has been working since age 13 is struggling to make ends meet. It's easy to say "go to the local community college" until your child has aced all his APs and the local school doesn't have anything to offer him. It's easy to say "live at home while you go to school" until you realize he'll be commuting FOUR hours a day to the nearest university. It's easy to say "he can work hard and get scholarships" until you see your honor student working his tail off and getting about 1/4 of the expense covered after a trillion essays and applications. It's easy to say "take out loans" until you realize they'll only give him about 5K (don't have exact number here) a year without a parent co-signing. It's easy to say "he'll get grants" until you realize the money YOU make will prevent him from doing so. And most of all, it's easy to say "they'll do better if they do it on their own" until you realize how HARD it is going to be on them and how EASY it will be for you to take the money you've always been spending on them that is now out of your budget and simply put it towards their education, thus HELPING them.

Helping your child doesn't mean you have to hand them a four year education on a platter and watch them barf it back out partying, it means you'll be willing to be part of the equation as long as they're working hard and doing their part. I don't think there is a single poster here who has advocated just handing over money blindly. Helping your child with school doesn't mean you're doing the horrific job of parenting described by MissManda in the post above.

PS - providing your child the use of a car, letting them live at home, feeding them, etc. IS helping.

What a great post!!! Wow.