Is 47 Too Old To Become A Father? Update In Post #155

[rastahomie]

Mrs. Homie's aunt, "June," has a daughter, "Bess," who is my age. Bess has two daughters, a 23-year-old and "Heather," a 19-year-old. Heather is "in trouble," as the old saying goes, thanks to a failure in her birth control.

This bit of information has pricked Mrs. Homie's mom's ears, as she's been hoping for 15 years (ever since we found out we couldn't have kids) that one of us would have a teenage relative get in trouble. Now that time is here.

Even if Heather decides to put the baby up for adoption, which is far from a forgone conclusion, I don't think Mrs. Homie and I are going to pursue it. For one thing, the baby would be Heather's, at least biologically, and though she lives three states away she's still family and we still see her a few times a year. How awkward will Christmas dinner be? Also, the baby would be simultaneously June's great grandchild biologically and MIL's grandchild legally, and we see June like all the time, meaning the awkwardness would be almost daily.

Second, not to put too fine a point on it, but I'm way too old to become a dad for the first time, IMO. Most guys my age are either parents of teens or parents of college kids; a few guys I went to college with are already grandparents. We'd be the oldest parents of the child's peer group by a decade; I'd be 65 when the child finished high school. That's just too old.

What say you, DISers? Am I too old to become a dad?

Edited to Add: After reading the responses, I can see that I wasn't clear enough in my post when I originally wrote it. The decision has already been made: we are not going to pursue this and never were. I just opened up this thread because I enjoy hearing others' opinions and having thoughtful discussion.

 

[Disneylover99]

No. You are not too old to be a dad.

 

[wilkeliza]

My future brother in law was 45 when they had their last son after a long gap. People are living longer and longer so I wouldn't worry at 47. My fiance's parents were in mid to late 40s when they had him.

If you want children maybe this is your opportunity. Also with in family adoptions you set the rules before hand and then it is on the family ro stay with them. I have cousins that I knew were adopted inside the family but had no clue what older relative was biologically their parent. We never questioned it because their parents wete their parents adopted or not.

 

[Minnesota!]

Definitely NOT too old. Not even a little bit.

 

[danielocha30]

No you're not if being a father is something you really want, age is irrelevant, it is scary but when it isn't? My husband is 43 and we had a surprise baby and he told himself all the same and now he wouldn't change it for anything, good luck!

 

[maxaroni]

No, I do not think you are too old. I believe if you are willing and able to provide a loving home to the baby, you should think about it. Yes, if parental rights are given up, it would be wonderful for you. I was 36 and DH 40 when we had our DS after 10 years of fertility treatments. We have many friends who are in our age bracket with their first child and went on to have more. We were unable to have any more. There are so many out there that are in their 40s. With that being said, you and your wife need to do a lot of soul searching. While you may have wanted children and have mourned that you were unable to have children, it is now the furthest from your mind. It would be a huge change for you, but a wonderful and blessed journey. I would think that you and your wife should do that soul searching and also speak to the other family members. They may not think it would be awkward at all. Good luck in figuring this out.

 

[powellrj]

No, you aren't too old to be a dad. My DH was 42 when our DD was born and she is graduating from college next year. I went to high school with several guys who became fathers in their late 40's and 50's.

As for the other part, its only as difficult as you make it. My DS and DDIL are adopting her niece and nephew and its not awkward. They realize who their mom is and that DS and DDIL and like a mom and dad, but are really an aunt and uncle. We are like grandparents, but they call us by our first names. Its always been matter of fact, so they don't think its odd at all. They just think they have lots of people who love them. Its becoming more common than most people realize. DDIL was working the bookfair at school this year and everyone who was working with her was an aunt or a grandmother raising the child as their own.

 

[hereyago]

I vote yes.



You would be retirement age when kid leaves high school. So, you have college payments if you choose.

Kids are expensive and exhausting.

 

[MamaLema]

I'll be in the minority here and say 47 is too old. The cut off for me is 45 and even then that's pushing it.
I'm not telling anyone what to do, it's none of my business. It's a discussion board so I hope we can express our opinions without flames.

 

[bellebud]

Not too old. I know a few men who started 2nd families around that age. They had more patience, more time and more money than they did with their first kids.

 

[Vijoge]

I was 39 and my husband was 49 when we adopted our son. Hubby had three kids from a previous marriage who were all grown at the time but he totally adored and enjoyed our little one. However, if you think you are too old you probably are.

 

[DawnM]

No, if your really want kids, you are NOT too old.

When I adopted my son (he is now 13) there was a couple with us who were grandparents, they were adopting a baby at 52 and 50.

 

[RedAngie]

If YOU think you're too old to be a father, as you posted, you're too old to be a father.

 

[Mirielle]

For some, it's not too old. For many...YES! Depends on so many things that there isn't a simple yes or no answer. I have a 46 year old male friend with a toddler. It isn't going well AT ALL!

 

[Meriweather]

Not too old if it is something you want to do.
We have 2 friends that adopted their grandchildren and were much older than you.
It has worked out fine for them.

 

[kimblebee]

47 isn't too old to be a dad..

BUT

how well could you handle sleep deprivation? Babies are cute and cuddly but they also wake up at 3 am and need to be fed and changed. I'm 41 and as much as I love my daughter there's no way I would do it again at my age.

 

[North of Mouse]

Mrs. Homie's aunt, "June," has a daughter, "Bess," who is my age. Bess has two daughters, a 23-year-old and "Heather," a 19-year-old. Heather is "in trouble," as the old saying goes, thanks to a failure in her birth control.

This bit of information has pricked Mrs. Homie's mom's ears, as she's been hoping for 15 years (ever since we found out we couldn't have kids) that one of us would have a teenage relative get in trouble. Now that time is here.

Even if Heather decides to put the baby up for adoption, which is far from a forgone conclusion, I don't think Mrs. Homie and I are going to pursue it. For one thing, the baby would be Heather's, at least biologically, and though she lives three states away she's still family and we still see her a few times a year. How awkward will Christmas dinner be? Also, the baby would be simultaneously be June's grandchild biologically and MIL's legally, and we see June like all the time, meaning the awkwardness would be almost daily.

Second, not to put too fine a point on it, but I'm way too old to become a dad for the first time, IMO. Most guys my age are either parents of teens or parents of college kids; a few guys I went to college with are already grandparents. We'd be the oldest parents of the child's peer group by a decade; I'd be 65 when the child finished high school. That's just too old.

What say you, DISers? Am I too old to become a dad?

Not a matter of being too 'old', but to be a 'first time' dad at this age would be pretty overwhelming to say the least.
And, as you pointed out, you would be 65 when the child finishes high school.

Personally, I would not have been able to deal with an infant/toddler at that age. But, it 'does' happen, and only 'you and dw' can really answer your own question!!!

Also, for it to be a 'close' family member would have it's own issues to face daily/monthly/yearly, not even close to adopting a stranger's child!

Good luck on your decision!!

 

[wenrob]

I'm going with...it depends. I had my first child at 28. In my family that's old, they all get married and start having babies right out of high school. But they also continue to have children into their 40's. Even back then when older DD was in kindergarten we were 'older' parents. Because we did IVF and because it took such a mental and physical toll it took us awhile to decide on whether or not to have another. I had twins at 37 and turned 38 shortly thereafter. Maybe because I had two at once but I find it much harder. I'll be honest and say there have been times where I've wondered what the hell I was thinking. I live in terror of the teen years. I get mistaken for my kids grandmother (I'm 49 now) which while most of my friends ARE grandparents it still stings. A lot. Then there's grade school math...thank goodness for the internet!

All of that said, would I change it? Not on your life. My oldest is my moon and these two are my stars. They've brought a joy not just to our family but the extended family as well. If they were closer in age the whole dynamic between oldest and youngest would be different. And we are more mellow with these two. Ask older DD, she'll tell you we've gone soft.

As to being related in various ways that's a pretty common thing. I too have many cousins adopted to other family members, DH does as well. No one really thinks about it. You as the parents set the rules and the others abide by them.

Take a step back, look inside your heart. If it's something you really want then no, you're not too old.

 

[Topper]

I'm way too old to become a dad for the first time

Why ask us? You've already answered your question.

 

[dotfurio]

Only you can decide if you're up for raising a child at this point in your life. But since you asked, I don't think you're too old. My dad was 48 when I was born. Plenty of grandparents end up raising their grandchildren. You won't be the oldest dad out there.