This is from a site called Fanatical Apathy. Felber is also on a NPR show called "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" which is on Saturday mornings here in Houston.
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Iraqis: Make Your Vote Count! Vote Felber '02!
The audience at Ye Olde Tripple Inn on West 54th Street in Manhattan weren't expecting a major political announcement this Saturday night. In fact, I (the announcer of said political announcement) wasn't expecting it either. It just sort of happened.
I announced my candidacy for the Presidency. Of Iraq.
I was talking about Saddam Hussein's current campaign, which seems to be running smoothly despite the choice of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" as his theme song (I wish that was a joke - click on the story). He was expected to beat his record-best performance, a stunning 99.96% in the previous election.
That all changed on Saturday night.
As I said, I wasn't expecting this either. But once I'd suggested it, everything seemed to click into place - it felt right. After I made the shocking announcement I hastily wrote and sung a campaign theme song (entitled, thanks to a clever audience member, "One Grain of Sand at a Time"), and suddenly the Felber machine was heard grinding into action. If the vociferous support of 60 or so (mostly drunken) New Yorkers is any indication, I have a real shot at unseating Saddam and thereby enacting a peaceful, orderly regime change in Iraq.
There's not a tremendously large amount of time remaining before Election Day - it's twenty-four hours or so until the polls open. But the Internet is a lightning-fast tool. Spread the word to any Iraqis you know. And spread it to anyone you know who might know a few Iraqis: Adam Felber is the right choice to help lead Iraq in the new millennium. Write in "Adam Felber" and write your ticket to the future! [applause, cheers]
There are those who would argue that I'm too young, too American, or too Jewish to be an effective President for Iraq. [murmurs, some "boos"] To them I say, don't underestimate the hearts and minds of the good people of Iraq! [wild cheers] My (future) fellow Iraqis, as President I will focus on you, not on a bunch of risky and expensive pet projects that cost billions of dollars a year just to conceal. [laughter] I know I'm not alone when I say, "Where are the weapons of mass destruction - I haven't seen 'em! [applause, derisive laughter] No, friends, I won't be giving you the Emperor's New Nerve Gas, I'll be offering you the President's New Deal! [stomping, ecstatic cheering, chants of "Where was Aziz!?"]
My friends, this won't be easy. My opponent has assembled a formidable campaign with his clever slogans, theme songs, colorful posters, well-designed buttons, and effective television ads. Not to mention his 23 years of absolute power, which also gives him a bit of a leg up. But make no mistake - his days are numbered, and with your vote, your voice, and your strength, that number might just be "1!" [fervent applause, some nervous glances over shoulders]
So remember me on Election Day. A vote for Felber is a vote for our future! God bless you, and God bless Iraq! [applause, cheers. Balloons fall as the band tears into "One Grain of Sand at a Time." Adam wades into the crowd, grinning and high-fiving his Iraqi supporters. There are photo-ops by the dozen with luminaries such as Kofi Annan, Iraqi matinee idol Perziz Assad, and - stunningly (what's this!?) - Whitney Houston! The tide turns palpably...]
_________________
Iraqis: Make Your Vote Count! Vote Felber '02!
The audience at Ye Olde Tripple Inn on West 54th Street in Manhattan weren't expecting a major political announcement this Saturday night. In fact, I (the announcer of said political announcement) wasn't expecting it either. It just sort of happened.
I announced my candidacy for the Presidency. Of Iraq.
I was talking about Saddam Hussein's current campaign, which seems to be running smoothly despite the choice of Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" as his theme song (I wish that was a joke - click on the story). He was expected to beat his record-best performance, a stunning 99.96% in the previous election.
That all changed on Saturday night.
As I said, I wasn't expecting this either. But once I'd suggested it, everything seemed to click into place - it felt right. After I made the shocking announcement I hastily wrote and sung a campaign theme song (entitled, thanks to a clever audience member, "One Grain of Sand at a Time"), and suddenly the Felber machine was heard grinding into action. If the vociferous support of 60 or so (mostly drunken) New Yorkers is any indication, I have a real shot at unseating Saddam and thereby enacting a peaceful, orderly regime change in Iraq.
There's not a tremendously large amount of time remaining before Election Day - it's twenty-four hours or so until the polls open. But the Internet is a lightning-fast tool. Spread the word to any Iraqis you know. And spread it to anyone you know who might know a few Iraqis: Adam Felber is the right choice to help lead Iraq in the new millennium. Write in "Adam Felber" and write your ticket to the future! [applause, cheers]
There are those who would argue that I'm too young, too American, or too Jewish to be an effective President for Iraq. [murmurs, some "boos"] To them I say, don't underestimate the hearts and minds of the good people of Iraq! [wild cheers] My (future) fellow Iraqis, as President I will focus on you, not on a bunch of risky and expensive pet projects that cost billions of dollars a year just to conceal. [laughter] I know I'm not alone when I say, "Where are the weapons of mass destruction - I haven't seen 'em! [applause, derisive laughter] No, friends, I won't be giving you the Emperor's New Nerve Gas, I'll be offering you the President's New Deal! [stomping, ecstatic cheering, chants of "Where was Aziz!?"]
My friends, this won't be easy. My opponent has assembled a formidable campaign with his clever slogans, theme songs, colorful posters, well-designed buttons, and effective television ads. Not to mention his 23 years of absolute power, which also gives him a bit of a leg up. But make no mistake - his days are numbered, and with your vote, your voice, and your strength, that number might just be "1!" [fervent applause, some nervous glances over shoulders]
So remember me on Election Day. A vote for Felber is a vote for our future! God bless you, and God bless Iraq! [applause, cheers. Balloons fall as the band tears into "One Grain of Sand at a Time." Adam wades into the crowd, grinning and high-fiving his Iraqi supporters. There are photo-ops by the dozen with luminaries such as Kofi Annan, Iraqi matinee idol Perziz Assad, and - stunningly (what's this!?) - Whitney Houston! The tide turns palpably...]
