Inviting one of daughter's friends but not the other

cheryl.UK

DIS Veteran
Joined
Aug 30, 1999
I think you've made the right decision here. Holidays in the same country are OK... you can always take them home. However, what would have happened if she'd wandered off in port? You would have had to disembark to 'find her' and possibly miss the sailing.

I had something similar happen on a school trip. Day trip to Disneyland , Paris. (Coach/ferry overnight to DLP, DLP from 10 til 6 then coach home again, again arriving in early hours. ) Kids were told over and over to stay in groups of 3-6 and that they had to be at the start of Main Street at 5.30. I walked them there. I showed them the exact spot. I arranged a meet up between 1 and 2pm. All kids present and correct. 5.30 came and one kid didn't turn up. We waited for an hour but then the coach had to leave or they would miss the crossing back to the UK. I stayed to find the child with the help of cast members. I eventually found her 4 hours later. Her excuse? She wanted to see the fireworks. I was completely freaking out. I had to get taxis and 2 rooms in a nearby hotel and flights home the next day. Yes the school paid for it but that wasn't the point.
 

squirk

Saw what you did and knows who you are.
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Her excuse? She wanted to see the fireworks. I was completely freaking out. I had to get taxis and 2 rooms in a nearby hotel and flights home the next day. Yes the school paid for it but that wasn't the point.
That is exactly the kind of thing I’m worried about.
 

Donna M

DIS Veteran
Joined
Aug 8, 2008
At the risk of sounding sanctimonious and arrogant, we include this girl in as much of our stuff as possible because a.) we think it might be a nice respite for her; b.) we want this girl to see, know and understand that life doesn’t have to be constantly uncertain and upsetting; and c.) she needs to know that there is nothing “wrong” with her wherein she deserves any of the chaos.

BTW - I’m the “other dad” in this scenario.
You sound like a great person. Kids need more people who think like you. It really does take a village to raise a child.
 
  • FigmentSpark

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Apr 9, 2016
    I think you've made the right decision here. Holidays in the same country are OK... you can always take them home. However, what would have happened if she'd wandered off in port? You would have had to disembark to 'find her' and possibly miss the sailing.

    I had something similar happen on a school trip. Day trip to Disneyland , Paris. (Coach/ferry overnight to DLP, DLP from 10 til 6 then coach home again, again arriving in early hours. ) Kids were told over and over to stay in groups of 3-6 and that they had to be at the start of Main Street at 5.30. I walked them there. I showed them the exact spot. I arranged a meet up between 1 and 2pm. All kids present and correct. 5.30 came and one kid didn't turn up. We waited for an hour but then the coach had to leave or they would miss the crossing back to the UK. I stayed to find the child with the help of cast members. I eventually found her 4 hours later. Her excuse? She wanted to see the fireworks. I was completely freaking out. I had to get taxis and 2 rooms in a nearby hotel and flights home the next day. Yes the school paid for it but that wasn't the point.
    Wow! What happened to her? Did her parents even make her apologize? I'm thinking that person will never be going on a school trip again.

    Also, did any of her friends know she'd done this? I just can't imagine the panic you must have been in.
     

    sethschroeder

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 24, 2013
    Say you can only take one. Your daughter can choose to take Friend A or not. Not sure the age of your daughter but if she understands your reasoning I suspect she can make the decision.

    Give her the option to make you the bad cop with only allowing 1 or no friends if she wants to.

    Not speaking as a parent but as the kid when I was younger. Wasn't a cruise but it was an All Star Game weekend and other things. You know your daughter best and if she can take this on.
     

    Summer2018

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jun 29, 2017
    I think you've made the right decision here. Holidays in the same country are OK... you can always take them home. However, what would have happened if she'd wandered off in port? You would have had to disembark to 'find her' and possibly miss the sailing.

    I had something similar happen on a school trip. Day trip to Disneyland , Paris. (Coach/ferry overnight to DLP, DLP from 10 til 6 then coach home again, again arriving in early hours. ) Kids were told over and over to stay in groups of 3-6 and that they had to be at the start of Main Street at 5.30. I walked them there. I showed them the exact spot. I arranged a meet up between 1 and 2pm. All kids present and correct. 5.30 came and one kid didn't turn up. We waited for an hour but then the coach had to leave or they would miss the crossing back to the UK. I stayed to find the child with the help of cast members. I eventually found her 4 hours later. Her excuse? She wanted to see the fireworks. I was completely freaking out. I had to get taxis and 2 rooms in a nearby hotel and flights home the next day. Yes the school paid for it but that wasn't the point.
    I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt.
     

    cheryl.UK

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Aug 30, 1999
    Her parents were furious and apologised -a lot. No we never took her on another trip - anywhere. She also lost her place at our sixth form that she was due to start in the Autumn. She moaned a lot during the day that the park was open til 11 but we were going home at 5.30 but if she did tell her friends what she had planned, they never let on. They told us they thought she'd gone off with some other kids from our school who they'd bumped into. She told me that night that she thought the bus would wait for us. I was scared yes, but it was Disney and she was 16 and pretty streetwise. It was before all the kids had mobiles so it wasn't so easy to stay in touch with the kids or their parents. We did inform the parents before the coach set off so they knew what was happening and also called the French police. (They told us to call back at park closure if she hadn't turned up. Disney were great. I had her passport so they copied the photo and gave it to everyone on the gates and made a call to all attractions to keep an eye out for her. It was a cast member at a fast food who spotted her and made her stay until I got there. It was a real mess. The parents went through a few hours of hell as did all the staff on the trip and the senior team at school. Those on the bus didn't find out that she was safe until they hit England and rang the deputy head at home.
     
  • DCLCrazy64622

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 27, 2017
    What is your motivation for taking either of the friends? Is it because you have an only child and you’re afraid they won’t have somebody to hang out with while on the cruise? I have an only child and I can tell you that is far from the truth. The table that Disney will put you with at dinner will probably have another only child. We have made many forever friends with families that we met and had dinner with on cruises.
     

    squirk

    Saw what you did and knows who you are.
    Joined
    Apr 9, 2011
    What is your motivation for taking either of the friends? Is it because you have an only child and you’re afraid they won’t have somebody to hang out with while on the cruise? I have an only child and I can tell you that is far from the truth. The table that Disney will put you with at dinner will probably have another only child. We have made many forever friends with families that we met and had dinner with on cruises.
    She is not an only child. She has two brothers - one four years older; one four years younger. So there’s a bit of an age gap and also - she’s 13. She doesn’t really want to hang with her brothers.

    We will not be seated with others; we are usually a party of six and always get a table to ourselves.

    This will be our sixth Disney cruise, and my daughter does indeed manage to find people to hang out with at Edge.

    I guess I just have the financial latitude to bring an extra kid or two on the cruise and thought it’d be a great experience for these literally lifelong friends to share.
     

    Summer2018

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jun 29, 2017
    She is not an only child. She has two brothers - one four years older; one four years younger. So there’s a bit of an age gap and also - she’s 13. She doesn’t really want to hang with her brothers.

    We will not be seated with others; we are usually a party of six and always get a table to ourselves.

    This will be our sixth Disney cruise, and my daughter does indeed manage to find people to hang out with at Edge.

    I guess I just have the financial latitude to bring an extra kid or two on the cruise and thought it’d be a great experience for these literally lifelong friends to share.
    It is a really nice idea on paper, but when you get into the actual day to day realities of it all, I just wouldn't do it.

    After two trips that we brought her friends, one at the beach with a friend in high school, and one to WDW last summer, I told DD that the next time we are bringing someone along outside the family, it will be her betrothed.
     
  • BCV23

    <br><img src="http://www.wdwinfo.com/dis-sponsor/i
    DIS Lifetime Sponsor
    Joined
    Feb 11, 2002
    Squirk, if you want to end discussion since you've made your decision (wise one IMO) you can PM a moderator to have the thread locked now. Sorry if you already knew that.
     

    Madame

    Coined the term “Legacy Resorts”
    Joined
    Mar 15, 2014
    I think you've made the right decision here. Holidays in the same country are OK... you can always take them home. However, what would have happened if she'd wandered off in port? You would have had to disembark to 'find her' and possibly miss the sailing.

    I had something similar happen on a school trip. Day trip to Disneyland , Paris. (Coach/ferry overnight to DLP, DLP from 10 til 6 then coach home again, again arriving in early hours. ) Kids were told over and over to stay in groups of 3-6 and that they had to be at the start of Main Street at 5.30. I walked them there. I showed them the exact spot. I arranged a meet up between 1 and 2pm. All kids present and correct. 5.30 came and one kid didn't turn up. We waited for an hour but then the coach had to leave or they would miss the crossing back to the UK. I stayed to find the child with the help of cast members. I eventually found her 4 hours later. Her excuse? She wanted to see the fireworks. I was completely freaking out. I had to get taxis and 2 rooms in a nearby hotel and flights home the next day. Yes the school paid for it but that wasn't the point.
    This type of thing is why I no longer do any sort of field trips. It didn’t used to be this way, but about 2 years ago I wondered why I was turning myself into a nervous wreck taking 55 adolescents 13+ hrs and a province away. Shoplifting hundreds of dollars and hours with the provincial police made me see the light.
     

    nutshell

    Oh, Disney!
    Joined
    Dec 3, 2007
    I guess I just have the financial latitude to bring an extra kid or two on the cruise and thought it’d be a great experience for these literally lifelong friends to share.
    I think it would be a great experience! Take Kid A and leave Kid B behind. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.
     

    MickeyMouseCD524

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 26, 2010
    You could fib a little and say you were going with someone else and they dropped out, and you only have room for one kid. But don't be surprised if Kid B is upset over it. I think everyone has been Kid B at some point where a close friend does something with another friend and leaves you out, and I always say to remember that feeling and think about what you would do in the situation before you decide to cut someone out of something.

    ETA: I get where your coming from and if I were in your position and Kid B was that much of a handful in public I too would opt to leave her home.
     

    MomOTwins

    The Mommy Fairy
    Joined
    Mar 5, 2018
    She is not an only child. She has two brothers - one four years older; one four years younger. So there’s a bit of an age gap and also - she’s 13. She doesn’t really want to hang with her brothers.

    We will not be seated with others; we are usually a party of six and always get a table to ourselves.

    This will be our sixth Disney cruise, and my daughter does indeed manage to find people to hang out with at Edge.

    I guess I just have the financial latitude to bring an extra kid or two on the cruise and thought it’d be a great experience for these literally lifelong friends to share.
    Oh wow, that is just the nail in the coffin for me on this whole plan. So the sister would be getting to bring along one or two friends and the brothers would get zero? That is exactly the sort of thing that sets up YEARS of resentment among siblings over which kid is the "favorite". I guess you know your sons and maybe they'd be okay with it but if so they'd be a huge exception to the general rule.
     

    squirk

    Saw what you did and knows who you are.
    Joined
    Apr 9, 2011
    Oh wow, that is just the nail in the coffin for me on this whole plan. So the sister would be getting to bring along one or two friends and the brothers would get zero? That is exactly the sort of thing that sets up YEARS of resentment among siblings over which kid is the "favorite". I guess you know your sons and maybe they'd be okay with it but if so they'd be a huge exception to the general rule.
    That’s an excellent observation, but my sons are actually OK with it, at least as far as Kid A goes. They have known her since (her) birth, and she is almost like a very close cousin to the boys than “their sister’s best friend”.
     

    Canesfan3234

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Apr 24, 2017
    That’s an excellent observation, but my sons are actually OK with it, at least as far as Kid A goes. They have known her since (her) birth, and she is almost like a very close cousin to the boys than “their sister’s best friend”.
    still, I know if it was me at that age, and my younger brother was allowed to bring a friend or 2 and I didn't. I'd be pretty pissed even if I wouldn't admit it when asked. You are definitely better off leaving both friends behind unless you reciprocate next year and allow your son's to bring a friend.
     

    MickeyMouseCD524

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 26, 2010
    Oh wow, that is just the nail in the coffin for me on this whole plan. So the sister would be getting to bring along one or two friends and the brothers would get zero? That is exactly the sort of thing that sets up YEARS of resentment among siblings over which kid is the "favorite". I guess you know your sons and maybe they'd be okay with it but if so they'd be a huge exception to the general rule.
    I don't think so. Our family used to do this with vacations and if I got to take a friend on one trip my sister got to take a friend the next trip. And it would just switch on and off. Granted this was like a long weekend at the beach but we never had resentment over who was the favorite because of those things.
     

    squirk

    Saw what you did and knows who you are.
    Joined
    Apr 9, 2011
    I don't think so. Our family used to do this with vacations and if I got to take a friend on one trip my sister got to take a friend the next trip. And it would just switch on and off. Granted this was like a long weekend at the beach but we never had resentment over who was the favorite because of those things.
    Yes, the boys have brought friends to Disney World with us in the past, so there’s nobody playing favorites here.
     



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