This! We recently shared a summer rental with extended family. I let my DD16 bring 2 friends so she’d have some company. Barely saw them while we were there except occasional meals! We’re heading to WDW in Dec and I was going to invite her bff but after the summer trip, I’ve pretty much decided against it. It would be about her and bff at WDW instead of her and our family at WDW.You are going to blink and before you know it You will be taking your daughter to college. Don't take either friend. Teens spend plenty of time with friends. Family time is precious, especially during the teen years.
I could be reading your response completely wrong, but it sounds like they are incredibly tolerant and accepting of a child who seems like she is probably on the spectrum, even with her less than privileged upbringing. And it sounds like this family includes her in as much as they feel comfortable for a child that is not theirs. It is incredibly difficult traveling (and even dealing with day to day life issues) with your own child who is on the spectrum, that they regularly include someone else's child who sounds challenging and difficult in public is commendable. And that they were willing to even think about taking her on a cruise at their own expense shouldn't be treated snidely.Hello...hello...can anyone see the elephant in this particular forum???? I started to laugh at this as soon as I read it!! Option 3: Buy a ticket for your daughter and both of her friends... and you and your partner sit home and be thankful your daughter is more tolerant than you! This is so, so sad.
Believe me - we have been doing all that for years. We include her in a lot of family activities. And when we call her out when she crosses established boundaries, she really tries to improve, God bless her. But then she backslides, and I think it’s no coincidence that she backslides when there is some upsetting crisis at home.On a more serious note, perhaps you should be more proactive in dealing with B's rough edges rather than just being "used to it". Actions such as you have described will seriously hurt her chances of future success. I say this thinking of a friend's mom who was instrumental in smoothing some of my rough edges in high school. You can very nicely set expectations in your home and your company - use "we" statements: "We don't curse and would appreciate if you did not in our house.". "We enjoy sharing about our day at dinner, please join us until we are all finished." "We don't run in the house." Occasionally take the girls to dinner, to movies, to ballgames and explain expectations on the way. You will be doing the young lady a great favor.
Please don't be ashamed. Previous posters who are perfect people and parents notwithstanding, most of us get that a cruise is a big expensive endeavor and maybe not the right thing for you to include her on.Believe me - we have been doing all that for years. We include her in a lot of family activities. And when we call her out when she crosses established boundaries, she really tries to improve, God bless her. But then she backslides, and I think it’s no coincidence that she backslides when there is some upsetting crisis at home.
I just have to think about the rest of my family, as well as our fellow passengers, before we commit to taking full-time responsibility for her actions and her well-being on a six-day cruise. I just don’t think she’s ready, and, ashamed as I am to admit it, I don’t think we’re ready.
As I said earlier, maybe in another year, I can take both of them.
Agreed. Just with the addendum that given the description of the friendship between the 3 girls, it would be very damaging to the relationship between them (even letting parents be the “bad guys”) as well as the self-esteem (probably not that great anyway given what has been said about her home situation) of the girl left behind.Please don't be ashamed. Previous posters who are perfect people and parents notwithstanding, most of us get that a cruise is a big expensive endeavor and maybe not the right thing for you to include her on.
Yeah, I think the op was looking for some magical way to have her cake and eat it too. Hey, stranger things have happened! But there isn't and they agreed way upthread that it was an all or nothing thing. They are definitely NOT trying to hurt anyone. Not wanting to deal with it on your very expensive vacation does not make the OP a remotely bad person though.Agreed. Just with the addendum that given the description of the friendship between the 3 girls, it would be very damaging to the relationship between them (even letting parents be the “bad guys”) as well as the self-esteem (probably not that great anyway given what has been said about her home situation) of the girl left behind.
I totally agree with this. The Facebook groups I have been on have set up teen chats and my daughter met kids through this ahead of time. She now has friends in different parts of the US and even other countries as a result of this which has been great!Neither, make it family vacation. There are plenty of things to do for your daughter at the VIBE. Join the Facebook group and let her meet up with kids ahead of time. They usually start a chat or she can start the chat. My daughter is only child and that's why she loves cruise, gets to meet new people. Having a chat ahead of time and having someone to look forward to meeting really helps.
Thanks for the kind words. Yes, the situations sound very similar.The reason I wanted to reply though was that, I raised a niece for five years through high school that sounds very much like your DDs friend. She was neglected, raised by an alcoholic, drug addicted mom who was absolutely crazy. DN could hold it together fine around adults but once she got around peers she became impulsive, loud, obnoxious and hard to be around. I couldn’t let her do anything without me. All through high school! Except... two friends moms who were so kind and understood that if she was invited over they would have to be there for any activities the girls did. They were so sweet and kind and even though I’ve told them I don’t think they’ll ever understand what those overnights meant to me as a small break for my son and husband and I and for their acceptance of her. So I just wanted to thank you for being such a great “other mom” to your daughters friend! Enjoy your trip!
I appreciate the consideration, but I would not have been offended with the feminine pronouns.my gut was right. now I can stop using the awkward gender neutral version of things
It’s not sanctimonious to verbalize your desire or intention to be an adolescents safe place. And I apologize for assuming your gender, I think it’s awesome for her to have a male role model with qualities to search for in a spouse. My niece makes very bad choices in young men but she will call me saying I just want a relationship like you and uncle. And to quote my father, “no good deed goes unpunished.” People love to find fault with others. We dealt with a lot of that as well. Sorry this thread took such a turn.Thanks for the kind words. Yes, the situations sound very similar.
At the risk of sounding sanctimonious and arrogant, we include this girl in as much of our stuff as possible because a.) we think it might be a nice respite for her; b.) we want this girl to see, know and understand that life doesn’t have to be constantly uncertain and upsetting; and c.) she needs to know that there is nothing “wrong” with her wherein she deserves any of the chaos.
BTW - I’m the “other dad” in this scenario.