Inviting a friend

[iX.]

We have an only child, DD14.

We have gone twice to Disney and taken a friend along.

My question is, what should the friend ('s parents) be expected to pay?

Seems like the kids we want to take the most, have no hope of contributing, and the ones with money... well...

But we can't afford to pay somebody else's way, really, it's already such a stretch.

Thoughts?

First time we paid it all, because the kid had no hope of probably ever going any other way, given her situation. Felt good, but hurt the pocketbook hard.

Second time we had free DDP, so we just asked (different) DDF to pay the flight and park ticket ($550). We ended up paying for flight change, Park hopper upgrade, water park ticket, and various other random things that came up. I think the $550 was a big deal for her parents as it was though, although they were very happy we were taking their kid to Disney.

So, we hope to go in October 2012... maybe bring a friend? What do you think... what's fair to ask for in terms of dollars? I was looking buying or renting DVC for it so we wouldn't have free DDP so food is back on the table... makes it more complex than DDP "order watever you like" that worked so well with a guest friend... maybe we should get DDP for that reason?

 

[Cruise]

My personal opinion is that if you're asking someone to go with you, then you should be prepared to pay for everything involved other than random spending money for souvenirs and such. Your invitation, your dime.

Think of it this way... they didn't ask to be invited along and if they don't have the money to spare, it puts them in the awkward position of feeling like they have to reveal that to someone they might not be especially close to in order to decline the invitation. And then you've made the parents feel bad that they can't give this to their kid and the kid feel bad that they're missing out. And yes, someone could technically say "No, thank you" and leave it at that, but how many people do? They don't want someone to think it's personal, so they feel obligated to give a reason - ie: we don't have the money. I just don't think I'd dangle the possibility of Disney in front of a kid with the stipulation that the only way they'll actually get it is if they come up with the money.

All that being said, if you still plan on inviting another child and asking for contribution, make sure it's all laid out very well from the very beginning. And if additional costs arrive, be prepared to come up with the money yourselves. It really, really wouldn't be fair to say "Ok, your kid can go with us if you give us $500" then come back a week before the trip and say "Actually, such is such is going to be more than we thought, we need $750 now." But it sounds like you did actually cover additional expenses that cropped up last time, so I applaud you there.

Just my $.02

 

[pinkle]

My son is bringing his cousin this year....I talked to his mom before we asked him if she would be willing to pay the airfare (we are taking care of park hoppers, meals, etc) Being its my SIL it was easy to ask her. It's a tough one!

 

[krcit]

My personal opinion is that if you're asking someone to go with you, then you should be prepared to pay for everything involved other than random spending money for souvenirs and such. Your invitation, your dime.

Think of it this way... they didn't ask to be invited along and if they don't have the money to spare, it puts them in the awkward position of feeling like they have to reveal that to someone they might not be especially close to in order to decline the invitation. And then you've made the parents feel bad that they can't give this to their kid and the kid feel bad that they're missing out. And yes, someone could technically say "No, thank you" and leave it at that, but how many people do? They don't want someone to think it's personal, so they feel obligated to give a reason - ie: we don't have the money. I just don't think I'd dangle the possibility of Disney in front of a kid with the stipulation that the only way they'll actually get it is if they come up with the money.

All that being said, if you still plan on inviting another child and asking for contribution, make sure it's all laid out very well from the very beginning. And if additional costs arrive, be prepared to come up with the money yourselves. It really, really wouldn't be fair to say "Ok, your kid can go with us if you give us $500" then come back a week before the trip and say "Actually, such is such is going to be more than we thought, we need $750 now." But it sounds like you did actually cover additional expenses that cropped up last time, so I applaud you there.

Just my $.02

I agree completely with this post. I would be preapred to pay all expenses if inviting a child to vacation with us. Now if the parents insisted on buying the plane ticket and or park tix, I would accept.

 

[Kay1]

My personal opinion is that if you're asking someone to go with you, then you should be prepared to pay for everything involved other than random spending money for souvenirs and such. Your invitation, your dime.

Think of it this way... they didn't ask to be invited along and if they don't have the money to spare, it puts them in the awkward position of feeling like they have to reveal that to someone they might not be especially close to in order to decline the invitation. And then you've made the parents feel bad that they can't give this to their kid and the kid feel bad that they're missing out. And yes, someone could technically say "No, thank you" and leave it at that, but how many people do? They don't want someone to think it's personal, so they feel obligated to give a reason - ie: we don't have the money. I just don't think I'd dangle the possibility of Disney in front of a kid with the stipulation that the only way they'll actually get it is if they come up with the money.

All that being said, if you still plan on inviting another child and asking for contribution, make sure it's all laid out very well from the very beginning. And if additional costs arrive, be prepared to come up with the money yourselves. It really, really wouldn't be fair to say "Ok, your kid can go with us if you give us $500" then come back a week before the trip and say "Actually, such is such is going to be more than we thought, we need $750 now." But it sounds like you did actually cover additional expenses that cropped up last time, so I applaud you there.

Just my $.02

Great answer, Julie. I agree with you. We did invite a neighbor's child to visit the MK for my son's birthday. The girl's mom did offer to pay for her ticket but we turned her down. We paid for everything and gave the kids Disney Dollars, too. I know you're talking about way more money, OP.

 

[LoriKutchey]

I also have an only child and brought a friend along a couple of times, we always covered plane fare and park tickets, food.... we have DVC so we didn't have hotel costs to cover at that time. They only brought souvenier money along. That is what we did for our family because we could afford it at the time. Some years we couldn't afford it and our daughter was still happy just to be going to disney with us

 

[eeyoresmom]

We have brought other kids along many times and USUALLY have covered everything. Last year DD brought a friend whose Dad paid for her flight and PH ticket. DD and this particular friend hatched this plan on their own and got permission from friends parents first. I did feel a little akward at first, but this friend comes from a rather well off family. They said yes right away and seemed grateful we were willing to take her along as they had gone as a family several years ago and no one but DD's friend wanted to return. We are planning another trip this summer ,if free dining is offered. We may bring a different friend. She is 16 and has a job and will pay for her own PH ticket. I will cover flight and hotel with free dining( hopefully). I think every situation is different, but I don't think I would ever ask someone to cover the entire expense if I invited.

 

[ancestry]

I don't think you can tactfully ask the parents to pay when you are inviting the child. However I also think it is common courtesy for the parents to offer to help pay but there is no guarantee that they will offer.

If you can't pay for the other child then you shouldn't invite the other child.

 

[java]

I agree with this! You ask you should be prepared to pay. If they offer that's a whole different thing.

My personal opinion is that if you're asking someone to go with you, then you should be prepared to pay for everything involved other than random spending money for souvenirs and such. Your invitation, your dime.

Think of it this way... they didn't ask to be invited along and if they don't have the money to spare, it puts them in the awkward position of feeling like they have to reveal that to someone they might not be especially close to in order to decline the invitation. And then you've made the parents feel bad that they can't give this to their kid and the kid feel bad that they're missing out. And yes, someone could technically say "No, thank you" and leave it at that, but how many people do? They don't want someone to think it's personal, so they feel obligated to give a reason - ie: we don't have the money. I just don't think I'd dangle the possibility of Disney in front of a kid with the stipulation that the only way they'll actually get it is if they come up with the money.

All that being said, if you still plan on inviting another child and asking for contribution, make sure it's all laid out very well from the very beginning. And if additional costs arrive, be prepared to come up with the money yourselves. It really, really wouldn't be fair to say "Ok, your kid can go with us if you give us $500" then come back a week before the trip and say "Actually, such is such is going to be more than we thought, we need $750 now." But it sounds like you did actually cover additional expenses that cropped up last time, so I applaud you there.

Just my $.02

 

[Lees3rwe]

totally agree... If you invite someone, you pay.

 

[okeydokey]

I also think if you invite, you should pay. You are inviting the friend to keep your child company, so it's a plus for you.

 

[An_Island_Girl]

There are a lot of only children in my daughters circle of friends. It's an unspoken rule that if you invite, you pay.
With that said though, I would expect the child to bring their own spending money for any expensive souvineers if they are so inclined. All other expenses, we cover when we invite someone else. There is something so special about seeing your only child being able to experience a vacation with a friend.

 

[endy]

Another mom with an only ds14 tho I'm a single mom.
The past 2 years he's brought a freind along. First year we flew to CA. His parents paid the plane ticket and gave him spending money. We were going anyway, I paid motel and rental car. Most of his food and activities came out of his spending money.
Last summer we drove down for 2 weeks, he had spending money. That covered his meals, shopping and activities and he even had a little bit left when we got home. I had an envelope with his money, everyday I'd give him 20$ so he had money in his pocket and I took out whatever it cost for SeaWorld, Knott's, whale watching, etc.
I'm surprised with the 'pay for the friend' on such a big ticket event.
Sure if we go to a movie, out to eat or do something local I have no problem paying but to have an extra thousand bucks to bring an extra would be way out of the question.
I have no trouble asking if the friend can come with us and going over with the parents how much money they will need.

Even if someone asked my son to go with them I would insist on paying every cent and there are very few people I would be comfortable letting him go with.

 

[jemgumby]

We took my daughter's friend on a trip back in October. Her friend already had a one day park ticket and they provided $$$ for the other park days plus food money as well. They also gave her snacks to bring on the trip as well. It worked out for us. We did pay for some stuff like breakfast on the way down and her food on the way home. Personally I would NEVER feel comfortable having somebody pay for my daughter's share if she was invited on a vacation. I use this example growing up if I was invited to go the movies, skating, etc. I always paid my way and the other way around too if we invited friends to go with us. It was just how we did things. So if my daughter got invited on a trip I would definitely pay her way and I expect if it were the other way around they would pay their way. Just another opinion to add.

 

[MissUndastood]

I also think if you invite, you should pay. You are inviting the friend to keep your child company, so it's a plus for you.

Agree

I would never invite someone if I couldn't pay their way. Tacky

 

[carebee21]

I guess I'm in the minority here, but any child who we would consider bringing along, we would know their parents well enough to discuss the financial aspect of the trip. I don't think it's out of line to talk to the parents and say, Hey, we're going to Disney World for a week in summer. DS asked if you're DS could come. We would be happy for him to come along and would cover (hotel, food, etc) if you could pay for or provide (airfare, park tix, etc.) for him. We've priced it out and the total would be about $x,xxx. If your family has other summer plans or you just don't want him to be gone for that long, then we completely understand.

Personally I would never accept an invitation for my son to go on a vacation without expecting to pay for his share of it. So I don't think having a conversation about the financials is out of line....

 

[Kat&Dom]

I think that it is fair to ask the parents or friend to pay for the flight and park tickets. At 14, your daughter's friend probably makes babysitting money that she could save up and use for spending money. She might even be able to swing the flight and park tickets.

I grew up with a girl who was quite a bit younger then her siblings so was like an only child and the family was very well off (Millionaire's). They invited me along on many trips but I always had to cover my flight and entertainment costs. I was very grateful for the opportunities that they provided to me by inviting me along - it is what started my love of travel. I was the youngest of 4 children of working class parents so there was not a lot of extra money in my household.

One time the trip was so last minute that I didn't have the money but they loaned me the money and I paid it back over 4 months so that might be an option to consider or discuss with the friend.

I think that if you are doing something local then you should cover the costs but if there is a flight involved and a large entertainment charge such as Disney park tickets then it is fair to ask the other family to contribute. JMO based on my experiences as an invited guest!

 

[crisi]

I don't think the rule for "invite you pay" is hard and fast when it comes to trips and travel. We often go places with friends where everyone pays their own way as adults and I don't see why kids shouldn't have the same opportunities. Especially when it isn't an invitation as a favor to you (i.e. keeping your kid company) but an opportunity for the kid. It would be a shame for a kid to miss a Disney trip because the host family didn't want to spring for $300 in airfare, which his family would have happily covered.

I wouldn't feel comfortable ASKING anyone who I suspected paying would be a hardship to to pay, however, and therefore wouldn't extend the invitation.

At the very least, you cannot expect them to reimburse you for anything you would have "paid for anyway" - so hotel room, rental car, etc....don't expect them to subsidize your vacation.

I wouldn't expect them to pay for anything that was an optional part of the travel. i.e. if we really wanted to see Cirque.

Park tickets and airfare are the tricky ones. I think that you can extend a conditional invitation TO THE PARENTS. In the "we are going, we'd love to have her along, but we can't afford to pay airfare for her." Give the other parents an up front understanding of the costs you don't feel you can afford to cover and make it clear that "no" is a fine answer. At the same time, lay out other expectations and assumptions...like "since the girls are teenagers, we thought we'd let them explore on their own."

I'd work with the parents in question to determine budget and change OUR travel plans appropriately. i.e. if we think hopping is important and the guest didn't buy hoppers, either we don't hop or we pay for the upgrade.

Non-optional variable costs I'd expect to pay - i.e. meals. I think that its not reasonable to expect most kids to budget appropriately through the vacation to pay for meals. If they run out of money, they have the embarrassment of asking you to cover for them, or going hungry. Neither is acceptable in my mind.

I wouldn't pay for a guests souvenirs, snacks they decided to buy on their own, etc.

That said, we would pay when we extend the invitation to our friends kids.

 

[okeydokey]

Does the friend have siblings. I know if one of mine was invited to go on vacation with a friend and it was "only going to cost " 5 or 6 hundred dollars, we would certainly decline. We just do not have that kind of money for vacation for one member of the family. If we had vacation money we would use it on a family trip we all could enjoy.

In the OPs case, maybe the friend is also an only child and they have the money to spare.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think it would be okay to ask for airfare and basic park tickets, but you will be the ones choosing where you are eating, and you will be the ones wanting to add park hoppers, if that's what you are planning.

I have a 14 year old who would LOVE to bring a friend on vacation - it would be a gift to her.