Inviting a friend

[csharpwv]

We went on three vacations last year. 3 weeks cross country, 2 weeks in the north east and one week at Disney. 5 of those weeks were all about our family the Disney trip had a family of friends join us. It was a treat to have little ones with us, and they have several that are my kid's ages. It was a ball. The kids had people to ride the rock and roller coaster more than the 3 or 4 times their dad and I will ride with them.

It also makes for easy fate time for their dad and I. Pizza and movies and they are happy as clams. There are plenty of reasons to include others in our family.

My point is that some people have scad if family time. I homeschool my kids, they are here most of the time. Their dad can telecommute and is home tons or we take off for extended weekends.

See, I totally understand that! You have family ONLY vacation time, and you have friends and family vacations. To me, that is totally different than inviting one friend or allowing each child to bring a friend along on every family vacation.

 

[robinb]

I grew up in a family where a family vacation was just that - a FAMILY vacation. No outsiders, no friends. Just Mom, Dad, and the kids.

Without sounding to harsh - what is the reasoning behind inviting someone else to go on vacation with you?

Because I have an only child, that's why.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

This fits the prevailing model where the inviter pays for all except souvenirs.

If you had difficulty paying then you would have stopped inviting. Then a few of your children's friends might be asking "Can I come?". Then you can freely ask for their parents to help pay. =QUOTE

I know the way I did things is different than most posters here, but it worked for us and apparently it worked for my boys friends families as well.

I had no "difficulty" paying and no we didnt "stop inviting" and I did "freely" ask the parents to pay. We did what worked well for our family. For the past 13 years we have done day trips almost daily for the entire two and a half month summer vacation. I didnt care to spend our money on the friends admissions when their own families could easily foot the bill. Like I said earlier if there had been a friend who took my kids on occasion to an event and paid the cost and went back and fourth with treating each others kids then that would have been fine, but it has NEVER been like that. Instead it has been me bringing kids to 100's and 100's of outings myself, while the friends parents were at work.

In a lot of responses, I have read that people invited friends to keep their own kids happy and occupied. If that is the reason, then by all means pay for the friend to go, because that is a HUGE benefit to your family. We never included friends for that reason. Was it fun to have friends join us, by all means, but it was also A LOT more work for me as well. I know I have been lucky, my boys have always been best friends and entertain each other, we never really needed to fill up the van with friends for that purpose. However, I was always happy to have friends join us, (I love kids!) even when what could have been a relaxing day at the beach turned into me applying sunscreen repeatedly, supervising multiple bathroom runs and counting heads in the water. I was always thrilled to have lots of kids join us. However, I quickly drew the line at paying for all of their admissions as well. (Not everywhere we went charged an admission fee, lots of places were free, but when admissions were charged, I let the parents know.)

Like I said, the way we have done things is different than others, which is fine, everyone is different and has different needs, like I always say to each their own.

To the OP, like I said before, I would talk to the friends parents for sure! Good luck!!

 

[tink576]

When I was a senior in college my sister was working the college program at Disney for the spring/summer. After finals ended my mom and I were going to go visit her and it was decided that I could invite two of my good friends along. We paid for the hotel room since that was already being paid for and my sister very graciously paid for our tickets using a couple of the days from her benefits pass. My friends paid for their airfare (under $150 round trip) which we researched the best prices for them since they had no experience with that (this was one of my friends first times on a airplane). My one friends mom kept saying not to book it and to research more and told her no, if they say to book this flight then it's the cheepest flight . They also paid for their own food (we only did counter service) and souvineers. So they were able to join us for about $300 total, I think it was even less that that. These friends don't have much and had never been to Disney before, so it was really the trip of the lifetime for them. They also realized that they were able to do a lot more because of our experience zipping them through the parks, and that they were really lucky we were that great at planning things so that they could do as much as we did for that little money. Sure we didn't eat out at the fancy restaurants, and we had an evening ordering pizza in the room but we sure had an amazing experience.

 

[jsmla]

We brought our kids' friends on vacations quite a few times. I always discussed it with the parents before DS/DD were allowed to ask the friend. We always drove and paid lodging and food. The friends paid for any tickets and spending money. I never felt strange telling the parents what we would expect for them to pay, maybe it was because we were friends with most of them.

The last time was a trip for my DD and her friends for a high school Spring Break in Panama City. It wasn't a family trip, I only went to chaperone and paid only for gas and the meals I prepared for them in the condo. The girls covered everything else, including my part of the condo cost.

 

[Colleen27]

I grew up in a family where a family vacation was just that - a FAMILY vacation. No outsiders, no friends. Just Mom, Dad, and the kids.

Without sounding to harsh - what is the reasoning behind inviting someone else to go on vacation with you?

If we only took one vacation a year I wouldn't invite friends but we travel quite a bit. We haven't taken any friends on the bigger trips like Disney, but when it is just one of our annual trips up north or to the indoor waterpark or to some museum/zoo/attraction that caught our fancy I don't mind bringing a friend along. DD9's best friend especially is like family and doesn't have a whole lot of opportunities to do things with her mom (struggling single mom, 3 kids, the older two both in college), so my DD likes to invite her along whenever we're agreeable to the idea. We'll take her to Disney with us eventually, probably for a "milestone" birthday (13 or 16).

I expect we'll do a lot more inviting friends once the older kids are grown and just the baby is traveling with us, because she'll still be young and doesn't have the built-in playmate that the older kids have by being relatively close in age. As a tween/teen some things are just more fun when you have someone your own age to share it with, rather than just your parents.

 

[robinb]

If you go with the "don't invite unless you pay for everything" mentality then many kids would miss out on the chance to go to Disney! It is an expensive vacation and many families can't afford to fully subsidize another person.

ITA. In addition ... while I respect the people who feel it's correct to pay for everything, I would really hate for people reading this thread to believe that is the only polite option.

 

[Nancyg56]

For all those who say "if you invite, you pay"...

If you invite someone out to dinner (not a "date", but just friends getting together), do you pay for their dinner? What about their gas? Taxi fare? What if you and your SO invite another couple out for dinner?

As far as 'you're inviting the child to make your child happy'... while that's true, the friend's parents are also benefitting... 'babysitting'/'someone responsible to watch their child'/etc. It's not just a one way street.

.

I never invite if I cannot pay. When my kids were growing up if I decided that friends could join us I was paid for everything but spending money. We never took trips that involved plane fare but we did go to resprts that had per person fees as well as meal costs.

I believe that if I invite I pay. If a group of us decided to go to dinner we would split costs but that is different than if I extend an invitation. My DH would be mortified if we invited friends out to dinner but then split the bill. He still refuses to let any of the women in our family pay towards meals out when we are all in a crowd.

I think that it is a little self absorbed to decide that inviting another child is a benefit to that child's parents. It can be but honestly, I missed my kids when they were away, it was not a gift for me.

I grew up in a family where a family vacation was just that - a FAMILY vacation. No outsiders, no friends. Just Mom, Dad, and the kids.

Without sounding to harsh - what is the reasoning behind inviting someone else to go on vacation with you?

.

We always had my kids friends over so it was not a leap to include them occasionally whe we vacationed. My sister and I used to take all of our kids as well as my brother's kids and we just split the bill. When a friend or two came we just added them in.

DH and I have only one DGD and she has a Best Friend. They are together a lot and we often take both girls whereever we are going. It is more fun for my DGD to have a friend along. We are looking forward to the time when we can take her friend on a real vacation, both girls will have more fun together. Right now the girl is a little young to take to DIsney without her Mom but as soon as she can go we would thake them both and pay for everything.

 

[ZehnJahren]

*sigh* It's not rude to expect another kid's family to kick in for a great vacation unless you know they can't afford it.

It's ruder to be a parent who has a child going on a great vacation, and not offer to pitch in. I grew up in a fairly poor family, but my mother would have DIED before she let me freeload off another family's vacation. I DID go on short vacations with some friends, and I was ALWAYS given some food and souvenir money, and in some cases gas money or money for my stay wherever we were. If these were not welcome (the inviting family insisted on paying), my mom would give me the extra money and tell me to buy all of my expenses wherever I could.

Disney's a bit of a different beast, but I'd say the invitee's family pays for airfare and souvenirs at least - but airfare, park tickets, and souvenirs would be nice. If you're inviting, you may or may not expect more costs, depending on the friend - I know that the invitee should expect to cover incidentals and probably food/drink (you ARE inviting, but don't need to be taken advantage of for your hospitality!). It's already VERY generous to invite someone who may not be able to go if they wait for their family to be able to afford it (or want to go, for that matter!), plus watch the child 24/7 and be completely responsible for them, plus transport them, plus pay for food, plus pay for hotel, plus plus plus.

I say, speak privately with the parents and see what they say about pitching in. Then go from there.

 

[bpesch]

I have another suggestion that hasn't been discussed as of yet. These are 14 year olds, you have 18 months before you're going to go. How about sitting down with your DD ahead of time and let her know that in order to bring a friend, you expect them to contribute to the pot. 14 is plenty old enough to do odd jobs, mow lawns, wash cars, to earn a little extra money. They have 2 summers before the vacation to work for it. It's how I'd handle it.