Invited friends over Christmas day and in-laws are upset

[ragtopday]

Your in-laws are probably upset because you do see these people all of the time and you are treating Christmas just like another weekend with your friends.

So instead of grandma and grandpa spending Christmas Day with their family, their grand kids will instead be playing with their friends and your time will be split as well.

But hey, like everyone on here so graciously says it's your house and no one has the right to tell you what to do and who cares if the in-laws are upset.

I think the OP was saying that it's the IN-LAWS who live close and who they just saw last weekend.

I totally sympathize, OP. Invite your friends and teach your children that holidays are about being loving and inclusive. The IL's need to get over it.

 

[klacey1]

My MIL does not want anyone over who is no her family. Yup, that means when they decided to come for Christmas, she does not even want my family to come over. I am an only child so it's not like my parents can choose to go to a siblings house instead.

This is so foreign to me. I grew up in a house where you never knew how many you were having for the holidays. The more the merrier.

That is terrible of your MIL! I'm with you on this one-- the more the merrier! We spend Christmas with DBF's family and you never know who is going to show up! Everyone is family to them at Christmas, which I love.
OP, I also don't get the huge deal, because, as you said, your IL's get to see your children all the time! Have a lovely day with your friends and family, and if your IL's can't get over it, that's their problem.

 

[mafibisha]

Why should the inlaws feelings trump the OP's? It's the OP's home and it's their choice who they spend it with in their house. .

Why? Maybe because the *in-laws* are the husbands *parents* ?

(sorry it this was already mentioned, and also, maybe the husband doesn't really care either? But parents should always trump friends IMHO)

 

[bdcp]

Why? Maybe because the *in-laws* are the husbands *parents* ?

(sorry it this was already mentioned, and also, maybe the husband doesn't really care either? But parents should always trump friends IMHO)

Did you BOTHER to read where I said as long as her DH is onboard with it? Did you? I don't think you did. Regardless, it's not the inlaws house, it's the op and her family's. Doesn't matter who's parents it is, it's not their call. What you basically said is that it doesn't matter what the op's feelings are about her own home.

Besides, the real celebration of Christmas is about the birth of our lord and savior. Think about that in relation to being with family and friends.

 

[TraceyDisney2008]

I thought Christmas was about giving and togetherness, I think inviting the other family was wonderful and I hope you enjoy your day.

 

[tefrench]

I think it was a very sweet gesture on your part and is much appreciated.

While I agree with honoring one's parents, once you are married, the relationship you have with your spouse is the most important. And if he is okay with other people on that day, that's that. The in-laws need to understand you have different traditions, ways of doing things, etc, and no disrespect is intended.

Have fun!

 

[karice2]

Whenever I see messages like this, it makes me happy that I don't have inlaws. It is your house, if you want to invite circus clowns over to ride a unicycle around the table singing polish drinking songs and charming a dancing bear, who are they to be upset at what goes on in your house?

They are guests and as such should act accordingly and be gracious that you are inviting them to your home.

I host all the holiday meals at my house. I have a wide variety of people including, my mean grandma, my stepmother, my mother, my father, the other grandma I don't like, senile stepgrandmother, a couple of ex boyfriends, their parents and sometimes I bring home a soldier or two.

You know who isn't invited, anyone who has a problem with who I invite. I dare anybody to make any remarks about who is there. It is my house and I shall do as I please in it. You should do the same.

 

[disneymama83]

Did you BOTHER to read where I said as long as her DH is onboard with it? Did you? I don't think you did. Regardless, it's not the inlaws house, it's the op and her family's. Doesn't matter who's parents it is, it's not their call. What you basically said is that it doesn't matter what the op's feelings are about her own home.

Besides, the real celebration of Christmas is about the birth of our lord and savior. Think about that in relation to being with family and friends.

Amen!

 

[DisneyBeagle]

if you want to invite circus clowns over to ride a unicycle around the table singing polish drinking songs and charming a dancing bear

Thanks, I've been trying to decide what to do on Christmas Eve.

 

[toocherie]

Whenever I see messages like this, it makes me happy that I don't have inlaws. It is your house, if you want to invite circus clowns over to ride a unicycle around the table singing polish drinking songs and charming a dancing bear, who are they to be upset at what goes on in your house?

They are guests and as such should act accordingly and be gracious that you are inviting them to your home.

I host all the holiday meals at my house. I have a wide variety of people including, my mean grandma, my stepmother, my mother, my father, the other grandma I don't like, senile stepgrandmother, a couple of ex boyfriends, their parents and sometimes I bring home a soldier or two.

Best post of the day!

And for the record, I invite family and friends too. It is not meant to be an exclusionary holiday. In fact, some friends (older neighbors whose children live far away and sometimes don't make it here) have come to my house so many times on holidays when other family members are hosting they automatically invite my neighbors now too--they're "family" now!

 

[bellebud]

we have it both ways...

In my family, it's usually 'just family', and we all feel like it's a group decision if someone outside is invited, no matter who is hosting. We don't look at it like "it's my house/their house, they can invite who they want". We all look at it like it's *our family* christmas (where it's being held is irrelevant), and we'd all have to agree to something like that. I'd never in a million years invite my neighbor-friends to a family christmas I was hosting, and I know my brothers/wives or my mom/stepdad wouldn't either, or would ask the rest of us "hey, this person will be alone - can we include them?"

In dh's family, it's more like whoever is hosting has the say, and we're 'guests' there, the same way a neighbor/friend/extended relative would be a guest there. And that's ok too. There aren't any 'group' decisions with dh's family.

It's just different family dynamics. Neither is right or wrong.

But think about how you would feel if your MIL was the usual host of your christmas day, and you got there and they had a few other older couples over there too, who weren't too kid-friendly, and your kids didn't get grandma/pa attention, etc, because they were chatting w/ the adult friends.

With another family of 6, it's going to be more like a playdate than Christmas, and if that's what you want, that's ok. But just realize that's what you're setting up.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Whenever I see messages like this, it makes me happy that I don't have inlaws. It is your house, if you want to invite circus clowns over to ride a unicycle around the table singing polish drinking songs and charming a dancing bear, who are they to be upset at what goes on in your house?

They are guests and as such should act accordingly and be gracious that you are inviting them to your home.

I host all the holiday meals at my house. I have a wide variety of people including, my mean grandma, my stepmother, my mother, my father, the other grandma I don't like, senile stepgrandmother, a couple of ex boyfriends, their parents and sometimes I bring home a soldier or two.

You know who isn't invited, anyone who has a problem with who I invite. I dare anybody to make any remarks about who is there. It is my house and I shall do as I please in it. You should do the same.

I haven't even read the original post. I clicked on this thread and this was the first post I read. FTR, I would LOVE to spend the holidays with you and your family. Sounds like a hoot!

 

[karice2]

I haven't even read the original post. I clicked on this thread and this was the first post I read. FTR, I would LOVE to spend the holidays with you and your family. Sounds like a hoot!

You would be invited anyone who didn't like it would not be. After spending some holidays away from my family while in the military, I want everyone to have a place to go on the holidays. Hence the soliders.

Traditions and families are awesome but the real joy in the season is seeing a bunch of disparate people come together and make the most of a holiday season.

Even before I was grown and could cook, my mean grandma (who I love more than anything in the world) made a point to invite my stepmother to her house for Christmas and thanksgiving so that I could have the best possible holidays. If that mean old lady (she really is mean, I can't even begin to tell you) can muster up the generosity to invite my stepmother into her home, then surely other people on this board can invite friends over for the holidays with no strings attached i.e. special hours for family only or time for kids to hang with grandparents only.

If quibbling about those little things is what married life is about may I remain single and make my own decisions about who comes to my house.

 

[karice2]

Thanks, I've been trying to decide what to do on Christmas Eve.

I will let you borrow my accordion. I have it out from Thanksgiving. The bear does a mean foxtrot.

 

[MommytoaSweetie]

OP, that was do thoughtful of you to invite friends over!! Your ILs are being selfish... I think it's definitely the more the merrier. We Have often invited friends over (along with family, lots of them)... If someone doesn't have family of their own to visit on Christmas, it's so nice for them to have someone else to celebrate with! What a great way to show love to others. I hope your ILs realize they're bring silly and enjoy the day, too!

 

[3PrezGirls]

Thanks everyone!! We talked to my MIL and she said she was upset at first but is now okay with everything. She has met our friends a couple of times at birthday parties so it's not like we'll have a new family in the mix. I loved the post about teaching my girls to be attentive. I will definitely be doing and also making sure my inlaws are comfortable. I think it's going to work out I just have to make sure I'm not having too much fun with our friends and make sure I'm taking care of everyone!! Tis the season.

 

[Mrs D]

Whenever I see messages like this, it makes me happy that I don't have inlaws. It is your house, if you want to invite circus clowns over to ride a unicycle around the table singing polish drinking songs and charming a dancing bear, who are they to be upset at what goes on in your house?

They are guests and as such should act accordingly and be gracious that you are inviting them to your home.

I host all the holiday meals at my house. I have a wide variety of people including, my mean grandma, my stepmother, my mother, my father, the other grandma I don't like, senile stepgrandmother, a couple of ex boyfriends, their parents and sometimes I bring home a soldier or two.

You know who isn't invited, anyone who has a problem with who I invite. I dare anybody to make any remarks about who is there. It is my house and I shall do as I please in it. You should do the same.

You are my kind of girl!

 

[keltic]

We have hosted Christmas brunch for 3 years (this being our 4th). It's our family of six and my MIL and FIL. This year I was talking to a friend who said they are staying home so I invited them over for brunch, they are also a family of 6. I am not asking my inlaws to bring anything over between myself and my friend we have the entire brunch covered. I understand my inlaws want to spend the day with us, but it's my house shouldn't I be able to invite who I want over and enjoy the day my way. Plus I know my girls will be happy to play with their friends as well.

Thoughts? Does anyone else have friends AND family over?

So, I read the other posts. I agree with most of them.

Only one other actually said part of what I wanted to say.

Why are you celebrating that day? I mean, what is the brunch for? Christmas, right? The birth of Jesus. I have a hard time imagining that Jesus would say that if someone is not a member of your genetic family they should not be allowed to be invited to dine at your table.

This is not about choosing between your in-laws or friends. It is about the joy and love of Christ's birth. What matters is celebrating the meaning of the holiday.

All that being said, if it were another holiday or occassion, I would also agree that it is your house and you should be allowed to invite whom you please. It isn't as if you invited them over to your in-law's home. It also doesn't sound as if your in-laws see your family so rarely that they NEED special alone time. Christmas lasts all day, they should be able to share a couple of hours for brunch. If the in-laws can not be mature enough to see that then I am truly sorry for them. Life must be very hard for them.

 

[Shelby5514]

We are having my mom and DH's parents over around 10 for breakfast, later in the afternoon we have invited a lady from DH's parents church along with DH's Aunt and Uncle. We have always had extra people for Christmas dinner, but breakfast has always just been the immediate family.

As long as everyone knows before hand who will be there, I'm sure they will adapt and have a great time.

 

[pigletto]

Whenever I see messages like this, it makes me happy that I don't have inlaws. It is your house, if you want to invite circus clowns over to ride a unicycle around the table singing polish drinking songs and charming a dancing bear, who are they to be upset at what goes on in your house?

They are guests and as such should act accordingly and be gracious that you are inviting them to your home.

I host all the holiday meals at my house. I have a wide variety of people including, my mean grandma, my stepmother, my mother, my father, the other grandma I don't like, senile stepgrandmother, a couple of ex boyfriends, their parents and sometimes I bring home a soldier or two.

You know who isn't invited, anyone who has a problem with who I invite. I dare anybody to make any remarks about who is there. It is my house and I shall do as I please in it. You should do the same.

This gets my vote for favorite post of the year

I couldn't agree more!