Invited friends over Christmas day and in-laws are upset

You sound very warm and welcoming! It's Christmas,for heaven's sake-everyone should have a nice invitation for the holiday.Have fun with all who attend!
 
First of all.... I LOVE your girl's names. I read them to my husband and he said we could always change our girl's names!

I say invite who you want!


I love your names, too! After NEVER, EVER meeting another Reagan while growing up, it has been neat to see people start to name their little girls Reagan. Yesterday I even saw personalized frames with Reagan on them....could not believe it!!!!
 
Seriously???? Isn't Christmas about being with people you love? When did "immediate family" become the definition of love?
 

I love your names, too! After NEVER, EVER meeting another Reagan while growing up, it has been neat to see people start to name their little girls Reagan. Yesterday I even saw personalized frames with Reagan on them....could not believe it!!!!

I'll have to look out for something with her name on it. That's good to know because I am always looking for their names on things.
 
Although we often mix family and friends I can understand too where your IL's are coming from. For the past three years it has just been them and your family, sort of a tradition has been established and now its been rocked a bit.

Are they bringing presents for your girls? I can see where the IL's may just want the presents opened just between them and your family without a lot of chaos and playtime involved from all the kids in the house.

Do your IL's know and socialize with this other family? If not make sure they are part of the conversation flow to spare hurt feelings.

I think it can work out, but may require extra effort of everybody's part.
 
It was very nice of you to consider your friends that wouldn't have anywhere to go on Christmas. Since you see your IL's frequently this is really poor attitude by them IMO.
 
As much as my in-laws bug me sometimes, they love all our friends and would love having lots of other people around. I'm hearing insecurity on the op's in-laws part for some reason. Of course some people think family is the end all be all to everything. My MIL has said blood is thicker than water, but the reality is, my DH would pick me over all his "blood" relatives in a heartbeat. So, this might be an issue of "family" being the most important to them and thinking Christmas is only a family holiday. You have every right to invite whoever you want. They'll get over it.
 
Although we often mix family and friends I can understand too where your IL's are coming from. For the past three years it has just been them and your family, sort of a tradition has been established and now its been rocked a bit.

This is what I was thinking, as well. Honestly, if I were them I'd probably be a little unhappy at first. They are used to this being a family tradition, and a day they spend just with family, and now it won't be. You are close enough to consider the neighbors family, but they aren't. I'm not a hugely social person and for me a day spent with just family is fun and relaxing, but a day spent with people I don't know well is somewhat stressful. I would be disappointed if our family Christmas turned into Christmas with my family and their friends who I'm not close to. I'd probably feel like a third wheel.

OP, it's your house and you absolutely should be able to invite anyone you want to, but a family Christmas isn't a typical hosted event, and the whole family tends to feel more "ownership" (for lack of a better word) of it than they would of some other event. Yes, your inlaws are your guests but I'm sure they feel like it's their Christmas, too, and this probably isn't their first choice of how they would want to spend it. They could be disappointed that this has changed from the day they were looking forward to into something different. I'm not saying you're wrong, because you aren't. But I think it's understandable that they aren't thrilled with the change.
 
I;m a highly social person and we entertain a lot. that said, when we have gatherings for family or certain groups of friends...that's it. that's all the people we want to see. dynamics change when you add different people.

hubby has 2 best buds and our 3 families always try to make a day during christmas to celebrate christmas together. we enjoy being with other folks and both come to my nye bash where everyone is invited including ppl i don't know. but our special day is just for us, no one else is welcome.

we do this more or less for family too. sometimes an extra person or so join us...but I would feel it very rude to invite a whole other family to my family christmas meal. your ILs don;t know them. and even if they did, i still think it changes the vibe enough to be inappropriate.

we invite dh's best buds to family functions. they grew up together and call all their moms, "Mom". i still wouldn't invite them to family christmas.

this year we are spending christmas day with one of the buds...but that's because neither of us are spending that particular day with our own extended families so we said we'd get together.

i don't blame the ILs for feeling a bit miffed. situation is done and over with - I'm sure they can be gracious. just try to keep them as included as possible. in future, check with them before extending the invite list. when it's something like this, I consider it changing the "theme" of the party and always check with previously invited guests first.
 
Your in-laws need a lesson in kindless. If you can't give of yourself on Christmas Day, when then??
 
This is what I was thinking, as well. Honestly, if I were them I'd probably be a little unhappy at first. They are used to this being a family tradition, and a day they spend just with family, and now it won't be. You are close enough to consider the neighbors family, but they aren't. I'm not a hugely social person and for me a day spent with just family is fun and relaxing, but a day spent with people I don't know well is somewhat stressful. I would be disappointed if our family Christmas turned into Christmas with my family and their friends who I'm not close to. I'd probably feel like a third wheel.

OP, it's your house and you absolutely should be able to invite anyone you want to, but a family Christmas isn't a typical hosted event, and the whole family tends to feel more "ownership" (for lack of a better word) of it than they would of some other event. Yes, your inlaws are your guests but I'm sure they feel like it's their Christmas, too, and this probably isn't their first choice of how they would want to spend it. They could be disappointed that this has changed from the day they were looking forward to into something different. I'm not saying you're wrong, because you aren't. But I think it's understandable that they aren't thrilled with the change.

This is exactly how I feel. I wouldn't like spending Christmas Day with my DD's friends, particularly a family of six. Eight kids would probably drive me to drinking! ;) I wouldn't feel comfortable and it would spoil Christmas for me. I want to spend Christmas with my family, not my family and their friends.
 
I;m a highly social person and we entertain a lot. that said, when we have gatherings for family or certain groups of friends...that's it. that's all the people we want to see. dynamics change when you add different people.

hubby has 2 best buds and our 3 families always try to make a day during christmas to celebrate christmas together. we enjoy being with other folks and both come to my nye bash where everyone is invited including ppl i don't know. but our special day is just for us, no one else is welcome.

we do this more or less for family too. sometimes an extra person or so join us...but I would feel it very rude to invite a whole other family to my family christmas meal. your ILs don;t know them. and even if they did, i still think it changes the vibe enough to be inappropriate.

we invite dh's best buds to family functions. they grew up together and call all their moms, "Mom". i still wouldn't invite them to family christmas.

this year we are spending christmas day with one of the buds...but that's because neither of us are spending that particular day with our own extended families so we said we'd get together.

i don't blame the ILs for feeling a bit miffed. situation is done and over with - I'm sure they can be gracious. just try to keep them as included as possible. in future, check with them before extending the invite list. when it's something like this, I consider it changing the "theme" of the party and always check with previously invited guests first.

I didn't even think when I invited our friends, just sort of blurted it out. They have met my inlaws before and I know they do get along. But everyone is right it has been a "family" holiday in the past and now it won't be. I know it will be a really nice morning though so I'm going to try not to stress too much about it.
 
This is exactly how I feel. I wouldn't like spending Christmas Day with my DD's friends, particularly a family of six. Eight kids would probably drive me to drinking! ;) I wouldn't feel comfortable and it would spoil Christmas for me. I want to spend Christmas with my family, not my family and their friends.

I'll make sure I have extra drinks for everyone involved.;)
 
We spend the afternoon at my mom's, and she insists on family only for the first couple of hours so we can open gifts, play games with kids, etc.

Then everyone else is invited over at a set time, the "extra" guests start arriving, and it turns into Christmas chaos. BUT, everyone is happy because the grandparents got their time/appreciation/tradition and we all get to invite those who need to be adopted for the day! (of course, since we invite people, we all help with the cooking--very informal dinner buffet--kids on the ground eating, grab a seat anywhere)
 
Ok why is everyone giving her IL's the advice to get over it. It was a family celebration till she went out and mad eit apublic thing by inviting friends. Everyone wants the ILs to be kind but its notlike she adopted a homeless family or something. She invited neighbors who actually should have graciously said no thank you if they know its been a family affair these past few years. Atleast my good friends would know that much. Her DH also does not sound super happy about the idea. So at the cost of every1 elses feelings she cares more about her neighbor.

Her inlaws made the mistake of thinking it was their special time with the grandkids thats all. Standard piece of advice "how would you feel if your own kids did it to you?" Would you not be miffed?
 
We have hosted Christmas brunch for 3 years (this being our 4th). It's our family of six and my MIL and FIL. This year I was talking to a friend who said they are staying home so I invited them over for brunch, they are also a family of 6. I am not asking my inlaws to bring anything over between myself and my friend we have the entire brunch covered. I understand my inlaws want to spend the day with us, but it's my house shouldn't I be able to invite who I want over and enjoy the day my way. Plus I know my girls will be happy to play with their friends as well.

Thoughts? Does anyone else have friends AND family over?

I haven't read thru all the responses, so forgive me if this has already been suggested, but maybe you could invite the inlaws over to watch the kids open presents early Christmas morning too. They will be the only ones there to be with your family and watch all the happiness and excitement happen Christmas morning. I would think that that time would be WAY more special and appreciated by your inlaws.
 
Just make sure your in laws dont feel ignored, then all should be fine. My MIL is always inviting friends to things. There has been more than one occasion that they have taken us somewhere, dinner, a fair, etc and they invite their friends as well. They sit with the friends and totally ignore our family, even to the point of sitting with them rather than us, if its crowded. We see them a few times a year , this really irritates me.
 
They live very close as a matter of fact we saw them last weekend. Of course if we didn't see them that often I wouldn't invite anyone else over. I just wanted to see what others thoughts. The friends of ours are neighbors and are like family. We spend weekends together and our children are the same ages so it makes it so nice.

My friends are always around for holidays , my two best friends .. one is a single girl, no kids or hubby . My other is divorced and shares custody. No family in town. She is with us every holiday .

My family learned long ago, this is they way it is lol and now calls my girlfriends to invite them to their houses.

If you see the inlaws frequently then I wouldnt give it a thought. I would tell them you are sorry they are upset and try to smooth over a bit and move on.

The suggestion of having them over earlier is a good one .
 
I agree witht he majority, but with the times staggered. Have the IL over earlier for visiting, gifting etc., move your meal time back an hour for a little extra fimaily time ( unless you can't due to time IL need to leave id driving is an issue at night) then friends arrive for the meal and hang later. Odds are your IL will leave sooner than the friends, and your girls are free to go to the friends house to play as well if you guys chooses...and IL won't be upset. We had a Thanksgiving like this years back and my IL were livid, refused to join us..had their own dinner with the rest of the family, and we hosted our friends. I have to say , it was one of the BEST TDays we ever had, as the conversation, whole comfort level was enjoyable, kids were happy to have friends. At a certain age, really, when parents have had oh, about 40-50 holidays with us, it is OK to celebrate in a way that works for you!;)
 





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