Inspired by threads like... and don't you dare disagree with me.

[cardaway]

How do you feel about the threads where people all but say how people can respond with in their first post?

Personally I thought they had their purpose when it was about known groups having their own thread to support each other.

Lately it's seems to be getting out of hand. A way for people to give their say and expect nobody to give an opposite opinion. Basically a situation where people know what their topic has opposite opinions, but they don't feel people should be able to give them.

Big difference between looking for support as somebody in a bad spot and just trying to avoid the fact you are on a public message board.

And yes, I'm looking for all opinions on this. "Flame" away. (boy has flame been overrused lately as well)

 

[Miss Jasmine]

My opinion is don't post a thread expecting to hear only what you want to hear (or I guess in this case, what you want to see). If I don't agree, I am not afraid to say it.

 

[Planogirl]

I disagree. Now what were you saying?

I do agree that people should be ready to expect all types of comments on a public board. I just think that posters could show a little tact and kindness when the OP is clearly upset or unhappy. Many posters don't and are quite brutal when offering their opinion. I doubt that their message is even heard as good as it might be because the OP gets too defensive.

JMO. Now, flame away back.

 

[SillyMe]

There is a difference between giving your opposing opinion and attacking. I've noticed alot of personal attacks lately. I've also noticed alot of threads starting out as someone simply making a statement...not asking for advice, but someone else always seems eager to give unwanted advice, leading the thread in a total other direction.

 

[phorsenuf]

I'll bite! LOL

I look at it like this. I decide to start a thread that says: chicken lovers, share your best recipes.
That means I am looking for people who also enjoy eating chicken. So the thread moves along and we chicken lovers swap recipes.
Than a vegetarian shows up on a CHICKEN thread to lecture us how bad it is to eat chicken. Well, we don't care we want to eat chicken and then a debate ensures and people stop posting their chicken recipes because the thread has turned into a debate/fight/flame against chicken lovers.

Now, if I started a thread that said chicken: love it or hate it. Than of course all responses would be welcome.

Make sense?

ETA: I have nothing against vegetarians, you just happened to be my example...

 

[bicker]

I think some folks get confused between a discussion board and a blog. The nature of a discussion is "an exchanging of views" while a blog is for projecting a specific view outward, without an expectation of having views projected back.

 

[lulugirl]

I'll bite! LOL

I look at it like this. I decide to start a thread that says: chicken lovers, share your best recipes.
That means I am looking for people who also enjoy eating chicken. So the thread moves along and we chicken lovers swap recipes.
Than a vegetarian shows up on a CHICKEN thread to lecture us how bad it is to eat chicken. Well, we don't care we want to eat chicken and then a debate ensures and people stop posting their chicken recipes because the thread has turned into a debate/fight/flame against chicken lovers.

Now, if I started a thread that said chicken: love it or hate it. Than of course all responses would be welcome.

Make sense?


ETA: I have nothing against vegetarians, you just happened to be my example...

Makes perfect sense and I agree.

 

[Beth76]

I think it depends on the question. Sometimes someone is looking for help on something specific and then people go crazy and say you shouldn't do that. Well, obviously the person has already decided so there's no sense in trying to change minds. But, if you ask "should I do this or that", you should expect people to give their opinions on both sides.

ETA: I agree with Phoresenuf and she put it much better than I did.

 

[In a hurry]

I think it is interesting that people don't expect other's to disagree, and state their opinions. If you don't want opinions, then don't share on a board. No, I don't think people need to be harsh, but I sometimes think harsh is in the eyes of the beholder.

And, know that if you are going to attack a person, group of people, etc., people are going to become defensive. Duh! Heck, I teach that to my 1st graders!

 

[harleyquinn]

I think there are two kinds of threads like phorsenuf is saying. Sometimes you want a thread to talk to others with the same opinion/situation as you (like the democrat/republican only threads), sometimes you want to see a debate to find out what people really think (like this or that type thread). The ones that ususally get out of control are advice threads. Those can get really bad.

Whether you intend a debate or not, no one should be mean or rude to others. And there are a few around here that live just for that.

BTW if you and another DISer have a history of not seeing eye-to-eye, IGNORE their threads!!!

 

[kdibattista]

Because this stemmed from my thread... I'll go:

I post a question asking what's the most you've received back from your tax refund and I get this:

"Its a sad day when adults can't control their spending habits so the look to the "government" to help them with their spending. Scary!!"

Now, they don't know me from Adam but are making an assumption on me personally without asking for any facts. Little do they know is that my circumstances have changed and we will have access tax credits that we did not before, not because I cannot control my spending habits. Is that a difference in opinion... no. It's a personal attack and I take exception.

We really need the debate board back

 

[Feralpeg]

If someone asks a question and I answer the OP's question, I don't really expect other people to tell me how wrong my response is.

Using the above poster's example...

If the poster says do you like chicken and I say I like fried chicken, I don't expect other posters to tell me what an irresponsible person I am for eating fried chicken because it isn't good for me. I'm not asking for your opinion. I'm just answering a question. Now, if I said that I like fried chicken, what do you think about that. That would be opening it up for a debate. JMHO.

 

[jbdreamer]

I think people take some comments way more seriously then they were intended, thus starting an argument.

Many times I have made a comment on a tread and all of a sudden someone goes "lets stop bickering!" "Why are you starting a fight!" Bickering? Who's bickering? I made one light-hearted comment againts the thoughts of the OP.

I think it's funny, because I for one hate debates.

I think everyone needs to lighten up a little - don't take every comment so seriously.

 

[phorsenuf]

If someone asks a question and I answer the OP's question, I don't really expect other people to tell me how wrong my response is.

Using the above poster's example...

If the poster says do you like chicken and I say I like fried chicken, I don't expect other posters to tell me what an irresponsible person I am for eating fried chicken because it isn't good for me. I'm not asking for your opinion. I'm just answering a question. Now, if I said that I like fried chicken, what do you think about that. That would be opening it up for a debate. JMHO.

Exactly! And some people on these boards always have to let people know their opinion whether asked for or not.

 

[cardaway]

I just think that posters could show a little tact and kindness when the OP is clearly upset or unhappy.

That's why I said that IMO the posts when somebody is upset should be allowed. Makes sense for people to be able to look for support without seeing stuff to make their hardship worse.

But that's clearly been abused IMO. We're now at the point where simple general topic posts have "don't post this" taglines, not just ones where people have had some hardship and are looking for support.

 

[phorsenuf]

I think people take some comments way more seriously then they were intended, thus starting an argument.

Many times I have made a comment on a tread and all of a sudden someone goes "lets stop bickering!" "Why are you starting a fight!" Bickering? Who's bickering? I made one light-hearted comment againts the thoughts of the OP.

I think it's funny, because I for one hate debates.

I think everyone needs to lighten up a little - don't take every comment so seriously.

So how would you feel if this comment was directed at you?

Its a sad day when adults can't control their spending habits so the look to the "government" to help them with their spending. Scary!!"

Would you feel offended at all? What if they said you shouldn't be eating chicken???? Hmmmm??!!

 

[NMAmy]

I think it's easy to just shoot off a reply without really considering that you're actually responding to a real person. I don't mind people arguing (although I prefer not to) but it bothers me when some posters will take it as an opportunity to slam the OP when they're obviously in pain and vulnerable. Some people are just looking to share their feelings that they may not be able to with others in their real life. Jumping on someone when they're down isn't something I'd do IRL--so I try not to do it on here just because the person isn't actually in front of me.

 

[cardaway]

Because this stemmed from my thread...

If your thread was the only one there wouldn't be a thread about it. It was however a perfect example of taking "only post this" too far IMO.

 

[Skywalker]

I think everyone needs to lighten up a little - don't take every comment so seriously.

I agree. And stop being so sensitive. I find it annoying when someone posts one little criticism or something and someone has a dramatic hissy fit over being "FLAMED".

 

[phorsenuf]

That's why I said that IMO the posts when somebody is upset should be allowed. Makes sense for people to be able to look for support without seeing stuff to make their hardship worse.

But that's clearly been abused IMO.

You lost me on that one. LOL