Inspired by that kissing thread...

[SplshMtn99]

Do you go away on trips by yourself and such? Maybe she feels resentful that you are out having fun while she's at home alone with the kids.

Hey, DH is always taking trips alone for work. Maybe I can use that as an excuse for withholding. Thanks for the idea.

Sorry OP. Not making light of your situation. I do understand.

 

[floridabound]

Are you children very young?

I would try a heart to heart talk with her. Maybe a weekend away from the kids could be the answer. I hope it gets better for you soon.

No, our kids aren't all that young. And we've had a number of discussions. And I'm pretty sure a suggestion for a "weekend away" would be interpreted as a sexual overture, remember?

Men always take it personally when physical affection is withheld--and why shouldn't they? However, it may not be about you at all, but you may be part of it.

Whether it's "about me" or not or kinda is, it's my problem because I have to live with it. See, I feel damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I show affection/attraction, I'm too driven. If I don't, then that means she's "not attractive". I know this is too much information. I just am trying to get some women's perspectives. What I've read has help me understand.

Do you go away on trips by yourself and such? Maybe she feels resentful that you are out having fun while she's at home alone with the kids.

Not at all. But that's interesting.

 

[Christine]

I just am trying to get some women's perspectives. What I've read has help me understand.

Even I'll have to say that women are very confusing!

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

Have you talked with your wife about the way you're feeling beyond the "not in front of the kids" discussion?

 

[SplshMtn99]

So have you sat down & talked with her about it? A good heart to heart conversation?

Keep in mind, that when women talk, they don't always get to the point or problem right away. Sometimes they need to skirt around it, babbling while they try to figure it out themselves. So don't interrupt, or focus on just one thing she said. Just let her talk....and you'll eventually get to the problem.

Good luck.

 

[poptoone]

Funny how if a woman would have posted this her husband would be at fault!

Now a man posts it and it's still his fault! Very interesting!!

 

[SplshMtn99]

LOL. Looks like 2 of us had the same question at the same time.

 

[Jennifer S]

That is an EXCELLENT point!

My DH is kind of like that. We'll go in for a kiss and it goes from PG to R in seconds, and sometimes I just wanted a kiss. While I'm grateful he's still hot to trot after all these years, I do find myself sometimes avoiding contact just because I don't want to get in a situation where I have to either go all the way or tell him no. It's a bad habit, but sometimes it does seem easier to avoid.

ITA! My DH is like that. It drives me crazy. Sometimes he does it with the kids in the next room. I admit I avoid that situation sometimes.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

LOL. Looks like 2 of us had the same question at the same time.

Great minds? Or just thinking like women?

 

[tikilyn]

ITA! My DH is like that. It drives me crazy. Sometimes he does it with the kids in the next room. I admit I avoid that situation sometimes.

My dh is like this too and it makes me not want to be with him. I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face and he still doesn't get it.

When dh gets home from work I expect him to come inside drop his bags and give me quick kiss and a hug then run upstairs to change. But heres the reality: He comes inside drops his bags, races over to give me a kiss then procede with this hands, one on the butt and the other on the ****, tongue down the throat in front of the KIDS When I pull away he gets mad. He then accuses me of not loving him anymore. I've told him serveral times that I'm not his private Prostitute and to stop treating me like one. Thats how he makes me feel. Sometimes I put up with it IF the kids arn't in the room just to avoid hurt feelings and the fighting. It sucks because he doesn't take my feelings into conceration.

We've had deep decussions about his behavior and my attitude towards him. This has hurt our relationship and our love life. He has told me that his behavior is the only way he knows how to show me that he loves me but Seriously can't he just not look me in the eyes and say I love you.

Sorry I didn't mean to Hijack the threat but i need to vent and didn't relaise that I'm not alone in feeling this way.

 

[Christine]

My dh is like this too and it makes me not want to be with him. I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face and he still doesn't get it.

When dh gets home from work I expect him to come inside drop his bags and give me quick kiss and a hug then run upstairs to change. But heres the reality: He comes inside drops his bags, races over to give me a kiss then procede with this hands, one on the butt and the other on the ****, tongue down the throat in front of the KIDS When I pull away he gets mad. He then accuses me of not loving him anymore. I've told him serveral times that I'm not his private Prostitute and to stop treating me like one. Thats how he makes me feel. Sometimes I put up with it IF the kids arn't in the room just to avoid hurt feelings and the fighting. It sucks because he doesn't take my feelings into conceration.

We've had deep decussions about his behavior and my attitude towards him. This has hurt our relationship and our love life. He has told me that his behavior is the only way he knows how to show me that he loves me but Seriously can't he just not look me in the eyes and say I love you.

Sorry I didn't mean to Hijack the threat but i need to vent and didn't relaise that I'm not alone in feeling this way.

This is what I was talking about earlier. I don't think you are alone!

I remember a few times (more than a few), I'd be in the kitchen trying to hurry up and prepare dinner (very hassled) and my DH would come in and literally GROPE my backside. This just TOTALLY hit me the wrong way, I didn't respond well, and HE got hurt feelings. Then when I tried to say that I just didn't like being groped like that, he couldn't understand.

 

[mickeyfan2]

My dh is like this too and it makes me not want to be with him. I've talked to him until I'm blue in the face and he still doesn't get it.

When dh gets home from work I expect him to come inside drop his bags and give me quick kiss and a hug then run upstairs to change. But heres the reality: He comes inside drops his bags, races over to give me a kiss then procede with this hands, one on the butt and the other on the ****, tongue down the throat in front of the KIDS When I pull away he gets mad. He then accuses me of not loving him anymore. I've told him serveral times that I'm not his private Prostitute and to stop treating me like one. Thats how he makes me feel. Sometimes I put up with it IF the kids arn't in the room just to avoid hurt feelings and the fighting. It sucks because he doesn't take my feelings into conceration.

We've had deep decussions about his behavior and my attitude towards him. This has hurt our relationship and our love life. He has told me that his behavior is the only way he knows how to show me that he loves me but Seriously can't he just not look me in the eyes and say I love you.

Sorry I didn't mean to Hijack the threat but i need to vent and didn't relaise that I'm not alone in feeling this way.

DH calls this the home entertainment center mentality. The husband treats the wife as his personal home entertainment center. I am so glad that my DH knows the difference between a kiss and a kiss with previledges.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Funny how if a woman would have posted this her husband would be at fault!

Now a man posts it and it's still his fault! Very interesting!!

Soemtimes I feel bad for the husbands of some of the women around here.

Maybe she is just a cold fish? OP, has your wife always had issues with affection?

 

[floridabound]

Interesting topic for your first thread...

Interesting post for your 205th post.

I thought it was pretty obvious that this is an alias. That doesn't make the thread illegitimate. These aren't issues that I feel comfortable discussing under my regular name.

 

[pearlieq]

Then when I tried to say that I just didn't like being groped like that, he couldn't understand.

I think it is hard for him to understand, because when I come up to him out of the blue and get fresh it's like Christmas morning for him. I don't think he can fathom the idea that someone wouldn't love that.

Usually when DH gets handsy I try to gently point it out with a joke. I usually say "Yup, they're right where you left them this morning" and he gets the picture that now is not the time.

Kind of going back to the OP's point though, I guess I'd rather have him want it than not, kwim? And I try to make sure he understands that I'm not saying "no", just "hold the thought for later".

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Kind of going back to the OP's point though, I guess I'd rather have him want it than not, kwim? And I try to make sure he understands that I'm not saying "no", just "hold the thought for later".

Men feel rejection too and it hurts them as much as it hurts us.

 

[pearlieq]

Funny how if a woman would have posted this her husband would be at fault!

Now a man posts it and it's still his fault! Very interesting!!

I'm not seeing that here.

To me it looks like most folks are in agreement that something is wrong with her, and encouraging the OP to find ways to help the situation, either through counseling, and/or looking for reasons why she might be shutting down.

I guess I don't see anyone blaming him--I feel bad for the guy.

 

[1Prince2Princesses]

I'm not seeing that here.

To me it looks like most folks are in agreement that something is wrong with her, and encouraging the OP to find ways to help the situation, either through counseling, and/or looking for reasons why she might be shutting down.

I guess I don't see anyone blaming him.

I'm not seeing it either.

 

[Christine]

I'm not seeing that here.

To me it looks like most folks are in agreement that something is wrong with her, and encouraging the OP to find ways to help the situation, either through counseling, and/or looking for reasons why she might be shutting down.

I guess I don't see anyone blaming him.

Yeah, I hope my previous post didn't look like I was blaming him for the shut down--just trying to give him one of the reasons she could be pushing him away.

 

[disneymom3]

Funny how if a woman would have posted this her husband would be at fault!

Now a man posts it and it's still his fault! Very interesting!!

Actually my first thought was about possible hormonal imbalances in the wife. Has she been seen by a Dr? Does she realize there is a problem here? Is she maybe depressed? Or what about previous trauma?

I am sorry you are going through this OP. I would think that would be very difficult and feel really demeaning.

I don't discount the ideas of wining and dining her esp as it may very well help if there is indeed something going on with her physically, but I would encourage you to gently talk to her about having a check up.