Inspired by that kissing thread...

[floridabound]

I have the opposite problem - my DW and I use to kiss, but never kiss anymore. She even told me this morning that she think we shouldn't kiss in front of our DD's anymore. It was never a problem before, but now she says they shouldn't see us kiss. This is really just one more rejection in a long line of dwindling affection. I've been worried for a while, but this just seems too much. We're in our early 30's and she doesn't seem physically attracted to me at all.

I don't want this to turn into an inappropriate thread. I just want to hear what others think about the need for affection in a marriage.

 

[SC Minnie]

IMO- sounds like there is more going on with her and marriage counseling may be in order.

 

[Mrs.Reese]

Children need to see positive role models of marriage. I have many memories of my parents showing affection towards each other. It didn't scar me. Perhaps, your wife is worried that seeing the two affectionate will somehow scar your kids.

 

[mum4jenn]

She might be going through depression or some sign of pre menopause.

 

[Christine]

Sometimes women withhold affection from their partners because everytime they show small affections (a kiss, a hug, a flirtation), their partner (usually ALWAYS male) wants to turn it into something sexual. Especially in younger relationships.

Then the woman will start to pull away, even though she still loves her man! Just one other angle to consider. Sometimes a woman just likes a hug for the sake of a hug.

 

[OK!]

This is only my opinion, but it might even be a little more scarring to the kids for them to never see Mom & Dad showing any affection toward one another...like it's something that's somehow "dirty" or "wrong," you know?

 

[floridabound]

IMO- sounds like there is more going on with her and marriage counseling may be in order.

I've been thinking that. We're just really on different wavelengths right now on this issue. We love each other, I think, at least I know I do.

 

[pearlieq]

I can't see anything wrong with regular, affectionate kissing in front of kids. For all the "ewww, gross!" they say, I think it's reassuring for them to see their parents happy and in love. In fact, I think it would be worse on kids never to see any affection between their parents.

It sounds like your wife is grasping at a reason to discourage affection. I hope you can have an honest talk with your wife about what's going on. It's completely normal to want to share kissing, etc. with someone you love.

Good luck!

 

[floridabound]

Then the woman will start to pull away, even though she still loves her man! Just one other angle to consider. Sometimes a woman just likes a hug for the sake of a hug.

I get that. Also get that I wasn't trying to make something happen in front of the kids. That's why this is really bothering me.

 

[Maleficent13]

Your wife is correct. Kissing in front of children is immoral and disgusting. You don't want them growing up thinking it's okay to kiss.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Affection is, and should be, a normal, healthy, positive thing!
I have to wonder if your kids are also deprived of affection and hugs and kisses!

With such limited information, it is hard to make any further determinations. I do agree that there is more going on here.

There could be many reasons behind your wife's attitudes. ( I don't quite buy the 'kids'. And that doesn't explain what happens or does not happen behind closed doors.)

If you can't seem to be able to have a meaningful and candid discussion with your wife, then I would consider counseling.

Sometimes these things are so deep and so emotional that it takes an outside counselor to cut thru the layers and get to the truth.

 

[Acklander]

If it was just the kissing thing, I wouldn't think anything of it. Personally, I don't like kissing, but I'm affectionate otherwise. If she's withdrawing all together then it's probably other issues. It's time to have a "heart to heart" and maybe some counseling.

 

[pearlieq]

Sometimes women withhold affection from their partners because everytime they show small affections (a kiss, a hug, a flirtation), their partner (usually ALWAYS male) wants to turn it into something sexual. Especially in younger relationships.

That is an EXCELLENT point!

My DH is kind of like that. We'll go in for a kiss and it goes from PG to R in seconds, and sometimes I just wanted a kiss. While I'm grateful he's still hot to trot after all these years, I do find myself sometimes avoiding contact just because I don't want to get in a situation where I have to either go all the way or tell him no. It's a bad habit, but sometimes it does seem easier to avoid.

 

[NMAmy]

Your wife is correct. Kissing in front of children is immoral and disgusting. You don't want them growing up thinking it's okay to kiss.

I think you need to raise your sarcasm level, pal. Is there a level above orange?

To the OP--it really sounds as though you and your wife need to get some counseling. Withholding affection usually means there is some underlying problem. I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Your wife is correct. Kissing in front of children is immoral and disgusting. You don't want them growing up thinking it's okay to kiss.

 

[floridabound]

With such limited information, it is hard to make any further determinations. I do agree that there is more going on here.

If you can't seem to be able to have a meaningful and candid discussion with your wife, then I would consider counseling.

The kids get affection - hugs and kisses - from both of us.

I'm not trying to withhold information here, just trying to keep this from turning into a sexual thread. There are other issues that are relevant, but inappropriate for the board.

We have had some discussions. Depending on her disposition at the time, either I'm the problem or she is.

I just get the impression that there is ZERO interest in affection. Any affection is a concession - or a gift. It's really maddening. I'm thinking counseling is necessary, at least for me. If I'm the problem, maybe I can adjust my expectations so there won't be a conflict.

 

[floridabound]

Your wife is correct. Kissing in front of children is immoral and disgusting. You don't want them growing up thinking it's okay to kiss.

WTH?

 

[Wishing on a star]

That is an EXCELLENT point!

My DH is kind of like that. We'll go in for a kiss and it goes from PG to R in seconds, and sometimes I just wanted a kiss. While I'm grateful he's still hot to trot after all these years, I do find myself sometimes avoiding contact just because I don't want to get in a situation where I have to either go all the way or tell him no. It's a bad habit, but sometimes it does seem easier to avoid.

I agree!

And, a note to men...
Even if we are going from PG to R (or XXX) 'seconds' just doesn't usually cut it for a woman. Basic human anatomy... Honey, if that's all you want, go for self gratification. Cause a woman is not going to get half as much out of it as you are.

 

[pearlieq]

And, a note to men...
Even if we are going from PG to R (or XXX) 'seconds' just doesn't usually cut it for a woman. Basic human anatomy... Honey, if that's all you want, go for self gratification. Cause a woman is not going to get half as much out of it as you are.

There's a saying--women heat up like an oven, men heat up like a microwave!

 

[mum4jenn]

Do you keep yourself clean? Is your breath fresh? I know it is hard getting into kissing if there is beer,alchohol,cigarette,onion.....on the breath.