Inspired by many - How young is too young?

[va32h]

Lisalovespooh, I didn't quote you or single you out. I said that I would not make a decision on whether to do something or not solely upon whether or not my children enjoyed it. I used M&M's for breakfast as an example because that is something that most people would agree that the child's enjoyment does not outweigh the disadvantages.

If it makes you feel better, I will use a different analogy. Private skating lessons cost us $75 per week for the coach, and $20 per week for the ice time. Let's say my daughter really wanted to take four lessons per week, doubling our cost. An extra hundred dollars per week would significantly impact our budget, and I would not say yes to that, no matter how much dd would enjoy the extra lessons.

And your costs for your child's activity is not the benchmark of everyone else's costs for their activities. That's great that yours only costs $31 per month, in my area, the cost for dance lessons would be closer to $31 per week, and I'm sure costs vary from city to city.

 

[CEDmom]

And I have to admit, the position that "well, they enjoy it" doesn't much factor into my decision making process. My kids would also enjoy M&M's for breakfast, staying up til midnight, and going to Disney World every month!

Time and money are also relevant things to consider. Activities cost money, and I would really have to weigh the benefits of an activity to one child vs the benefits to the family as a whole if those funds where spent elsewhwere.

As for time, Dh and I like to have dinner at home, together as a family, as often as possible. This is one of the reasons why dd10 only skates twice a week, so we only have to have a pick up supper twice a week. The weeks when she is in preparation for a competition, and practices several times a week, are stressful for all of us.

I can see you making the comment about "well, they enjoy it" if your own children weren't participating in anything. However, the fact that your DD skates really has me confused. Does the fact of whether she enjoys it or not weigh at all in your decision to have her do this? Or is it simply a case of I'm the parent you do as I say.

Honestly, on this thread I haven't read about any parent who has their child overloaded in activities. Frankly at a young age the only reason to allow them to do it would be that they like it. I can't imagine making a young child do something they hate.

We tried soccer with DD and quickly realized she's not interested in team sports or really sports in general. She's taken dance and enjoyed it but as the kids get older it gets more intense and that just isn't for her. She loves art and even at 6 seems to have natural talent. Right now we're looking into classes for her and she also want to join girl scouts. DH and I think these are both good things to pursue and most importantly DD wants to pursue them.

 

[justhat]

Hmm, I seem to meet the criteria of a parent who is pushing her kid too young. My daughter just turned 2 on Sunday and started preschool in September at 18 months and she'll be starting soccer in a month. Why did I choose to sign her up for preschool at 18 months? No reason other than the pure social aspect of being with other kids her own age and having fun. She absolutely loves going to preschool and when we went away for a week in January she was actually asking when she was going back to school and was thrilled the day she went back. She goes 3 hours a day, 5 days a week, and it's in no way a daycare for me to get rid of her for a few hours as someone has implied on another thread. I stay home with her but felt that she needed more than just me everyday and we live in downtown DC, where there aren't many other kids her age around so playdates were limited.

Now, for soccer, we're signing her up for that cause it's a little 'team' comprised of the kids in her class and the other toddler class at her preschool. It's 45 minutes once a week and will basicially be just kicking a ball with her friends, which I'm sure she'll enjoy. The dad who organized the team did it cause his daughter, though extremely advanced verbally, sorta lacks a bit in her physical ability so he thought this would be a fun way to help her gain more confidence with her motor skills. My daughter is somewhat the opposite of that, a very physically active child, so we're pretty sure she'll love soccer. My husband played soccer his whole life, throughout college and medical school, and has coached little kid teams and taught private lessons for kids so it's a big hobby for him and something we both enjoy doing so introducing it to our daughter didn't seem like a big stretch. I honestly can't wait to see her at the park kicking her size 3 ball around, but ya know, if she hates it then that's fine and she doesn't have to do it. My husband is actually very upset that the class is at noon on Tuesdays cause he won't be able to come watch her too often since he's still in school. And he is in no way at all the type of dad who will ever yell anything from the sidelines (nor am I) so no worries that we'll get too competitive. He was already in that position with his dad for awhile when he was a kid (he went to live in Europe for a year in high school to play on a professional soccer team out there) so he knows what that was like and never wants his kids to feel that pressure.

So basically the way we feel is that there's no harm in introducing kids to new activities, environments, etc. and they can get a lot out of it other than just learning the rules of the game or whatever. Also, like I said, we live in downtown DC, in a condo building, so no backyard, not much interior space to play either. Sure, we go to the park and play when we can, but a little extra time on grass or the playground at her school certainly won't hurt our daughter.

 

[va32h]

I can see you making the comment about "well, they enjoy it" if your own children weren't participating in anything. However, the fact that your DD skates really has me confused. Does the fact of whether she enjoys it or not weigh at all in your decision to have her do this? Or is it simply a case of I'm the parent you do as I say.

She likes to skate. She takes two lessons per week.

She would probably like to take more than two lessons per week.

To do this, we would have to divert funds spent elsewhere into paying for more lessons and ice time.

This would also require her younger siblings to spend more days restless and bored waiting for her to finish her lesson OR, it would require myself or my husband to adjust our work schedules so there would be an extra parent to stay home with the other kids OR we'd have to spend even more $$ on a babysitter.

Due to the time of the lessons and the distance to the rink, extra lessons would also mean more nights that we eat on the run, or grab fast food, neither of which we enjoy doing.

On another level, I don't want her to focus entirely on one thing; skating is a part of her life, but not her whole life. I want her to have time to hang out with friends or read a book, or draw pictures, or just daydream, but not to spend three hours after school every day in a skating rink.

So, if it is a matter of doing what would make dd happy, even though it makes the rest of the family unhappy, I am not going to simply decide "oh if it makes her happy, we'll do it."

 

[MamaLema]

As long as you put little kids in sports for fun and exercise, they're never too young

 

[HayGan]

I can see you making the comment about "well, they enjoy it" if your own children weren't participating in anything. However, the fact that your DD skates really has me confused. Does the fact of whether she enjoys it or not weigh at all in your decision to have her do this? Or is it simply a case of I'm the parent you do as I say.

I think that is unfair to say. Each parent has to evaluate their own child/family situation. The examples provided were good ones. A child can't do everything that they want just because they enjoy it. A parent(s) have to make decisions for their children based on a number of factors. It certainly sounds as if va32h has evaluated the situation concerning her daughter's skating and made a choice that works for her family.

I think that people have misunderstood what I meant by my original post. I'm not talking about kids being involved in something occasionally for fun. I'm talking about the need to have them in other things because everyone else's kids are doing it, or because they have to be good at it by the time they are at such and such age. Or having several hours a week consumed by practices/rehersals and the transportation involved. I just don't understand the attitude "well they have to be in something organized." I think that it is good for all kids to participate in those kind of activities. I just don't think that it is necessary before are barely even out of diapers.

 

[HayGan]

As long as you put little kids in sports for fun and exercise, they're never too young

But many pediatric specialists disagree with you. Very young children do not have the physical and emotional capabilites to handle many of these activities. That is why many children become frustrated and decide they don't like particular activities very early on. I have had this discussion with with several pediatricians as well as pediatric psychologists/psychiatrists and they all seem to agree that there is such a thing as being too young.

 

[luvmyfam444]

Time and money are also relevant things to consider. Activities cost money, and I would really have to weigh the benefits of an activity to one child vs the benefits to the family as a whole if those funds where spent elsewhwere.

I just don't see how else to spend our money, I guess, I feel having a happy, healthy child who loves to get out & play sports instead of sitting around doing nothing (which is what she'd do) IS the best way to spend our money & it is benefiting the family...I can remember spending all my days @ the ball park watching my brothers play evry sport under the sun & how much FUN I had playing with other kids that I met & would have never known had I not been @ the ballpark...som of my parents best friends came from the ballpark as well & they are all at the ballpark again 25 yrs later watching their grandkids play ball....

I just see it as money well spent for the whole family....and I agree with the other poster about keeping the kids occupied (in sports or other activities) is what keeps them out of trouble later in life - of course not all trouble but MAJORITY of things kids try - if they're busy there's no time....

 

[Bob Slydell]

But many pediatric specialists disagree with you. Very young children do not have the physical and emotional capabilites to handle many of these activities. That is why many children become frustrated and decide they don't like particular activities very early on. I have had this discussion with with several pediatricians as well as pediatric psychologists/psychiatrists and they all seem to agree that there is such a thing as being too young.

I'm having a hard time thinking that having my 3 year old run around a soccer field and kick at a ball is going to hurt him physically or emotionally??

Seriously, we're not talking serious team competition at this age -- it's all about fun and teaching the fundamentals. We don't even keep score or have any records.

 

[justhat]

But many pediatric specialists disagree with you. Very young children do not have the physical and emotional capabilites to handle many of these activities. That is why many children become frustrated and decide they don't like particular activities very early on. I have had this discussion with with several pediatricians as well as pediatric psychologists/psychiatrists and they all seem to agree that there is such a thing as being too young.

Okay, I am taking a leave of absence from school since I had my daughter to stay home with her, but I was in graduate school for child psychology and when I go back and finish (I have a year left) I'll have my clinical doctorate in child psych and will eventually be a practicing child psychologist (eventually meaning I want to stay home while all my kids are still under 5 so it will be awhile before I am working). In all of my years of training, I honestly never heard anything about kids being too young to handle recreational activities that they find fun and enjoyable. Not saying you're lying or didn't hear this yourself, I'm sure you did and everyone has their own opinions anyway, but this was never something I was taught or heard anything about. It wasn't mentioned in any textbook I own nor brought up in any class. In fact, the majority of what we learned remotely relating to this was that socialization is very important at a young age so I'd take that to beleive that as long as the sport, preschool, whatever is used for that purpose then it is a benefit to the child. And I think that is the case with toddlers/preschoolers cause most of them aren't really pressured at that age. Heck, my daughter wouldn't even know what I was talking about if I started trying to control her soccer ability! I think the majority of parents do it for the social aspects, plus the health benefits of physical activity and giving the child the opportunity to have a hobby/activity that they enjoy and may want to pursue later in life.

 

[LBAK]

I say as long as the child is enjoying himselfgofor it. Organized sports teach children to take direction, to wait their turn, to share, to learn rules and to be fair. I find a lot (not all so no flames please) of parents don't discipline their children. My pre-k class if full of children that will not take direction. "Johnny's" parents don't make him clean, they don't make him listen when someone else is talking, they don't make them anticipate anything because everything is given to him when he wants it. Organized sports do teach something in a positive way as long as the child wants to do it. I think it's great for kids.

 

[CEDmom]

Young children shouldn't do intense training or weight lifting because it can affect their growth. However, I don't see any parent on this thread doing that.

To clarify my earlier post, of course a parent needs to weigh their child's wants against the needs/wants of the family. However, if a child's wants don't interfere with other factors than letting a child do something simply because they want to seems like a good enough reason to me.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Lisalovespooh, I didn't quote you or single you out. I said that I would not make a decision on whether to do something or not solely upon whether or not my children enjoyed it. I used M&M's for breakfast as an example because that is something that most people would agree that the child's enjoyment does not outweigh the disadvantages.

If it makes you feel better, I will use a different analogy. Private skating lessons cost us $75 per week for the coach, and $20 per week for the ice time. Let's say my daughter really wanted to take four lessons per week, doubling our cost. An extra hundred dollars per week would significantly impact our budget, and I would not say yes to that, no matter how much dd would enjoy the extra lessons.

And your costs for your child's activity is not the benchmark of everyone else's costs for their activities. That's great that yours only costs $31 per month, in my area, the cost for dance lessons would be closer to $31 per week, and I'm sure costs vary from city to city.

My point was--you cannot make a blanket statement such as that. Obviously finances should play a part in it--however noone should have to defend their financial choices.

OP asked why and the answer is simple--my girls enjoy it.

That should be sufficient enough answer.

Yes it is foolish to be risking the farm so that Susy Q can think she has a chance at XYZ--but in general...I think it is unfair to say that most parents (not you--others have said) are living vicariously through their kids.



Basically--judging other parents parenting skills is what it is coming across on this whole thread.

What my activity costs really doesn't matter--however, I was just calling to your attention that allowing a child to do something they enjoy does not have to cost a fortune nor does it equate to poor use of resources or wasting money when it could be used elsewhere.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

So, if it is a matter of doing what would make dd happy, even though it makes the rest of the family unhappy, I am not going to simply decide "oh if it makes her happy, we'll do it."

I dont' see where anyone has said that.

Why is 2 days per week okay for you--but in general if others make the "they enjoy it comment" and spend less time doing it.....that is not okay?

 

[Bob Slydell]

My point was--you cannot make a blanket statement such as that. Obviously finances should play a part in it--however noone should have to defend their financial choices.

OP asked why and the answer is simple--my girls enjoy it.

That should be sufficient enough answer.

Yes it is foolish to be risking the farm so that Susy Q can think she has a chance at XYZ--but in general...I think it is unfair to say that most parents (not you--others have said) are living vicariously through their kids.



Basically--judging other parents parenting skills is what it is coming across on this whole thread.

What my activity costs really doesn't matter--however, I was just calling to your attention that allowing a child to do something they enjoy does not have to cost a fortune nor does it equate to poor use of resources or wasting money when it could be used elsewhere.

To be fair -- va32h was discussing her decision making process, not putting down anyone else's decisions.

 

[justhat]

LisaLovesPooh, I agree that I don't think most parents sign their kids up for a sport to live vicariously through them. I know in our case, my husband still plays rec soccer so no need to relive it through our daughter. I think, just like you, that most people let their young kids participate in various activities cause they (the kids) enjoy them.

 

[HayGan]

Okay, I am taking a leave of absence from school since I had my daughter to stay home with her, but I was in graduate school for child psychology and when I go back and finish (I have a year left) I'll have my clinical doctorate in child psych and will eventually be a practicing child psychologist (eventually meaning I want to stay home while all my kids are still under 5 so it will be awhile before I am working). In all of my years of training, I honestly never heard anything about kids being too young to handle recreational activities that they find fun and enjoyable. Not saying you're lying or didn't hear this yourself, I'm sure you did and everyone has their own opinions anyway, but this was never something I was taught or heard anything about. It wasn't mentioned in any textbook I own nor brought up in any class. In fact, the majority of what we learned remotely relating to this was that socialization is very important at a young age so I'd take that to beleive that as long as the sport, preschool, whatever is used for that purpose then it is a benefit to the child. And I think that is the case with toddlers/preschoolers cause most of them aren't really pressured at that age. Heck, my daughter wouldn't even know what I was talking about if I started trying to control her soccer ability! I think the majority of parents do it for the social aspects, plus the health benefits of physical activity and giving the child the opportunity to have a hobby/activity that they enjoy and may want to pursue later in life.

Socilization and competiton are two different things. The socilization aspect of it certainly can be very good for young children. However, competition often times results in insecurities. Some children easily become frustrated by their inability to achieve the same tasks as others and decide to quit. This does happen in older children as well but younger children are far more likely to never return to the activity.

You might find this interesting - it is from the American Academy of Pediatrics

http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;107/6/1459

Here is another great article:
http://www.parenthood.com/articles.html?article_id=6267

 

[justhat]

HayGan, I don't think anyone here is talking about pushing preschoolers to the point of those articles though. I think those parents are rare and the majority of parents with preschoolers in organized sports do it cause the kids like it, they have fun, socialize with other kids, learn the rules of the sport, learn to be part of a team, etc. I think you're talking about a different set of parents than the parents on this thread (based on their responses) and the people on this thread, like most parents, aren't pushing their 4yos to be the best soccer player on the team or forcing them to train. There's a big difference between signing your kid up for the t-ball team, letting them play and have fun and signing them up for the team, training them everyday in the backyard, not allowing any other activity than practicing t-ball, yelling from the sidelines, etc.

And yes, kids can get hurt physically like those articles state, but that's really only an issue when you push them past their physical limit or have them lifting weights or things like that. But just playing an organized sport doesn't really increase the risk of activity anymore than just kicking around a ball with friends. And really, that's all any organized sport for 2-5 year olds is.

 

[Bob Slydell]

You might find this interesting - it is from the American Academy of Pediatrics

http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;107/6/1459

Here is another great article:
http://www.parenthood.com/articles.html?article_id=6267

Both those articles are talking about intense training and highly competitive organized sports. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a lot of that with the majority of organized sports offered for 3-6 year olds. Aside from a few specific individual sports like gymnastics, there are few, if any, highly competitive sports at that age.

 

[HayGan]

I have made general statements in regards to the overall situation and have not pointed fingers at anyone. Quite frankly, if someone was pushing their child to extremes I doubt that they would admit so here.

My thought is that very young children (under the age of 5 - typically) are not physically or emotionally prepared for organized sports/activities which involve a great deal of time and effort. Young children do not have the coordination/physical and/or emotional capabilites to be involved in many things that some parents have them involved in. It causes frustration and can promote lack of self-confidence in many children. I agree that some children can certainly grow and develop self-confidence from the same activities. I personally think that we as a society are pushing our children into growing up way to fast in general. Organized sports/activities is just one example of the overall problem, IMHO.