Inappropriate talk on 3rd grade playground..

[akhenaten]

My DD8 is in 3rd grade and has come home twice telling me that a couple of boys in her class are telling her about what men/women do in private. (among other things)

I have told her not to speak to them... and will let her teacher know.

But I guess I need to have a more detailed conversation about sex with her sooner than I would like. It is better than hearing it on the playground..

Does anyone know of any good books appropriate for a young girl?

I have 2 older children and have never had to deal with this at such a young age!! it is very disturbing... too much access to the internet perhaps?

I don't want to say too much on this family board... but animals, lollypops, mouths etc. were mentioned...

Since I do not know the boys and do not have their addresses do you think the school will pass along a note to the families? They need to have a talk with these boys about what is appropriate to discuss at school and with young girls!

I am really upset that she has heard these things!!!

Any suggestions on how to handle this are welcome...

 

[mamacatnv]

American Girl has several.
The one we got my DD in 4th grade was The Care and Keeping of Me.

 

[akhenaten]

Thanks I will check out their website..

 

[gracie1]

I would definately be calling a meeting with the teachers as well. Kids at that age should not be discussing that kind of stuff

 

[wvjules]

My DD8 is in 3rd grade and has come home twice telling me that a couple of boys in her class are telling her about what men/women do in private. (among other things)

I have told her not to speak to them... and will let her teacher know.

But I guess I need to have a more detailed conversation about sex with her sooner than I would like. It is better than hearing it on the playground..

Does anyone know of any good books appropriate for a young girl?

I have 2 older children and have never had to deal with this at such a young age!! it is very disturbing... too much access to the internet perhaps?

I don't want to say too much on this family board... but animals, lollypops, mouths etc. were mentioned...

Since I do not know the boys and do not have their addresses do you think the school will pass along a note to the families? They need to have a talk with these boys about what is appropriate to discuss at school and with young girls!I am really upset that she has heard these things!!!

Any suggestions on how to handle this are welcome...

You do not contact the family. Let the school know of your concerns and have them address it.

I also agree with the Care and Keeping of Me.

 

[tmarquez]

I'm old...but I know for sure I heard stuff like that on the playground when I was in 3rd grade. It didn't scar me for life. If she doesn't already know, you need to talk to her and tell her the real deal so she just doesn't just believe the boys.

I think a lot of kids already have an understanding of the birds and bees by this age, either from curiosity being around a pregnant lady or a new baby...or from animals.

I personally wouldn't involve the school, I don't even think they would be able to do anything.

We also have the American Girl book.

 

[akhenaten]

I'm old...but I know for sure I heard stuff like that on the playground when I was in 3rd grade. It didn't scar me for life. If she doesn't already know, you need to talk to her and tell her the real deal so she just doesn't just believe the boys.

I think a lot of kids already have an understanding of the birds and bees by this age, either from curiosity being around a pregnant lady or a new baby...or from animals.

I personally wouldn't involve the school, I don't even think they would be able to do anything.

We also have the American Girl book.

I am glad to hear you were not scarred.. LOL I was very sheltered and did not hear any of this until I was much much older...
I have been looking at the AG books... they look like a great series and I will be getting some!
I think I will tell the teacher about it... but I do know that there is probably not much they can do..

I need to empower My DD to tell the boys to stop talking about these things to her.... and give her the tools she needs... but I still think this is very young and just not right!

 

[Magpie]

To get started, I'd recommend these two books:

It's Not the Stork: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends (Ages 4+)

http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313/ref=pd_sim_b_2

And...

It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (Ages 7+)

http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763613215/ref=pd_sim_b_1

They're both excellent books, with a very friendly, non-threatening approach.

FWIW, the first time my son heard about oral sex was on the kindergarten school bus. I let the teacher know. Her reaction told me a lot! She said, "Oh no, not again! I'll have to have another chat with the class."

Of course, then I got to be the bad parent on my block a few years later, when my kids came running into the house to tell me that their 9 and 11 year old neighbours didn't know what a condom was! And also that they'd thoughtfully enlightened them on the topic.

 

[akhenaten]

To get started, I'd recommend these two books:

It's Not the Stork: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends (Ages 4+)

http://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Stork-Families-Friends/dp/0763633313/ref=pd_sim_b_2

And...

It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (Ages 7+)

http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763613215/ref=pd_sim_b_1

They're both excellent books, with a very friendly, non-threatening approach.

FWIW, the first time my son heard about oral sex was on the kindergarten school bus. I let the teacher know. Her reaction told me a lot! She said, "Oh no, not again! I'll have to have another chat with the class."

Of course, then I got to be the bad parent on my block a few years later, when my kids came running into the house to tell me that their 9 and 11 year old neighbours didn't know what a condom was! And also that they'd thoughtfully enlightened them on the topic.

Thanks I will look at these too! Kindergarten..
LOL funny... you teach yours and they share.. haha at least it was correct info...

 

[mjkacmom]

My twins are in second, and there are a handful of kids who talk like this, about how boys are supposed to touch the girl's ****ies, how they get naked in bed and roll around, and how one girl's sister's boyfriends is SO glad her braces are coming off, but she can't tell why he's glad. Let the teacher know, but usually these kids have only siblings, and parents who could really care less.

This is why I answer my children's questions honestly, since they are hearing SO MUCH on the playground.

 

[HM]

I'm pretty sure that our schools have a session during 4th grade (split into gender groups) to talk about the birds and the bee with kids now. At that point, many girls are already developing and as you have found out, there is already playground info being spread. I was a bit shocked by it since school didn't do that in our day until 7th grade. But I will say, that my Mom had the "talk" with me and my sister when we were in 4th and 3rd grade because of a Soap Opera. Someone was raped on All My Children and we wanted to know what they were talking about. We were not interested in the info at all at that age.....

The real kicker for me was the 6th grade counseler that told me that two 11/12 yr olds in the 6th grade, were pregnant when school started that year.

 

[Hannathy]

Tell her to stop listening! SEriously she has to want to continue hearing what they are saying or she would simply walk away. And it sounds like she has listened a lot!

You can't control the whole school and all the other kids. She should just walk away if these boys start talking.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Sounds like the boys have older siblings and/or parents that are way too lax.

I would tell my daughter to stay away from them and if they start talking like that walk away.

I would then set her straight on those topics. That way you can give her the correct information and your views on sex.

The Care and Keeping of You is a great book but there is no mention of sex. It's about girl's body changes during puberty and is excellent.

I haven't read the ones Magpie mentions. But my daughter is getting to that age so I need to check them out as well!

 

[Cinderella94]

Tell her to stop listening! SEriously she has to want to continue hearing what they are saying or she would simply walk away. And it sounds like she has listened a lot!

You can't control the whole school and all the other kids. She should just walk away if these boys start talking.

 

[kamik86]

I did hear alot of things like this on the school bus. My school went from K to 5th grade so the 5th graders knew alot of things that they would share in 1/2 truths to the younger kids. (some of which was probably "learned" in health class and then twisted around.)

 

[swanmom]

Another book recommendation, this one is almost a classic. Clear but not overly 'detailed' explanations for the pre-tween set. It's available in virtually every library. And, you can take a peek at the pages at this amazon.com link.

http://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-Come-Peter-Mayle/dp/0818402539

 

[ccgirl]

My DD8 is in 3rd grade and has come home twice telling me that a couple of boys in her class are telling her about what men/women do in private. (among other things)

I have told her not to speak to them... and will let her teacher know.

But I guess I need to have a more detailed conversation about sex with her sooner than I would like. It is better than hearing it on the playground..

Does anyone know of any good books appropriate for a young girl?

I have 2 older children and have never had to deal with this at such a young age!! it is very disturbing... too much access to the internet perhaps?

I don't want to say too much on this family board... but animals, lollypops, mouths etc. were mentioned...

Since I do not know the boys and do not have their addresses do you think the school will pass along a note to the families? They need to have a talk with these boys about what is appropriate to discuss at school and with young girls!

I am really upset that she has heard these things!!!

Any suggestions on how to handle this are welcome...

American Girl has several.
The one we got my DD in 4th grade was The Care and Keeping of Me.

I second the AG book. My DD8 is my oldest. She is in 2nd grade. I talked to some of the other parents and most of them read/review the book with their DD in 3rd grade. So, I definitely don't think 3rd grade is too young. I always answer any questions my DD might have. We use the correct names for the anatomical parts of the body. Even my DD3 will make comments such as, that girl has breasts (not sure if I can type it here). Some other parents are disgusted by it. I am quick to say that is what they are called. There is nothing dirty about it. However, my DD8 does still think babies come out of mommies tummies. She saw an animal "poop one out" on tv once. I'll be getting that book and telling her the whole truth and nothing but the truth next year. I believe in giving out facts so their is no wondering. I'm sure there is still going to be experimentation but if all the facts are out there I would feel a little better.

Good luck!

 

[RockAndRollBallerina]

Unfortunately in this day and age of the internet, and other multi media platforms kids are finding out about this sooner and sooner. Yet at the same time, these young boys need to be told that talking about these things on the playground is very inappropriate. There's a time and a place for discussions of that nature if these young boys are curious about this stuff (ex: with mom or dad, school nurse, teacher, school counselor, or doctor) but talking with other young boys, or around young girls is not the place or time for it. These young boys need to learn now that its not okay to be talking about these things around other people.

 

[princessnoelly]

Of course, then I got to be the bad parent on my block a few years later, when my kids came running into the house to tell me that their 9 and 11 year old neighbours didn't know what a condom was! And also that they'd thoughtfully enlightened them on the topic.

LOL...my daughter told her Kinder class that the dog stepped on her uterus in the car but she thought she'd be okay by the time she graduated from college. The teach asked why college, "cause you don't need a uterus until you have a college degree!".

My DD5 (6 on Friday) and DD7 are aware that you need a uterus, ovaries, etc- I had some medical problems and we were very open with them. They also know that I can't have more babies because my uterus was taken out. Probably too much info for them but at least they won't be totally blind sided and might be able to educate the neighborhood!

 

[akhenaten]

Tell her to stop listening! SEriously she has to want to continue hearing what they are saying or she would simply walk away. And it sounds like she has listened a lot!

You can't control the whole school and all the other kids. She should just walk away if these boys start talking.

Ok yeah.. she wants to hear it... that is a nasty comment... she is 8 years old... sound like you have a "blame the victim mentality" ( not that I am say DD is a "victim" just commenting on quoted attitude)

Of course I told her to not talk to them and I will reinforce that and also utilize the resources that have been suggested to teach DD!

I am not trying to control anyone.. but if adults don't teach children what is appropriate then who will?? Isn't that our responsibility?