So as I began this thread I wasn't sure of what to expect so I will lug along feeling this out and tweaking as I go. Not unlike losing weight.
I would like to open up more to each of you and hope you feel accepted enough to do the same. I want this to be a place of overwhelming acceptance and support and like I said...a place where when the daily toils that normally would have you turn to food come up...you know you have another choice. Choose us.
Here is my bio and the components I feel are important for you to know me and why I need this board and all of you and what are some personal struggles I have dealt with and some reasons that led me to choose to turn to food.
My name is Dawn and I am 36 years old. I am a Tuperware Director and love my job. I only work 20 hours or so a week and am so glad I can be a good on top of their business...don't think you will get away with this...mom to my kids.
I got married in college to a college football star who was the love of all the girls on campus. We had found out I was pregnant when I was 6 months along

and because it was a private school...if we were not married we could not live together in the married housing.
I know he would not have married me without my pregnancy. We have discussed many painful things recently and the truth is I knew that. I looked at this baby as expediting the future I wanted with him and ...he looked at it as a steel trap around his leg.
I was so sure that I could be somebody or act a certain way to make him love me. In high school I was very thin...at my top was 112 pounds. After my first son was born got down to 100 because I just heard him pointing out to me overweight people who had no self discipline according to him. At one point he called his H.S. girlfriend "Thunder Thighs" and she was more muscular than I but not more than 140 ish???
I got down to about 95-100 pounds and he still gave me no more attention and we fought always. I look back at those pictures and I see a person who looks 12 holding her son. Yes I was only 19/20, but I was emaciated.
We had our daughter 2 years later in our senior year....I thought we were trying because we wanted kids close together...(he was there ya know) and he was shocked again I was pregnant. I turned to food for the comfort and support he did not give me...and I have never been under 145 since then.
For him that was heavy. He never was blatant in pointing out my weight directly (unless it was a name calling immature fight) but how long can you see a person making fun of other peoples weight without it directly affecting your self esteem??
We graduated fom college on time and together (one of my proudest moments) and moved back to Minnesota where I was from. Had my youngsest son a year later and again he acted like I got pregnant through an immaculate conception. Hos exact words were: "There is no way you are pregnant."
Not a good feeling. By the time my son was born...I was at 210 and feeling like a blimp.
We bought a house...I lost quite a bit...down to 160-170 or so and then have been going up ever since to my largest at 255. I tell ya what...this is hard to write because it is very raw.
I love my children and their father is a pretty good, active Dad. Once they were here there was no stopping his love for them. He attends every game...coaches them...attends concerts..laughs...plays games...etc. but I know that our fighting and not showing love to one another affected them. They were the reason I said no more. I was preaching love but my actions were showing that respect and compassion and understanding were negotiable items in a marriage. I had to start loving myself.
Since then I am going through a divorce that was truly my choice. I say that because after 2 years of counseling...in Decemeber 1996...I said I need to give up prentending I control if he loves me or not. Isn't it funny that people who feel so out of control are really control freaks??? I had to face the possibility that he did not want me and I could survive without his love. Truth is I had been surviving without it for the 17 years we had been together.
Okay enough depressing gunk...it just is my personal history that I know has affected my weight.
My kids are so fun. Treyner is my oldest son and he is 17. Has more athletic talent than most and is looking forward to a full ride for soccer or football. He is older than his years and he is one of my biggest supporters. I love when he calls me Mama and cry when he turns away after saying he loves me or hugs me and says I am short. He has never acted embarrased about my weight ( although I am sure he has been) and he will be going to college in 1 1/2 years and I am dreading it for myself but so excited and proud for him. I want to visit him on campus and cheer him on and not be winded walking around the grounds. (Which did happen a few weeks ago...so embarrassing him waiting for me. I could see him slowing his gate and knew it wasn't becase he was tired.)
Carsyn is my daughter and she is 14. Her first serious beau is in her life and she has become a nice person!

She is in soccer and loves it. She is a dedicated student...not the best grades but dedictaed...and she is really funny. She is muscular and struggles a little with her weight. She gains it right in the belly only and I think now is realising her choices affect her more than she knows. She is the one I talk to about my weight and knows exactly what I weigh and is very supportive. She shares her friends lives with me and I love her allowing me to be an interactive part of her becoming a woman.
Baylor is my youngest son and his goal is to be on comedy central. He laughs at too old for him jokes all the time and I have to try and not laugh at him when he is innapropriatley funny. Not vulgar but for a soon to be 12 year old...probably not age appropriate. He idolizes his brother and loves his sister when the moment is right. She tries to mother him a bit too much. He is in hockey and football and soccer and is definatley babied more than he should be. Working on that..... He is the one struggling the most in this changing life...his older siblings have their own high school lives...parents divorcing and I think he feels so much is changing...which it is.
So that is my family and I hope they become a part of your life this year as much as I hope yours becomes a part of mine.
Please write as much as you feel will help us help you become better to yourself and I thank you for taking the time to hear my thoughts on my life and and what has lead me to my choices in food.
I'll submit pics a little later. Need help from Carsyn who is home sick right now and sleeping.
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