In Search of My Body - Not the One I Ate, VOL 8...It's Never Too Late To Start Again!

[AKASnowWhite]

Houston, we have a problem. My IT band. It's bad. I have truly rested all day.

Oh crap! My issues are, well, annoying. But I can deal with "annoying". Painful is totally not cool. Keep me updated, k? I have absolutely no problem picking Erins brain as well for stretches, etc. But one thing I do know for sure is she will tell you to rest it. For several days straight. Complete.Rest. no running, no biking, no elliptical.

I know what I should be looking for but I tend to not believe I'm capable of finding that. I'm not good at going after people who I want so I tend to just... settle for who chases me.

Megan. Don't make me give you a virtual head-slap Seriously. You are too awesome for a less-than-worthy guy. Believe it. I totally do.

Thanks for all of the support everyone!

Anytime, Paula. How was your workout tonight?

Off to weigh in tonight. I am in a bit of an emotional funk, sorry. I don't know why I just am.

How was the weigh in Jo? And the knee! Be nice to it. You need it to carry you thru your 5K. I'd give it ice, advil and a bit of TLC.

Yes, I was back on intervals - mine - and back on six days/two off. My gym membership is almost up for the month. Already.

So, was this a trial membership? are you going to continue there?

On the rest. You are one freakin' amazing woman. I hope you realize that.

And question: have you ever considered being a Big Sister/Mentor? There are a load of young people out there who could seriously benefit from a fabulous person like you.

 

[lisaviolet]

," but here's the thing--you DESERVE to be looked at. You are so amazing, caring, giving, loving--all of it. You make the world a better place.

Thanks in general Erika. Hopefully, just not keeping it in will change some anxiety or whatever is going on with me suddenly. Hopefully, something will shift. Because quite frankly I'm getting tired of this working/not working behaviour. Enough. But I've been very shocked the last few weeks of how intensely this has impacted me. And perplexed.

Once again, it's not about him or the possibilities. It's about me. I don't really live in some ways. Sounds dramatic. But it's the the truth.

And as for what I pasted from you. Don't think that didn't come to me as I accused Paula of not wanting to be seen.

Oh crap! My issues are, well, annoying. But I can deal with "annoying". Painful is totally not cool. Keep me updated, k? I have absolutely no problem picking Erins brain as well for stretches, etc. But one thing I do know for sure is she will tell you to rest it. For several days straight. Complete.Rest. no running, no biking, no elliptical.

Of course she'll say to rest it. REST IT!!!





Megan. Don't make me give you a virtual head-slap Seriously. You are too awesome for a less-than-worthy guy. Believe it. I totally do.

Yes, well said. What she said Megan.







So, was this a trial membership? are you going to continue there?

On the rest. You are one freakin' amazing woman. I hope you realize that.

And question: have you ever considered being a Big Sister/Mentor? There are a load of young people out there who could seriously benefit from a fabulous person like you.

On the membership I chose to pay month to month. And therefore it's expensive as he!! - $70. I really can't afford it. Work has been very slow. But then again I can't afford to turn into some kind of shut in either. Sighing.

Thanks on #2. Back at you.

And the last - oh the last. Thank you. But - no. You know why Nancy? And this is going to sound AWFUL But here I go. I've spent my entire life giving to those who needed me. I worked in a high school. And loved them up. Between Jean and I - I have ten nieces and nephews and have given them everything. This in return has given me great joy. And great peace. It fueled me for most of my life. My first niece came at fifteen. But I mourn now Nancy. I don't know if it's my age or what the eff is going on with me. God I should stop typing. But I need to figure out how to take before I give again. Not take but you know what I mean. I've spent my entire life watching everyone live. Okay, I really need to shut up. Effin' crying. It's complicated.

You know Oprah talked to pedophiles on Monday's show. One said that he knew now that "he definitely killed who she would have been". It hit me hard - as it did Oprah. Of course I have a life. Of course I have choices. Of course I should be grateful for everything that I have in this world. Of course many of had it much much worse. I know that. It's not about gratefulness. But I think I'm going through some kind of mourning period of what would have been. Or what I perceive what would have been. You know when I was four or five I used to put on shows. PUT ON SHOWS. Set all the chairs up. Demanded everyone to be seated. So pleased to be ssen. thrived in that area. Think Erika's Kelly. That was me. I'm so far from that. So far. I can't even imagine that's who I was - it's only because I have the pictures and can vaguely remember my loving being on show. But it's foreign to me. I am introverted adult that refuses to claim life. That's it. I'm so ready to save a life but not ready to claim one - MY OWN. And that's wrong and it has to change. I'm at a crossroads - that's for sure. At a critical crossroads.

Oh Lord let's see how long I can keep this sh!t on here. I had no idea all that was there.

I think you just moved a huge block Nancy with a simple thoughtful question and Eirka calling me out thank you.

 

[HockeyKat]

Lisa, . You are an amazing, wonderful person. If there is anything I can do, let me know.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

I think you just moved a huge block Nancy with a simple thoughtful question and Eirka calling me out thank you.

Well, I hope you know just how fabulous a person I truly believe you are.

 

[poppinspal]

Megan - it's so hard. It really is. Love. Relationships. Not losing yourself in another. Balancing love with being treated properly. Because noone deserves to be treated poorly. You certainly don't - but you already know that. So it's just about choices at this point. I'm babbling Megan - sorry.

I said to my nieces once. Guys, just because you love someone - it's love - that's wonderful - but love doesn't always mean that they are good for you ie. the right person for you. Just remember that.

One said, "Yes Auntie Lisa - I've seen it in action MANY times". So smart. It sucks that she's seen it in action though. But smart.

Lisa- This babbling... I need it. This is the most I've opened up about something that's really weighing on me. I know everything you're telling me, I'd tell someone in my position the exact same thing, the problem is... I can't do it. I know what I deserve, I know what I want but I neglect the confidence to go after it. I made some mistakes in my life and somewhere along the line I convinced myself that it means I have to settle, that I can't do better. It's horrible but there it is and I think that's the first time I've said it.

Now as for you... I want you to know you're an inspiration. It is so nice to know that there are genuinely good people in the world. I feel like you're making me a better person just by sharing your life with me. I feel like I should say more but there aren't enough words to express how amazing you are.

 

[poppinspal]

Kat- That's not bad advice, it's great advice. And having people who will listen to me whine about this really helps. I always feel more myself after hockey so I'm really looking forward to playing tomorrow.

Paula- You are real person and real people aren't perfect but I think that's even more inspiring. You're real and like the rest of us you have flaws but you are taking control of your life. I'll remind you as often as I have to that you're an inspiration to people.

E- Glad you rested today if it's bothering you that much. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you're better soon!

Nancy- No virtual head-slap needed yet... yet. I'm trying to get myself together.

Hey Jo!!!

 

[goofyfan-12]

I hear you Paula. But they see it as something huge because it is Paula. We have no idea how we impact others' lives and then it carries on from there. We have no idea. When did I get pompous?

I know it brings you pressure. I know. I hear you. But from the other side - it is a big deal to them. IT IS. It shows them strength and dedication in action. Not just moving a little more and getting smaller.

The world works in small ways. Really. From one to another and works like that. And that is huge. As big as curing diseases.

Are you worried that because they are in awe that they will judge you if you fail a bit? Is that the emotion of it?

I'm beginning to wonder if you're petrified of standing in your own glory. Your own light Paula. To be seen fully. Stop it. I wonder if you've gotten to that weight where you can see what's coming and you're not comfortable. I don't believe for an instance that you got to your weight just by overeating or bad habits ( I doubt you do either - I'm just rambling). It has to be a problem with being seen or something in that area.

Oh Lord - I'll probably regret that last paragraph. You guys have to realize that it takes a lot of vulnerability to write such things and take chances with your thinking I'm crazy. . I don't live in courage.

You already do it with your career. Now it's time to do it with your body as well. It's time Paula. To be seen in every sense.

I better shut up now.

Lisa - first off major hugs coming your way.... I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way to dea with what you are dealing with, but whatever feelings you are having or however you choose to deal with them, it is fine. You are entitled to them. Again, sending hugs and good vibes your way.

As for the paragraph that you think you will regret - don't! I have heard this before and typically run like heck from the topic. Professionally, I have no issues putting myself out there. Personally, I run like mad away from it. I am just not comfortable there. I am confident at work and a mess outside of it. Even Jesse picked up on that when he somehow became a dating coach as well as my trainer - how did that happen? I am working on improving my confidence outside of work, but am not quite there yet.

 

[goofyfan-12]

Kat- That's not bad advice, it's great advice. And having people who will listen to me whine about this really helps. I always feel more myself after hockey so I'm really looking forward to playing tomorrow.

Paula- You are real person and real people aren't perfect but I think that's even more inspiring. You're real and like the rest of us you have flaws but you are taking control of your life. I'll remind you as often as I have to that you're an inspiration to people.

E- Glad you rested today if it's bothering you that much. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you're better soon!

Nancy- No virtual head-slap needed yet... yet. I'm trying to get myself together.

Hey Jo!!!

Meg - thanks... Promise me that you won't settle for whoever chases you. That never ends well and you are too awesome for just anyone. Hang in there! I feel your pain, but this is one area where settling just won't due.

 

[3DisneyKids]

Oh crap! My issues are, well, annoying. But I can deal with "annoying". Painful is totally not cool. Keep me updated, k? I have absolutely no problem picking Erins brain as well for stretches, etc. But one thing I do know for sure is she will tell you to rest it. For several days straight. Complete.Rest. no running, no biking, no elliptical.

Exactly, Nancy. Annoying I can deal with. But today it was out and out pain. No denying it anymore. I am freaking out a bit (ok A LOT) and not being able to run or do any cardio for several days. OMG, freaking!

Meg--thanks for sharing what you did. And you know, I think so many women feel like that. I don't have any magic words for you, but please know that you can process all of that here if it will help. Sure, this is a weight loss thread, but really, we talk about it all (as I am sure you've figured out already! ) So just spew it out--it really helps bring clarity to situations.

As it just did, seemingly, for LISA! Honey, that was a great post and I think a big breakthrough for you. And insightful, too. I always see you as SO full of life! But yes, you deny yourself parts of life, too. And I think it is really healthy and important to mourn what might have been. Not to live for what might have been, as that is on the unhealthy side--but to acknowledge it, grieve it, and then in time let it go. Honestly, none of us know the plans that are in store for us. This may all be for some reason. Here's an example--you may be destined to find a man who has children already and maybe some tragedy happened--they lost their mom or something--and they need, truly need, YOU in their lives, with all of your boundless love and acceptance of others and nurturing spirit. So yes, mourn what could have been while being open to what is yet to come. Because what is yet to come, well, could just be incredible. Right?

Paula! Kudos to you for processing so much stuff these past few days as well! WOW! We really went through a lot this week, didn't we?

I have stuff going on here as well, not personal like this, but looks like yet another major job shift for Jeff. But I'll get into that later this week. No time or energy now.

 

[lisaviolet]

Paula - I laughed at Jesse. Just smiled. That's cute.

Well you've trumped me - cause I'm a mess at both. I need to leave my job but have such a fear of interviews (umm being seen) I stay.

Thank you for putting all your stuff out there Paula. It really helped me. And may I remind you again - I've seen you at goal. Seen it. Don't make me a lunatic.

Kat and Nancy - Thank you to you both. I'm a mess right now and wanted to avoid coming back on here because I feel so vulnerable. I bawled most of the night. I guess that means something's shifted. Got to laugh. Got to. If I'm bawling I simply can't eat at the same time. Tears out - less food in - for me anyway.

Megan - I think that's huge. Huge that your at the stage where you're admitting it. Stating it. Some just go on and deny. So huge step. We can all tell you - brilliant Paula by the way - perfectly said. But I know from my experience something just has to shift within you. And it will. At some point you'll shift. I was still taking sh!t from someone I loved up until a few years ago. And I'm 42.

 

[lisaviolet]

Exactly, Nancy. Annoying I can deal with. Frustrating for sure.
But today it was out and out pain. No denying it anymore. I am freaking out a bit (ok A LOT) and not being able to run or do any cardio for several days. I can imagine. OMG, freaking!

Meg--thanks for sharing what you did. And you know, I think so many women feel like that. I don't have any magic words for you, but please know that you can process all of that here if it will help. Sure, this is a weight loss thread,It really is Megan. Smiling. but really, we talk about it all (as I am sure you've figured out already! ) So just spew it out--it really helps bring clarity to situations.

As it just did, seemingly, for LISA! Honey, that was a great post and I think a big breakthrough for you. Yes, I couldn't put my finger on it. Not that I was giving it great thought - really Cutie I wasn't!! I think feeling like you can't breathe properly is a strong sign something's up. And insightful, too. I always see you as SO full of life! But yes, you deny yourself parts of life, too. Yeah, I'm puzzle like that. I look like that. But like to watch others live. I know strange and I'm stopping it this year. And I think it is really healthy and important to mourn what might have been. Not to live for what might have been, as that is on the unhealthy side Agreed. It's done. No changing. --but to acknowledge it, grieve it, and then in time let it go. Honestly, none of us know the plans that are in store for us. This may all be for some reason. Here's an example--you may be destined to find a man who has children already and maybe some tragedy happened--they lost their mom or something--and they need, truly need, YOU in their lives, with all of your boundless love and acceptance of others and nurturing spirit. Well that was a nice example. Not the mother dying but you know what I mean. It's nice to think someone's'something's waiting for me to show up. So yes, mourn what could have been while being open to what is yet to come. Because what is yet to come, well, could just be incredible. Right?


Right Erika!

Paula! Kudos to you for processing so much stuff these past few days as well! WOW! We really went through a lot this week, didn't we?

It's like our very own pinball game.

I have stuff going on here as well, not personal like this, but looks like yet another major job shift for Jeff. But I'll get into that later this week. No time or energy now.

Now you know my ears are perking. Exciting. I'm hoping.

 

[DisneyGalUK]

Good Morning!

Kelly - job prospects? Life on the dole? How's it going, chica?

Kelly - how are things going for you? I've been thinking a lot about you too!

Jobs prospects - Ive sent off around 11 applications, registered with some employment agencies and now Im just playing the waiting game. The closing dates for the jobs are in the next week or two so hopefully I'll get some interviews!

Finding it hard at the minute to stay positive - the reason being that the office is still open until Feb 20th, so its business as usual until then, but obviously all the staff are finding it hard, and it just seems that day after day we are having the same conversations and all scrambling for jobs. Hard at the minute.

I took a NAP! YES, me! For almost 2 hours!

A NAP!! Erika, I don't think Ive ever seen you type these words! Naps are good!
Im glad Kelly's ear is doing ok, sounds like such a pain! I loved how Cammie helped

PAULA - I can't say the words any better that Erika, Nancy, Liz and everyone so I will just say you inspire me. Every day. And you rock.

LIZ - Awesome on the loss

MEG - You deserve so much better than a loser

LISA - Your posts make me smile, every single day

KAT - Glee - its getting so awesome! Also on Tuesday night they are showing the first part of CSI Trilogy?! Have you seen this, is it awesome? I love the idea of everyone together!

EVERYONE - Hi
I know there is a ton I've missed and I do apologise! Its just weird here at the minute but I am checking in every single day

Hope everyone has a great day

 

[3DisneyKids]

KELLY! So thrilled to hear from you as I have been thinking about you! I can only imagine that the office is a dreary place to be right now. Hang in there! I wish there was something I could do to help. But honestly, your personality is so FUN and open--I am sure that you do well on interviews!

JO--did you get to weigh in this week and I missed it? Could be, I'm not all there at the moment.

Everyone else--wake up, sunshines! Another day! Let's kick its a$$!

GOALS:

Water
Track
Call running coach to schedule a massage and discuss IT issue
Research IT Band treatment

 

[DisneyGalUK]

KELLY! So thrilled to hear from you as I have been thinking about you! I can only imagine that the office is a dreary place to be right now. Hang in there! I wish there was something I could do to help. But honestly, your personality is so FUN and open--I am sure that you do well on interviews!

Thanks Erika!
I have to admit, I did shy away from posting for a few days because I didn't want to bring everyone down, but Im back now and things are looking up!

Ive just had an email offering me a telephone interview on Sunday morning, which will determine if I get through to the NEXT stage of interviewing so I have agreed to that so hopefully things are turning around!

 

[SeptemberGirl]

Hi!!!

I'm going into work today - delayed opening. Emily is home today again, which means she won't be back in school until WEDNESDAY. OMG. Nick is working from home today, taking off Friday and Monday. I'm taking off Tuesday. Tonight the inlaws leave for Vancouver - they are staying with our good friends Rob and Richelle. Olympics. They bought opening ceremonies tickets. They cost about what my WDW trip will. And my parents are in FL until April, so no built in child sitters!

Anyhoo.

Paula - How did I deal with it? I felt shame and pressure and I ate. Yep. Bad dealing. I had a skinny body, toned, but still felt fat. I swear I obsessed more about how clothes fit me at 162-157 than I do now. Total crazy head. I'm SURE Erika and Kat saw it. Although they did put a picture of my hot pink *** on the internet, so maybe you don't want to use them as a crutch. Kidding! Not about the picture.

Seriously, call me. After work today? You can call me on the way home from the gym at night. Anytime.

Lisa- This babbling... I need it. This is the most I've opened up about something that's really weighing on me. I know everything you're telling me, I'd tell someone in my position the exact same thing, the problem is... I can't do it. I know what I deserve, I know what I want but I neglect the confidence to go after it. I made some mistakes in my life and somewhere along the line I convinced myself that it means I have to settle, that I can't do better. It's horrible but there it is and I think that's the first time I've said it.

Now as for you... I want you to know you're an inspiration. It is so nice to know that there are genuinely good people in the world. I feel like you're making me a better person just by sharing your life with me. I feel like I should say more but there aren't enough words to express how amazing you are.

You CAN do it, Meg. You can. I swear. Naming it is HUGE. Please know the confidence doesn't come from weight loss or fixing your body, but from fixing your perception of yourself. Okay? You know you can do better and deserve better. You are ten times further along than you think, just by saying this out loud.

And you nailed it on Lisa.

Lisa. My love. There's a lot here. I hope Jean "got" it. I promised I'd send her one! The gym. Yeah, I get it. Can't be a shut-in! The deleted part. I missed it. So i can't comment on that. But I do know your backstory, and I can make an assumption about a family member.

Erika nailed this, so I really don't need to. But I DO want to say that all I could think while catching up was, breathing in life, breathing in life. Now here's where I get woo-woo. I just want to come up there and sign you up for a yoga session and have them concentrate on lung opening exercises. Because I so want you to focus on the psychical side of this while you are working on the emotional side. It's so important. Heads and minds following bodies and all that.

Okay. Off to work in the winter wonderland!

Goals:
Track
Do 3 miles in 40 mins because Erika told me to and I do what she says.
Not bleed into my shoe.

 

[Ronda93]

We're doing great, just busy. DGF's mother continues rehab. She is still coming up with scary questions and answers. She thought DGF lived in California and gives some occasional nonsense answers. This is new. She's not wearing her hearing aids and we are hopeful that some of it is just missing important words. We are headed to St Louis this weekend. I hope to see my brother and his his family as well.

From the "life is fragile" section of my brain... An aunt of a close friend of Sue's suffered a massive stroke last week. She remains comatose. I don't know the aunt, there may have been risk factors, but she's 51. That's not far enough from 46. I also heard from an acquaintance whose BF was diagnosed with advanced melanoma. It's everywhere. He didn't have a visible lesion, just started slurring his words a couple of weeks ago. The prognosis is awful.

I'm searching for a dermatologist. You do what you can and hope for the best. Damn!

I'm still running three days a week and they're getting longer.

Kelly - great to see you! I've been lurking with not much to say, too. Keep coming 'round.

Paula - I've been following your frustration. I understand being tired of training and wanting to do something else.

Liz - bloody heel!!

Meg - easy question, hard application... at the end of the day are you better or worse off with him in your life? You'll know. You'll know.

Ronda

 

[3DisneyKids]

Ronda! So great to hear from you! Thanks for keeping us in the loop--I have been thinking of you and Sue and Sue's mom.

When is the St. Louis Half?

 

[3DisneyKids]

Here is another training plan...this one assumes Thursdays are long run days, so adjust it accordingly (and I will do a separate post as to what your interval days should look like). If you are already working another plan, that is fine. But if you have gotten off track, this will get you to Marathon Day.


FEB

11 10 miles
12 off
13 Intervals for 40 minutes
14 off
15 60 minutes
16 40 minutes
17 off
18 11.5 miles
19 off
20 Intervals for 40 minutes
21 off
22 60 minutes
23 40 minutes
24 off
25 8-9 miles
26 off
27 Intervals for 40 minutes
28 off

March
1 50 minutes
2 40 minutes
3 off
4 30 minutes
5 off
6 off
7 HALF MARATHON

 

[cantwaitvaca09]

weigh in down 2

Lisa, I think you are awsome. First step is reconizing what is bothering you.

 

[HockeyKat]

Jobs prospects - Ive sent off around 11 applications, registered with some employment agencies and now Im just playing the waiting game. The closing dates for the jobs are in the next week or two so hopefully I'll get some interviews!

KAT - Glee - its getting so awesome! Also on Tuesday night they are showing the first part of CSI Trilogy?! Have you seen this, is it awesome? I love the idea of everyone together!

Hope that you find something soon!!

Yes, it was on here already, and it is definitely awesome!!

Thanks Erika!
I have to admit, I did shy away from posting for a few days because I didn't want to bring everyone down, but Im back now and things are looking up!

Ive just had an email offering me a telephone interview on Sunday morning, which will determine if I get through to the NEXT stage of interviewing so I have agreed to that so hopefully things are turning around!

Don't ever worry about bringing us down. We are here for you, good or bad.

Crossing my fingers that you get to the next step!