In Search of My Body - Not the One I Ate, VOL 7! Princesses? Nope, just us Goddesses!

[adsrtw]

Hey everybody. Just got home from work. Our dialer was broke again for several hours, but it looks like all is well for now. We will find out tomorrow after a few hours of dialing. Cross your fingers. My co-sup is awesome. It is so refreshing. Oh and I was awarded a Team Player today which comes with a nice sized gift card. Won the drawing for a logo wear baseball jersey too.

 

[Craftydawn]

Dawn - WTG on the weight loss! You are doing so great!

Ronda - Thanks for the welcome. I've been watching BL this season with my daughter (who, by the way, weighs MAYBE 110) and I didn't want to cry in front of her, but this show really seems to do that to me.

Kat - I loved the TR! Thanks so much for sharing!

Cathie - I am also doing points in WW. I don't think there is any way that I could limit myself by doing Core. It's like others have said, being told you can and can't eat certain things makes you want them that much more. You feel out of control and make decisions you normally wouldn't make. I am also sorry that you couldn't go to the concert. So much better to be safe than sorry with the weather. My friend and I drove 10 hours from Northern CA to Utah last year to see a concert. The weather was awesome but I'm afraid to say who I went to see. You all may ask me to not come back to this thread!

 

[HockeyKat]

Snow?? It was 80 here today, we tailgated before the game and had a really nice conversation with some Canadians (Lisa??).

Lisa, I love love love your commentary on the trip reports. Made me smile the whole way through. I also think that you and Jean would rock it with D and I!

I have to finish up some work since I took off a little early for the game... catch up later!!

 

[goofyfan-12]

Paula - you're welcome.

I was thinking today about all your success. And the effect on others.

One - how much you've inspired me and single handedly kept this thread inspired when so many of us were tired/off a bit. And two - Jesse. I know you are doing the work but regardless it must be so incredibly fulfilling for him as a trainer. I used to watch a lot of trainers in my condo and so many of their clients seem to want to talk excessively and seemed to give about 50%. I would want to hit them at the time - I can't imagine the trainer. Anyways must be something for him - which is lovely.

Lisa - Have to admit, being the one who inspires others is still a really foreign concept to me and it is one that I am definitely not comfortable with and not sure I ever will be, but what can you do right? I just don't see myself that way, but I am still learning how to accept the new me so all is good I guess.

You are right about Jesse. Every once and while, I get a glimpse of how he is feeling about all of the changes in me - like the first session after my first bike race. When I told him that I was the first one back he ran away saying he had to go tell one of the other trainers. The reality was that he was tearing up and had to leave and come back after he got his composure back. (the other trainer confirmed this with me a month or two after it happened) I know it is affecting him but we honestly don't talk about it much. Someday maybe, but not yet.

Still all up in my head lately. Getting a bit better, but not out of the woods yet. I feel like I am on autopilot these days which is fine for a while, but not for the long term. I have a jam packed day tomorrow and I am so not looking forward to it, but it is what it is and I'll get through it. Now if only I could get the cute state police lieutenant I was in a meeting with yesterday to come to one tomorrow's meeting, life would be good...

 

[adsrtw]

Good Morning! I'm hoping it's an easier day today. I don't want to scare Bethany off. We haven't been able to train since Tuesday. Yikes! I kinda zoned out yesterday and didn't get around to comment.

 

[DisneyGalUK]

WOGGLES?? ok. That is hilarious. I think the things that you are talking about are called noodles over here. I think. I may have to google woggle. If I can stop giggling long enough...

When the instructor said 'Everyone grab your woggles' I just about died laughing!
The woggles do sound like what Dawn described as noodles!

Down 3.4

Awesome!

Lyz, there are women who don't wear a bra? Out?? I even wear a bra under a ratty sweatshirt to hit Walmart at 10PM. Granted, that D cup problem...

Even though I do not have that problem (D Cup? I don't even know what that is! ) I still don't go out without a bra on!
Kat, sounds like you had a great holiday!

Ummm a very cute workout slave driver. I refuse to hear one complaint from your mouth missy.

Did I tell you he used to be a gym instructor? He did and I can only imagine what his clients thought of him - slave driver! Sorry Lisa!

Paula - you're welcome.

I was thinking today about all your success. And the effect on others.

One - how much you've inspired me and single handedly kept this thread inspired when so many of us were tired/off a bit. And two - Jesse. I know you are doing the work but regardless it must be so incredibly fulfilling for him as a trainer. I used to watch a lot of trainers in my condo and so many of their clients seem to want to talk excessively and seemed to give about 50%. I would want to hit them at the time - I can't imagine the trainer. Anyways must be something for him - which is lovely.

I agree with this whole post!

it's a concert for a heavy metal band called Five Finger Death Punch.

Heavy Metal band names always make me laugh!

Someone mentioned Twilight. Lyz, Cathie??

Twilight--I did read the books well before the casting was done for the movie. I LOVE LOVE LOVE RPatz. LOVE HIM. I didnt have any strong preconceived ideas of edward, so when he was cast I was happy. I will take RPatz anyway I can get him. I could not care less how often he washes his hair. I will say I think I enjoyed the books when i reread them after he was cast because I had his picture in my mind. Did I say I LOVE RPatz?

Twilight movie--I LOVED certain scenes. Cafeteria, parking lot after edward and bella get together,prom, carlisle"s grand entrance. I felt they represented the book well. Other parts were not so good. But I expect that from books made into a movie so I wasnt incredibly disappointed. CAN NOT WAIT until New Moon!!

I read the books before the casting of RPatz too, but I agree - they were better once I knew he'd been cast and I re-read them (but only after I'd seen a picture of him 'grown up' - not Cederic Diggory!)
When I read the the first time round I didn't have an idea in my mind of Edward either, I just had a faceless image. Now I can't imagine him looking like anyone else BUT RPatz!

I agree with the Movie Amy, some parts were done really well, and some were even better that I thought they would be. There were some parts that I thought Hmmmmm (Spider Monkey!) but overall I really enjoyed it. Im looking forward to New Moon. We had pre booked our tickets already for the 20th of November but Ive had to pull out because of my educational so Im seeing it when I come back!

So, this is what Cinderella does when you tell her she can't jump on and off the curb with her fancy dress and shoes on!

So, SO cute!

Hope everyone is having a good day! Its Aqua Aerobics tonight!

 

[Dizneydawn]

So, this is what Cinderella does when you tell her she can't jump on and off the curb with her fancy dress and shoes on!

I adore that pic! She has grown up so much!

Dawn - WTG on the weight loss! You are doing so great!
I am starting to do great. It has taken almost 2 full years of thinking seriously to start. There was a lady at water aerobics today that said she is finally losing weight after talking about it for 62 years. Said she thouroughly believed in research!

Paula - I promise I am going to not push beyond my limmit. The boot camp may do me in and that is all I will be able to take. It is 2 days a week but I want to try just one. The salsa class in mostly core work from what I understand and that is my major issue so I thought an extra class would not be too bad for that either once a week. The salsa is after my reg class on Mondays so I will have worked out 1 hour already. The boot camp I am planning is on Thurs before my class. So worst case scenario is after boot I am done - if I am too tired for salsa I have still done my normal hour.

I am going to take it as it comes and do what I can. It feels really good though to have excersize as part of my routine. I have never since August of 1991 excersized 5 times a week. Even a few years ago when I got to 199pounds - it was 3-4 times at max a week.

Thank you for your input and I agree - this is long term not burn out and quit time.



Booked 4 parties yesterday and have a full November lineup! So happy with that!

Got kids costumes lined up last night. Carsyn is an 80's girl and Baylor is being a scary clown.

Have a great day everybody!

 

[3DisneyKids]

WOW, where is everyone today? I guess you could say the same of me, though. Got Jeff off to Taiwan ok, so now just settling in. Heading for a run now.

 

[goofyfan-12]

It is now almost 5:00 and I finally have more than two minutes to sit at my desk. What a day of meetings I have had. I am exhausted and now have a to do list at work that is going on three pages long. Good thing tomorrow is supposed to be a quiet day.

Erika - enjoy the run

Talk to you all later...

 

[HockeyKat]

Paula, I am in exactly the same boat!! I just sat down at my desk for the first time since 8AM (and you know me and mornings!).

I think you and I might be in the careful what you wish for camp right now... I am really glad I got this new position,and it's a great step for my career, but it has been a LOT more work and responsibility than I was banking on.

 

[amykab]

Kelly~thought of you today when an error popped up on the instrument I was working on. It said some thing about "not being able to operate WHILST the sample door is open"

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Looks like it's been a busy day all around!

 

[goofyfan-12]

Paula, I am in exactly the same boat!! I just sat down at my desk for the first time since 8AM (and you know me and mornings!).

I think you and I might be in the careful what you wish for camp right now... I am really glad I got this new position,and it's a great step for my career, but it has been a LOT more work and responsibility than I was banking on.

I hear you sista' It is a lot more work, but just think of how cool we will be once we master the new positions. I'm in it for the long run if you are...

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Crazy couple of days for me, but what else is new, right?

I have been doing much better with my food intake this week. While not officially tracking, I have definitely been much more mindful of what I've been eating and my workouts have been killer. So, headed in the right direction.

Now just to keep healthy. Becca was sent home from school sick today Mostly sinus stuff, not flu-like so crossing fingers that it doesn't get any worse and the rest of us escape without issue.


Hope everyone has a great end of the week!

 

[adsrtw]

A quick pop in before Project Runway comes on (my fav). The work issues have been resolved (I hope!) and we are working on dividing the department between the two of us. We have had thumb wars on a few (seriously!). I'm trying to take more of the high maintenance employees for now. And in my weight loss life, I am working my plan. It's been raining non-stop, so outdoor exercise has been tough. I've resorted to parking garage exercise for now.

 

[goofyfan-12]

Ok –Some of you wanted to know what was going on last week so here goes. This might get a little long (I'm breaking this into two messages), so feel free to skip ahead if you want to – I won’t mind.

Basically, last week was one big emotional train wreck on multiple levels. As I explained to Jesse last Friday I was experiencing multiple rings of hell. I’ll see if I can break this down simply.

Monday – find out that the big presentation that I have been waiting to be scheduled is finally scheduled. This is the presentation where I basically have to sell me and my team on our ability to deliver the project that we are bidding on. Now, I have been working on different phases of this project for the better part of the last four years and there is a huge promotion for me riding on it, so I am totally freaked out about. On top of that, I find out that they are switching out one of my team members for the guy who is here to train me, but if we get the job, I’ll be his supervisor. Now, he and I don’t get along really well at this point. I am trying to keep an open mind about him, but it is hard. So, now I am freaked about the presentation and am worrying about whether or not the deal I struck a few months back is about to unravel in front of me.

Tuesday – trying to keep work stuff moving and working with this guy. He was getting married on that Saturday (his fourth, her first) and taking two weeks off for the honeymoon (yeah – freedom!!!) so we had a lot to deal with before he left. On top of that, I am getting phone calls from the marketing folks about the presentation prep and such. Stress is building. I head to the gym for my workout with Jesse. He proceeds to unload about an ex he is trying to exact revenge on and I generally lay into him about how he shouldn’t do that and how he is better than that. I was pretty rough on him and after I left the gym, I started feeling guilty. Then I responded to Lisa’s e-mail about how I was handling all of the weight loss success and the fact is that I am not. I am struggling to be happy for myself and I don’t know how to fix it. Lisa – don’t feel guilty about asking the question, these thoughts have been in my head for a while and it was actually helpful to put words to paper about it.

Wednesday – I woke up and still felt guilty. I sent Jesse a quick text apologizing so that helped. Work was work and was busy. I was going to be out of the office on Thursday so there was lots to do. Wednesday night I had a great conversation with my friend Tom (best friend from college for your newbies) about how my life has changed as a result of the weight loss. Mostly, we talked about the whole dating thing and how it still freaks me out. Despite my whining about wanting to have the invisibility that being fat gave me back, Tom basically told me no – I couldn’t have it. He stressed that I needed to keep putting myself out there and that I would grow more comfortable with what my new life was like. Freaky to me yes, but I understand that it needs to be done – just don’t have to like it yet. I also asked Tom why he confided in my about his relationships over the years because I am seeing a pattern with other guys in my life. He said that I had a level head and was a good mind to bounce ideas off of.

 

[goofyfan-12]

here is part two - again, feel free to skip ahead if you want to...

Thursday – presentation prep all day. Feeling better about the direction things are going in, but still have concerns about the change in the team. Went to a Girl Scout dinner that night – drama free and a wonderful thing.

Friday – more presentation prep and a training session with Jesse. Now, for the newbs, our sessions are killer workouts for me and a bit of a therapy session for him. He fills me in on what is going on in his life and asks for advice because he likes my point of view. I asked Jesse the same question I asked Tom and got the same response. I find this strange because I am so clueless about relationships that it is quite funny. Jesse picked up that something was bothering me and asked what was wrong. I then unloaded about the crap at work, the crap in my personal life (realistically my lack there of) and then finally about how I couldn’t find a way to be happy about my weight loss. He was fantastic about listening and offered some good advice (keep putting myself in social situations; recruit some wingman to help the process along, etc). I left feeling better about myself. Had dinner with my sister and talked about all of this. Still have no answers, but also realize I have no time to think about it thanks to work.

Saturday – head to the gym for my long walk (3.8 miles in 55 minutes – I’m stoked) and then off to work for the rest of the day to catch up on e-mails and more presentation prep. Nothing to really report here.

Sunday – went to church and spent some time praying for guidance. Then it was off to the gym for another workout with Jesse. Most of the time was spent dealing with his issues. Got him through it and I got my butt kicked. All is good. Off to more presentation prep and finally left the office at 11:30 – exhausted.

Monday – presentation day. The presentation went well and I totally rocked it! Answered my questions well and impressed the review panel. Feeling really good about myself. Spent a longer than normal session with Deb, my JC consultant talking about the emotional train wreck that was the last week. She understood what I was going through and suggested that all of my insecurities rose to the surface because of my stress about the presentation. Makes sense, but doesn’t hide the fact that I still have no clue about relationships and feeling a bit like a loser as a result. So, now I need to figure a way out of that. I’ll get there and some days I can manage that stress more than others. Last week got the better of me. On the plus side – I didn’t eat my way through it all so I am chalking that up to a victory.

So now, I am starting to feel better. It is a slow process, but I am getting there. It is just going to take some time to get comfortable with this new me. Working on creating opportunities for me to meet people and working my butt off at the office. Things are picking up and we are actually starting work next week so there is lots to do.

Thanks for all of the concern and for allowing me a place to dump this. Putting this into words has helped immensely. Comments are welcome, but don’t feel obligated to. We all have our own sh!t to deal with that taking on someone else’s is sometimes not possible. Strange, this felt a bit like writing a trip report, but not nearly as entertaining as reading about someone’s really cool vacation….

 

[SeptemberGirl]

I like your posts, Paula. That IS what this should be.


So...

Amy. That CANNOT be little D! OMG. She is SOOO big!

E- enjoy the trip. You know I love those husband trips!

Kat - love the TR!!!

Lyz - how is Molli??? Bob? Sweet Baby Jesus indeed! Remember when I used to tell my stories on here?

Lisa - love you.

Kelly - love you, too.

Ronda - on the running and Sue - i SO get that. Both sides.

Cathie - glad you're here and stuck with us.

Dawn - AMAZING loss!

Dawn C - Band. Tell me their name. I HAVE to know.

Nancy - eating like that, even if not tracking, is so awesome!

Aimee - HI!!!

Going to bed. I swear I'll try to play tomorrow. Work is cutting into my life, and my life is still in major transition. But that's ok!

 

[adsrtw]

Hi Liz!

Paula - what a long ride! I think it's very cool that Jesse turned the tables and listened this time. He owes you one (or two).

My eyes are closin', so I will catch all of you on the flip side.

 

[HockeyKat]

So I will open with... EM!! Glad you are enjoying your job (yes, I read the blog!).

Paula, sounds really stressful. I can totally see how that would bring out any underlying issues!! Have I told you about the weepy awful mess I turned into about halfway through the am-I-getting-the-job 2 weeks from he!!?? Glad that you are on the other side, totally rocked your presentation, and was able to get through it with little to no bad eating. That is AWESOME!!

Also, I loved reading all of that.

EE, glad you are getting your stuff resolved too.

Amy! I agree with Liz, little D is gettiing so big! And love the pic.