(Is it wrong that I was staring at the food on the pictures for so long that I didn't realise there were people on them for a good 5 minutes!
)
ETA: I am actually looking forward to getting home and doing my exercise dvd!
That's great on the exercise Kelly. Wonderful. I love exercise. So I do sigh, with compassion, for those who don't. (Yes, that means I love food hence weight issues)
Even hunting for places to live. Can I walk here/there is a huge deal to me.
As for the pictures. No, not strange.
Since I did it too.
I was thinking what I wouldn't do for a dumpling right now. You are seeing ackee and saltfish, dumplings, fritters, rice and plantains.
Hi all..
Just got back from my workout with Jesse.
Talk to you all later,
Paula
Jesse!!!! Jesse!!! Jesse!!!
Speaking of challenge results, I'm 2/4 on my weekly exercise and 68% on eating thoughtfully.
Seriously. We need pictures.
Lisa, I love the pictures. 1. Jean is beautiful. 2. You're balcony is the entire length, does that take away from the bedroom (from looking at the layout)? 3. Do you hate not being able to go to your room and shut the door? You are never alone. 4. I know you and Jean are not together anymore, but your lives are so intertwined, how can you not be? And you are moving to a new place together. I understand money is the big factor there, but are you best friends? (feel free to not answer #4, but I am always so curious.) 5. Do you watch American football or Canadian football?
We do need pictures Nancy. Please and thank you.
How did you come to 68%?
1. Thanks.
2. ??? Ask me again. I'm slow and not getting it.
3. It is shut at times because those wardrobes are pushed over nightly, and when we need space to create wall - the bathroom has two doors (my niece calls that those awful fear inducing scary two door bathrooms!
) - so yes and no. The wardrobes are easily pushed. I have sliders on them.
3b. We had a larger space - with a set bedroom - and like this more for company and light and such. If we had money yes I would buy space. But it's downtown. So we wanted downtown and wanted the terrace.
3c. Small spaces seem scary but it keeps down maintenance costs and there are some wonderful things. One, causes more fights but causes more pushing through issues and has made us even closer. Two, family stays together and has fun at get togethers. No one can escape. You know how people live in big houses and they can continually avoid their crap, their husband, wife, children. So yes space, and personal space, is precious to me but I love downtown. I have a theory that NAcans live in bigger and bigger places and more and more divorce because you can easily avoid each other. Once again, if I had the money - more space. But never a large space/house. Not into them.
3d. I get loads of alone time. Jean plays soccer and basketball. And her business is basketball camps. So I get loads. Poor her. Poor Jean. But great question. All humans need personal space.
4. It's a beautiful question Lyz. Because it makes me feel less lonely in it.
Yes and yes. Because there was no lying. There was no deceit. There was no love loss. It wasn't overnight. It was a long relationship. 15 this year. 12 for actual relationship. Her family is my family. My family is her family. Because I had only pain from coming to the realization. Didn't want to face it. I was okay being gay. No issues. Totally out. Seems/Seemed like a slap in the face to me - to love someone, have no issues (we had issues like everyone - I mean breaking issues), feel like this was for life, be brave enough to work through my personal crap and the outcome of all that work is to slowly, over time, get a voice "you must look at men". I cried and cried by myself. For years. And was open with her when I figured out what is going on. And felt such pain to hurt another human being to be me. To face me.
She still loves me. Because I'm that loveable.
. And because she knew this was all beyond me. Nothing I created. Nothing I hid - because I didn't even know. Was simply courage and growth and walking away from depression/pain.
All my girlfriends, who all seem upset with their men, say "uumm stay there". But it's not about men, women, Jean even sexuality. It's about Lisa. And where can I go if I avoid this all - back into not facing me. That's where.
Who knows where it will take me in the end. I don't even know. But somewhere, down deep no matter how much it hurt, I knew I had to face the knocking on the door. And if I didn't there would be consequences to that choice.
Gay people are not effed up. They actually are clear with who they are. Well, there are screwed up straights and screwed up gays.
This isn't about sexuality. It's about my past - where it took me - a need to feel safe without even knowing what I was doing (cause I wouldn't have done it - I would never have taken another human being on this path to pain).
Jean's attraction to me got killed with the pain of what I was facing. As simple as that. As awful as that. Our glue is the sh!t that we've faced together - this, many deaths and Mama's Alzheimer's. And thanks to small spaces.
In the beginning we stayed there because of a year of many deaths and we couldn't take another change. I promised Jean that. Then I was always focused on trying to get my own place even with the money situation.
And one day Lyz I had a thought. I have given so much in life. The abuse has produced so much to give up. Some normalcy that others take for granted. And I love to compromise.
. I'm very good at it. I love dogs and have two cats because I saw the joy on Jean's face when she saw them.
And one day last year I woke up and said no more. I'm not going to give up happiness - Jean - just because I should. Because society says I should. Because people think we can't "move on". I have moved on - unfortunately and fortunately. With supreme courage. I've turned my back on a relationship that I simply could have hid in for the rest of my life. Could have easily. Wasn't unhappy but something was stirring inside of me. We don't have the money to live on our own (could if I rented a room I suppose). We would buy separately with the money. But close to each other. But we have progressed to friends. I never thought it was possible. But we have. And I'll be damned if this unforeseen shift in me is going to mean giving up anything else.
Who knew 5 questions would produce that. Oh well.
Thanks Lyz. It makes me feel less lonely and helps to feel less secretive. Because it's not the sh!t that kills you - it's the unspoken. The secrets.
So now for my cutie, who asks such wonderful questions, I will try not to edit. Remember I said try. It will probably take logging off the computer. So if you don't see me that is why. I'm taking away the edit button.
I do sparkpeople, because I am a computer geek. Or I post it here, and then go back and update sparkpeople.
I tend to keep a running track in my head all day, recalculated every time I eat.
Except for last night, of course, because I pretty much swan dived off the wagon. I feel a lot better today, except of course hungover (you suck E!!).
Lisa, I loved the pics. So telling, though, that only one or two have you in them. You strike me as someone who is so NOT about you, you know? That is a good thing in some ways, but I hope as time progresses you make it about you as well.
Look at you two. Ganging up on me.
I took all the pictures. The ones that I'm in are because we put it on the timer. Okay - okay - I get it.
Got it.
Amiee - I've got to go back and read. How the heck did I miss the comment that Lyz highlighted about your daughter/ex husband- too funny.
, driving her father up the wall. May he get all that he deserves! 
<---I don't like the fact that this guy is staring at me when I type messages. I do not like clowns. Not since 'IT'. 
She makes me do things that I don't normally do on my own. 
