Lisa - I am so sorry to hear about your friend. How hard for her. Is she taking measures to take care of herself and her children?
Kat - Interesting point. I think it holds true depending on the family member/friend and the situation. Speaking only for myself, my opinion is based on what my friend is getting out of their relationship and knowing the difference between difficult and destructive.
For instance, I have a very good friend who has had a rocky marriage. Her husband has done things some would not forgive him for. I know all these things. Yet, I still like her husband and am supportive of their marriage. I believe that while he made some bad decisions, he really loves her and wants to be different. As things go up or down, I try to look at his intentions and not just her anger. If she came to me and said she was thinking of leaving him, I would counsel her to reconsider, try marriage counseling, etc. Their marriage has been difficult, but he wants it to be good and works at that, and she derives pleasure from their marriage, even though it's not easy all the time.
I have another good friend whose spouse has done things that are less, shall we say, "surface bad". There's stuff, but not one good pinpoint to say "There! Ditch him!" However, she is not happy, and nothing he does shows he wants to change. Sh$t happens in every marriage; often I want to get on here and write "I hate my husband" because that thought does go through my mind! But the test for me is, does this marriage make you happy? Does it nurture you? Are you getting anything out of it? If the answer is no for me or my friend, I have to be honest if asked. This is the difference between a difficult marriage and a destructive one.
I don't want to see a bright, loving woman waste her time and heart and get nothing in return. None of us do. And sometimes, yes, family or friends are so protective they never forgive your loved one a transgression that you can forgive. But too often, I think we keep silent to our own detriment. It's better to share our problems and struggles than try to make it on our own. After all, isn't that why we get married or enter into long-term relationships in the first place?