In laws Grrrrrrrrr

[DisneyScraps]

If they need a cheesecake so badly they can bring one. They make lovely hostess gifts!

Lisa

 

[kacaju]

So this weekend my daughter didn't want to come with us to the Dog show

No advice on the MIL thing, sorry you are gonig through it. On another note...what kind of dogs do you show? We show also. We have smooth collies, and was in Allentown PA this weekend for shows

 

[shirleyb]

With all due respect, LuvOrlando, your problem isn't with your in-laws, your problm is with your husband.

QUOTE]

Maybe her DH really wants a cheesecake too? I love cheesecake and could have one once a week, although I restrain myself.

Instead of the OP taking a stand at the dinner that there was going to be no cheesecake, that was the time she could have just said sweetly to MIL, "Cheesecake sounds lovely, would you mind bringing it?" instead of laying down the gauntlet "THERE WILL BE NO CHEESECAKE ON MY CHRISTMAS TABLE"

 

[bicker]

Came into MY house to give me garbage.... what nerve.

Indeed! Your house; your standards; whether it is about dessert or anything else.

Weren't we just discussing this in another thread?

 

[Jennasis]

Have your DH tell your mother one of the following (and stick to it):

1. Here is LuvOrlando's recipe. She is too busy to make the cheesecake but if you'd like it to be there, you can make it.

2. Buy a cheesecake mom. We're too busy to make one.

3. Sorry Mom. Won't be any cheesecake this year.

Or you go out and buy the cheapest, most awful cake on the market and serve that.

FWIW, my MIL is playing headgames too right now, but DH is done playing and has been hilariously ignoring her shenanigans. I could hug him...and I did! After 7 awful Christmases at her depressing hovel of a home, and her complaining the last few weekas about how much she "cant stand Christmas" and "I'm not looking forward to Christmas" and her announcement that she wasn't even putting up a Christmas tree this year, DH and I announced that Christmas was being moved to our house this year.

MIL must have been stunned because she said "Oh...Okay." I fully expected her to go NUTS over the suggestion. Well the very next day, she satrts trotting out all these passive-aggressive suggestions and complaints about why coming to our house isn't a good idea. For starters:

1. "How will grandpa go to the toilet??" Grandpa (DH's) lives with MIL. He had a stroke years ago and is completely wheelchair bound and paralyzed on his right side and cannot speak. At her house, she wheels him into the bathroom and leaves him to wriggle out of his chair, onto the toilet and back into his chair. DH said "Either myself or my brother (who will be coming) will assist him".

2. "But Grandpas wheelchair might not fit through your bathroom door!"...sigh...DH measured it. It will.

3. "But I will have SOOO much stuff to have to drag over to your house." Dh said we will pick all of it up on Christmas Eve when we got out to dinner with her.

4. She counters with "I guess I'll have to have your brother and grandpa open all of their gifts in the morning before we come over." Obviously trying to insinuate she didn't want to have to load the car up with gifts (btw, DH's brother is staying at her house for the whole week and is an able bodied 27 year old.). Dh says "Good idea."

5. Then we go over her house last week and walk in and while we're saying hello to grandpa, she stompsw her foot and shouts "LOOK! I put up a friggin' tree for you." Dh looks at this tiny Charlie Brownlooking thing and says "it looks very pretty."

It's hilarious how he just glosses over her nonsense now and doesn't engage. Christmas is at our house. End of story.

 

[minniebeth]

LuvOrlando, you live next door to your in-laws??

to you is all I have to say!

 

[bellebud]

my sil once gave me the BEST advice - she said she and her dh decided (really she decided and she told dh this was what they were going to do), that for pretty much everything, she deals w/ her side of the family, and he deals with his. That means HE has to remember all the bdays on his side of the family (all his siblings, parents, etc), shop for gifts, remember to call to say happy bday, deal w/ dessert requests, where to have holidays, etc. She will deal w/ her side for everything.

Boy is life simpler and less stressful since we've started doing this (well, it's less stressful for the wife, because usually the wife is the one dealing w/ both sides, which is honestly bull, but I never realized it).

If I were you, I'd tell your dh this is the deal from now on, and he may bake a cheesecake, buy a cheesecake, pull one out of his bottom, whatever. You'll be making cookies, period. I've even had to say once or twice to fil (both of our parents are divorced) when he tried to make plans through me about us all getting together - you have to call dh - he takes care of that. It's a sticky situation there (the divorce was bad), so I've washed my hands of it. I was being pulled in the middle in the beginning of our marriage (talk about uncomfortable!!), and had to throw up my hands finally and say "not my place, ask dh". It works beautifully, and it's FAIR, believe it or not (we super-women have a hard time at first thinking our dh's can actually handle things). And it was easy to say when I had to "dh and I have decided he handles everything on his side, I handle everything on my side, so just ask him" (in a nice way, with a smile on my face - not mean at all).

Try it, you'll like it

 

[wdwmom2]

Have your DH tell your mother one of the following (and stick to it):

1. Here is LuvOrlando's recipe. She is too busy to make the cheesecake but if you'd like it to be there, you can make it.

2. Buy a cheesecake mom. We're too busy to make one.

3. Sorry Mom. Won't be any cheesecake this year.

Or you go out and buy the cheapest, most awful cake on the market and serve that.

FWIW, my MIL is playing headgames too right now, but DH is done playing and has been hilariously ignoring her shenanigans. I could hug him...and I did! After 7 awful Christmases at her depressing hovel of a home, and her complaining the last few weekas about how much she "cant stand Christmas" and "I'm not looking forward to Christmas" and her announcement that she wasn't even putting up a Christmas tree this year, DH and I announced that Christmas was being moved to our house this year.

MIL must have been stunned because she said "Oh...Okay." I fully expected her to go NUTS over the suggestion. Well the very next day, she satrts trotting out all these passive-aggressive suggestions and complaints about why coming to our house isn't a good idea. For starters:

1. "How will grandpa go to the toilet??" Grandpa (DH's) lives with MIL. He had a stroke years ago and is completely wheelchair bound and paralyzed on his right side and cannot speak. At her house, she wheels him into the bathroom and leaves him to wriggle out of his chair, onto the toilet and back into his chair. DH said "Either myself or my brother (who will be coming) will assist him".

2. "But Grandpas wheelchair might not fit through your bathroom door!"...sigh...DH measured it. It will.

3. "But I will have SOOO much stuff to have to drag over to your house." Dh said we will pick all of it up on Christmas Eve when we got out to dinner with her.

4. She counters with "I guess I'll have to have your brother and grandpa open all of their gifts in the morning before we come over." Obviously trying to insinuate she didn't want to have to load the car up with gifts (btw, DH's brother is staying at her house for the whole week and is an able bodied 27 year old.). Dh says "Good idea."

5. Then we go over her house last week and walk in and while we're saying hello to grandpa, she stompsw her foot and shouts "LOOK! I put up a friggin' tree for you." Dh looks at this tiny Charlie Brownlooking thing and says "it looks very pretty."

It's hilarious how he just glosses over her nonsense now and doesn't engage. Christmas is at our house. End of story.

I love how your DH reponds to his mother. It seems like she is looking for an arguement and he refuses to give it to her. Bravo!!!! Good old "kill em with kindness"!!

OP, when you stated that there would be no cheesecake in your home this Christmas, it sounded just a little strong. Instead, I probably would have said that I would not be making cheesecake this year, making cookies instead. But would also add that is DMIL would like to contribute a cheesecake to the dinner table, well, that would be wonderful.

BTW, I have a wonderful MIL. And I thank God every day that I do not have to deal with the drama bull **** that some of you DISer's have to deal with!

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm going to guess that LuvOrlando's strong response was due to years of putting up with the crap. Thre is always a "straw that breaks the camel's back" moment in these situations. I would imagine that if hubby had supported LuvOrlando in dealin with his fmaily, she probably wouldn't have reachd the "moment". But I'm going to guess that LuvOrlando's hubby routinely sides with his mama.

 

[Carnie]

I'll trade you. I'll provide the cheesecake if you take my MIL, latest crap she pulled, went through my phone until she found a text from one of my guy friends that said NOTHING except have a nice thanksgiving and handed the phone to my DH and said, "Look, she's cheating on you!!!!!"

 

[ameraumi]

Like the others have said, your house your choice. If they want the darn cheesecake so bad get one from the store and call it done.

 

[MIGrandma]

If you don't get along with your in-laws maybe it's time you moved further away from them.

If I were you I'd just tell her if they want cheesecake they will need to bring it to Christmas dinner. Problem solved.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, your problem is with your husband, 100%, no doubt about it.

You actually live next door to his parents, and he allows you to be subjected to this every day, and simply smile and bow swallow their toxicity???
You cook for them every single week, and meet their culinary demands like their personal chef?
(along with every other 'demand' this woman wants to dish out)

Your husband is just as 'whipped' by your MIL as your father is.
He is sacrificing you to his mother.
(have to appease the god(s).

Again, your issues are with your husband, 110%.

 

[MELSMICE]

If MIL wants cheesecake, she should bring it herself. I know for me, if I want a specific dessert or something when going to someone's house I offer to make it or just say, "Oh, I have a good recipe for such & such, I'll bring it".

Anyway, considering MIL is most likely not going to do that, I'd go to the Cheesecake Factory, like someone else suggested, & buy a cheesecake. It might still create some drama because it's not homemade, but you have the dumb cheesecake & can tell them you were just too busy but didn't want to disappoint them because you know how much they wanted the cheesecake.

BTW - I never knew cheesecake could create so much drama! Who cares about stupid cheesecake.

 

[hereyago]

I am soooooo ticked.



I'm PO'd over their garbage and DH is still fixated on the stupid cake. I can't tell if he really doesn't get it or if he's just trying to force me into accommodating the crazy old bat.

He probably just wants you to do it to "not rock the boat" with MIL. He grew up with that behavoir and everyone apparently around her ENABLED her to behave that way, because they didn't want to deal with the fall out if she didn't get her way. They want cheesecake? Tell him he can make it, buy one or whatever, but if I am hosting at my house, NO ONE gets to tell me what I am going to make. I tell you, it isn't fun when you are the only one who won't put up with nonsense.

And how did YOU get roped into cooking for them every Sunday? I wouldn't mind once in awhile, but not every freakin Sunday.

 

[Wishing on a star]

It's NOT about the darn cheesecake.

It is about MIL's need to control everybody...
To demand that her DIL appease/service her.
And to make sure that her son sacrifices his wife to appease her.

 

[wdwmom2]

I'm going to guess that LuvOrlando's strong response was due to years of putting up with the crap. Thre is always a "straw that breaks the camel's back" moment in these situations. I would imagine that if hubby had supported LuvOrlando in dealin with his fmaily, she probably wouldn't have reachd the "moment". But I'm going to guess that LuvOrlando's hubby routinely sides with his mama.

Oh, believe me, I don't disagree that her response is from the years of accumilating crap she has had to deal with. I never had to deal with this kind of MIL, THANK GOD!!! Who knows how I would respond if in the same situation.

But, I know that most people that act like her MIL are just looking for a response, just looking for an arguement. The best way to "get back" at MIL is just not to engage her with what she wants. Again, "killing them with kindness" is often the best comeback you can give. It's just not giving them the satisfaction of starting a disagreement.

 

[antmaril]

It's NOT about the darn cheesecake.

It is about MIL's need to control everybody...
To demand that her DIL appease/service her.
And to make sure that her son sacrifices his wife to appease his mother.

Ding, Ding, Ding - We have a winner!

To the OP - If I were you, I would not serve cheesecake (homemade or store bought) - period. If your MIL wants cheesecake, she can bring it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

just not to engage

Truer words have never been spoken.

But, something tells me that her DH would insist that she engage/appease his mother. He has them living next door, which is, very obviously, for that express purpose.

Sorry OP, I don't have any more specific advice...

But, as has been said many times... In situations like this, one doesn't have an inlaw problem. They have a marriage problem.

 

[java]

Make the cheesecake. It's Christmas. Is the cheesecake worth the fight? They suck - you can't change that. But why let it ruin your holiday.