In-Law Vent

[hentob]

We now don't speak to them because of it!

And rightly so

 

[Mouse House Mama]

In-laws were there long enough to say high, get everyone together to light the candles, sing, cut cake, eat cake and leave. I wasn't even sure they were coming, since they had things they had to juggle around. Mil was not happy I was having the cake that night to begin with.

And no, it isn't a hill to die on, it was just frustrating, and I vented about it, since at times things are just too much, and I know there is nothing I can do to change them. I know if I tell mil or fil not to tell us when to call or just shut them down, no matter how nicely it is said, it would start a hugh fight. It isn't worth it. We just said yes he would call, and he did. The next day, at our convenience, and when DS was in a frame of mind to have a nice conversation with her. If we had pushed him to call that night, I would have gotten a call the next day about how poorly DS was on the phone!!

Yeah, I know how you feel. You just can't please some people no matter what you do. My own grandmother was that way so I get the whole "Did you thank her? She doesn't think you like it! Didn't you tell her that you loved it?" You get the picture I am sure.It does get frustrating and sometimes the stupidest thing will send you over the edge (like the birthday call demand, er request) Anyway, I hope you have a great weekend!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Nope..wouldn't bother me one bit. The only gift she gives them is for their birthday's.

Yea you say that now. I'll save this post and remember it for next year when your new post reads:

"Inconsiderate Great-Grandma didn't send my son a birthday gift"

I still don't think its that big of a deal. A 2 minute phone call wouldn't have killed your kid. I think its all a sense of power and you and great-grandmother both want it, lets see who can win at the game.

Obviously you did this year, because you didn't let the kid make the phone call. To me there are bigger bridges to burn and way more inconsiderate in-law stories out there , just makes me laugh, you are making such a big deal about this.

Sorry the way I feel at least she thinks of him and no matter what you say she did, she bought a card and took time to write a check for your son for his birthday. Try having your kid have grandparents that even seeing them is a chore and I buy the birthday present myself, wrap it and give it to them to give to my kids. Nice huh? Thats why to me this isn't that big a deal.

 

[S. C.]

 

[Skywalker]

I would not allow my child to accept a gift from somebody like that. And I would tell the gift giver the reason why we could not possibly accept a gift with such major strings attached.

A thank you telephone call is major strings attached? Even if they wanted a prompt phone call on the same day, I still don't see that as major strings attached.

 

[Rebelmom67]

A thank you telephone call is major strings attached? Even if they wanted a prompt phone call on the same day, I still don't see that as major strings attached.

God knows if they expected a thank you NOTE!!!

 

[disykat]

I DO think expecting a phone call within hours IS major strings attached. Expecting a thank you note is NOT, unless you say you expect it to arrive on a certain time on a certain day - this it IS.

The OP has been very clear that it was this child's birthday party followed by getting ready for bedtime at which time he clearly wasn't feeling well. He didn't do well talking to the other family member that called. I can't believe the number of people who say they would have called anyway under those circumstances.

To me, it's very clear the OP did the right thing in waiting until the next day to call. Her family members were unrealistic and she had every right to vent.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I DO think expecting a phone call within hours IS major strings attached. Expecting a thank you note is NOT, unless you say you expect it to arrive on a certain time on a certain day - this it IS.

The OP has been very clear that it was this child's birthday party followed by getting ready for bedtime at which time he clearly wasn't feeling well. He didn't do well talking to the other family member that called. I can't believe the number of people who say they would have called anyway under those circumstances.

To me, it's very clear the OP did the right thing in waiting until the next day to call. Her family members were unrealistic and she had every right to vent.

Please tell me you are kidding.
You think a phone call is a major string? Really? Sorry but I don't and I can see that many others don't either. Clearly the OP had other things that got in the way of the phone call and yes, stuff like that does happen. However 2 minutes out of the day is not the end of the world to keep the peace. In the OP's case the day simply got away from her. From what I have read it seems like she would have made the phone call to shut the family up but other stuff happened and before she knew it the child was in bed. Is it a big deal? No, not really but obviously they all know the GGma isn't going to change so they are all trying to avoid the aggravation. It really does happen in many families.
Clearly the OP deals with this type of stuff often and it is annoying, but it's nothing that anyone wants to start WW3 over. So I am guessing that she is venting here and sucking it up with the family to avoid an argument. Sounds like a good plan to me.

 

[hentob]

Please tell me you are kidding.
You think a phone call is a major string?

Minutes after receiving a gift? Calling during a party? Not waiting for a thank you note in the mail?

Yes. Major string.

Give a gift.

Period.

Don't have rules with attatched to the gift

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Minutes after receiving a gift? Calling during a party? Not waiting for a thank you note in the mail?

Yes. Major string.

Give a gift.

Period.

Don't have rules with attatched to the gift

It wasn't a party. It was a few family members over for cake. It's not like the clowns and petting zoo were pulling up. After the family left a 2 minute phone call would have saved a lot of grief. As I stated earlier, the OP clearly had quite a bit going on that day and the evening got away from her. Should the GGma be mad? No. However, if they have always called and this time they didn't maybe she is a bit miffed. Who knows? I just don't think a phone call is a major string. Super annoying? Yes. Beyond that I wouldn't even think about it.

 

[hentob]

After the family left a 2 minute phone call would have saved a lot of grief.

Not putting expectations on a gift would have saved a lot of grief

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Not putting expectations on a gift would have saved a lot of grief

I agree but sometimes you have to deal with the lesser of two evils.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Yea you say that now. I'll save this post and remember it for next year when your new post reads:

"Inconsiderate Great-Grandma didn't send my son a birthday gift"

I still don't think its that big of a deal. A 2 minute phone call wouldn't have killed your kid. I think its all a sense of power and you and great-grandmother both want it, lets see who can win at the game.

Obviously you did this year, because you didn't let the kid make the phone call. To me there are bigger bridges to burn and way more inconsiderate in-law stories out there , just makes me laugh, you are making such a big deal about this.

Sorry the way I feel at least she thinks of him and no matter what you say she did, she bought a card and took time to write a check for your son for his birthday. Try having your kid have grandparents that even seeing them is a chore and I buy the birthday present myself, wrap it and give it to them to give to my kids. Nice huh? Thats why to me this isn't that big a deal.

She didn't buy a card. Card was from Mil and FIL. She didn't even write the check, she had FIL do it (she always has him do it).

My older sons have grandparents(divorced) that never called or did anything once I divorced their son..so yes I have been there also.

 

[C.Ann]

It does seem a little "over the top".. What's the emergency?

 

[JoiseyMom]

It does seem a little "over the top".. What's the emergency?

No emergency..just the way the women is. Mil has told me time and time again that she (meaning her MIL) expects and needs to be constantly thanked over and over again, for whatever it is she might do for anyone. There was a period of a few years that MIL stopped talking to her MIL, and boy was she very happy for those few years!!

 

[AristocatFan]

Please tell me you are kidding.
You think a phone call is a major string? Really? Sorry but I don't and I can see that many others don't either. Clearly the OP had other things that got in the way of the phone call and yes, stuff like that does happen. However 2 minutes out of the day is not the end of the world to keep the peace. In the OP's case the day simply got away from her. From what I have read it seems like she would have made the phone call to shut the family up but other stuff happened and before she knew it the child was in bed. Is it a big deal? No, not really but obviously they all know the GGma isn't going to change so they are all trying to avoid the aggravation. It really does happen in many families.
Clearly the OP deals with this type of stuff often and it is annoying, but it's nothing that anyone wants to start WW3 over. So I am guessing that she is venting here and sucking it up with the family to avoid an argument. Sounds like a good plan to me.

I agree. There are plenty of kids who would love to have a grandparent let a lone receive a gift. So much more bigger issues to worry about. Plus calling soon after opening the gift would have been proper manners, in my opinion. Life's too short and much to often we take people for granted until it's too late.

 

[disykat]

Please tell me you are kidding.
You think a phone call is a major string?

You are continuing to ignore what we are saying. How can you read one part of a sentence, but ignore the other half of the words? No - a phone call is not a major string. Not a single person here has said that. Putting an unreasonable time frame on it IS an unreasonable string.

I will say it again in case you missed it - again. The TIME FRAME expectation is the issue that is up for debate.

Again, I must know a lot of people with really bad manners because I've NEVER heard of anyone making an immediate phone call or writing an immediate thank you card. They are usually done the next day. I've certainly never heard of a family calling and demanding an explanation why they didn't receive an immediate thank you.

If every person who gave a gift expected an immediate thank you and her 8 yr old had to stop after every gift to go in the other room and make a phone call, would that have still have seemed reasonable to you?

We agree on one thing - the OP was just venting. It's not WWIII. That said, I don't think the world is going to end because some people think that it's perfectly reasonable to expect an immediate thank you phone call - I just think it's odd.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

You are continuing to ignore what we are saying. How can you read one part of a sentence, but ignore the other half of the words? No - a phone call is not a major string. Not a single person here has said that. Putting an unreasonable time frame on it IS an unreasonable string.

I will say it again in case you missed it - again. The TIME FRAME expectation is the issue that is up for debate.

Again, I must know a lot of people with really bad manners because I've NEVER heard of anyone making an immediate phone call or writing an immediate thank you card. They are usually done the next day. I've certainly never heard of a family calling and demanding an explanation why they didn't receive an immediate thank you.

If every person who gave a gift expected an immediate thank you and her 8 yr old had to stop after every gift to go in the other room and make a phone call, would that have still have seemed reasonable to you?

We agree on one thing - the OP was just venting. It's not WWIII. That said, I don't think the world is going to end because some people think that it's perfectly reasonable to expect an immediate thank you phone call - I just think it's odd.

I think most people who disagree with the OP heard the whole story. And I believe that it wouldnt have been the end of the world to make a 2 minute phone call to keep the peace. And it wasn't every person who sent a gift, it was 1 person, big difference. If the whole family was demanding an immediate Thank you phone call my opinion would be different. And no one said the kid had to open the gift and run to the phone. He could have made the phone call for 2 minutes before he went to bed.

My DS (10) OK a couple years older had his family party last Sunday. His great grandma is 92 , she sometmes doesn't feel well and we live far so she didn't attend. She sent a gift. , yea DS did call her before he went to bed. Did she request it no, but we thought it was a nice gesture for an elderly lady who sent a gift.

Yea the OP is just venting, but with that people will give opinions its all part of a public message board. People will continue to agree and disagree. No matter what she says I'm sorry I think she was wrong, and rude. If everyone else agrees with her fine, I don't.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I DO think expecting a phone call within hours IS major strings attached. Expecting a thank you note is NOT, unless you say you expect it to arrive on a certain time on a certain day - this it IS.

The OP has been very clear that it was this child's birthday party followed by getting ready for bedtime at which time he clearly wasn't feeling well. He didn't do well talking to the other family member that called. I can't believe the number of people who say they would have called anyway under those circumstances.

To me, it's very clear the OP did the right thing in waiting until the next day to call. Her family members were unrealistic and she had every right to vent.

Minutes after receiving a gift? Calling during a party? Not waiting for a thank you note in the mail?

Yes. Major string.

Give a gift.

Period.

Don't have rules with attatched to the gift

Well I read both sentences and they are pretty clear to me.
Is it a bit much to expect a phone call the same day you get a gift. Yes. Is this the child's GGMA? Yes. Is this the way the woman always is? According to the OP, yes. So 2 minutes to please the woman is not too much to ask for the sake of peace in the family. It is a phone call. They are not asking her to build a momument to commemorate the giving of the check.

 

[hentob]

Life's too short and much to often we take people for granted until it's too late.

See, I look it at a different way

Life is too short to be treated in a manner that you are not comfortable with over and over again.

I don't allow it. Life is too short