In-Law Vent

[JoiseyMom]

I am so annoyed at FIL and his mother. OMG!! DS turned 8 yesterday. We had ice cream cake at 6:30, mil, fil, bil came over. Mil and Fil gave DS a card, inside the card was a check from fil mother (ds great-grandmother). Fil and Mil say please have DS call tonite after he has settled down to thank her.

Well things never settled down. As in-laws are eating cake, we started eating dinner, which had just come off the grill (DS has an activity from 5-5:45)..and we didnt get home till after 6. So we finished eating...kids had their ice cream cake. DS then went to play with his new transformer and his big brother who came to visit yesterday. At bedtime he was still keyed up, and not feeling well (over tired), I couldn't get him into pj's, and he finally went to bed in his clothes. My brother called at 8:30 to wish him a happy birthday, and then I spoke with him, and he was like...wow he really is out of it, is he ok?? I said yes..just not feeling great and needs sleep.

There was never a chance to call anyone to say thank you. I had no reason to feel that he could make the thank you phone calls on Friday when he gets home from school. I mean is there a law that says you have to call and say thankyou within seconds of getting a gift?? ARGH!!

She always does this to us..it;s like you have to bend down and bow and scrape your thanks to her and keep on thanking!! DH told me about the guilt call from his dad when I got home from errands this morning. I told DH give her back her check! He laughed and said the same thing to his dad!!

I am so frustrated with those 2!! They are such PIA!!! The child will call to say thank you, and he will do so within 24 hours of recieving the gift!

Oh should I vent on the political fight my fil wanted to start too??? Nope...we can't do that anymore!! LOL

I will be back for more on Sunday since they are taking us for Dim Sum (I so want to stay home)!!!

 

[npmommie]

oh good grief that would annoy me too! there is no etiquette law saying you have to call immediately! sheesh.

 

[lisajl]

Why on earth would they tell YOU to have him call immediately?

If we get anything from our family members, I have the kids send a card with a sentiment in it. They do have to write what they got and thank who they got it from, but come on. The kids are generally all keyed up from their day, that is just crazy. Give the kids at least 24hours.

 

[blissventure]

Why not have the birthday boy write (with your help) a three sentence or so thank you note? If he wants to draw something, that would be nice, too. Quick, easy, and drop it in the mail. It will mean the world to Great grandma, and when the inlaws ask, tell them the thank you is on it's way.

 

[HGD24]

You're so not alone OP! DH's grandmother is like that. If you don't call within a day of receiving a card in the mail (when she thinks it should have arrived, not when it actually arrives), she calls my MIL and starts questioning whether or not we received the card. MIL lives an hour away and we only talk to her maybe once a week - how would she know? Then she e-mails us and asks us directly. If we say "yes, thank you so much, blah, blah, blah" in an e-mail, that's still not good enough. She has to get a phone call.

It's better than it used to be. Her grandkids were made to write thank you notes when they were little. If they didn't write one right away, she guilted them into it when she saw them, even at 5, 6 years old, they got the guilt trip about how she spent so much time picking out just the right card and then mailing it and they couldn't even write a note back saying thank you.... UGH!

 

[NAB]

Maybe the MIL and FIL got a call from the great grandma wondering why she wasn't thanked. So it goes from them to you then.

If this happens all the time I would have just called her after he opened the card and then there would have been nothing to complain about. People like this never change. How long would a phone call take.

But I agree it shouldn't have to be right away, but it nice to get a thank you or at least something to tell me you received it.

 

[WDSearcher]

I don't get why this is such a big deal. It seems like you're making it WAY more than it is. Your MIL said to have your DS call his great-grandma to thank her. He didn't have the opportunity, apparently, at a time when he could focus on the call. Your DH got a "guilt phone call" from his dad.

Um ... okay. Why is this so amazingly annoying? No one TOLD you that your DS had "to call and say thankyou within seconds of getting a gift." They said to please have him call that night when he settled down. That's not the same thing. And a guilt call from FIL ... isn't that kind of a normal family dynamic? (It is in my family! ) For a great-grandmother -- who may not get to see or talk to her GGS as often as she'd like -- a quick call to tell granny thank you is probably a big deal in her life. The in-laws may want to be sure that thanking great-grandma doesn't get lost in the birthday excitement and the weekend. I don't see that as unreasonable. And I don't see them expecting you to "bow and scrape." I don't get the anger level.

And ... well ... I'm wondering if he's called her yet. (Oh come on ... you know a lot of you are wondering the same thing! )

 

[JoiseyMom]

Maybe the MIL and FIL got a call from the great grandma wondering why she wasn't thanked. So it goes from them to you then.

If this happens all the time I would have just called her after he opened the card and then there would have been nothing to complain about. People like this never change. How long would a phone call take.

But I agree it shouldn't have to be right away, but it nice to get a thank you or at least something to tell me you received it.

Fil did get a call from his mother that she didn't receive a phone call. If it was my DD12, I would have had her call. Getting my DS to stop playing and enjoying his "day", well it wasn't worth the fight..I knew I would have a hard enough time getting him in bed (which I did). I pick my battles with him, and having him put off eating dinner, which was alraedy cold to begin with to make a call that could wait. No.

If my fil wants to cow tow to his mom fine. DH and I don't. She is the biggest PIA in the world, and is lucky I give her the time of day! She is very difficult and not a very nice women. I am cordial to her, because she is my DH's grandmother. My mil actually stopped talking to her for a number of years..and wow..were things easier then...at least at family functions LOL!!!

This is the way she is, and we are like..we will call, and do it..but our time table not hers. DS will call today. He will come home from school, have snack, and before I let him play with his new toy he will call his ggm, and then his g-dmother for their gifts.

To those that suggested drawing a picture or writing a card for her..nope..she watns that thank you immediately!! That is the way she has always been.

Like I said..just needed to vent . Thankfully she isn't always giving them gifts (even though she constantly talks about givng them stuff but never does, because she has no idea what to get them), and I have put the stop on her bringing junk candy into the house!!

Thanks

 

[MinnieTink]

I would find that annoying too. My MIL has done something similar to me too. I don't like feeling like she is "Tisk Tisking" at me. I'm sure you will have your son call or write a little note. She should give you and the kid a break!

 

[JoiseyMom]

I don't get why this is such a big deal. It seems like you're making it WAY more than it is. Your MIL said to have your DS call his great-grandma to thank her. He didn't have the opportunity, apparently, at a time when he could focus on the call. Your DH got a "guilt phone call" from his dad.

Um ... okay. Why is this so amazingly annoying? No one TOLD you that your DS had "to call and say thankyou within seconds of getting a gift." They said to please have him call that night when he settled down. That's not the same thing. And a guilt call from FIL ... isn't that kind of a normal family dynamic? (It is in my family! ) For a great-grandmother -- who may not get to see or talk to her GGS as often as she'd like -- a quick call to tell granny thank you is probably a big deal in her life. The in-laws may want to be sure that thanking great-grandma doesn't get lost in the birthday excitement and the weekend. I don't see that as unreasonable. And I don't see them expecting you to "bow and scrape." I don't get the anger level.

And ... well ... I'm wondering if he's called her yet. (Oh come on ... you know a lot of you are wondering the same thing! )

YOu don't dont ggmil! She does expect bow and scrape and IMMEDIATE satisfaction, which is why in-laws said to have him call last night since they didn't wnat to deal with the phone call they knew they would get today. It is just the way she operates. Now, my fil should have just not called us, and we would have had him call today (no he hasn't yet..he has school, and that comes before phone calls).

My fil brings out the worst in me..he drives me nuts!! Especially where my DS is concerned. He is really an idiot, and doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut! The fact that they live 5 mintues away doesn't help at times either! I am ok with my mil (well most of the time), she is a really nice women but there are things she does that really makes me want to move really really far away!!

 

[blissventure]

YOu don't dont ggmil! She does expect bow and scrape and IMMEDIATE satisfaction, which is why in-laws said to have him call last night since they didn't wnat to deal with the phone call they knew they would get today. It is just the way she operates. Now, my fil should have just not called us, and we would have had him call today (no he hasn't yet..he has school, and that comes before phone calls).

My fil brings out the worst in me..he drives me nuts!! Especially where my DS is concerned. He is really an idiot, and doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut! The fact that they live 5 mintues away doesn't help at times either! I am ok with my mil (well most of the time), she is a really nice women but there are things she does that really makes me want to move really really far away!!

Oh dear! I don't think I'd let them call the shots, I'd do what seemed polite and appropriate. I would take 5 minutes and write a thank you note with son. Then I would mail it--at the post office. That evening I'd give a call to grandma, let son talk, say thanks for her thoughtfulness and a note was dropped in the mail today. End of story. G'ma was called, son is getting accustomed to sending a brief note or note and little picture, and I would consider my job done.

 

[HGD24]

And a guilt call from FIL ... isn't that kind of a normal family dynamic? (It is in my family! )

Not in my family. My parents never guilted us into things so we were brought up to feel that people should do something because they want to, not because they are made to feel sorry for not doing it.

 

[TinkerbEllnor]

I'd be annoyed too. And FTR I have a grandmother like that too.

My personal opinion, whether a person is 8 or 80, is that a birthday is that person's day to do as they choose (within reason of course), but they have no obligation to anyone on that one day.

As an adult, I know I usually don't call anyone on my birthday. I don't need to. They are all calling me, to wish me a happy birthday; and I thank them then if I got something from them in the mail, and also follow up with the mailed note. If she wanted to talk to your DS so badly that day to see how he liked his gift, she could pick up the phone and call him to wish him a happy birthday.

 

[horseshowmom]

I'm one of those people who believe very much in thank you notes. I started with DD when she was about 4. She was able to write a short note (1 sentence or so) and draw a picture. I always had her do that immediately (she couldn't spend the money or cash the check or spend much time playing with the gift before sending the thank you). It must have stuck because she had a bridal shower Sunday, and she had the thank you notes mailed by Tuesday.

All of that said, there's no reason why the phone call had to be immediate. It might have been nice, but I don't think it's necessary - particularly since you were going to have him do it the next afternoon (less than 24 hours later). I really think that in your case I would switch to hand written thank you's. When you get the inevitable "call", you can tell them that he's going to be writing thank you notes from now on, and it will be in the mail shortly.

 

[Buckalew11]

I would find that annoying too. My MIL has done something similar to me too. I don't like feeling like she is "Tisk Tisking" at me. I'm sure you will have your son call or write a little note. She should give you and the kid a break!

 

[sbell111]

Honestly, I got lost in all the abbreviations and have no clue what all the fuss is about.

As near as I can tell, one person didn't attend a birthday party, but sent a gift and asked for a call from the child.

A good time to call did not materialize on that day.

Another person called to speak to the child who was already asleep.

Apparently, I missed the angst in this entire issue. That being said, I totally understand in-law angst. If you sat they are a pain in the buns, I totally believe you because I have three of my own that are as irritating as irritating can be.

 

[Disney Doll]

Pretty simple response to FIL...."There's no law that says a thank you call has to come within 30 seconds of opening the gift. He called and spoke with Great-Grandma today".

Of course, then FIL will say "Well, I'm the one who hears about it if he doesn't do what she wants". Theproper response to that is "It must be hard to have such a difficult mother"...and give a little sympathetic gaze in his direction.

End of discussion.

If you don't engage, they won't either.

 

[KSchwagg86]

Gosh it's not like you two are 8 years olds running around with a kid--you are ADULTS...You know how to thank someone for something!

 

[ols386]

I don't get why this is such a big deal. It seems like you're making it WAY more than it is. Your MIL said to have your DS call his great-grandma to thank her. He didn't have the opportunity, apparently, at a time when he could focus on the call. Your DH got a "guilt phone call" from his dad.

Um ... okay. Why is this so amazingly annoying? No one TOLD you that your DS had "to call and say thankyou within seconds of getting a gift." They said to please have him call that night when he settled down. That's not the same thing. And a guilt call from FIL ... isn't that kind of a normal family dynamic? (It is in my family! ) For a great-grandmother -- who may not get to see or talk to her GGS as often as she'd like -- a quick call to tell granny thank you is probably a big deal in her life. The in-laws may want to be sure that thanking great-grandma doesn't get lost in the birthday excitement and the weekend. I don't see that as unreasonable. And I don't see them expecting you to "bow and scrape." I don't get the anger level.

And ... well ... I'm wondering if he's called her yet. (Oh come on ... you know a lot of you are wondering the same thing! )

I guess, I don't really understand it either. I think I might just ignore the whole thing.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I'm going to be the voice of dissent.
Okay I get that he didn't call on Sunday. But there are many days between Sunday and Friday. Why couldn't you have dialed the phoned and handed it to him on Monday? Sorry, while I don't believe in guilt calls I do believe in having my DD thank her grandparents and her great-grandmother asap.
My ILs live out of state. When the gift arrives we pick up the phone, she chats for 60 seconds and hands the phone over to one of us. Obligation done, ILs know she received the gift. They're happy, DD is happy and we're happy. Simple and end of story.

Not quite sure why you are so bent out of shape about it. Should have had him call earlier in the week.