In-Law Vent

[EMom]

MY adult kids now email their grannies thank you notes and grannies both tell me how much appreciate that-they only send cards, no money , as both are very poor.


A thank you within a few days is fine. TO expect a call within hours of a child's ecited birthday party is RIDICULOUS!

Amen. The party starts at 6:00. The kid has to eat, open gifts, go back to eating, have cake sometime in there, visit with grandparents, get ready for bed, visit with a sibling he doesn't see much and still aim for an 8:00 bedtime.......Which he missed. Sounds to me as if the mom had her hands full fitting all that in to a FEW short hours and still managing to get a kid who was probably hyped up from all the bday joy into bed at a decent hour. (I think she said he had school the next day. ) Even if she HAD somehow gotten him to sit still for a phone call, who knows what would have come out of his little mouth. It was probably smarter to wait until the next day anyway, and give him a chance to chill out and get back to normal before he made that call.

Anyone who expects a small child to make a thank you call on the night of his birthday party, when he only has 2 to 2.5 hours from the time the party starts until bedtime (and DINNER is in there as well) is demanding, unrealistic, and needs to get a clue that the world does not revolve around them. I'm a stickler for thank you cards, but a call the next day is perfectly reasonable. I'll be danged if I'd let great-grandma yank my chain.

 

[Boxley]

Amen. The party starts at 6:00. The kid has to eat, open gifts, go back to eating, have cake sometime in there, visit with grandparents, get ready for bed, visit with a sibling he doesn't see much and still aim for an 8:00 bedtime.......Which he missed. Sounds to me as if the mom had her hands full fitting all that in to a FEW short hours and still managing to get a kid who was probably hyped up from all the bday joy into bed at a decent hour. (I think she said he had school the next day. ) Even if she HAD somehow gotten him to sit still for a phone call, who knows what would have come out of his little mouth. It was probably smarter to wait until the next day anyway, and give him a chance to chill out and get back to normal before he made that call.

Anyone who expects a small child to make a thank you call on the night of his birthday party, when he only has 2 to 2.5 hours from the time the party starts until bedtime (and DINNER is in there as well) is demanding, unrealistic, and needs to get a clue that the world does not revolve around them. I'm a stickler for thank you cards, but a call the next day is perfectly reasonable. I'll be danged if I'd let great-grandma yank my chain.

I agree, however I don't understand how a kid can have a birthday party two hours away from bedtime, add in sugar of the cake and of course the kid is going to be wired and unable to relax. Maybe to the mind of the grandmother, if he had time to have a party before bedtime, he had time make a simple call.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I agree, however I don't understand how a kid can have a birthday party two hours away from bedtime, add in sugar of the cake and of course the kid is going to be wired and unable to relax. Maybe to the mind of the grandmother, if he had time to have a party before bedtime, he had time make a simple call.

It wasn't a party. We celebrate our kids birthday's on their actual birthday. We usually go out to dinner, but since DS had an activity from 5:00 - 5:45, we were just doing cake that night. My kids do get dessert at night..usually a cookie or small serving of ice cream. So having a small piece of ice cream cake was not out of the question. The only time that night to have the cake was 6:30, I picked an actual time, since my in-laws wanted to be there. And no, they (or should I say MIL), wasn't really happy about the timing, sicne I think she and fil had plans, which is fine, if they couldn't be there they couldn't be there. All it was was a cake and singing happy birthday. DS got his gifts from me, DH and DD after HW and before activity. Grandparents came over and gave him a card.

He was hyped up enough from it just being his birthday!! He is very easily excitable!! And my son is always wired, its called ADHD! The only time he isn't is when he is sleepy or tired, he is always on the go. So again, he wasn't sugared up, he had a small piece of ice cream cake. What hyped him up, was his birthday, seeing his grandparents, uncle and big brother (now since everyone is local he seems them a few times during the month), but them being there for just HIM, hyped him up even more. He also adores his big brother's bbqing and wanted a BB burger! So, lots going on, especially for him in a very small window.

Now I would have loved for the "celebration" to have been just Me, DH, DD, DS and DS. But well...life doesn't usually go the way we always want.

And no, ggmil didn't think it was a party. She just wants and expects thanks immediately and often, which was why the in-laws told us to have him call. DH and I are on the same page as his family, and we deal with them in an appropriate manner. They don't like it cause we don't cave whenever they want. And yes, I vented because it get's tiresome when you don't do anything wrong, morally, ethically or according to normal standards of etiguette. I have enough things going on with my life to have to worry about placating the in-laws. And since I can't tell them to F. off.. we smile and do things our way, and I vent.

 

[kaytieeldr]

And yes, I vented because it get's tiresome when you don't do anything wrong, morally, ethically or according to normal standards of etiguette.

Okay, you don't do anything wrong. Fine. (sincerely - no sarcasm; merely reiterating the quoted poster's claim).
Knowing your DH's family, and your son - did you tell your in-laws while they were in your home (e.g. in immediate response to being told GGMa expected a 'thank you' call that same evening) that you would have your son call his great-grandmother the following day instead of that night? It seems - again, given your family experience - wouldn't this have saved much angst on all sides... and several pages of bandwidth

 

[saratogadreamin09]

Ok, after reading this whole thread (very entertaining BTW) I have seen where you have come from but I also see where the in-laws came from. I know this is a vent and you dont want to hear differing opinions, but people will always share differing opinions.


Personally, I think you should have just had your son call that night. If he had to be in bed by 8, couldn;t you have just pushed his bedtime back 5 minutes to make the call. If the in-laws have been lke this before then you should have jsut expected this and tried to prevent it.

 

[Bluestars]

I have enough things going on with my life to have to worry about placating the in-laws. And since I can't tell them to F. off.. we smile and do things our way, and I vent.

Something tells me they already know you would like to say that to them.

 

[ols386]

Something tells me they already know you would like to say that to them.

Probably so.