In-Law Rant!

[leighe]

DH and I are buying a new house. We have looked and looked and looked and finally found a few that we thought were perfect. Of course I liked one better and he liked another, but no big deal.
Well, then he starts asking his mom and dad to go to every showing with us! I was upset that he asked them because I knew once they got involved that they would ultimately make the decision. They are so wierd about stuff - DH is so desperate for his Dad's approval! Why can't they just say "I love you." But no - the way DH says "I love you" to his parents is by finding the exact house they approve of!

Anyway we had it narrowed down to two and had an appointment to look at a third but weren't expecting much. The third turned out to be perfect! We made an offer right there! Well, DH went to play softball and I was at home doing laundry. He called me and said, "My parents love the house!" I said, "When did your parents see the house?" After DH left to play softball he called his parents, they then called our realtor and got her to take them out to the house! I was fuming and DH thinks I'm being ridiculous! I mean, I love the house and I'm glad they like it too, but I don't really think it should matter if they like it or not! I always feel like it's the three of them against me. DH is an only child, I have a brother and a sister - we were brought up in completely different environments. Ex: His mom thinks having birthday parties for children is completely extravagant! She says a cake at home is plenty! I think they look at me like this spoiled brat Barbie-type person (not looks-wise - oh, I can't explain it.) Once MIL and I were having this heart-to-heart for some reason and she told me that she felt that she had been too interested in her career and hadn't been a very good mother to DH. I don't need to hear that stuff. I really do like them - I love them in fact. I know all families aren't like mine, but they DRIVE ME CRAZY! It doesn't help that we live 2 1/2 hours from my family but 15 minutes from his.

Sorry for the rant! Thanks for listening!

 

[Cruise04]

I totally understand.

No advice but I can offer hugs!!!!

 

[minniecarousel]

Look at it this way: both you & your DH love the house. Consider it a bonus that his folks like it!

 

[Hillbeans]

Leigh, well I hate to say this but I think it's really your DH's "fault" because he's the one who called them to go look at the house. If he hadn't called, you'd not be having this issue.

That's not to say what he did was wrong, however I can't place all the blame on the in-laws if he's encouraging the behavior.

Perhaps you and your DH need to talk about this sort of thing before something like this happens again. Are your in-laws paying for part of the house?? If so, your DH may feel obligated to show them for that reason.

 

[disykat]

I'd be mad too - at dh. It sounds like he is inviting them into decisions that should belong to the two of you. My dh has this problem too, but we have worked on it. It took a marriage counselor to convince him that his parents didn't belong in every aspect of our marriage. We had to set parameters for a while - for example he agreed to only call them once a week. IMO it was like my dh was being emotionally unfaithful by going to his parents for support, sometimes instead of me.

 

[kasar]

They are so wierd about stuff - DH is so desperate for his Dad's approval! Why can't they just say "I love you."

Been there. I really don't understand my ILs and my DH has about given up on it as well. Sad, actually.

 

[stitch79]

I think I'd be looking for a house farther awhile from your inlaws.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

It also sounds like your husband is very excited about the house and he wanted to share his excitement with his loved ones. Family can also be very honest with you and point out negatives in a house that you may have overlooked.

I think I would be angry with DH not the ILs. They may think that you want their opinion since their DS called them to see the house.

BTW, my mom is the one that thinks my children should only have a homemade cake for a birthday. LOL

It is difficult balancing that fine line with the ILs. Good Luck!

Lori

 

[DVC-Don]

Originally posted by stitch79
I think I'd be looking for a house farther awhile from your inlaws.

Ditto. If his parents can drive there to look it over, then it is too close to them.

 

[Pin Wizard]

I hear you! In my opinion, it's long over due to cut the apron strings. And my husband was the same way. Not with buying a house because I talked him into moving to another state, but I always felt like number two...his dad came first. Not fun, and it shouldn't be like that once you're married! I would have been ticked off, too. (Care to guess why I wanted to move?)

 

[CBRorBust]

this thread should have been titled DH Rant!



Good Luck

 

[dumboiu]

Just remember, you saw the house first and loved it! They are actually validating your good taste. Be happy and let it go. There are much greater things in the world to get worked up over than an AGREEMENT between your DH and inlaws.

 

[JayCT]

What is wrong with having his parents see the house when it sounds like you and he had already made a decision to buy it?

When you marry someone (especially an only child that is close to his parents), you do not only marry them, you marry their family too. If you can not accept their family, how can you accept them? They are what made him or her what they are.

I have a friend who cut off his parents because of his stuck-up wife thought she was better then them. The parents refused to lend them money to buy a bigger house (they already had a nice home, but she wanted a bigger place), so she cut them off from their son as well as the rest of his siblings. Obviously he was to blame for letting it happen. The parents were not wealthy and were about to retire, so they did not think it was important to lend them any money. The separation really hurt the parents. When his parents died and he showed up to the funeral, I refused to offer my condolences to him and I hope he knew why. He hurt the ones that did so much for him. In my book, he is a very inconsiderate selfish person and the wife is a *****.

 

[mep319]

Completely understand would like to strangle my MIL. If you ask her she is completely responsible for the raising of my Dd, the purchase of our home...apparently I can't even pick out my own clothing! She even tells folks she "practically raised DD"

When our home was under construction she came to tell me the contractor put the wrong tub in. Well we hadn't even been in our house but she apparently was taking daily tours! WE were told we couldn't go into until a certain point b/c it was unsafe...she snuck in every nite to "check things out!" I hadn't even been in my house yet!!!

When I was pregnant she and my mother both wanted to buy the crib...we one day she shows up at my house with a crib and dresser...I didn't even get to pick it out...the set for my one and only child! I was in tears and she and DH couldn't understand why.

Could you tell I could go on and on.....
Deep breaths! I just advoid her as much as possible!

 

[sissybells]

leighe,
Where in Lexington do you live? We just moved here the beginning of April. We live in the Hamburg Pavilion area.

 

[Beauty]

I am that way with my mother, I share just about everything with her, she lives with DH and I. I am the luckyest person in the world though because my DH feels the same way about my mother that I do. She is literally his mother as well.

To make a long sad story short we both cut ties with DH's family years ago and my mother is the only parent either of us has.

I don't think there will ever be a time in my adult life that I'm not this close to my mother, I'm just glad my DH shares my feelings for her.

 

[Cinderellafifi]

In this case, your DH is at fault, not in-laws. But, you should let it go. It is only going to waste your precious energy being mad - I'd save it for another time. Hate to say it, but it sounds like there will be other times. I can't stand my in-laws and right now I am ready to cut them off for good. At least you can say you love yours.

Good luck and congrats on the house!!!

 

[antbritt]

leighe
I could write pages and pages of the stuff my now ex MIL ( thank god for that ) did to me!! But I won't as it is all water under the bridge but I wll say this: It really is your husband's fault as he not only had his paents see the house but he told you about it after he did it.
But on the Bright Side YOU did pick it out first and it is what you want so I say maybe you should just let this one go. |
You should maybe have a talk with your DH about his need to have his parents approval. He should realize that he can have Faith in Himself to make his own choices. MAye he is afraid of making a mistake.
Good Luck to you and CONGRATS on your New Home!!!

 

[LuvN~Travel]

I say get it in writing that they love it, too. So when things that may go wrong with it down the road do, just remind them that THEY loved it too.
His parents sound like my grandparents did, when we bought our first house. My grandfather said something that I thought my husband would almost bust a gut over. Of course he managed to put them in their place better than anyone I know! And, nicely too.
Good luck with the new house.
Kim