I'm furious... What should I say?

[TwitterMouse]

I hate people. Oh so very much.
I had a girlfriend when I was a soph in high school. Things were a bit difficult and weird between us. She couldn't pick up on subtle things, like if I was irratated or sad, I'd have to say it, she couldn't tell by how I was moving/acting. Anyway, we went out for a while and ended up breaking it off and just being good friends. When we were going out she told me she has Asperger's, I didn't know anything about it. In retrospect that does explain some of the difficulties we had. Well, whatever, we're still friends.
She called me in tears today. She told the girl she's dating that she has Asperger's and that girl broke up with her, saying she "didn't want to date a retard".
I'm very close to finding out who this girl is and beating the crap out of her.
I tried to tell my friend that she's smart, wonderful, and that other girl doesn't know what she's talking about.
After my doctor's appt I'm going and spending the night with her, because she's just distraught.
I'm baking cookies to bring, and I'm bringing my SD so she can hold him as well (she loves my SD). I don't know what to say to her though. I can't believe someone would be so ignorant as to say that! Ugh. People suck so bad!
What should I say? I'm clueless and I can't seem to think much past wanting to go knock some sense into that girl. (However, I won't... an idiot isn't worth getting arrested... I have to keep reminding myself of that).

 

[Cheshire Figment]

Before I retired, when I would teach aa class I had a slide that I always ran at the beginning of the class. This makes me, in a way, think of that slide:

Three Definitions:

Ignorance - Lack of knowledge (this can be cured).

Stupidity - Ignorance coupled with an unwillingness to learn (Many people consider this a Capital crime).

Stupid Question - A question which you do not ask as you are afraid it will show ignorance (and probably other people have the same question).

And you are right, it is not worth getting arrested. But also I think that Karma does work, and that person will eventually find they made a very bad mistake which may come back and bite her.

 

[tacomaranch]

I am amazed and shocked at how people can be so cruel. Please give your friend a hug and the cookies will make it better. At least while the sugar hits.

 

[pcparamedics01]

What should I say? I'm clueless and I can't seem to think much past wanting to go knock some sense into that girl. (However, I won't... an idiot isn't worth getting arrested... I have to keep reminding myself of that).[/QUOTE]


People are mean at times. Well it is not worth beating someone up and getting arrested for it! I know you used it in a figure of speech no less. But literally! It is aweful to overcome, however it is life! I know first hand because I have a son with HFA. He is in elementary school. No horrific things so far. Middle school and high school will be a challenge!


An exta cookie on me !

 

[SueM in MN]

I agree with the others.
Beating up the other person won't change her mind, it will just get you in trouble.

The girl who said that is the loser - her attitude lost her the opportunity for finding out how smart, wonderful and amazing your friend is.

You sound like a good friend.

 

[WildGrits]

She told the girl she's dating that she has Asperger's and that girl broke up with her, saying she "didn't want to date a retard".

She doesn't want to date a retard. But she didn't consider your friend to be one UNTILL she told her she had a Dx?

A quote from Dictionary.com:
re·tard Pronunciation ree-tahrd
Slang: Disparaging.
a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way:

I have found that usually the person using this insult fits the discription better than the person they are calling one.

Trust me Karma is real. And you usually you don't even have to wait too long to see it happen.

 

[KPeveler]

that is the one word i cannot STAND to have people say! I can let a lot of things go by, but i have been known to tell on my boss when she used that word at work!

i think your friend is well shot of that awful person. and i also believe in Karma. what goes around comes around!

 

[pcparamedics01]

and i also believe in Karma. what goes around comes around!

It is just a matter of time right?

 

[BeckyScott]

Oh yeah, it's so true. I've had Karma bite me in the butt more than once! But I've had it work the other way around, too.

Really, and not like this will make her feel any better right now, but people break up all the time for stupid reasons. In this case, it's sad and pathetic that it happened for that reason, that's just not right. But people sometimes are pretty stupid. (and certainly not your friend, but her ex) People dump other people because they snore or because they gain ten pounds or, you know, lots of really silly reasons-- and it's not the dumpee that has the problem, it's the dumper, they're the one that's messed up! Geez, I've had guys dump me for no reason at all, but trust me in retrospect I was alot better off in the end because every one of them turned out to be a total idiot.

Your friend got some valuable insight into the character of the ex, if she feels that way about someone with Asperger's, I imagine she's probably pretty judgemental about anyone that's "different". Who wants to hang out with someone like that? No no no, I know she doesn't want to hear it right now, but she's alot better off.

 

[OneLittleSpark]

I am so so sorry your friend had to go through that. It really is awful. If I had a magic wand that I could wave to take all her hurting away I would, but sadly that's not the way the world works.

I know it won't make her feel better now but, as others have said, someone who can be that judgmental of somebody they had chosen to enter into a relationship with, is not someone you want to be associated with. She doesn't sound like a particularly caring or empathetic person. She may well have some deep seated issues that caused her to react like this (not for one moment trying to justify her actions, just trying to show that it is not your friend's fault).

I don't really know if there's anything in particular that you can say, just make sure you're there for her. If she knows that she has friends who believe in her, who know that it is the other woman's loss, not her fault, she can get through this. Cookies and hugs will help too.

As with all hurts, this cut will eventually heal. Unfortunately it may leave a scar, but it will also hopefully help her to grow. Flowers can't grow with sunshine alone; they need rain and a whole heap of cr*p to bloom.

 

[Marie14625]

We have a sign posted here in our office. Here is what it says:

I am not a client

I am not a resident

I am not a patient

I am not my disability

I am a person

I am a citizen

I am an individual

I have value and worth

Recognise this!!!

 

[handicap18]

She doesn't want to date a retard. But she didn't consider your friend to be one UNTILL she told her she had a Dx?

A quote from Dictionary.com:
re·tard Pronunciation ree-tahrd
Slang: Disparaging.
a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way:

I have found that usually the person using this insult fits the discription better than the person they are calling one.

Trust me Karma is real. And you usually you don't even have to wait too long to see it happen.

As a parent to a child who is Intellectually Challanged, I personally find the "R" word to be on par with the "N" word.

To the person who used the word towards your friend... be rid of her. If she is going to have that attitude then your friend didn't need her. People don't need other people like that in their lives.