If you don't work, what do you tell people you do?

[kinntj]

Domestic goddess.

 

[LaurenLC]

Domestic goddess.

Ohhhh, I like that one!

 

[Family Fun Mom]

I always say I'm a "kept woman."

People often lose interest in me as soon as they hear I "don't work," as if I'm less of a person or couldn't possibly have any interests or intellect because I choose to stay home with my kids. My life is very full and I'm so sick of defending my choice. It's much harder now that the kids are getting older. People really don't understand why I still don't have a job outside the home when the kids are all in school. However, I find they need me more now than they did when they were young. It's crazy busy madness! I honestly don't know how working moms manage it all.

 

[memster]

Sugar daddy

Good one

 

[bumbershoot]

I just tell them I don't work for money, I work for my family.

I love that one.

It is none of her business. But, if you wanted to answer I would have said a SAHM (if you have children) or a Housewife if you don't. Don't ever let people feel guilty for the choices you make. My DD goes to a private school. Most mom's don't work. One was trying to set up a play date with me and I said I couldn't do it during the week that I work full time. She looked at me so sad and said, "oh, I'm so sorry you have to work." I looked her dead straight and said don't be sorry, it is my choice to work. This shut her up.

If you had been like my mom, who did not have the choice at all, you probably would have appreciated the empathy.

I plan on quitting my job when my baby is born and if anyone asks me I'll probably say that I'm a housewife and watch their jaw drop.

Jaws drop more when you're an "at home fiancee". Not that I'd know anything about that...OK I do. My jobs were causing some problems with my mental state (I take things too seriously to be in customer service for too long...answering things thoroughly and perfectly takes too much time, and answering things halfway couldn't be done by me, and I hated when people were unreasonable), and DH finally said I should just quit and plan our wedding full time. Oh what a sigh of relief. For both of us (he was tiring of my crying and nervousness every morning).

Nope.

Harder job is being a Mom with a full time job. You parent just as well as SAHM, you kids turn out as well and you work full time.

Double the work.

Why on earth did you open the thread if that's all you wanted to do?

At at home parent is doing the job of daycare/babysitter AND all the things you do when you get home, so...still, by your definition, double the work. Add in homeschooling and you get full-time teacher and the things you do at home. Without 2 15 minute breaks or a lunch break. And, depending on the age of the child...no solo bathroom breaks, either.

Seems it's about equal, just without the extra money.

This is a very painful topic for me because I am on disability. I have several autoimmune conditions that are pretty much invisible to inquisitive people. Most people are kind and understanding, but some are not. My partner is in a very high income level and some of her peers see me as healthy and taking advantage of her (unless the neurological aspect of my disease is flared up, then they just assume I am a drunk when I stumble around and slur my words). It's very hard for me because I struggle with feelings of worthlessness a lot, as I'm sure many people on disability do. I do accomplish things, though I do not earn a living. On my good days I tend to the house and cook dinner and other things, but on bad days I may be in bed all day on strong pain meds. It's not the life I asked for and I did everything you are supposed to do. I spent eight years in college and worked only a few years before getting sick. I took care of my health...never smoked, rarely drank, did not use drugs, and ate healthy. But I got sick anyway and sometimes I feel guilty for it.

Anyway, I never know how to answer that question and always dread it. But I have to admit, I LOVE this answer:

I'll be honest though, I have a super super active personality and have worked full time since highschool. I was bored out of my mind during my maternity leave and the occasional disability leave I have had to take over the years (once the pain & /or drugs wore off!).... my house was spotless and I had accomplished all the other stuff I normally do and it was like I don't know... 10am?? I found myself making up jobs!!!!!! My mom said that I have been a wirlwind since birth.. I have 2 speeds.. sound asleep and wirlwind mode.. always have... I *need* lots of tasks or else I begin to annoy others and myself

If you live in WA, would you like to come over and help me organize my condo? I need someone with that energy!




To answer the question...it used to be "I'm at home with my son" or "my job is to keep my son alive, and if I clean part of the house during the day it's a bonus"...now it's "I homeschool my son".

But I rarely get the question, and when I do it's usually from someone else who is in my shoes. Plus, I say it with excitement and a big smile, so to insult it would be, well, insulting. And obvious.

 

[shortbun]

I tell them I'm retired. It's true but there's so much more to it. They never ask for an elaboration. 'Retired' seems to imply something.

 

[mefordis]

I just say I stay at home and take care of the kids. I tried having a career after my first was born, and it killed me to leave her. When she turned 8 months old I said goodbye to my six figure salary and never looked back.

 

[Saphire]

I tell them I'm retired. It's true but there's so much more to it. They never ask for an elaboration. 'Retired' seems to imply something.

I would never question a woman who said she works in the home exclusively, but it's funny that you mention retirement. After being on a cruise and meeting many retired people, I kept wanting to ask..."but what do you DO all day?"

 

[KristaTX]

After being on a cruise and meeting many retired people, I kept wanting to ask..."but what do you DO all day?"

It's so funny the things we wonder about other people's things they do, or that they don't do.

I've been on two cruises. One was the Ebert/Roeper Disney cruise film festival, and that kept us busy and entertained. But if we hadn't had all the special events related to the festival, I'd have been bored much of the time. Kind of like I was a lot of the time on the other cruise we took, which was to Alaska! I still ask people who cruise a lot, "What do you do all day when you go on a cruise ??" .

I can't for the life of me figure out what people do on those two week Panama Canal crossing Disney cruises. I'd go nuts and feel so trapped.

 

[Kitty 34]

I'd tell people I work most of the day and then come home and do the SAHM things but just in a lot less time!!! Of course now that my sons are grown the SAHM things are a lot easier and take up less time!!!

 

[Planogirl]

That is the kind of uncalled for guilt/shame that I sometimes feel when people do the pushing thing. Maybe we'll have to get together, and then we have another thing that we can say we "do" .

Oh yeah - "People" is another important "activity" I left off. Because I am not working full-time or even at all right now, I am able to spend a great deal of time with my parents who live about 30 minutes away. That is soooo important to me, especially as I see us all getting older. I also have time to get together with friends during the day, although lately I haven't done enough of that.



That is so very true.

So much of my problem is that DH has lost a job twice in the past and that is always on my mind in this economy. I wouldn't want to cause any extra hardship.

Spending time with your parents is a great thing to do. My father is deceased and my mother...I won't go there. You just never know.

Are there still north Texas meets? Maybe that will be something we can do.

 

[Keli]

I am surprised at the number of folks that consider these types of questions as rude.
I never thought of them as rude at all, more like a getting to know you type of thing.

I will admit to feeling a little intimidated when in the company of several woman with high-powered type jobs and I'm the only one with a not-too-important (IMHO) type of job. But hey, it helps dh and I pay the bills and I am happy with my job overall so I make myself let go of the intimidation I'm feeling because I know that's me, not the people around me.

 

[Planogirl]

I think that most just ask out of curiosity and as a way to start a conversation. I suspect that many of us feel intimidated mostly because we're afraid of what they'll think and not really because they plan to be rude. I know that that's my problem!

I can always find plenty to do. If not doing something around the house then there's volunteering, courses, exercise, bargain shopping, etc.

 

[Aimeedyan]

Part of my profession involves meeting - and getting to know - many people, especially parents. "What do you do" or some variation of that question is one of the first things I ask people when we first meet. I've never considered it rude; it's an opportunity for a conversation, shared experience, or similar interest. Many of those that I meet along the way (male AND female) stay home and to date, I don't recall anyone who seemed bent out of shape because I asked.

Typically, the conversation leads into how they spend their time and what they are passionate about - remember, much of the fabulous non-profit work in this country is done by people who don't work at a paying job I know in my work, I rely heavily on those who give their daytime hours towards great causes that they value.

(perhaps I should mention that I'm not a cashier )

 

[jodifla]

Part of my profession involves meeting - and getting to know - many people, especially parents. "What do you do" or some variation of that question is one of the first things I ask people when we first meet. I've never considered it rude; it's an opportunity for a conversation, shared experience, or similar interest. Many of those that I meet along the way (male AND female) stay home and to date, I don't recall anyone who seemed bent out of shape because I asked.

Typically, the conversation leads into how they spend their time and what they are passionate about - remember, much of the fabulous non-profit work in this country is done by people who don't work at a paying job I know in my work, I rely heavily on those who give their daytime hours towards great causes that they value.

(perhaps I should mention that I'm not a cashier )

Great post. People are just trying to get to know you! Says a lot if you are offended by that......

 

[sparks19]

Who works harder depends on the daY lol

If my hubby had a crazy day where he was all over gods creation and dealing with problem after problem and i spent the day taking DD to the park and then doing crafts. He definitely worked harder that day

If he spent his day in his office just doing busy work and i was home dealing with a sick and seriously cranky 3 year old and the dogs were being crazy and i was still trying to just go pee but dont have a chance. I worked harder that day lol

But on average we both work very hard everyday and im glad that he doesnt hold the opinion that he works harder just because i stay home and i also dont hold the opinion that i work harder. We both contribute equally to this life together

 

[Bi-winning]

If anyone scoffs at a stay-at-home mom, they are idiots. Though many mothers opt for a career and put their children in day care, which there is nothing wrong with, there is something very noble, in my opinion, about caring for a child full time.

 

[Irish9697]

Try being a single mom with a full time job.... especially when you're the BOSS in both places! I barely remember my name!

DITTO!

I did the SAHM thing for a few years from about 99-06 and I thought, at the time that I was doing it, that it was the hardest job I'd ever done.

Fast forward to divorced with non-existent dad for the past 5 years...

I am a full-time mom and a full-time employee (being a CPA that means 50+ hours many times per year). I have a great job and it is, thankfully(!!), very flexible. But, I routinely work more than 45 hours per week. I still maintain the house, our lives, my kids' extracurriculars, the pets (5 cats and a dog), our life and everything basically and still make time to work out. Is it easy? I don't know. It's my life and I'm doing fine. So, I am ok. We vacation several times a year and I live for that! But, when people ask me what I do, I don't say that I am a CPA, mom and then give them the whole saga. When people ask, it's just a question to relate to someone. CPA gives them the info they need, so I am good with that.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

If anyone scoffs at a stay-at-home mom, they are idiots. Though many mothers opt for a career and put their children in day care, which there is nothing wrong with, there is something very noble, in my opinion, about caring for a child full time.

Very sweet. This post reminded me of a little story my friend told me about, the Invisible Mom.

 

[KristaTX]

Are there still north Texas meets? Maybe that will be something we can do.

There are still meets, but I haven't been to many in a while. A DISer with the user name Haley Whippet (Deb) has been planning them, but they are usually on Sundays. We have a harder time making it on Sunday afternoons than we did when they were on Saturdays. She does the planning mostly by e-mail now. PM me here if you want me to have her add you to the e-mail list.