If you don't work, what do you tell people you do?

[Jeniferdwn]

I haven't read all 4 pages of comments, but I always laugh when it's "quitting time" at work and I say I'm off to my second job. I am a mom, maid, tutor, chauffer, and chef for my 2 kids and 2 dogs and I am the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) of our home. Oh, and I'm a wife......hmmm....wonder why that came in last?? LOL

 

[palavra]

I don't take it as being rude or nosy, they are just trying to start a conversation. I don't think anyone should feel bad about not "earning" a living. I did work for 32 years, now I "stay home" and believe me, it is harder than going to an office every day. There is always something that needs cleaning!

I was a SAHM for 18 months. I've been a school teacher for the last 8 years. There are certainly some aspects of SAH that I didn't enjoy, but to say it is harder is not true, unless the WOHM can afford a cleaning person. As it is now, I work until 4:00 or so, and then come home to all the things that still need to be done like laundry, dishes and making dinner. Most of the time, i feel like I am working about 15 hours a day.

 

[DisneyLover83]

For those of you who have children, just think how it feels when this subject comes up for those of us who DON'T have children but who also don't work outside the home. I recently quit my part-time job, and I hate it when this subject comes up. On top of it all, I hated my chosen college degree and career - being a registered nurse. How dare someone dislike such a "wonderful" occupation?? <insert more feelings of guilt>



I don't think that is most people's intention. Maybe some, but not most. But the people your husband works with may not be "most people", depending on what field he is in. But I know what you mean. When it gets to me is when people push push push the subject. I have been put into that position before.

Most are great when I say I stay home and take care of the bills, the taxes, the yard, the grocery shopping, the laundry, the oil changes, the cooking, the cleaning, the ironing, the vet visits, and so on, so that our weekends and evenings are mostly free to do whatever we want. We have been married for 20 years, and we travel quite a bit - more than we would be able to if I had a full-time job. Most people understand that and think it's great. If my husband finds out a few weeks before a business trip that it's to someplace interesting, it is an option for me to go with him and extend it into a little vacation.

But there are those few people who just stare at you and then probe with more questions:

Why don't you become a nurse practitioner?? (They completely miss the part about my dislike of nursing).
Why don't you work in another hospital?? (again - disregarding what I've said)).
Why don't you go back to school??
Why don't you find another job?? There must be something out there that you could do!!

And then there are comments like "You're so lucky to be a 'lady of leisure'", or "What are you doing with all your time?", or "Aren't you bored?". And those comments often come from people who are NOT strangers.Ugh. I hate it. I hate the questions, and attempts to help me "remedy" the situation. It's not broken, people!!

But I don't mind it when someone simply asks, "What do you do for a living?", listen to my explanation, and leave it at that.



I agree. Most people are just trying to start a conversation and express interest in you. It's like a child asking "What's your favorite color?".



I think that is a good point. While intellectually I know that what I am doing is right for me and for my husband at this point in our lives and marriage, I hate that I sometimes feel ashamed or guilty when the subject comes up .

The bolded above is mine, I graduated with an Accountung degree in December and have not been able to find a job. I did not work while I was in school so Dh and I just keep living how we always have been. The worst comments are not from strangers but family and friends, I also recently got the "Lady of Leisure" comment. This situation works well for Dh and I, I keep very busy with productive things and this leaves DH to have stress free weekends. I do not see why it is anyone else's business what I do with my time

 

[Robinrs]

Nope.

Harder job is being a Mom with a full time job. You parent just as well as SAHM, you kids turn out as well and you work full time.

Double the work.

Try being a single mom with a full time job.... especially when you're the BOSS in both places! I barely remember my name!

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

My easiest days when I worked part-time outside the home WERE the days I worked outside the home and my kids were in daycare. My house stayed clean. Of course, I've always been very lucky to have a husband who also never considered it MY job to do it all at home, even since I've been a full-time SAHM.

 

[SaraJayne]

I'm not wading into the Mommy Wars...others can duke that out this time.

OP, what I say is "Wellll, I used to be a SAHM. Now, I'm a stay-at-home-alone Mom."

Our kids are 14 and 9 (and in school) and I've been home with them full time since the oldest was born...because we didn't have the money to pay for daycare when he was an infant!

 

[2disneyboys]

I haven't read all 4 pages of comments, but I always laugh when it's "quitting time" at work and I say I'm off to my second job. I am a mom, maid, tutor, chauffer, and chef for my 2 kids and 2 dogs and I am the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) of our home. Oh, and I'm a wife......hmmm....wonder why that came in last?? LOL

that always comes in last for me also!

Try being a single mom with a full time job.... especially when you're the BOSS in both places! I barely remember my name!

I ADMIRE YOU! I have a dh who is 100% supportive and carries at least 50% of the responsibiliites (if not more) so I can't IMAGINE having to do it all... my KUDOS to you!

The *very* few times someone has asked me "what I do, or whatever" my response is for WHICH JOB?? lets see.. theres my outside of the house full time job (CFO @ an Insurance Agency) then there is my other full time job (mom to 2 boys) and other full time job (wife)... then you get to add my part-time jobs... friend, daughter, sister, aunt.

I'll be honest though, I have a super super active personality and have worked full time since highschool. I was bored out of my mind during my maternity leave and the occasional disability leave I have had to take over the years (once the pain & /or drugs wore off!).... my house was spotless and I had accomplished all the other stuff I normally do and it was like I don't know... 10am?? I found myself making up jobs!!!!!! My mom said that I have been a wirlwind since birth.. I have 2 speeds.. sound asleep and wirlwind mode.. always have... I *need* lots of tasks or else I begin to annoy others and myself

 

[mariolatry]

I tell people that I'm a homemaker. I like that better than stay-at-home-mom because a lot of my work includes taking care of the home, plus running my husband's life from behind the scenes!

 

[mickeyboat]

The other day we met a hockey mom on our DD's new team and she leaned over me to ask DH what HE did for a living. She didn't even bother to ask me - I guess she assumed I was a SAHM (I'm not).

 

[pansmermaidzlagoon]

I get this question alot, I just say I am a lucky lucky girl, My hubby works at ___ ( or I say has a great job) which allows me to stay home and take care of the boys.

this basically - with the emphasis on lucky to have a DH who, etc.

If they ask what I do all day, I have two answers depending on the who is asking and where they seem to be coming from:

1. Oh, I find things to keep me busy, believe me!!!......or....

2. sit on the couch eating bonbons and watching soaps (as already mention - though I will have to remember to add the part about the UPS guy!!! Thanks for the idea!!!)

I don't like "full time mom", or whatever, it implies they are not and that isn't right.

After we moved here, a neighbor had just asked all this and followed it up with "well when your DD goes to school you WILL work, of course". That was years ago.... My DH makes a good living and we are careful with our spending. I can see myself doing something when DD goes off to college. To me (and this is just my personal opinion) the teenage years are just as important as far as having a parent home as the toddler years.

 

[disykat]

As I get older, there have honestly been times I've answered "I retired early." I'm currently working part time, did SAHM for many years, have also worked full time - so I've done it all. I was the same kind of mom regardless of which I was doing.

There are just no good answers. Everyone gets offended. If you say you are a SAHM whose kids are in school, it's not really an accurate term. If you go with "full time mom" people who work get offended saying they are also full time moms. (which I agree with, but how else do you describe not working specifically because you are in a position where being mom can occupy you full time?) I work part time, so I'm certainly not a part time mom. That sounds bad!

When I was younger, sometimes I used the "career on hold" mom phrase. I felt like it was most accurate at that time, but it's not really accurate anymore.

To answer "how do I make my living?" I'd have to answer that dh has a job that supports our family financially. We've lived on one income since we married, even prior to kids. My work (whether making money or not) supports the family in other ways, but it's not our "living."

 

[DisneyDizzy]

I say, "I'm a kept woman." I could care less about the Mommy wars. I have two kids, I stay home. Being a wife and mother is all I ever wanted to do even though I have a couple degrees and left a lucrative job when I was pregnant with my son. Some days it's hard and some days, when I'm playing outside in the summer sun with my kid all day, it's insanely easy. I don't know why there is this competition that "my job is harder than your job."

I'm happy. My kids are happy. I have friends who work full-time who are just as happy and whose kids are thriving.

 

[okeydokey]

This is a very painful topic for me because I am on disability. I have several autoimmune conditions that are pretty much invisible to inquisitive people. Most people are kind and understanding, but some are not. My partner is in a very high income level and some of her peers see me as healthy and taking advantage of her (unless the neurological aspect of my disease is flared up, then they just assume I am a drunk when I stumble around and slur my words). It's very hard for me because I struggle with feelings of worthlessness a lot, as I'm sure many people on disability do. I do accomplish things, though I do not earn a living. On my good days I tend to the house and cook dinner and other things, but on bad days I may be in bed all day on strong pain meds. It's not the life I asked for and I did everything you are supposed to do. I spent eight years in college and worked only a few years before getting sick. I took care of my health...never smoked, rarely drank, did not use drugs, and ate healthy. But I got sick anyway and sometimes I feel guilty for it.

Anyway, I never know how to answer that question and always dread it. But I have to admit, I LOVE this answer:

 

[Maryr1]

I am a SAHM with one developmentaaly delayed, learning disabled child. Going to work was one thousand plus times easier than staying at home!!!!! When people ask me what I do for a living I just tell them I am "gainfully unemployed" and let them chew on that for a while.......

 

[Bi-winning]

I tell them the truth. "I win!"

 

[castleview]

I was a SAHM for 18 months. I've been a school teacher for the last 8 years. There are certainly some aspects of SAH that I didn't enjoy, but to say it is harder is not true, unless the WOHM can afford a cleaning person. As it is now, I work until 4:00 or so, and then come home to all the things that still need to be done like laundry, dishes and making dinner. Most of the time, i feel like I am working about 15 hours a day.

It didn't take long for this thread to become a "who has it harder" thread. Regarding the poster you responded too: I don't think she was saying working is easy; she's just pointing out that at home, you're never done - you don't get to leave it at the office. I remember when I first started staying home after our first child was born that I noticed every little thing that had to be fixed or cleaned up.

 

[LaurenLC]

I stay home and take care of our daughter. I worked in the corporate world prior to that, and although I wouldn't say my job is 'harder' now, it was nice to have people actually do what I told them to at work!

As far as 'mommy wars' and other people's opinions, I could care less. People should just do what works for them. I have friends and former co-workers that are incredibly envious of me, and I have others that think I'm crazy!

 

[sparks19]

I just say "I'm a stay at home mom so hubby brings home the bacon but I do sell jewelry online for a little mad money" that pretty much sums it up lol

 

[castleview]

I stay home and take care of our daughter. I worked in the corporate world prior to that, and although I wouldn't say my job is 'harder' now, it was nice to have people actually do what I told them to at work!

As far as 'mommy wars' and other people's opinions, I could care less. People should just do what works for them. I have friends and former co-workers that are incredibly envious of me, and I have others that think I'm crazy!

Exactly. I normally stay away from people who pull the passive aggressive put downs anyway.

 

[deegack]

The women who do my nails ask me all the time so I know what you mean. What is up with that?

I tell them I stopped working when my son was born and now I run the household so all my DH has to do is come home & hang out with us.

It works for us, he is free to climb that corporate ladder and I am free to give my family 100% all the time. I think women & men who can do both are amazing but I am not that sort and I never tried to kid myself I was. I doubt DH could not have gotten as far as he has if he had to drop everything every time the kids got sick (kids have asthma so its unpredictable) or if something in the house needed to be done and I KNOW I would not have been good at either job if I was always of 2 minds. Again, I'm not saying other people can't do it, I'm just saying I can't do it. Different strokes

I did me for 28 years, I had kids and am ok with giving them 18 years (6 left on the clock until college), and then I will resume me for the rest of my life and probably go back to work. To me this is having it all, I just never wanted it all at once. I won't apologize for it and I won't be made to feel bad about it either.

I read somewhere that on average men whose partners stay home actually move up the corporate ladder faster and higher than those whose partners work. I don't know if its true, but I left work because my DD had some health issues and it was causing a ton of stress in our lives. A couple months later, he got a big promotion and raise. His boss said they finally gave it to him because they knew he was now able to devote himself to the project and didn't have to worry about who was going to take care of DD when she got sick again.