If you don't work, what do you tell people you do?

[Leajess99]

On the off chance there's anyone else on this board who doesn't earn a living wage (or hasn't at some point in the past): What do you say when people ask you what you do to "earn a living"?

I tell them I am a Disabled Veteran.

 

[poohfriend77]

I've been a SAHM since my oldest was born 8 years ago. When my youngest started kindergarten this year, everyone started asking "Are you going back to work?" or my favorite "What are you going to do with all your free time?" Drives me crazy!

First of all, I have done freelance writing for the last two years. My close friends know, but I don't talk about it much, because people almost always ask how much I make or whether I can get them a job because it sounds so easy. I find that very insulting.

And I'm still waiting for all that the "free time" everyone is asking about. Gotta go now... I have full day of volunteering, cleaning, grocery shopping, driving around kids, making a birthday cake, doing laundry...

 

[snapppyd]

I don't take it as being rude or nosy, they are just trying to start a conversation. I don't think anyone should feel bad about not "earning" a living. I did work for 32 years, now I "stay home" and believe me, it is harder than going to an office every day. There is always something that needs cleaning!

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I just say I stay home with my kids. One time some jerk asked in a really snotty way "What do you do all day." I told him 'I lie on the couch, watch soaps, eat bon-bons and when I get really bored..I have s*x with the UPS man." That shut him right up.

Good thing I had just swallowed my tea. Best come back line ever. Is it too long for a tag??

 

[PRmamiDEdos]

Right now I'm a SAHM. That amounts to chauffeur, cook, maid, nurse, therapist and personal assistant. It's a wonder I haven't died of exhaustion yet.

 

[Magpie]

Your post is timely....

I'm a middle-aged mom who for the most part, stayed at home with my kids but did some bookwork/admin work part-time which expanded once they were teenagers and now out on their own.

We were out for dinner with some of my husband's highschool friends recently, and one of the women (who has an incredibly good job) turned and kinda asked me what I was doing....

I spoke about my work, but afterward, I felt like it all sounded pathetic compared to everyone else's 'important' work. I mentioned it to another friend who is older and wiser than me and she told me her standard answer to this type of questioning....

The next time someone asks me what I do for a living, I'm going to say...."As little as possible!"

It's witty, yet stops the conversation dead....what do you say after that...?

I LOVE that answer! I'm definitely going to try to remember that.

Yes, I get that "pathetic" feeling, too, when people ask what I do.

A lot of people in this thread say they call themselves SAHMs. I feel funny saying I'm a "stay-at-home mom" because then people say, "Oh! How old are your kids?" "13 and 15." "Do you homeschool?" "No, they go to public school." And... dead silence.

I mean, I know I still do a LOT of parenting. But it still sounds funny to call myself a SAHM when my children are teenagers.

And I don't know why, but I don't want to say I'm a "housewife", either. I think I've got hangups from growing up in the seventies and eighties. "Housewife" wasn't a complimentary term. I was supposed to become a captain of industry, a world traveller, a woman of independent means.

Instead, my 13yo son saw one of his video game developer idols for the first time the other day. He was surprised to see that the fellow was a slightly scruffy, overweight, pasty-looking gentleman in his mid-twenties (think, the Comic Book Guy). My son stared for a moment, then turned to me and said, "He needs a wife!" Oh... I've been a BAD role model to my children...

I'm enjoying reading all the responses. It's good to know I'm not alone in this dilemma! (And fwiw, I wasn't offended by the question. Just caught off guard.)

 

[LuvOrlando]

The women who do my nails ask me all the time so I know what you mean. What is up with that?

I tell them I stopped working when my son was born and now I run the household so all my DH has to do is come home & hang out with us.

It works for us, he is free to climb that corporate ladder and I am free to give my family 100% all the time. I think women & men who can do both are amazing but I am not that sort and I never tried to kid myself I was. I doubt DH could not have gotten as far as he has if he had to drop everything every time the kids got sick (kids have asthma so its unpredictable) or if something in the house needed to be done and I KNOW I would not have been good at either job if I was always of 2 minds. Again, I'm not saying other people can't do it, I'm just saying I can't do it. Different strokes

I did me for 28 years, I had kids and am ok with giving them 18 years (6 left on the clock until college), and then I will resume me for the rest of my life and probably go back to work. To me this is having it all, I just never wanted it all at once. I won't apologize for it and I won't be made to feel bad about it either.

 

[snapppyd]

The woman who do my nails ask me all the time so I know what you mean. What is up with that?

I tell them I stopped working when my son was born and now I run the household so all my DH has to do is come home & hang out with us.

It works for us, he is free to climb that corporate ladder and I am free to give my family 100% all the time. I think women & men who can do both are amazing but I am not that sort and I never tried to kid myself I was. I doubt DH could not have gotten as far as he has if he had to drop everything every time the kids got sick (kids have asthma so its unpredictable) or if something in the house needed to be done and I KNOW I would not have been good at either job if I was always of 2 minds. Again, I'm not saying other people can't do it, I'm just saying I can't do it. Different strokes

I did me for 28 years, I had kids and am ok with giving them 18 years (6 left on the clock until college), and then I will resume me for the rest of my life and probably go back to work. To me this is having it all, I just never wanted it all at once. I won't apologize for it and I won't be made to feel bad about it either.

I love that line!

 

[Magpie]

I tell them I am a Disabled Veteran.

That generally gets respect!

I have a friend who is on disability due to chronic mental illness. When asked, her answer is, "I'm a parasite on the body politic."

This is why I hate going to parties or DH's work functions where there will be people I don't know. The first question any one asks is, "So, what do you do?" It's their way of pigeonholing you into some category and determining your "worth." I hate it.

I used to stumble over the answer, but now I pretty much say, "Anything I want to" and let them chew on that for a while. I'm lucky to have a DH who makes a very good living and loves his job with a passion, so I am free to be a housewife. That's not all I do, obviously. I write and do graphic design, but I don't make a living at either. I could (and used to before I quit work), but I choose to put my efforts into other things and so I only take on smaller, select jobs that are for clients I love or on topics I'm passionate about.

Instead of working, I take care of my aging parents (and our aging dog), I do volunteer work, I garden, I do the budget for us, I work hard at money saving activities like couponing, etc., I pay the bills and handle all of the investing/tax stuff, I read a lot, I cook, plan vacations and do all of the packing so DH can just get in the car and go, I handle most of the house maintenance, and I do everything I can around the house so DH can relax when he has some down time. Instead of working 9-5, I'm pretty much on the move from 7:30 AM to 10:00 at night.

Some will say, "Oh, you must get bored," or, "Oh, so you just lounge around all day," but I just laugh. My life is very rich and busy, just not with the kind of work they can understand. My days are spent doing things I enjoy and that bring me value, just not a huge paycheck.

What it comes down to is that I've pretty much reached the point in life where, if someone wants to look down on me for not having a "real" job, I just cut them out of my life or don't bother to get to know them at all. I don't need that kind of attitude in my life.

I like your answer, as well! I think the next function I go to will be highly entertaining.

As for the "bored" thing... there's a neighbour of mine who married an elderly and (she thought) wealthy man. The deal was that he'd marry her, and she'd quit her job and look after him.

She was over the other day complaining to me that she's "SO BORED!" I asked what she does all day and she's busy enough with volunteering in political campaigns and running her husband back and forth to doctor's appointments, and not to mention she's got a teenaged daughter who is (she thinks) going off the rails. She's even hired a friend of mine to do a bunch of the housework for her, because she can't find the time to do it herself.

So I don't think she means "bored" in the sense of "not enough to do". She means "bored" in the sense of "I hate what I do".

I have a lot of sympathy for her. But when she talks to me about what she needs as a "fully functioning, intelligent adult", I have to wonder what's wrong with me that I actually enjoy cooking for my family and looking after them and running errands around town. Am I not also intelligent? Fully functioning? An adult? I love my life!

 

[ccgirl]

It is none of her business. But, if you wanted to answer I would have said a SAHM (if you have children) or a Housewife if you don't. Don't ever let people feel guilty for the choices you make. My DD goes to a private school. Most mom's don't work. One was trying to set up a play date with me and I said I couldn't do it during the week that I work full time. She looked at me so sad and said, "oh, I'm so sorry you have to work." I looked her dead straight and said don't be sorry, it is my choice to work. This shut her up.

 

[simba20]

Before I had DD, I worked part-time at Barnes & Noble with the intention of going to grad school.

After having DD, I currently stay-at-home and am in grad school. Because of the nature of my grad school work (education), I oftenhave to go out into the field to do assignments and whatnot, so I enrolled DD in daycare at 13 months. This year (from Augusta on) I haven't had to go out and do any field work, but since DD has moved up and made friends at her daycare, i don't have the heart to pull her out. Besides, next year she will be in Pre-K.

So, when people ask, I simply say "Currently I am in graduate school and I saty at home."

Yes, I took out student loans (except for this year, I've paid out of pocket). I calculated what the loans would be minus tuition and fees, and it came out to less than $100/month I was making working. Yes, an extra $100 would be nice, but the choice was a no brainer.

 

[goofy4tink]

I have no issue with being able to say..."I'm lucky enough to be able to be at home so I can do 'stuff' for my dd, 17''. I'm older than her friends' parents so it's not a big deal not having a full time job. And I don't apologize for staying at home. I am the parent that is always available to bake, chaperone, or just do 'whatever' needs to be done. Even as a junior in high school, there is a ton of stuff that needs doing for her various extracuricular stuff!!! And my dh is thrilled to be able to make that happen for us.

Nope, no feeling odd when someone asks me what I do. I am proud to be able to say I am the 'color guard mom' or the 'drama mom'!!

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I just say I stay home with my kids. One time some jerk asked in a really snotty way "What do you do all day." I told him 'I lie on the couch, watch soaps, eat bon-bons and when I get really bored..I have s*x with the UPS man." That shut him right up.

Lol I need to just say that from now on!! That's hilarious.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

I plan on quitting my job when my baby is born and if anyone asks me I'll probably say that I'm a housewife and watch their jaw drop.

 

[brockash]

It's funny, but when I worked I never was offended by the question. Someone was just curious, no big deal. However, when I stopped working and was staying home with my kids, I dreaded that question, and yes I was probably a little offended, but really why? If it didn't offend me when I worked, than it really shouldn't offend me when I stayed home with the kids. I think I was just really self-conscious about the fact that I couldn't say I had an outside regular job; which in hindsight was really stupid, because I honestly "worked" and did much more as a stay at home mom, than I did at my job.

 

[Muushka]

I say that I take very good care of my husband. I do everything I can to make his life easier because he takes very good care of me (going to work every day).
And I also say that I volunteer with ESL students at a large church facility.

 

[rszdtrvl]

OT - but what's a travel club?? It has me curious!

There is one teacher who does trips every 1-2 months. Local trips, like one time we went to Forks to see the Twilight sights, we went to the Seattle Farmers Market, they are going to the Pacific Science Center and Experience Music Project, they went to Portland Farmers Market and to Lloyd Center.

Plus, she is the same teacher who is doing the Explore America trip to NY and DC, and my son and I are going. There is monthly meetings, fundraising, etc. that we are doing to raise money to go.

I chaperone the trips and do concessions during the school sports events.

 

[castmemberb4]

I rarely see my Aunt, but last time I did she asked me where I worked.

I let her know that I am a full-time mom, and she asked me what I did all day.

(Yes, she has always been ballsy)

I told her the truth : DH and I sell on Ebay, I clean house, I run errands, and I am very active in my son's travel club and am constantly doing stuff for that.

She asked if I got bored.

This is OT - But I'm way jealous that you only have two days till NACAR, I have to wait all the way to June (MIS) and September (AMS)

On the subject - I have the great misfortune to have fallen in love with an equal opportunity man ! If I didn't work and got ask about it I'm just the type of personality to respond "Nothing!"

 

[piglet50]

after working at a great job with benefits like good salary and a car, i stopped working to stay at home with our kids. they were 14 and 9 at the time. (i couldn't afford to stay at home before that, and my good job allowed
us to save so dh could take a chance on a better job that did allow me to quit work.)

kids are grown now, and when I'm asked what i do, i tell people (when i feel like answering their nosey question) that i do whatever i want to. it's rude, but so is their question.

for new friends i just say i stay at home. when asked if i miss working, i just say no, only the cash and the car, but not enough to go back. i didn't work for fulfillment - just the money.

also, i don't judge other's choice to stay at home or to work. i figure that's their business. just like it was mine.

 

[Robinrs]

I think the title of this thread should be "work OUTSIDE THE HOME" because anyone who takes care of a home knows it is WORK.

I did it twice when I was unemployed and I don't remember working THAT hard at any office.