If you decline a wedding invite

[Shugardrawers]

My cousin's daughter is getting married. In the past we were all very close and all truly love each other but now that we are on opposite coasts we really don't see or talk to each other much. I got an invitation today to the wedding in April. We won't be able to attend so I'm going to have to check the no box and send it back Now here's my question. Am I obligated to send a gift anyway? I invited them to my wedding 5 years ago and understood completely that they couldn't come that far. They did not send a gift, which was fine since it was a 2nd marriage for both of us anyway. I was hurt though that they didn't even send a card. This will be her first marriage (and from what I hear likely not a successful one). Is it different for a first marriage than second when it comes to gifts?

 

[Evil Genius]

I would send a card and a gift card or a small token of congratulations.

 

[disneychrista]

Not sure what "ettiquite" dictates but IMO you should never feel obligated to buy a gift. A gift should be something given because you want to, not because you have to.

 

[stinkerbelle]

We won't be able to attend so I'm going to have to check the no box and send it back Now here's my question. Am I obligated to send a gift anyway?

No.

If one was obligated to send a gift for every invitation they recieved...I would have invited everyone on the DIS to my wedding.



You can send something if you want - it's totally up to you...but I dont' think anyone is under any obligation to send a gift if they can't attend a wedding (or birthday party for that matter)

JMO

 

[Shugardrawers]

Just reread my post and let me clarify, I'm questioning a gift for financial reasons and not because I'm bitter about not having received one for mine. We just don't have the money right now to send anything that wouldn't be laughably cheap.

 

[lulugirl]

I don't think you should feel at all obligated to send a gift. If you want to send something it would certainly be a nice gesture.

 

[lulugirl]

Just reread my post and let me clarify, I'm questioning a gift for financial reasons and not because I'm bitter about not having received one for mine. We just don't have the money right now to send anything that wouldn't be laughably cheap.

In that case I would just send a nice card.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Just reread my post and let me clarify, I'm questioning a gift for financial reasons and not because I'm bitter about not having received one for mine. We just don't have the money right now to send anything that wouldn't be laughably cheap.

Financial reasons aside...you said you can't attend the actual event. (for whatever reasons...financial/prior engagement/etc..)

I think it still stands...if you can't attend the event, you don't HAVE to send something. Yes, a card of "congratulations" would be nice...but not 100% necessary.

 

[Keggy]

You are not obligated to send a gift - but I would send a card anyway...

Kelly

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I think a nice sweet card with a few kind words of blessings would be appropriate.

 

[Crankyshank]

I don't think you're obligated to send a gift but a card would be appropriate

 

[ChrisnSteph]

You aren't obligated to send a gift, but if I were you I would I would send a small gift or at the very least, a card.

 

[Stitchfans]

IMO a nice card with your warm wishes is more than enough.

 

[simba928]

As others have said, your are never obligated to send a gift. If I were you, I would just send a card. Write a little note in it with warm wishes.

 

[mickeyfan2]

No one is obligated to send a gift or card to a wedding that they don't attend. But I would send both for a first wedding of a family member. Maybe something from the bridal shower list.

ETA: I just saw your second post. A card would be enough with kind words.

 

[Chuck S]

While a card would be sufficient, since you were close at one time, you may consider a small gift that ship easily. Maybe an inexpensive assortment of kitchen gadgets (peeler, carving set, digital timer, slotted spoons), things every kitchen "needs" but newlyweds seldom have.

 

[RadioNate]

obligated? no

but it would be very nice of you to get a nice card and small gift. There are pleanty of low cost thoughtful things you could send. If not a card is sufficiant.

 

[ead79]

I was always taught that etiquette dictates that you should send a wedding gift, even if you have to decline the invitation. If money is a concern, then I would select something inexpensive off of their registry. Some items that come to mind are muffin pans, other kitchen utensils, towels, etc. Of course, if finances are a truly major concern, then I think a card would be a nice gesture.

 

[poohandwendy]

In that case I would just send a nice card.

I would too. I would make sure to write a note in it explaining that I really wished I could be there and wishing them well. You realy don't have to get into your financial situation, but I think personalizing the card with a short note would be appropriate.

 

[scrump]

Just reread my post and let me clarify, I'm questioning a gift for financial reasons and not because I'm bitter about not having received one for mine. We just don't have the money right now to send anything that wouldn't be laughably cheap.

Gifts are never required, though it is common practice for invitees to send gifts. Given your situation, I say a nice card is very appropriate.