If you cant afford the funeral-what are your options

[cassandrap83]

Again, not sure of the circumstances, and it's a very personal decision, but my father (who is alive & kicking) has decided to donate his body to science. It will cost us nothing. They come to pick up the body, pay for transport & take it to wherever they decide to take it. He is pre-registered, and I have a card (i'm next of kin) with a # on it that I will call when the time comes.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

I'm sorry that you are in this situation . My mother in law recently passed away and while she did leave money to pay for it, some of the costs are simply insane!

My suggestion is to be very wary of the funeral homes add ons and packages. Make it clear there is not money for anything besides the necessary basics. It makes me angry how they feed on people at their lowest moments. (I'm sure not all, but I'm very angry with the funeral home we are using right now.) If you have an independant cremation society as previously mentioned, I would go that route.

Cremation also buys you time to be able to think things through, as to what IS important to the family and what is just "what everyone does". MIL died 2/6, we're having her memorial next month, and will do the burial in the summer. (Nicer out, plus they were going to charge an additional $400 to do the burial on a Saturday, on top of the $2000 for the burial anyway. (Did I mention this is a small urn? How the heck long does it take to dig a little hole for that? Sorry, I digress....)

If they belong to a church, the service should be free/inexpensive. (I can't imagine, even if he wasn't a member, a church wouldn't wave/reduce/hold off on a fee if there was a genuine need.) Often times there is a women's ministry that will provide food as well. (The church where I work charges $50 for this for nonmembers- for food and they do the serving/cleanup.) Ask around.

 

[NotUrsula]

ITA. I don't know the circumstances of course, but if he dies as a result of injuries sustained on the job, and it was due to an error on the part of the employer, she definitely needs someone representing her families interest. You'd like to think these things can be settled fairly and amicably, but the truth is they probably have a lawyer representing them at this point, and if so, she shouldn't deal with them on her own if that is the case. If he qualified for workers comp, at the very least one would assume that the companies insurance would be liable to cover his medical and funeral costs. Again, this assumes the company was ultimately responsible to begin with.

I can address this -- a little bit. (DH is a WC defense attorney, but I won't presume to speak on matters of law.) In most cases of a work-related death, there will be a delay of several weeks while the case is processed. A fatality is a big case and may go to trial if the employer does not wish to settle, and if there is a trial it will be probable that expert witnesses will be brought in, which again, takes time while depositions are done, etc. I know that in DH's practice, the majority of settlements are paid out somewhere from 4-6 months after the injury.

The injured man (and his family) should have an attorney representing their interests. This plaintiff's attorney will take his/her pay out of whatever settlement/award is reached, normally a 25-30% cut of the total payout. However, it is not absolutely required that they have an attorney of their own; DH deals with unrepresented plaintiffs every day (and I will point out here that he is impeccably ethical, and recommends fair settlements in those cases, too. However, it is up to the employer and their insurer to act upon his recommendation. However, he greatly prefers dealing with another attorney than dealing directly with the claimant.)

If your friend dies, if at all possible, the widow should have someone else deal with pricing funerals, and should get several quotes. It's better for a family friend to do these negotiations, as they are not so grief-stricken and overwhelmed. Go to homes with different clienteles -- independent and minority-owned funeral homes often will be more reasonably priced. Also, generally the poorer the clientele, the more likely it is that they will agree to arrange payment plans. As has been said, you can do direct cremation and bypass the funeral director, having your church help you with the services.

 

[terri01p]

 

[bumbershoot]

The first step is to think about not having a big "funeral". You don't need to do the whole thing, with viewing (which likely isn't possible if their state allows them to skip the embalming process, which lowers the cost and the use of horrid chemicals) and the whole nine yards.

My FIL was Buddhist, and they had nothing involving a funeral home. We found a mausoleum for direct cremation, and that came in at under $900, which included the extremely basic box (necessary) and a very basic urn (we could have provided our own, if we had one...Costco has in the past had a lovely silk-covered square box/urn). An extra $50 for them to take his ashes out onto a boat and scatter his ashes, and the needed permit for that.

MIL had a service a certain amount of time later at her temple; likely cost nowhere near what a funeral home would have cost, and was exactly what she wanted, instead of picking from a catalog of options.

If the man in question wants cremation, and if there are no directly useable crematories in their area/state, there is the Neptune Society, which arranges things at a lower cost than a funeral home would have.


The family could just have a wake of some sort at home, instead of dealing with the funeral home.

All sorts of options, but I'm not sure there will be a way to get the big huge viewing/funeral/service/etc on credit...but they can certainly contact the funeral home society in their area to find out.


Also, there's a Social Security "death benefit". Not much, a couple hundred dollars, but it's something.

Oh also, should it all happen, we found that having 3 certified copies of the death certificate was enough. One for faxing to the companies that would take a fax (most of them), and two for mailing off to the places that needed to have the paper in their hands...they all mail them back of course. AARP suggested something ridiculous like 10 or 12 copies...at $18 apiece (in WA at least) that is a huge cost. The three we got served us well...MIL never missed a pension or social security payment, and got the "death benefit" in weeks. All credit cards and phone, utilities, etc, were taken care of nearly immediately as well. 3 was good for us.

 

[akcire]

This will sound strange-but if the family decides they need a funeral and burial you can see if the funeral home accepts credit cards. (Personally, I am for cremation). Not the best financial decision, but some times circumstances dictate poor choices. If nothing else it can provide more time by using the grace period.

 

[PixieTopaz]

Thanks for the replies

 

[CTdiznymom]

I attended a wake a while back, and unbeknownst to me, the body wasn't in the closed casket. They had an empty casket with a framed photo on top w/ flowers. They evidently either cremated or buried the body without embalming. I guess there are ways to cut costs if need be.

 

[eeyorethegreat]

Again, not sure of the circumstances, and it's a very personal decision, but my father (who is alive & kicking) has decided to donate his body to science. It will cost us nothing. They come to pick up the body, pay for transport & take it to wherever they decide to take it. He is pre-registered, and I have a card (i'm next of kin) with a # on it that I will call when the time comes.

My cousin's father (cousin's wife but cousin nonetheless) . It is not appropriate for every family but it did take care of all the expenses. I will say that it took several months for them to recieve the ashes for burial however...

 

[wfloyd]

...
My current husband is retired military and he says if anything ever happens to him he wants a burial at sea. (I'm sure he is thinking military but I joke with him that I'll take a cruise to somewhere exotic and throw him off the back of a cruise ship.) Sorry I guess I have a morbid sense of humor, a coping mechanism for losing my first DH at 36yo.

...

Don't laugh too much, this seems to be common. If you talk to the cruise line, they will help you out as well. The ones I have read about don't charge for this either.

 

[NYCDiane]

This is a morbid topic, but it is absolutely something that people should think about regardless of your age.

I've already made a will and an "In the event of my death" statement (since a will isn't typically probated until long after the funeral). Anyway, in BOTH documents, I stated VERY clearly:

1. There is to be NO WAKE, NO FUNERAL. I want my body cremated as soon after death as possible and my ashes scattered in the places where my DD and I spent our best times (and I mention the places) (and I will get the laws on this to make sure it's legal. if not, they can keep the box of ashes)

2. If anyone wants to do a 'memorial" service, they should simply go to a Broadway show and enjoy it in my memory.

3. NO FLOWERS.... anyone who is interested should give monetary donations to either my DDs trust fund or to the Wildlife Conservation Fund or to Rosie's Broadway Kids or to Little Shelter.

It goes on to my other final wishes and instructions but the most important part is letting people know IN WRITING what your final wishes are. You really don't know what's going to happen to you --- you could walk outside to get milk and get hit/killed by an out of control vehicle. Anything can happen at any time.

As for the OP, the best bet is to cremate (cheapest option). If people are insisting on a full fledged funeral/memorial service, let them chip in to pay for it (unless she wants to use a large chunk of the insurance money on it)

 

[melancholywings]

Is he ex-military? My father served as a teen and when my parents were killed the military paid for some of his costs.

 

[pearlieq]

When MIL passes, she had a direct cremation. We then had a lovely memorial at her church with a reception afterwards. The ladies of the church provided coffee, lemonade, and baked goods. We supplied some cheese and cracker trays to go with it.

The whole thing was less than $1000 and was a lovely tribute to her. I want the exact same kind of thing when I go.

 

[sahm1000]

As the daughter to a funeral director and funeral home owner, what most of the previous posters have said is true, direct cremation will be the cheapest option. Someone mentioned that embalming is not required which is true in Illinois (where I am familiar with the laws) but can vary state by state. And burial must take place within 24 hours of death - otherwise the decomposition will be a health hazard. And no viewing of the person can take place.

I know several people have mentioned cremation societies as a possibility. Personally, I would never use one of them. About 20 years ago when my father saw that cremation was rising in popularity he had a crematory built at one of his funeral homes. He has always taken excellent care of all of his families that he has served and did not want to take the risk of someone else doing the cremation and making a mistake with ashes (such as getting the wrong ashes back, or multiple cremations taking place at the same time). I know that in the past there have been many unscrupulous crematories and funeral homes that have had bodies stacked up waiting to be cremated for long periods of time - we've all seen the awful news stories regarding these. For this reason, I would suggest that the price difference between a cremation society and a funeral home with a crematory might be worth it to you for the peace of mind. And usually the funeral home prices will be higher than others b/c they are paying the mortgage on a whole funeral home with viewing areas and parking lot as opposed to just a crematory.

And someone else mentioned using Costco to buy a casket as being cheaper. Maybe, but maybe not too. And like many otherg things - you often get what you are paying for - I know my father looked into less expensive caskets being made in China and didn't find the quality to be the same. And many funeral homes have little, if any profit built into caskets, urns and vaults. They are funeral directors offering a service and that is where their profits are made - not reselling a product. And many funeral homes will not allow another casket to be brought into their funeral home.

And please also don't forget when you are describing funeral directors that they are also members of your community. My father has worked very hard for the town where I am from. He raised enough money for 20 police officers to purchase bullet proof vests (often not provided by the police dept.), donated his time in Rotary Club for all sorts or projects, worked for Habitat for Humanity, painted houses for the Bucket Brigade, is a member of our church board, etc. For everything he has gained, he has given back greatly to our community - do those cremation societies do the same?

 

[Haunted_Mansion_Mom]

When my dad died, my brothers and I didn't have the money to bury him. My mom and dad were divorced so it was up to us to take care of it. My mom didn't have any money anyhow. In any case, we asked the funeral home if there was financial assistance available. There was. We had to fill out some forms at the county office and the state covered most of the costs associated with the funeral home. It was a no frills funeral but he was not put in a pine box. He a had a normal casket. We had a nice luncheon at the church and it cost us a few hundred dollars out of pocket. I thank GOD that there was that kind of assistance. I don't know what we would have done without it.

When my brother died, he had a life insurance policy that covered the funeral - 8000.00. That didn't even cover a burial plot because he was cremated. Funerals are not cheap.

~Amy

 

[Kycha]

I agree about cremation (which is my own preference), but I also recently read in the newspaper that you can choose to not have embalming done. The article said that was something like half the cost. Of course, the funeral must be held something like the next day (don't remember exactly). For someone who doesn't want cremation, this might be an option.

When my father passed 7 years ago, he was cremated but not embalmed. He didn't want a viewing, so embalming was unnecessary. My brothers and I did have a private viewing the day after his death. And he looked very natural...just like he was sleeping.

 

[funnygarcia]

I watched a very interesting documentary on Netflix on caring for your own dead, it was interesting and made me really think about what I want for myself and my family in the future.
http://www.pbs.org/pov/afamilyundertaking/
http://www.fivespotfilms.com/afu.htm


Resources on home burial/green burials
http://www.funerals.org/your-legal-rights/caring-for-your-own-dead
http://www.crossings.net/faq.html


Laws vary in every state in what is allowed or not. In MN embalming is necessary after 24 hrs regardless if cremated or burial, scattering ashes is technically against the law.. but as a funeral director told us in a class group "what you do after you leave here is none of our business".

My dh and I are pre-registered with University of MN for body donation. They can decide not to take the body depending on communicable disease, obesity, and will not at all if used for organ donation. It will take up to one year before the cremains are mailed to the family.

Walmart sells caskets too.
And what is so wrong with a plain pine wood box anyway?
These are made of cardboard, but they look like pine or cherry
http://www.eeternity.com/Product.html

 

[gabriellyn]

I watched a very interesting documentary on Netflix on caring for your own dead, it was interesting and made me really think about what I want for myself and my family in the future.
http://www.pbs.org/pov/afamilyundertaking/
http://www.fivespotfilms.com/afu.htm


Resources on home burial/green burials
http://www.funerals.org/your-legal-rights/caring-for-your-own-dead
http://www.crossings.net/faq.html


Laws vary in every state in what is allowed or not. In MN embalming is necessary after 24 hrs regardless if cremated or burial, scattering ashes is technically against the law.. but as a funeral director told us in a class group "what you do after you leave here is none of our business".

My dh and I are pre-registered with University of MN for body donation. They can decide not to take the body depending on communicable disease, obesity, and will not at all if used for organ donation. It will take up to one year before the cremains are mailed to the family.

Walmart sells caskets too.
And what is so wrong with a plain pine wood box anyway?
These are made of cardboard, but they look like pine or cherry
http://www.eeternity.com/Product.html

Wow - that actually looks pretty cool! I much prefer cremation, but this would be a good second choice if my family can't/won't do the cremation...

 

[AntePrincess]

I'll second funeral, memorial and creation societies, we've been peripherally involved with a Quaker memorial society and a Unitarian Universalist one, both were fantastic. They were extremely affordable for the families that used them, they provided financial assistance/sliding scale for those that couldn't afford even that, they were both open to people outside of their respective communities (in fact, I'd recommend you check with your local meeting and UU congregation if you're looking for one), and obviously there were no scandals involved. They even helped with the grieving and ceremonial side of things, in fact they excelled there, and the pioneered green methods. I've used their free resources to help plan our end of life decisions, even though I am neither Quaker or UU.

If you expect to have time to mull end of life decisions over, I recommend reading "the American Way of Death." It's the classic expose of the funeral industry, though there are a few more up-to-date books on the subject. All of them are pretty well despised by funeral trade organizations.

 

[pearlieq]

And someone else mentioned using Costco to buy a casket as being cheaper. Maybe, but maybe not too. And like many otherg things - you often get what you are paying for - I know my father looked into less expensive caskets being made in China and didn't find the quality to be the same.

Why is quality a factor? Assuming it looks OK for the wake and get the deceased where they need to go, what does it really matter?