If I give up cooking altogether -- does that make me a bad mom?

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'm the solo mother of an 11 year old boy. I work about 60 hours a week at a demanding job, and I'm also in grad school online at night. My son plays a couple of sports and goes to a school with a heavy homework load, he's also a pretty social kid who likes to have friends over. Our life is happy, full, rich, and also more than a little hectic.

One thing that's really suffered is our diet. I buy healthy food and then end up leaving it in the fridge while we go out to eat, hit the drive through, order in, or eat something from a can. Of course this is bad for both the waistline and the budget.

Last week I decided that enough was enough, and that this was no way to feed my child, so I went to Trader Joe's and bought a whole bunch of prepared entrees -- frozen dumplings, already marinated tuna steaks (that's what we had tonight, and boy were they yummy), preformed and seasoned chicken-cilantro-lime burgers, etc . . . I've been serving them with lots of fresh and frozen fruits and veggies. I should note that I am capable of boiling, broiling, sauteeing, and throwing things in the blender. What escapes me is actually combining ingredients or anything that involves more steps than: cut up broccoli, put in boiling water, take out.

Today we had the tuna steaks, mixed cauliflower and broccoli, raw baby carrots, and smoothies made with seltzer water, frozen mangoes and frozen blueberries.

My question is, is this really a reasonable way to eat? Should I assume that the fruits and vegetables will outweigh the downside of so much "processed" food or is it imperative that I learn to cook?

 

[robinb]

Sure, it sounds fine to me. It might get a bit expensive after a while, especially at Trader Joe's. Have you considered taking a day or two in the month to mega-cook and freeze your own meals?

 

[Sarah_Rose]

Dude, that sounds fantastic. Frankly, anything from Trader Joe's, combined with fresh veggies, makes you a pretty awesome mom. You're a busy woman and there's nothing wrong with taking short cuts. You're still "preparing" the ingredients and cooking the meals.... and it's still healthy and delicious food that doesn't come from a drive-thru.

This time of year, I essentially do the same thing. Make up loads of easy to throw on the bbq food (burgers (beef and chicken), steaks and fish individually portioned, etc.) on a weekend day and then freeze it, pull it out when I need it, and then serve with fresh raw veggies. Covers all the basics, and is healthy. And I'm sure the Trader Joe's "processed" stuff is tastier than the stuff I make!

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Sure, it sounds fine to me. It might get a bit expensive after a while, especially at Trader Joe's. Have you considered taking a day or two in the month to mega-cook and freeze your own meals?

2 days doesn't sound like a lot, but in any given month I've got 4 days "off". Saturdays I work 1/2 day and my son usually has some kind of game in the afternoon.

That's 4 days to sleep past 7 a.m., do the laundry, catch up on grad school, take the dog to the dog park so he doesn't drive us crazy with excess energy during the week, and maybe do something as a family like go for a hike or see a movie. I'm not giving up 2 of them.

The way I figure, 6 days of Trader Joe's (one night a week we go to my mom's and let her cook for us), is still way cheaper than all the eating out we were doing.

 

[tonilea]

Yes, but only because my first instinct when I see one of these threads is to answer yes.

Actually, it sounds much better than food rotting in the fridge while your family eats take-out. We all have to balance our lives the best we can. You do what you are comfortable with and what works for you.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

It sounds to me like you're doing fine! There's nothing wrong with combining store-bought items with a few fresh ingredients. There was a show on the Food Network (not sure if it's still on) called Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee. She would make dishes by using lots of pre-prepared foods to make cooking faster and easier. As long as you watch the soduim and fat contents, you should be fine.

 

[MickeySP]

Yes it is fine.

As a former solo Mom, mine is now 25, we did this for years. My DS played baseball on 4 teams at once so our time for meals was limited. I did do the mega sauce once in awhile with him, he likes to cook and that was fun.

For the most part we did as you are doing, gave us more time together since I wasn't spending hours preparing meals. He was happy & healthy.

If you can afford it, I was lucky enough to be able to, it is fine. You sound like you have great balanced meals that is all that matters not who made them first.

Have fun going to his games and enjoy him now, they get old fast.

 

[SandrA9810]

There's also several places that let you make up your dishes. They guide you along, throw it all in a pan. Then you just stick it in the oven or throw it in a pot and heat it up.

It's still good for you food, and better than take out.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Hmm, you are making an effort to serve balanced meals to yourself and your child in a timely fashion that fits your hectic lifestyle. I fail to see how this could be construed as being a bad mom
I thnk it is great that you are thinking about how to serve as healthy as possible meals in your limited time and getting away from take out and eating out

You might also look to see if there is a company in your area that makes and delivers homecooked meals to be reheated by you. A lot of towns have someone doing this now and they often use only organic ingredients and have a bog focus on healthy food. They are a bit spendy, but probably in line with what you are paying now for Trader Joes and eating out. We had a company deliver a couple of weeks worth of meals to my in laws when my mother in law had surgery and they said the food was excellent. Here a couple of links to the type of thing I am talking about in case I am not being clear:

http://**********potatofour.com/

http://www.theorganicdish.com/

ETA: I am not sure why the first link is partially starred out. All it is is threepotatofour.com
I cannot imagine why that is an issue LOL

 

[MoniqueU]

My kids eat alot of fruit but thats about it. I can not really cook from scratch and have no desire to learn. At the ages of 12,13 and 17 they do alot of heating up soup or other small meals for themselves. If they get a home cooked meal it is at a friends nouse or when my husband is off. I have heard a TON of comments on it over the years but don't really care. They eat healthier then I do, have no weight problems and can just deal with it. My husband has worked upwards of 60 hours a week with mostly nights and weekends since we have gotten married. We don't have a dinnertime or where we sit around the table unless my DH is home and has cooked it and most times I don't join in as I don't like what my husband makes.

Whatever works for you and makes you and your child happy is what you should do. The worst was getting crap froma neighbor whos kids are in no activities and overweight. I had to bite my tougue so hard.

 

[luvsJack]

I think it sounds great, better than I do around here lately.

I am going to school full time, working full time and trying to keep up with outside activities too; so I know just how you feel. This week has been particularly draining.

Anyway, dd eats stuffed potatoes at least once a week (this week twice--its her comfort food and she wasn't feeling well last night) which is a baked potato, ham, cheese with broccoli and ranch dressing on the side and sliced orange. But, I have been guilty of frozen pizza once a week (one of those REALLY busy nights!) other than that we have spaghetti, tacos, and stuff like that. Dd likes her veggies raw so she usually has some veggie and ranch dressing and she loves oranges and frozen grapes so I keep those available all the time.

Processed food isn't the greatest but its gotta be better than McD's double cheeseburger! Sounds like you have a plan and that it works for you and will keep your child healthy and fed. Good job, Mom!

 

[Christine]

There's also several places that let you make up your dishes. They guide you along, throw it all in a pan. Then you just stick it in the oven or throw it in a pot and heat it up.

It's still good for you food, and better than take out.

This is what I do. I go once a month (or sometimes I let them make it when they are offering free delivery).

My only concern with the Trader Joe's stuff is that, even though Trader Joe's is great, a lot of what you are buying is still fairly "processed" and I am concerned about the sodium content and other added stuff to it. It's fine once in awhile but maybe not all the the time. I'd probably take a look at the nutritional value on some of the prepared meals/food there. It has STILL got to be better than the drive through and your sides probably make up for a lot of it.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I think you're doing just fine!!

 

[cabanafrau]

My initial thought was the same as another poster's, do a marathon cook every few weeks & freeze for some homecooked variety in your menus. If you even made one massive batch of something every 3 weeks ago, that could help a bit.

Since your schedule is so packed and you do mention eating at your mom's, do you think you could ask her to occasionally cook up some meals that you can freeze? Maybe you have an aunt, friend or neighbor you could even pay to do this?

The fact that you asked the question shows you're not a bad mom at all. You're doing the best you can manage, which is what most parents do. My worry would be so much processed foods w/ a growing kid. Kudos to you for managing such a brutal schedule. I hope it will ease up soon.

 

[monkeybug]

That sounds wonderful!!!
A lot of the "processed" foods are just as healthy as their from scratch counter parts, or maybe in some cases even more healthy! It doesn't sound like the things you are buying are all that processed at all. There is a big difference between a box of hamburger helper with melted velveeta, and a tuna steak with some frozen veggies! When I worked we relied heavily on those frozen things from Trader Joe's and the majority of them were very healthy!! If for some reason your concerned about artificial flavorings and preservatives you could check out a whole foods. They have lot's of convenience foods like frozen waffles, boxes of cookies and brownies, frozen entrees, and a glorious pre-made section (ours has better food than some of the upscale restaurants nearby), but nothing they carry has artificial flavorings. It is expensive though!!! I buy milk there, and pizza on Tuesdays, but the bulk of my grocery shopping is done elsewhere.

I make almost everything from scratch (because I have the time to) and it sounds like your kid is eating healthier than mine are! I say you are one rock star mom and there is absolutely NO reason to feel guilty about feeding your kid healthy food just because your not the one who seasoned the fish!!!!

 

[Northstar]

My idea of what "cooking from scratch" means has undergone drastic revision since I see what kinds of cook's-helper and readymade foods are now available in the grocery store.

I mean, at one time, recipes started with "first, kill and pluck your chicken," right?

Then, recipes assumed that you could get cut-up raw chicken but you had to season and cook it yourself.

Now, we can buy packages of precooked chicken and throw them into a salad.

So, in my opinion, you are still being the food engineer for your family. You plan healthy meals, buy the ingredients, and assemble the meal so everything is ready and at the right temperature.

In 2010, I think you ARE cooking for your family. Just not doing "first, kill your chicken."

 

[Disney Doll]

Since, back in the 60's, I grew up on hot dogs, spaghetti, hamburgers, Hamburger Helper, Tuna Helper etc., tuna steaks with fresh veggies and a homemade smoothie sounds fine to me.

Mom was also a big proponent of "Breakfast for Dinner"...one of my FAVORITE memories...eating pancakes or french toast for DINNER!!! It was only year slater that I found out that it was because that was a cheap meal when the food budget was running a bit "tight"....

I just thought I had the coolest Mom in the world!

 

[NMAmy]

My only concern with the Trader Joe's stuff is that, even though Trader Joe's is great, a lot of what you are buying is still fairly "processed" and I am concerned about the sodium content and other added stuff to it. It's fine once in awhile but maybe not all the the time. I'd probably take a look at the nutritional value on some of the prepared meals/food there. It has STILL got to be better than the drive through and your sides probably make up for a lot of it.

This would be my concern, as well. I don't really buy these items but I'd think about checking the sodium levels on these products. Once in a while would be okay but six days a week might be a bit much.

OP--you can also buy things at the grocery store like plain, individually frozen salmon filets and plain, individually frozen chicken breasts. I take a few out in the morning and put them in a plastic baggie in the fridge to defrost. IMO, salmon doesn't really need a whole lot of dressing up and most days, I just bake it with salt, pepper, and a bit of dill. You can baste chicken breasts as they're cooking with a butter/herb mixture that takes a few seconds to prepare (melted butter or margerine with some crushed garlic and Italian seasoning is a big favorite at my house.) Cooking healthy meals doesn't have to take a whole lot of time. I'm particularly fond of things I can put in the oven and come back to when the timer rings.

 

[LuvOrlando]

You sound pretty amazing to me!

Every family is different so if cooking isn't for your family, then don't do it. But if you have concerns that are leading you to cook then do what you can do. Healthy cooking ahead doesn't have to be time consuming. It can be as easy as defrosting overnight and microwaving veggies with a rinsed bag of salad when you get in. But again, if this is too much for you don't do it. There is no sense adding more stress to what sounds like an already busy life.

You go girl

 

[agnes!]

I like Trader Joe's stuff too, but have learned to look at the sodium content of all their prepared foods (canned/frozen/meals-in-a-box) before I buy (since I try to avoid sodium as much as possible and the sodium content in them can sometimes be quite high).

And no, I certainly do NOT think you are a 'bad mom'. You sound like a FANTASTIC mom .

agnes!