I told them, it was VERY clear. Now what?

[Nancyg56]

Well.. if it was him who decided the haircut, let him deal with the consequences.

Take him to school and let him get in trouble with the dress code. Tell him after he gets talked to by the school, "Well you decided to get that haircut."

It was his choice, so let him go to school and take the punishment.

He did the crime, he can do the time!

ITA. And I would advise the grandparents that their little surprise is going to have consequences that their DGS is going to have to pay. I am a Nana, and I would never go against anything that DD and DSIL have determined is best for their child, but I can tell you that if my DGD was punished for an actin that I had taken part in, I would feel terrible. If that punisment was doled out by her school, I don't know how i would be able to face her again. They really need toknow that this was no harmless prank.

 

[Nancyg56]

For those of you that wanted to see it, here he is in all his glory.

OMG, He is so cute.He reminds me of my own DS who was about his age when he was about 8 years old. My DH nephew lived with us, and took him for a haircut, and you know the rest.....mohawk. It was not against the rules, but he did look silly, and my DH about had a stroke!

 

[sha_lyn]

So are the grandparents off scott free once again?
I can not believe a child is being punished for a month for what 2 adults let him do.

 

[Jennasis]

sha_lyn: I believe OP's son KNEW he wasn't allowed and either A) coerced grandparents into letting him have his way or B) KNEW he wasn't allowed and did it anyway figuring grandparents would back him up or take the fall for it. IMO, the OP is handling this terrifically and I agree that her son should be punished. I do still think the grandparents need a stern talking to about honoring the parental requests/authority, but walk a mile in OP shoes. It may be much more peaceful to not rock the boat and have angry hurt feelings within the family.

I mentioned this scenario to my MIL last night. She freaked out over the incident where the grandparents took the baby for his first hair cut. She was floored! Apparently (I have no kids) the first hair cut is a HUGE deal and the grandparents were totally out of line doing this...I agreed. When she heard about the mohawk, she laughed and said "why are the grandparents so obsessed with HAIR??" She thinks the grandparents are too far gone at this point to be admonished for things, since nobody has ever put their foot down before.

OP...you handled this like a champ, with dignity and a sense of humor. I would encourage you to encourage your DH to speak to his parents about their inappropriate behavior. I understand not wanting to upset them though. Perhaps SUPERVISED visitation is in order for a while?

 

[nliedel]

So are the grandparents off scott free once again?
I can not believe a child is being punished for a month for what 2 adults let him do.

I am not sure what you want me to do to "punish" the grandparents? We spoke to them and my husband told them no more haricuts, ever. They didn't say much but then they would not. They are who they are and it is what it is. A little time without Jak and Dexter won't hurt my son in the least. He was manipulative and needs to learn that he cannot do that. No, he was not alone in this but I can't take anything from my in-laws but the boys and life's too short for that. It would also have the effect of punishing my other children.

Scott Free? Life has a way of coming around and taking care of itself pretty much. I've found that letting some things go, even some big things, other than saying something, is not the death of civilzation as I know it. Again, they were not trying to hurt me. It was not a slap in the face at my parenting skills or lack thereof. They just wanted him to smile and he gets away with more than he should because of that smile. Which is not something I want to support and am working on.

Sometimes love means standing up for yourself and sometimes it's letting stuff go, even big stuff. They were told it was an issue for us. Are not taking the boys overnight for a long time and that's a consequence.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I am not sure what you want me to do to "punish" the grandparents?

I think they should also be forbidden from the world of Jak and Dexter for an equal amount of time.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I'm glad DH spoke to his parents. At least they know that they crossed the line and you were both displeased. Not sure it will help in the future, but that's all you can do without causing a major rift, I guess.

Too bad that the school didn't pitch a fit. That would have helped your cause. But I'm sure losing the Playstation hurt. Hope you guys let grandma and grandpa know about the Playstation punishment. That might make them think before they go against your wishes. That might be the worst punishment of all for a grandparent. To have something they agreed to get the grandchild in trouble would hurt.

I think you handled this well.

 

[minkydog]

I'd blow it off. You can't undo it, so what is the point of raising a fuss now? His hair will grow back. There'll be great pictures. And long after his Grandparents are dead your son will remember how they let him a get a mohawk when mom wouldn't (which is probably why they did it).

I'm sorry for laughing. I know this aggravated the heck out of the OP, but you reminded me of the time my 15yo conned his Granny into letting him dye his hair. She had called me to ask if he could color his hair and I said yes--he had been highlighting the tips blond ala-Back Street boys and I assumed that's what she meant. She never mentioned electric blue. My husband just about had a stroke when he saw it.

OP: it's only hair. I agree with the discipline. Just because the school isn't going to enforce the rules doesn't mean he gets a free pass. He knew what he was doing was wrong and chose to do it anyway. Keep the faith

 

[nliedel]

You know there's a thought there. Maybe I could send him over there for a long weekend with his game. They have a Playstation. That's so evil tho.

Ack forgot. I caught him on the phone last night calling them to tell them of his fate.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I've been following this but haven't posted. But once I saw that pic I just had to.......He is so cute! I'm not sure I could stay mad at him for long. You sound like a great mom that handled a tough situation with grace. Good for you.

 

[nliedel]

Oh yeah, he's adorable and knows it too. He's not quite nine and we have girls calling for him. I am locking him up at thirteen.

 

[Nancyg56]

I am not sure what you want me to do to "punish" the grandparents? We spoke to them and my husband told them no more haricuts, ever. They didn't say much but then they would not. They are who they are and it is what it is. A little time without Jak and Dexter won't hurt my son in the least. He was manipulative and needs to learn that he cannot do that. No, he was not alone in this but I can't take anything from my in-laws but the boys and life's too short for that. It would also have the effect of punishing my other children.

Scott Free? Life has a way of coming around and taking care of itself pretty much. I've found that letting some things go, even some big things, other than saying something, is not the death of civilzation as I know it. Again, they were not trying to hurt me. It was not a slap in the face at my parenting skills or lack thereof. They just wanted him to smile and he gets away with more than he should because of that smile. Which is not something I want to support and am working on.

Sometimes love means standing up for yourself and sometimes it's letting stuff go, even big stuff. They were told it was an issue for us. Are not taking the boys overnight for a long time and that's a consequence.

ITA. You made your point. I don't approve of the way that they show their love to the kids, becauseI think that a parent has the last word. Having said that, I have read so many sad threads detailing the lack of affection and attention that grandparents show their grandchild that I agree you handled this well. You cannot sever a relationship because someone made a mistake, and the people to suffer the most would be your boys.

Now, I would have a tough time saying "No" to that cutie of yours. He has the most infectious smile!