I need some advice

[Disney_Dani]

I agree with all the other posters. He sounds like a jerk! I think he's using the excuse that you called him and he's upset about it because he is in fact married or doesn't want to be with you. Anyone can sound sweet and perfect online, but in person, probably not. I wouldn't even meet him for that drink - he doesn't deserve your time.

 

[Cass]

I just really like him..even tho i know hes treating me like a jerk.

Then you deserve him. All the best of luck in Paris.

 

[Another_Fotney]

I just really like him..even tho i know hes treating me like a jerk.

I just felt like he was the one for me, and he was going to make me happy.

How is he going to make you happy if you're not even "allowed" to call him?

Read your own post -- "Hes treating me like a jerk."

Nuff said.

 

[thelittlemermaid83]

I know what you guys are saying.

It just hurts as if he really is married he was the one that lied not me. But why do i feel so bad

 

[bumbershoot]

I once went out to eat by myself, and a guy sat down next to me and was really really nice. I felt we clicked. He gave me his phone number, and asked me to call him sometime.

I did. And he yelled at me, b/c he was married, and I needed to "refrain myself from calling" him. (and ever since then I HATE the word "refrain")

I wonder if this is the same guy... It's pretty obvious you called him when his not-so-dead wife was around, or when his rebound from a truly dead wife was around (or there was never any wife, but he enjoys meeting up with women in different countries and had another there at the time).

So i guess no one is in favour of me at least meeting him to see what he says?

He will be a jerk. Why go?

I just really like him..even tho i know hes treating me like a jerk.

I just felt like he was the one for me, and he was going to make me happy.

Men who are right for you don't make you feel bad for calling them. Well, bad moods are allowed much later on when you call to ask about decorating your house and they are about to go into a meeting to get a raise. But that's much later on.

His being jerky means he is not the one.

I haven't read the book, but I might suggest the book He's Just Not That Into You (and I don't mean to be hurtful, but this guy is not the one for you).

 

[TinkerbellMama]

I would never even SPEAK to this guy again, not even once...much less meet up with him, or carry on a relationship. I am having a very hard time understanding why you'd want to, either.

 

[MELSMICE]

Sounds to me like he's married.

Plus, if he really liked you the same way you like him then he wouldn't have a problem with you calling him, especially if he's not married.

He obviously doesn't have the same feelings for you. Don't waste your time.

 

[thelittlemermaid83]

I guess you guys are right.

Im allowed to be hurt and upset though arnt I?

 

[DMickey28]

I am probably going to say the same that has already been said but ...

You said you wouldn't call him ad then you did because you were upset and he got mad????

Why were you not supposed to call him? Why would you want to be with someone who wasn't there for you when you were upset?

 

[KikiFan]

I just really like him..even tho i know hes treating me like a jerk.

I just felt like he was the one for me, and he was going to make me happy.

I'm sure he'll make you very happy if you like guys that play head games, make ridiculous demands, and yank you around emotionally. Because that sounds like all you're going to get with him.

I know this situation hurts and you're in pain. But you are grieving for the relationship you wished to have with him. But reality is very different. He's treated you very badly. His demand that you not call, the way/reason for ending things and worst of all his offer for one last drink is nothing but him manipulating your emotions and your head. Show your daughter what a strong, self- respecting woman does in that situation.

Run. Don't walk.

 

[bumbershoot]

You are always allowed to have your feelings, always. So be upset and sad. But please don't feed into this guy's nonsense, so you don't have to be even more upset and sad.

And hey, you're a stranger in a strange land...meet some locals!


Editing...maybe you are actually from the UK, for some reason I thought you American meeting up with another American in France. But looks like my impressions were wrong. Sorry.

 

[crzyred]

I guess you guys are right.

Im allowed to be hurt and upset though arnt I?

Be upset that guys like this exist in the world. Be as ticked off as you want to about that.

 

[Chicago526]

I know what you guys are saying.

It just hurts as if he really is married he was the one that lied not me. But why do i feel so bad

Just a guess, but the online stuff and the 1st meeting went really well, and you kind of built up in your heart and mind that "this is it, he's the ONE" and now that bubble has burst, and it's back to life as usual. Having a kid, I bet it's hard to met guys (who wants someone else's baggage? Not that a child is baggage, but many people see it that way and stay away) and this guy seems like an answer to a prayer at first.

Like I said, I know it hurts but in the long run you are so much better off. If he feels it's okay to treat you like this THIS early on, can you imagine what he'll be like when you're more comfortable with each other? You teach people how to treat you, and by going for drinks, assuming the relationship continues, you're telling him that this is an acceptable way to treat you. And it is SO not! You can do much better for you and your daughter, be patient. The right guy is out there, you just haven't met him yet.

Also, there is nothing wrong with being alone for a while, just you and your daughter. The best thing I ever did was be alone for a few years. No boyfriend, no room mate, just me and a dog for three years. It made me a much more strong and independent woman, and the type of woman my husband was attracted to. If I hadn't changed and grown, my husband may not have been interested, and he wouldn't be my husband today!

 

[happybratpack]

I'm sure he'll make you very happy if you like guys that play head games, make ridiculous demands, and yank you around emotionally. Because that sounds like all you're going to get with him.

I know this situation hurts and you're in pain. But you are grieving for the relationship you wished to have with him. But reality is very different. He's treated you very badly. His demand that you not call, the way/reason for ending things and worst of all his offer for one last drink is nothing but him manipulating your emotions and your head. Show your daughter what a strong, self- respecting woman does in that situation.

Run. Don't walk.

Exactly...it sounds like your mourning what "might have been" and not what actually was.

You have to believe that you deserve to be treated better - if not for yourself then for your daughter. What advice would you give her if she posted what you have?

Hang in there.

 

[JR6ooo4]

OK enough about the guy...

OP you had fun some of the time talking and writing him. Even a great connection during those limited moments. You have heard it before, " a great guy is out there for you".

Go ahead and feel bad. Basicaly you were conned and taken advantage of. I would feel bad if I only lost money, but he played with your emotions which is worse. Be strong for you and your daughter. That will help attract a better man...

is there a singles day at Disney?

Mikeeee

 

[kimmikayb]

Where do I start

A few months ago i started chatting to a guy on Facebook who was American but was working in France, now i went and met up with him last month when i went Disneyland Paris and we arranged to meet up in 8 days time there again to get to know each.

Well we have fallen out, and now he says he will only meet me for a drink next week out of courtesy and that i have basically blown my chances with him as he said i cant keep promises.
(I said i wouldnt call him, and i stupidly forgot and called him as i was upset...) Basically he thinks if we got together this will keep happening.

He has told me to take my Daughter Disneyland Paris and that he will meet me just for a drink.

I really like him and ive tried to tell him this but he keeps telling me i have blown it, i dont want to push him further but i really dont know what to say or do to make him realise it wont happen again.

Why is he meeting me if he knows that we dont have a future? Its breaking my heart, i dont know what to say or do to make things better or win him back.

Also hes flying back to New York a few days after we have met, the only way I will prob see him again is...well i dont know...thinking about it breaks my heart.

You know when you think you found the 1, as stupid as it sounds i think he is. I just click with him and i made a big mistake and no matter how many times i say sorry to him its not good enough.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Run, run faraway. This is not the guy for you. He is already not treating you well.

 

[thelittlemermaid83]

You guys are talking sense.

I guess I am sad about what could of been, but that is only because he promised me so much.
I just think why make up so many lies, its not like i had anything to offer to him.

 

[DMickey28]

I know what you guys are saying.

It just hurts as if he really is married he was the one that lied not me. But why do i feel so bad

You did not lie by saying you wouldn't call him and then calling him because you were upset.

I guess you guys are right.

Im allowed to be hurt and upset though arnt I?

You can be hurt and upset but the PP hit it on the head. You are greiving the loss of a relationship that you HOPED to have. Not one that you did have.

I just want to make sure I understand this. You met this guy on Facebook and started talking then you met him in DLP recently. How long did you talk to him on Facebook? When did you start talking on the phone?

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you probably got yourself too attached to him too quickly for your own good. If he is the first person you think of when you are upset and want to talk to you probably elevated him to a position of importance in your life that he did not earn. I am sure he could have been saying all the right things to make you think that either you were already in a relationship with him or had a strong future of one. That is a player ... he was controlling everything.

Sure be sad and be hurt but also realize that you were dreaming about a relationship that you want to have and not the relationship you did (or didn't) have.

 

[thelittlemermaid83]

OK enough about the guy...

OP you had fun some of the time talking and writing him. Even a great connection during those limited moments. You have heard it before, " a great guy is out there for you".

Go ahead and feel bad. Basicaly you were conned and taken advantage of. I would feel bad if I only lost money, but he played with your emotions which is worse. Be strong for you and your daughter. That will help attract a better man...

is there a singles day at Disney?

Mikeeee

i nearly did lose money i booked a trip to Disneyland Paris to spend time with him, i nearly actually cancelled it as im too depressed to go. But decided to take my daughter instead as someone deserves to have a good time.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

She was with me when i met up with him last time for a drink and he seemed like a nice enough guy.

I'm going to phrase this as kindly as I can...

My neighbor has thought the same thing about 3 different men (since her kids' actual father went to prison for armed robbery, I might add)...and here are the results:

Boyfriend #1: Suspected of and investigated for molesting her youngest, but was never charged because there wasn't much physical evidence and the child was too young to testify.
Boyfriend #2: Raped her with her children in the house. Threatened to hurt them, too, if they woke up and intruded (he said this to keep her quiet).
(Current) Boyfriend #3: Has gotten drunk and beaten her up (she is also pregnant with his child), on more than one occasion. Her oldest had to call 911, the first time.

Her kids have been exposed to more uncertainty, violence, and mistreatment in the past YEAR than I can describe here. They live in fear and are NOT doing well...all because their mother has no judgment and will not protect her from seemingly "nice" guys. Do you really want your child to end up psychologically and/or bodily scarred because you feel comfortable taking her to meet TOTAL STRANGERS from the internet??? What you are doing is NOT SAFE. Period. Please stop, now--if not for your own sake, do it for hers. You should never, ever put your child in a position of danger with someone you don't know VERY well...and you can't tell from a first meeting or online chat whether a person is legitimately appropriate to be around your precious daughter.

And to answer your last question, about feeling hurt...
My honest reply to that is that you are allowed to feel however you want, BUT, if you feel hurt over THIS jerk, your judgment is REALLY not good and you need to be extra diligent to protect your daughter from harm, knowing this about yourself. Good luck to you.