I need help coping with my miscarriage- last update 5/21

[Bethy Lou]

I was incredibly depressed until I found out that I was pregnant again, and then I was worried constantly until the safe mark passed. I still am worried even now, but that is something that every woman who has miscarried will experience. The pain never goes away, you will find yourself thinking at the due date that at this point you would have had a baby. It does get easier though. With time I found myself not getting upset about seeing other pregnant women. I found myself not getting upset when little kids would point to pregnant women in the waiting room, say they were pregnant and point at us flat bellies and say we were not. Feel free to talk about it here as much as you want. I know how much I craved talking to fellow people who went through the same thing as me because it is so hard for other people in your life to know how you feel.

 

[mickeyboat]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I suffered two pregnancy losses, and got over them quickly - but I never really gave myself time to grieve and spend a lot of time now wondering "what if." This is a real loss and will take time.

Denae

 

[Barb D]

I had a miscarriage when DD14 was a toddler. Soon after the miscarriage we were reading a board book about Jesus. One line in the book said, "A baby sits on Jesus' lap!" DD pointed at the picture and said, "That OUR baby!"

 

[TwinkieMama]

Oh Blue.

The thing that helped me the most was when others truely acknowledged our loss. As my dear friend who miscarried her first said "it is amazing how sad it is."

Take time to grieve. Don't be surprised when the sadness recedes and suddenly comes back. It still hits me at the most unexpected times (and some expected ones.... like my due date that never was).


I am so sorry.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm so sorry. I think the only thing that really helped me was talking about it and just plain time. I've had two miscarriages and it still hurts at times.

I'll include you in my prayers.

 

[RadioNate]

Hi! I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have had 2 miscarriages in the past 5 months...it's not easy but you have to be strong for your other children but don't be afraid to let out your sorrow.

What has gotten me through is knowing that a miscarriage means the pregnancy and the child were not healthy.

I've also had 3 miscarriages and the same thing was comforting to me. I DID feel loss and still wonder what that child would have been like had it be able to develop normally but I know in my heart it wasn't meant to be.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[KimR]

I am so sorry. I remember you from the Moms-to-be thread last year. Almost a year ago, I lost my baby at 16 weeks. We had just returned from Disney World and I was so excited to because we were going in to find out the sex. Instead, we found out our precious baby girl had died somewhere around 15 weeks (while we were in Disney). She was perfectly healthy.

That was my 4th miscarriage, but my first loss of a normal baby - the others all had chromosomal issues. This loss was due to a clotting disorder and could have been prevented had we only known. I was devastated because at 45, I knew that was my last chance and it was especially difficult knowing that she was perfectly normal and healthy and that she didn't have to die. I don't know how I got through that time - it was a nightmare. My family was a tremendous source of support and I know it is a cliche, but really time is the only thing that will dull the pain.

Day by day, things will slowly get better. I think it took around 4 - 6 weeks before I finally felt the fog of depression start to lift but slowly things began to get easier and I started enjoying life again. I know it's hard to believe now but you will, too, I promise.

I still miss my little baby girl - I always will. Her name was Alexandra.

 

[Lionqueen2]

I am so so sorry.

 

[alldiz]

Kerri

 

[nataliela]

My aunt had a miscarriage. She now has a small urn sitting on their fireplace with a plaque "Baby Boy "lastname"

Even though they never met him, is is still part of the family

I hope the sadness passes quickly for you

 

[java]

I'm so very sorry. I have been through 4 myself. And I have 4 living children currently.
My nephew(5 at the time) said something to me after I lost a baby. He said "Aunt J everyone keeps saying you lost your baby- but you didn't lose it. I know where it is. It went to your heart. "

There is a pregnancy loss board over at ivillage that I went to. And it helped. I don't believe I can post a link to another board? But just go to the parenting place and look for pregnancy loss.

I really am very sorry and any time you need a lift come here.

 

[livie1205]

i AM VERY SORRY....this happened to me at 4 months (twins) I bled out and almost died.they said I may not ever get pregnant again then 6 months later I did...I did not go through the normal grieving maybe because we had no clue I was pregnant..I had been having bleeding that I thought was a period and I had kidney stone surgery a few months before and had been in bed alot so a few pounds of weight gain did not make me wonder...I hope you know its not your fault and you are in my prayers..

 

[need_a_Disney_fix]

I am so very sorry.

 

[UtahMama]

Awwww, sweetie!

No words will help but know you're not alone.

I can say, even after 20 years (at 6 months pregnant) the pain does subside a little. I remember being numb and not really hearing what comfort people were offering.

Soooo sorry for your loss.

 

[WDW~Lover]

I had 4...

 

[Bloodhound]

Sorry Blue, My sister delevered 3 preammies ...2 lived about an hour and pasted away and Holly lived and by the time she was suppose to be delivered you could never tell she was a preammie...the doctors told her not to try for any more since she cant carry full term... our prayers are with you

 

[Doesney]

I'm so sorry. May time heal your pain

 

[zalansky]

I had one and found out there was no heartbeat at the 8 week appt. My husband didn't come with me because we assumed everything was ok. It was devastating. I spent a lot of time on the loss and grief board at Babycenter.
It was so helpful, being able to "talk" with ladies who were experiencing the same thing I was. I would give that a shot.

I got pregnant again right away, which helped me cope more than anything. With that pregnancy we had our 2nd child and I can't imagine life without her, of course. I do often wonder what might have been - but looking at her makes me realize someone else had other plans for our family!

 

[Backstage_Gal]

LittleBlue, I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. Sending my thoughts and hugs.

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

I am so sorry for you. I went through two miscarriages and one pre-term labor that resulted in stillbirth. It is very hard to cope but does get easier over time. Sometimes people don't understand your level of grief as your baby was an abstract idea to them but very real to you.
Hang in there.