I need help coping with my miscarriage- last update 5/21

[Mean Queen]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. When I miscarried, it did help me to post on support boards.

 

[NMAmy]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[creativeamanda]

I miscarried 8 years ago--May 5, 2000. Some things helped me greatly:

1. I posted on a miscarriage support board. While that one no longer exists, there are others out there.

2. I named the baby. Lee will always have a special place in my heart.

3. My husband bought me an additional wedding band to commemorate the birth of our baby directly to heaven.

4. I talked to my mother, who had several miscarriages prior to conceiving me.

5. I talked to my pastor.

Even though my parents died 2 years later, I like to think that Lee died so my parents would have a grandchild to play with and spoil in heaven.

I am sorry for your loss. I know that what helped me may not help you, but I know things that did NOT help. The thing that helped me most was when people just listened. My prayers are with you.

 

[babynurse1]

I am so sorry LBlue. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm so sorry.

I've had my share of miscarriages--one is too many, but I've had 5. The last one was my only unplanned pregnancy and it was just as hard as any of them. Many people will say how it's natures way of not letting a baby that's not meant to be continue to develop, but I never felt any comfort in that, especially not at first. My brother, who was never too wonderful with words and never had children of his own, said the best thing to me some time after I'd had my first miscarriage. He simply told me how sorry he was. What else can be said, really? Time helps and at one point I was part of an internet group for people who had miscarriages. It did help to talk with other people. At least it did for me.

 

[dizneenut]

I am so sorry.

 

[creativeamanda]

I'm so sorry.

I've had my share of miscarriages--one is too many, but I've had 5. The last one was my only unplanned pregnancy and it was just as hard as any of them. Many people will say how it's natures way of not letting a baby that's not meant to be continue to develop, but I never felt any comfort in that, especially not at first. My brother, who was never too wonderful with words and never had children of his own, said the best thing to me some time after I'd had my first miscarriage. He simply told me how sorry he was. What else can be said, really? Time helps and at one point I was part of an internet group for people who had miscarriages. It did help to talk with other people. At least it did for me.

Thanks for mentioning this. I didn't want to know how nature was caring for itself and although I believe in God, I certainly did not want anyone to tell me that it was God's will. To be honest, I was angry with God and the time and certainly was not concerned with His will. I just wanted someone to listen, tell me they were sorry, and be a shoulder to cry on. I still miss Lee, but time heals wounds.

And again, to the OP, I am sorry. Prayers are lifted for you. If I could, I'd be a shoulder right now.

 

[motherhen17404]

I am so sorry. I miscarried 6 times, so I know how you feel. The last one was a tubal that I almost did not survive. Then 2 days later my mother died. It was a very rough time for me. What got me though it was my DH and my best friend. It brought my DH and I closer. We turned to each other instead to turning outward.

The pain does go away with time. But you will never forget. You just have to take it one day at a time. I still have some bad days where I just sit and wonder "what if". I am lucky that I was able to have 1 child, but I always wonder what his brothers and sisters would have been like.

 

[celerystalker]

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[moppety]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Take time for yourself and grieve as you need to.

I've had my share, and one thing that helped me, as others have mentioned, were blogs and message boards. The ones I frequented then are gone or changed now, but there are still some good ones out there. Talking to others and time were the 2 biggest factors in my recovery.

 

[HelenePA]

I'm sorry. I went thru it last Sept. May 5th was my due date for my little one. How did I get thru? *sigh* I dunno. it sucked. Still does. Time helps. Talking helps, sadly no one wanted to talk to me about it even dh. I use to belong to a mom's message board. I vented there.. ALOT.. one too many times for them and was no longer welcome. If ya need someone to talk to PM me.

 

[HSMndLKfan92]

 

[Pinkprincessmom]

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage in January of 2006. It is still the worst experience of my whole life. I read everything I could find on the topic. I also talked to my sister that had 2 miscarriages. I let myself cry and I let other people take care of me for a few days.

You're in my prayers.

 

[LittleBlue22]

I cannot thank you all enough for your kind words, support, offers to help/pray, suggestions, etc. My dh was working on the computer earlier this evening and he shouted out, your thread is at 4 pages now. Its not the page count that is important, its that I appreciate everyone's willingness to repspond and the level of honesty.

To KimR, I remember you too.

I haven't searched the D&C procedure yet, but could any of you tell me more about that and the recovery time. I'm starting to deal with the thought of my loss, but I think the D&C will scare and make me feel the loss even more. What do they do with the baby after?

Can any one answer why I'm not personalizing it as MY loss? Does that make sense? I feel like a disconnect from myself.

Thank you all again for your replies.

In my heart, I know my baby "Heaven" is well.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

I am so sorry

 

[HelenePA]

I had the D&C done. Mine was VERY fast excluding the waiting time. Once they were ready for me they gave me twilight drugs thru an IV. The nurses were very nice in the way into the OR they asked me what I did for a living I said I'm a mom the drugs were just starting to work I had to think about how old my kids were. I scooted from one table to the other... the dr said slide down a little and then I woke up in the recovery room. It was over so fast which was good and bad KWIM? I got dressed and left. I had no cramps. Little bleeding (this might not be normal i'm not a big bleeder at Af time or even after birth) I came home and napped most of the day. I was just so tired from the drugs and everything. The next day I was feeling normal. I lost my baby at about 6wks.. there wasn't much of a baby to be truthful I have no clue what happened with him/her. I'm not sure I want to know either.

 

[ckay87]

I am so sorry. Nothing helps, but maybe the passage of time. I miscarried on 5/7/95. People acted like it was no big deal, but here we are 13 years later and I remember that exact date.

Hang in there honey.

 

[LittleBlue22]

I am so sorry. Nothing helps, but maybe the passage of time. I miscarried on 5/7/95. People acted like it was no big deal, but here we are 13 years later and I remember that exact date.

Hang in there honey.

Your telling me. I'm sure they weren't thinking it wasn't a big deal, but it felt that way when I left.

When I walked into the OB/family practice office the staff were chit chatting with me. They know our kids and myself so well. Then, as I left, there was a different aire in the air ykwim? My level of self was different too, but I'm pretty sure the OB doc or the nurse went through the office telling them not to say any thing or something because the vibe was different when I left.

I'm going back and forth of if I want to know where the baby goes or not, but I would feel sick knowing thinking the baby was just thrown away.

Just found the wikpedia's definition of vacuum aspiration...

 

[BavarianPrincess]

I am so sorry for your loss, honey.

I've lost two myself. One involved a D&C. The D&C itself was not terrible, but I did bleed for an awfully long time after. Waking up after the procedure was really rough. I felt so emotional (grief stricken) and "woke up" in tears. Fortunately, a nurse got my husband into the recovery room right away.

One thing I wasn't prepared for was the hormonal roller coaster- losing the pregnancy symptoms, hot flashes, all of that along with the post m/c bleeding just felt like a constant reminder of our loss.

We were on the infertility merry go round at the time so I had lots of testing, and knowing what went wrong did help.

Naming our babies and allowing ourselves to grieve them, and DH and I allowing one another to grieve in our own ways at our own paces were really the things that mattered the most.

The funeral home that our family uses takes care of all babies regardless of stage of pregnancy and totally without charge. Your doctor or the hospital may have information. If not, perhaps a friend or family member could make some calls for you.

I still feel a sense of sadness sometimes. The worst is filling out medical forms that ask for the number of pregnancies and the number of living children. Sigh. It is like the other deaths I've experienced- after grieving over time, the feeling of loss becomes a part of you, and yet there is no bitterness, no sharpness to it at all. I really believe that DH and I got to that place because we allowed ourselves to grieve.

 

[Pop Daddy]

hey