I need a little help through this.

[cheermom1]

My dd is 17 and she tells me everything which I am grateful for. She told me the other day she wants to go on the pill. Ok fine but I started talking to her about her bf (19) and everything that goes with that. Well a few days later she wanted to talk (all before her apt) she wanted me to know that a couple of days before she asked about the pill she and her bf did do something. I told her I knew something was up but she needed to tell me at her own pace. I am so sad as she is officially not pure.

I did know it was about to happen as like I said she talks to me. Please no flames on how I should not be condoning her behavior as I don;t all. I have to make sure she is protected. But I don't think I have to worry too much about her as she made him get tested. But she said it wasn't planned,

I just need some good thoughts to help me through this and to help her through this. Also if there is any advise from others who have gone through this let me know please.

 

[Luvchefmic]

My dd is 17 and she tells me everything which I am grateful for. She told me the other day she wants to go on the pill. Ok fine but I started talking to her about her bf (19) and everything that goes with that. Well a few days later she wanted to talk (all before her apt) she wanted me to know that a couple of days before she asked about the pill she and her bf did do something. I told her I knew something was up but she needed to tell me at her own pace. I am so sad as she is officially not pure.

I did know it was about to happen as like I said she talks to me. Please no flames on how I should not be condoning her behavior as I don;t all. I have to make sure she is protected. But I don't think I have to worry too much about her as she made him get tested. But she said it wasn't planned,

I just need some good thoughts to help me through this and to help her through this. Also if there is any advise from others who have gone through this let me know please.

Please don't be sad, I think it is wonderful that your DD trusts you enough to talk to you. When I had this conversation with my DD (now 34 ! ) I went to the appt with her and so did the BF, I think she is being responsible and NO you are not condoning any behavior, you are trying to keep her as safe as possible. She is a young woman that seems to have her head on straight and obviously that came from how you raised her.

 

[mjkacmom]

It sounds like you are doing a great job! The fact that she's open and honest, and wants to be responsible, shows maturity. Honestly, if my 17 year old was in a loving and committed relationship, I wouldn't be too upset that she was sexually active. However, if she wasn't in a relationship, and asked to go on bcp, we'd be having lots of discussions!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think getting her on the pill, talking to her about both feelings/morals AND safety, and being sure she has ready access to what she needs to be safe from STDs (even is he was tested) are ways you ARE looking out for her.

Something else to consider--I notice your DD is under 18 and her BF is over. It may be wise to check out the age of consent laws in the state and make sure both kids are aware of them. Personally I think it is ridiculous to prosecute teens who are so close in age like this, but it can happen in some states--and while it sounds like you would not do this to the BF; he should be aware of any risk he is taking in that area as well.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I guess it would not come as a shock to me either. Just be glad that she is talking to you. Hopefully she used protection.

 

[cheermom1]

Awww thanks ladies and yes i made it a point to make them very comfortable to talk to me about anything. I remember when i was her age and my parents pretended it didn't exist and I was not a nice girl. B/c of that I wanted to make sure my kids were very educated and could talk to me and get answers.

she told me she would rather do these things while she was at home with me to help her and ask questions b/c she didn't want to be stuck in college and not know what to do. I see her point but man...I told her 'aww you still need your mommy' ...when she told me she made him get tested I knew she had her head on right about things but still it is hard given her age. but then again I was younger than her.

She is in a very good relationship with a great kid that is about to go in the air force. I've known him for a about 4 years he was the cheer team too.

 

[cheermom1]

I think getting her on the pill, talking to her about both feelings/morals AND safety, and being sure she has ready access to what she needs to be safe from STDs (even is he was tested) are ways you ARE looking out for her.

Something else to consider--I notice your DD is under 18 and her BF is over. It may be wise to check out the age of consent laws in the state and make sure both kids are aware of them. Personally I think it is ridiculous to prosecute teens who are so close in age like this, but it can happen in some states--and while it sounds like you would not do this to the BF; he should be aware of any risk he is taking in that area as well.

I did talk to them about this too and he is aware of everything and no I would never do that to him he is a great kid. I also really believe this is dd idea too. I know someone this happened to and I told them to be very careful of who knows as well. I do need to look this up for the state of Ar. Thanks for reminding me.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Be proud of your daughter.

She is an adult and she is making choices like an adult. She is taking responsibility for her own actions and making sure to protect herself. She is keeping you in the loop and not shutting you out. Clearly she trusts you and values your opinion, even though she's a 17 year old girl. Be proud of yourself for that. Anyone who would take issue with your daughter's "purity" is not worth you or your daughter's time or thought.

 

[cheermom1]

Be proud of your daughter.

She is an adult and she is making choices like an adult. She is taking responsibility for her own actions and making sure to protect herself. She is keeping you in the loop and not shutting you out. Clearly she trusts you and values your opinion, even though she's a 17 year old girl. Be proud of yourself for that. Anyone who would take issue with your daughter's "purity" is not worth you or your daughter's time or thought.

Thank you this made me tear up.

 

[cheermom1]

Ok legal age in Ar is 16.

 

[razorbackfan22]

I really want to caution about posting such personal information on the internet, especially when it is someone else's information. There are tons of lurkers on this and other sites who may know you in real life and this is just not good for your daughter or her boyfriend to have this made public.

Best of luck!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Ok legal age in Ar is 16.

Good One less thing for them to worry about.

It is hard to watch them grow up isn't it? But it sounds like yours is growing up to be quiet a responsible and clear headed young lady

 

[cheermom1]

I really want to caution about posting such personal information on the internet, especially when it is someone else's information. There are tons of lurkers on this and other sites who may know you in real life and this is just not good for your daughter or her boyfriend to have this made public.

Best of luck!

Yes but I know everyone is this town and I know no one else is on this board and no they can't figure out who this is. thanks so much for your concern I appropriate it.

 

[cheermom1]

Good One less thing for them to worry about.

It is hard to watch them grow up isn't it? But it sounds like yours is growing up to be quiet a responsible and clear headed young lady

Thanks, That was my goal from the beginning.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Cheermom, I am proud of you! You obviously raised your daughter in a loving home where she feels comfortable talking to you about such things.

TC

 

[princessmom29]

Realistically, it was going to happen at some point. Be proud of your daughter for handling it in a responsible manner and having the courage to come to you about it. It is a hard, hard thing to do at that age. I don't think you need to be sad that she is "not pure", and I wouldn't tell her that. I personally don't like the negitave connotation. She is essentially an adult making her own adult decisions. Be proud that she is doing so in a muature and responsible manner.

 

[trip]

Just make sure they are both using protection. Better doubley safe than pregnant.

 

[Jennasis]

Your daughter is a good kid. You must have done something right mom. Good on you!

Enough of the "not pure" crap. That's bunk and you know it. Your daughter is strong, smart, and capable. It was going to happen...plain and simple. The notion of waiting until marriage is really unrealistic. You don't have to be happy about it, or love the idea. I totally understand. But make sure you NEVER make her feel bad or dirty for it. She came to you for help...she sounds mature and cautious.

You done good ma!

 

[peanut1967]

Hi 'hugs' to you

we have dd's of the same age and we have just gone through the same thing, we talked it over and let me tell you, you did the right thing.

One thing I have always said to my dd, if you get pregnant it wont ruin you life but it will change it, so she has been responsible enough to come to me and talk about anything and everything.

You take care and if you need someone to talk to pm me.

Angie

My dd is 17 and she tells me everything which I am grateful for. She told me the other day she wants to go on the pill. Ok fine but I started talking to her about her bf (19) and everything that goes with that. Well a few days later she wanted to talk (all before her apt) she wanted me to know that a couple of days before she asked about the pill she and her bf did do something. I told her I knew something was up but she needed to tell me at her own pace. I am so sad as she is officially not pure.

I did know it was about to happen as like I said she talks to me. Please no flames on how I should not be condoning her behavior as I don;t all. I have to make sure she is protected. But I don't think I have to worry too much about her as she made him get tested. But she said it wasn't planned,

I just need some good thoughts to help me through this and to help her through this. Also if there is any advise from others who have gone through this let me know please.

 

[Rora]

Like others have said, congrats to you for raising such a smart girl! You are so lucky she wants to talk to you about this type of thing!

I sound a bit like your DD.. I had been dating a guy (now my husband) for about a year and a half. We were planning on waiting til marriage but that didn't happen. I was 16, he was 18. I was terrified about talking to my parents about this but didn't want to have to deal with worrying about being pregnant (one of my friends got pregnant when the condom broke- after that I was paranoid..) and more over, I wanted to be honest with my mom. I did the same thing your DD did: inquire about the pill and then confess that we actually had had sex. My mom reacted the same way as you- certainly not thrilled but supportive. I knew she was upset that I hadn't waited til marriage but she was always very thankful I was responsible and honest enough to be up front with her. She chose to make somewhat nasty comments periodically (something I hope you don't do to your DD!!) but I knew I did the right thing and I was happy with the way she handled the situation (minus those commments, ).

Again, OP, you did a great job. Please try your hardest to be supportive and don't ever let her feel bad about this decision.

Best of luck to you and her!