I know I'll feel better tomorrow, but...

[yourtravelpro]

I am hurting so bad right now and don't know what to do. I can't stop crying and I look like I have frog eyes.
My husband is playing this new computer game called Aces High. This has been going on for about 3 months now. It's a flying game where you bomb different things and you play online with others and have different missions. As soon as he gets home from work he goes online and that's the end of him until bedtime. He even eats dinner in front of the computer while playing.
I just tried to talk to him about it again and told him that I feel neglected and I need some attention from him. He got really defensive and said that I am trying to compete with a computer game. He thinks that because I am in the same room as him watching TV that we are together. He said I am being ridiculous and said this is all me and that I need to work on this problem alone. He refuses to talk about this and then ignores it and acts like nothing is wrong. I need my feelings to be acknowledged. I miss him. I don't know what else to do. I feel like leaving him because I don't want to hurt anymore.

I am turning to my friends here because I don't have a friend in my husband.

Sorry for the long post.

 

[Pin Wizard]

 

[Jasminesmommy]

It'll get better. I know how you feel. i have one of those husbands too. Tell him to spend one night off or alternating nights.

 

[deirdrefitch]

Many, many years ago, my husband was into the "Atari Game System'. He had his choice of Donkey Kong, and Football. He and his police buddies would stay up half the night playing these stupid, (oops, did I say stupid?), I meant to say adventerous games. Being newlyweds, I kept quiet for quiet a while. Finally, I talked, begged, pleaded, for alone time without game and friends. This just seemed to aggravate the situation. My MIL gave me the just the right advice. "Beat him at his own game!"
I would practice every chance during the day that I could. After a few weeks I got pretty good at both games. The next time my husband's friends came over, I challenged one of them to a game.
They all got a big laugh over my challenge, but I got the last laugh. After a couple of weeks, my husband's friends would come over to play Atari with me instead of him. Didn't take long for him to decide we needed quite time together without the Atari and his friends. Hang in there! Good Luck!

 

[legs22]

He sounds like he is addicted to the computer and not considerate of your feelings.
I would talk to a marriage counselor (go without him).

 

[Planogirl]

My husband and I have both gone through periods where we would really, really get into something. Sometimes we did it together and sometimes not. But after a short while we always came out of it enough to spend time together.

Try again to talk to him and if you can, stay calm and friendly. It sounds like he might feel threatened when you bring it up. I know it's hard, good luck.

 

[flaps]

{{{Hugs}}}

We had friends in a similar situation some years ago.

I'd agree with legs22 that you (and your spouse, if he'll go) should speak with a marriage counselor. ASAP, IMHO.

 

[onecoolmama]

 

[Lynn CC]

If you are that upset about it I would call today and cancel the internet service, tell them it will be for a month or two and then you'll reconnect. Maybe I'm crazy, but if I was that upset about something my DH was doing I would certainly want to get my message across. That will certainly get his attention, I'm sure he'll want to talk about it then!

If you don't want to do that then I would just find a hobby or something that you want to do for yourself that makes you happy and start thinking about you.(tennis lessons, golf lessons a part time job that you always thought you might like to try, take a class that interests you etc.... find something to do away from your home, this way maybe he will miss you and you won't have to watch him play his game. Clearly he is thinking about himself. So why be miserable when he's not. I've been happily married 22 years.....hang in there this is just a bump in the road, a very serious one to you right now.
{HUGS} to you........ MEN

 

[WDWLVR]

I've gone through periods like that with my DH but it was Nascar and Army games. At times I would let it get to me and then I realized that is his way to relax after a long day. We do so much else together that it really didn't bother me and I have things I do on the computer at the same time. For example on Friday nights he does racing on the computer and I go into cruise chat. He used to do chat too and he is often asked about. I know he's happy doing the racing and since he worked just as full a week as me he's entitled to some fun too.

I would suggest talking about it at some other time - maybe a weekend morning when you are doing something else. Sometime other than what he is thinking is his "game time".

Good luck!

 

[helenabear]

Oh boy... this one sort of hit home with me. There is such a thing as being addicted to computer games, and it isn't much fun to deal with when the other won't even listen. I honestly wish I had some solid advice for you, but when I was going through all that, there was more than just the computer games going on.

When you talk to him, are you interrupting his game? If you can find a time when he isn't playing, that isn't bed time (so he isn't tired) try talking then. If I were you, I'd try to suggest to him to do something together (a day or so in advance) with just the two of you, outside the home so you can try to get some quality time with just the two of you in. Hang in there

 

[Serena]

Yeah, that "it's your problem, not mine" thing really gets to you. It's not true, but it's what they tell you and what they believe. It also gives them some more time to do what they want while you feel guilty.

Tell him, you expect some time with him, without the computer. Hopefully it is just a phase he's going through and he's just having some fun. But he needs to be considerate of you and stop dismissing your feelings.

And if he won't cooperate, and if you are strong enough, yeah, shutting down the internet may be an option. But it would tick him off big time. I'd start with talking first.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Sorry to hear this. I agree with the advice to plan a "day out" together.

Something like this just happened to my husbands friend except it was his wife that was always on the internet. Two nights ago (Wednesday) they were getting ready to leave for a weekend at the Nascar race in NH. Well, she wouldn't pack or nothing, just stayed on that computer.

Having had enough, her husband walked up the stairs, into their bedroom and cut the computer cord!

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

Originally posted by deirdrefitch
Many, many years ago, my husband was into the "Atari Game System'. He had his choice of Donkey Kong, and Football. He and his police buddies would stay up half the night playing these stupid, (oops, did I say stupid?), I meant to say adventerous games. Being newlyweds, I kept quiet for quiet a while. Finally, I talked, begged, pleaded, for alone time without game and friends. This just seemed to aggravate the situation. My MIL gave me the just the right advice. "Beat him at his own game!"
I would practice every chance during the day that I could. After a few weeks I got pretty good at both games. The next time my husband's friends came over, I challenged one of them to a game.
They all got a big laugh over my challenge, but I got the last laugh. After a couple of weeks, my husband's friends would come over to play Atari with me instead of him. Didn't take long for him to decide we needed quite time together without the Atari and his friends. Hang in there! Good Luck!

I think you may be my hero.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by Planogirl
My husband and I have both gone through periods where we would really, really get into something. Sometimes we did it together and sometimes not. But after a short while we always came out of it enough to spend time together.

I go through my Gameboy addiction every 6 months or so when I can't put it down for 3-4 weeks...when The Sims 2 comes out in August, there's going to be a royal rumble in the house for the computer.

DH is currectly "addicted" to 'Call of Duty'...he plays every night, for at least 3 hours.

Hell - I know where he is, he's in the computer room. He's not out in some bar. you know?

sometimes it bothers me...sometimes it doesn't. I like my quite time at night to watch TV or read before bed. He usually goes to bed at the same time as me during the week...on the weekend he may stay up later...

I blame myself...I bought him the game after he accidently gave his first copy to his brother (who's also addicted)

 

[piglet too]

No advice, you already have some good bits from other posters. Many hugs though

 

[yourtravelpro]

I want to thank you all for your advice and support!!!

I have a lot of thinking to do. I just wish he would put me out of my misery and tell me he doesn't want to be married anymore, because to me that's how he is acting. When I say these things to him, he says that I always have it all wrong and that's not the way he feels at all. He doesn't say it exactly in those words, but in his words. Funny thing is he really thinks he is a great communicater and I am the only one who can't seem to communicate with him. Weird thing is I am capable of loving him so much more, if only he'd let me.

I wish I knew some magical way I could talk to him to make him understand. I know I put up with more than most people would and that's my fault. If only he could say he was sorry that I was feeling that way or something, I would probably be okay about it and drop it. It would be so easy, but he just won't give, even a little. Arrrrrgggghhh! I hate this feeling, I am so frustrated. How can I go home with a smile on my face when I don't feel like smiling. I just want to run away!!

 

[Gillian]

More hugs!!

It really sounds like an addiction. Sometimes the games are so thrilling that they're better than anything in real life. Try not to take it personally! There are a lot of good suggestions here. Maybe one of them will help. I like the idea of talking during a planned outing.

DH & I have played a few games like that together. Not online, but on our home network. We ignore everything, including the kids! Or we encourage them to nap and go to bed early. Eventually we just stop, but it is addictive!

 

[legs22]

I noticed that you just went on a 2nd honeymoon. How was your relationship then?

You sound like you are at the point where you might benefit from talking to a marriage counselor. If you aren't able to get through to your DH, I would go talk to one. It sounds like you are ready to walk out the door and give up on this marriage.

 

[Gillian]

sorry, double post!