I Just Wanted To Be Athletic - And Now, I Am! (comments welcome)

[corinnak]

Oh, one more thing. I had to get some new jeans today. I have a couple pairs of 18's that I can still wear with a belt, but they are kind of baggy, then there was this 16 that fit pretty much the best, but it started developing holes around the back pockets. I can still wear them with a LONG shirt, but I have never had jeans that went in that particular spot first.

Went to Kohl's before picking up the kids and tried on a 16 and a 14. Neither fit quite perfectly - the 16 is comfortable and non-binding, but maybe a little loose, especially in the legs and everywhere but the waist, which I hate because I feel like the extra bulk they add to my legs makes me look BIG all over. The 14 fits really well.....everwhere but the waist. Darn my thick waist! So I bought them both. Maybe not the best decision. It's frustrating - I don't know if they will shrink in the wash or stretch with wearing and I feel like I am RIGHT in between those two sizes. Neither of which is the size I would really like to be.

I would have liked to have gotten the 14 and figured that I would certainly lose enough in the next couple weeks that they would fit well, but even if I do lose another 5 pounds, the fact is, I never know where it is going to come from. I was bemoaning this quietly to myself this morning as I was shaving in the shower. My legs, it seems, have just the smallest amount of extra "padding." And you can really see the muscles in my calves. My middle, though. Sigh. Blobby is the only word for it. I sometimes feel like the fat is never going to move from that spot.

Well, the good thing is that I caught myself from the backslide I was in and am not getting blobbier through there, not heading back towards the 18's which I still can wear. I wish I could pull them out at the waist with one hand and have lots of extra waistband, though. That would be nice.

Here endeth the depressing pants-buying entry.

 

[kimwim8]

Hey girl. No On Demand either. MAN, I stink. (not literally)

GREAT job on the TM. Yeah, maybe you should've given your legs a rest. You're such a slave driver, I tell ya.

I'll try to find a pic of the sneakers and post them for ya. I ordered the same exact kind & color b/c I didn't want to "try" any others out. These ones worked and felt really well and I got a year out of them. If you looked at my current pair, you wouldn't think they are "old" but the salesman agreed that they wear out in other ways than appearance. I can definitely feel the pounding of the pavement lately.

GREAT job getting into the 14's (whether they are snug or not). YOU GOT IN THEM!! You're really doing great. Give me a shove in that direction, will ya?

 

[corinnak]

Kim, you have a point about the 14's. They zipped nicely, it's just that darned muffin top effect, the hanging over the waist band that I object to. But it is amazingly cool that I can zip them, no problem, you are right.

There is always tomorrow, right? I'm not counting you out yet, but I know how tough it can be to squeeze in those workouts. I spent an alarming amount of time on my 3.5 miles today. We are getting towards the end of the month, though - only 30 days in September, you know. Can you maybe do some mall walking or something, what with the heat and all? Hopefully, it will cool off again for you soon. I'll cross my fingers.

When do they expect your new shoes to arrive? There is something definitely about new shoes. They give you that extra little spring!

Are you watching the new Biggest Loser? I had never watched that before, BUT, now it's in syndication, so a person can watch old ones if a person is feeling particularly like she needs a jump start (I'm talking about myself here) cause they say things like they have no other choice - they can do these tough workouts or nothing will change. Or they can do these tough workouts or they can go back to being the way they were. Or they don't ever want to go back, which reminds me that I don't either and that while I might not be totally miserable with where I am now, I have to remember that there is something better on the horizon, there is something worse not far behind me.

I was made completely aware again of just how close that state of deep dissatisfaction really is when I gained back a few pounds at the end of the summer. My old habits were back in full force, and I was gaining, and it was going to my middle. My pants were starting not to fit again, and I finally had to recommit because I do NOT want to go the other direction in the pants department. So far, so good on the re-recomittment. It is so much harder when you are more pleased with your success than you are displeased with the spot you're at. So I've been working on getting dissatsified again. This is what I have come up with:

My "step test" is an illustration of just how NOT all over the cardio health I actually am and how much better I could be. Below Average is better than Poor, but not enough better for me. I want to be at least "Average."

I have a muffin top over the waistband of the 14's. Even my old worn-out 16's have this issue if I put on a belt. I want that to go away.

My chin and neck are not so large as they were, BUT, I still have a little double chin that could stand to go.

The back of my arms are too much. If only they looked as good as the backs of my legs!

So this is not all about "athletic" and it is not about hating on myself, but I am trying to find that healthy level of dissatisfaction that can help keep me working for improvement.

Do you have any to add, Kim? Please - go ahead and use my journal as a forum for any healthy dissatisfaction or impending dissatisfaction. I think at this point it is just you and me here, and if anyone is reading along, I am SURE they won't mind a little bonus kimwim healthy dissatisfaction.

 

[kimwim8]

Do you have any to add, Kim? Please - go ahead and use my journal as a forum for any healthy dissatisfaction or impending dissatisfaction. I think at this point it is just you and me here, and if anyone is reading along, I am SURE they won't mind a little bonus kimwim healthy dissatisfaction.

You are just the best.

What am I dissatisfied with?

1. My lack of energy when it comes to working out. *** is wrong with me?? I am fully aware of how much it boosts my energy and mood and ego. So why wouldn't I be racing out the door to run or racing down to the gym at lunch?

2. My 4's don't fit. I know, boo hoo on me, right? But I struggled SO HARD and was SO GOOD and those darn 4's fit wonderfully. Like, not snug, just pull 'em up and zip 'em and head out the door. I just bought a bunch of 6's and even (gasp) an 8. Just so I can have some comfy pants when I want them. I have ONE pair of 4 jeans that fit (but fit better after wearing them twice ) - anyway...wouldn't that be enough to get my butt moving, and to stop eating crap?

3. I can't get my wedding rings off. My fingers aren't huge or puffy, but after I had lost the 30 pounds, I had my rings resized smaller. They don't hurt me now, but they can't come off either. (well, not without some grease or soap or butter )

OK, I don't know, Corinna. I feel like a loser now. Like, totally vain and b*tchy. Thank God for you. You understand me, right?

And I understand you and why you wrote yours. We're gonna do this, girl. We're gonna be the women we want to be.

Yup, we've watched Biggest Loser since the first episode. That show is just incredible. And I've gotten lots of good food/snack ideas from them too.

I should be getting a call Tues or Wed for my shoes.

Hang in there, girl. I don't care if it IS just me & you. We got this thang.

 

[corinnak]

OK - moving upward from the dissatisfaction stage: time for some goals, some desires. some vision for the future.

I have been disappointed to see the number on the scale go back up a little this week. And then I got out the tape measure and was surprised to see a smaller number on there than I've seen so far. Weird, right? So the thing that I am now really wanting to do is to make those 14's fit comfortably by the end of the month. I can see myself wearing those 14's (which have much less extra around the legs than the 16's and therefore lend an overall slimmer appearance, I think - well beyond that muffin-top. I can see myself wearing those 14's on the plane, on the magical express, to the packet pickup. It's a small dream, but for goodness sake, I can button those pants. How far can it really be for them to be comfortable? I will hold this thought in my head to help me pass up those things I need to pass up. I will hold this thought in my head as I strengthen my "resistance muscle" as Dr. Beck says.

Is this sounding overly familiar? Like I've been saying this stuff for....oh....3 or 4 months now without actually losing anything around the middle? It's a struggle, goodness knows. I'm still muddling. But at least I haven't fully given up.

 

[corinnak]

Yesterday, I covered 6.6 miles. Some walking. Lots of hills. It was kind of warmish, and not the most lovely run ever. I felt like I was dragging, and then towards the end, I think I was actually "hitting the wall." Of course it may have been a psychosomatic wall, as I had read somewhere that the average person goes through all their glycogen in about 90 minutes. I was wiped out when I got home, that is for sure. But the cool thing was that I did a round trip to and from DH's shop.

My plantar fascia is grumpy today, though it is not TOO bad.

The other thing yesterday was that there was a carnival type thing at the school and I was the caramel apple lady. That is kind of hot work! And then later on, DS and I went to our Kung Fu class and not just one but two. This fall we are starting the weapons and sparring class, so that was a long evening. It wasn't too strenuous and I am not feeling bad today, but zowie - a lot of activity for one day. I may need to re-think running on Thursdays.

The Pants Challenge is helping me so far. I like having a definite, concrete, achievable goal. A reason to stop eating in the evening. My weight had been up again. Now it is down again. It's nice to have a prize to have my eye on.

 

[kimwim8]

Hey girl. I LOVE the pants challenge idea!! For me, I'm gonna call it my SHORTS challenge. I need to fit comfortably in all of my shorts too, since I'll be in WDW in 4.5 short weeks. I'm with ya, lady. Maybe we can find a cute little smilie to put in our siggie with the pants challenge??

Yeah, running on Thursdays might be too much if you're in a class too. Don't wanna wear yourself too thin, you know? Spread it out, lady.

You are such a busy woman. I'm constantly amazed at all you do. Great job with increasing your mileage challenge. I know you can do it. No doubt in my mind!!

Have a wonderful weekend, Corinna.

 

[corinnak]

How about this?

Sorry I couldn't figure out a cool way to make it the pants/shorts challenge. Maybe I should try a little harder....

 

[corinnak]

Nope - I think this is better.

 

[corinnak]

Kim, I can make a shorts one for you too, if you really want.

 

[kimwim8]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!! Thanks, girl!

 

[corinnak]

So the question is, should we post a The Pants Challenge thread on the main board? Something along the lines of: Pick a pair of pants you want to fit into and a reasonable deadline and make it happen? Or should it be our own private challenge? Seems like with a clippie and all, it might be fun to have a few more squeezing into their jean along with us.

 

[corinnak]

OH - and I am SO glad that you LOVE LOVE LOVE it! It is fun to make up stuff like this!

 

[corinnak]

I feel like I am getting my brain around to the right place again. I have written up a new list of Advantages - my old one included things like a nice wardrobe for Europe, which has absolutely no power over me now - go figure. Number one on the list is my pants fitting without overhang for TOT. Also new:
I will pass the fitness tests.
I will enjoy trying on clothes more.
I will choose clothes based on wheather or not I love them, not on whether or not they show off my fat.

I am also thinking of adding one about feeling great in a swimsuit. There is a little room at the bottom of the card.

I managed to track my food yesterday and stayed within points, which is a huge victory for me. I am going to need to do some working out today. Tomorrow I am donating blood, so I am going to have to move my run to a different day. Can't move the Kung Fu classes, but I will have to take it easy.

I am excited about this new resistance band workout I found in Prevention. I always look at their workouts and never actually do them. But this time, I have the band already AND I am going to plan to do the workout twice a week to complement my training with Becky.

So that's where things stand for now. I am building momentum.

 

[Caitsmama]

Corinna -- you have come a long way girl!! Wow! Reading a journal like yours is so inspiring to me as a newbie! LOL

Keep it up.. When are you leaving for the ToT?

 

[corinnak]

Stacy,
Thanks for the comments - I have felt like I've been standing still so long and trying not to backslide that I forget a little that I have come a long way, even since I started this journal.

The TOT race is the night of the 27th. I am traveling on the 26th and will come home on the 28th - just a short little trip, but hopefully lots of exhausting fun! I'm just hoping the weather won't be too warm.

 

[kimwim8]

I feel like I am getting my brain around to the right place again.

I am building momentum.

WOOOOOOOO HOOOOO!! That's so great, girl! I'm proud of you. I know what it's like to be complacent. Even though we were (both) running, we let some other things slide. It's HARD to be 100% eating well and working out well all the time. As long as we catch each other and don't fall into the downward spiral....we'll be good!

You, my friend, are my inspiration this time around. YOU are kickin' butt and getting me moving right along with you. I can't tell you how much I needed that!

 

[corinnak]

Kim, when you are right, you are right. It is hard to be 100% in 100% of things. All of it is better than where I was a year ago, though, and that is something. I am wearing a coat today that last year was SO much more snug. I've got tons of room in here this year. We've got to keep out of that downward spiral. I don't know about you, but I've made the mistake of giving in to the downward spiral too many times in the past. I also don't know about kicking butt - we will see after the next weapons and sparring class on Thursday!

 

[corinnak]

Kim, you have been saying it all along, but I finally believe myself that I am going to be able to pull off the 13K, possibly without too much pain and suffering.....cause I just did 12K and on the gol-durned treadmill, no less. Yay!

 

[kimwim8]

I just love it when I'm right. ('cause it isn't very often )

Way to completely ROCK that run!! I can't believe you ran that long on the TM! Outside running the 13k is gonna be NUTHIN!!

Great job, girlie.