I just had a long talk with Kelsea, about me and her daddy.

[Serena]

Kelsea has been doing really well, better than expected. It was because she thought that me and her daddy were going to get back together.

I just had to tell her it won't happen. We did the best we could and it wasn't enough for either of us. After years of trying to get along, we finally decided to let go and get some peace.
But there is still that little bit of guilt saying we should have tried harder. I don't know how it would be possible. But I still feel the guilt. Does it ever go away?

 

[preshi]

{{{hugs}}} Laurie...

I am trying to tell DS that he is moving in with Oma and Daddy and Auntie Sarah is moving in with Mommy...but I don't know if he quite gets it yet...

{{{hugs}}}

 

[snoopy]

{{{hugs}}} Serena. That has to be tough for both you and Kelsea.

some {{{hugs}}} for you too Preshi.

You guys did all you could. Your kids will adjust, it will just take some time. As long as you keep it as amicable as possible, which I am sure you both will.

 

[Serena]

Meagan, {{{{hugs}}}} and some {{{{{hugs}}}} back to you Snoopy.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that it wasn't a total waste of time with him. It's just not always easy to remember the good times.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Hugs for you, Kelsea and Brit, Laurie and likewise for you and Austin, Meg. Hoping all goes well with all of you guys.

 

[Goofyposter]

I just had a long talk with Kelsea, about me and her daddy.

{{{HUGS}}}

Laurie....In this case..as in all the other tasks you've had to face...you've done the best that anyone (including anyone else) could have done....I'm sure that in time...Kelsea will come to an understanding that you have looked after her best interests!

 

[#1 Disney Fan]

Lots of {{{hugs}}} to you both, Serena and Preshi.

 

[SeaSpray]

Hi Serena:

I haven't really commented on any of your posts, but I have been reading them and hoping that whatever happens for you, that it goes as well as possible.

I did want to say though, that I have had the world's best divorce, and all these years later, there are times when I still feel incredible guilt. I'm not saying that I should be feeling guilty, but I do anyway. Not all the time, but just once in a while.

I am very happily remarried, and have been for over 5 years now. DSs love DH, and vice versa. I speak to my ex-DH at least once a week, we have never had problems as a result of our divorce, and in fact, we made sure that the divorce papers did NOT set up visitation guidelines because we knew we'd be able to respect our DSs enough, and each other enough, to set up our own visitation schedule. All these years later, it's working beautifully.

I am only saying this to show that no matter what happens to the adults as a result of divorce, even under the best circumstances, I think there is always going to be guilt.

My guilt is simply because it was ME who chose to leave, and therefore my rationale is that it was ME who "took my sons from their father and is depriving all of them from living in the same house". Especially now that I'm living in MA, and ex-DH lives in NJ, which is where we're from.

Things will get 100% better as time goes on, don't get me wrong about that! But, as a mom, I have to say, I will always have *some* guilt about this. Always.

 

[tkyes]

{{{hugs}}} Serena.

and {{{hugs}}} to you to Preshi.


I can't imagine how tough this is for both of you.


Tamie

 

[Serena]

Thanks guys.

I do know we are so much better now. He actually babysat Kelsea last night when I was working. I couldn't believe he actually agreed to it. For the last 17 years the girls have been 100% my responsibility.
He sees them more often now that's he's gone. He's happy when he does see them.
I'm much happier as well in tooo many different ways.
I know it's the right thing

 

[aprincessmom]

SeaSpray is so right.

DD is going through some sad times but lately the happy have definitely outweighed the sad. For a few months she kept wishing mommy and daddy would change their minds. And it broke my heart to know she felt like that. The guilt was just awful.

But now she is enjoying our new life and living situation. She is getting more relaxed as well. But I still feel the guilt because she is different than most of the other children in her class and all the other children on our block.

I don't think I'll ever lose that guilt even though I know it was the best decision I could have made.

 

[C.Ann]

It's always the hardest on the kids.. So difficult for them to understand - but in time it will work out..

You're really doing great.. I'm SOOOO proud of you!

 

[NHAnn]

SeaSpray's post really expressed a lot of my feelings, for similar reasons.....as a mom it feels bad to "hurt" a child by divorcing his/her dad, even when you know deep down that it's for everyone's greater good in the long run. You'll have ups and downs, as will your girls, there will be feelings of guilt and sadness and other emotions that come and go in varying intensities. From reading your posts I know that you and they will get through it. Take care......
((HUGS)) to you and your girls.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

{hugs}

my dd's were too little to truly understand when my ex and I divorced, and have no memory of living with him, so I didn't have your situation.

you had to tell her the truth. it hurts, but you'll get through it.

 

[browneyes]

{{hugs}}, Laurie. You did the right thing.

 

[JasonLyons]

hey

 

[Boots]

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

 

[SideshowBob]

Thoughts with you...

SSB knows VERY well about all of this, also... have been separated about 8 months now. (generally I don't talk much about personal stuff... )

Not an easy thing, in any setting ... spending tons of time with the kids is by far the most important, I believe. I try to still be with them every day until bedtime, if possible.

Best of luck to the both of you.... really.

 

[Gail T AGAIN]

How old is kelsea? Trust me, I went through what you went through, decided on my own it was time to kick the hubby out at the time. My son was 15 and now he is a beter young man for it. he doesnt hear yelling, swearing and have the cops coming to the house. I don't feel guilt for what I did, just wished I had done it sooner for all of us. She has a caring mother, she'll find her way in life

 

[SideshowBob]

Still.... a very, very difficult transition...