I heard something on the radio that saddened and shocked me

[SueM in MN]

While I was driving this afternoon, the Dr. Laura show was on the radio (Note: It is delayed a day here compared to other places. So the show I heard on Tues afternoon was heard in some places on Monday).

Anyway, the woman called with a moral dilemma. She said she and her husband do not believe taxes should pay for any social programs because they don't believe "those things" should be paid for by taxes and that most people have other alternatives, but have not looked hard enough.
Her dilemma was that her 19 month old son has been diagnosed with a speech delay and Speech therapy was recommended. But, their insurance will not pay for it. So she wondered if she and her husband should "stick up for their moral stand" and not get therapy for their son or if they should "go against their morals" and accept help.
Dr. Laura's answer was that they were taxpayers and that (although she felt most people had not exhausted all their alternatives before asking for help), if these people thought they had, they should use the services that taxes provide. She said something to the effect of thinking it was fine for her tax money to help out deserving people like the caller.

It made me very sad because I know a lot of people who frequent this board are probably getting services that are paid for by taxes. If this woman's child had not needed speech therapy that she couldn't pay for, she would continue to believe that the services many of us need to live and/or take care of our childen should be something we have to beg a charity for. Or that if taxes are used, we need to prove we are deserving. Who decides? What makes someone deserving?

My youngest DD will never pay in taxes what it takes to support her (although DH and I pay enough taxes), but I hate to think that some people would look at her and see only tax $$. I'm afraid there are some who would like to turn us back to the days of people with disabilities begging with tin cups on street corners. Maybe some of them agree with Scooge's thoughts at the beginning of A Christmas Story than at the end?

What ever happened to "THE COMMON GOOD" being one of the reasons for government and civilization?

 

[Brightsy]

That is a sad thing. (sidenote: Me....NOT a Dr. Laura fan) Anyways, I know my son would not be getting the quality service he is getting w/out tax-funded services. My hubby is in the Army and I'm a SAHM, so you know we haven't got a lot in the way of bucks lying around. If the services weren't being provided the way they are we'd be up to our ears in debt trying to make sure my boys got everything they needed... (As it is we're only up to our rears in debt, ears still floating above water )

Part of me wants to tell that woman to shove it, but....well, her kid needs the help so she should shelve her moral dilemas and take care of business. Kids come first.

Sara

 

[roseprincess]

Unfortunately, there are a few people that think like the caller you mentioned,
Sue. My mother-in- law was one of them. She hated people that she knew or heard of on the news that received welfare,disability benefits, etc. She would say," they are using MY taxes. How DARE they use my taxes!"
All I have to say is THANK GOD she is dead. My MIL died about a yr. before my special needs twins were born. If she were still alive, she would be blaming ME that I birthed special needs kids. I am serious. She would have also been angry that my dd received SSI.
Also, my mil was very racist. She would make comments to me that she did not like Italian people(I am Italian). And she told my dh once that she thought I dressed too conservatively.! I thought, what?! She wants me to go around her house in a bikini?!
She also didn't like people that went to counseling, any kind of couseling.

She was a very bitter woman overall.
Yes, it is sad that there are some people in this world that think like the caller you mentioned.

Rosemarie

 

[dclfun]

Ugh! I just wish there actually were more services for those of us who are disabled- I always feel I have to fight for every scrap thrown my way. If I weren't able to work then I'd be dead because I'd have to be in a nursing home to cover my medical bills and personal care needs ( which are now paid for my insurance or using my SSDI check). Since I refuse to exist...not live...exist in a nursing home, I'd have myself removed from my vent if this ever happened. As Mommy to MJM can also attest, Florida doesn't offer much to start with and there isn't enough to go around. Adults are totally left out. My favorite story was going to Dept. of Children and Families and having a caseworker laugh at me and tell me I'd have been better off financially if I'd never worked as then I'd qualify for SSI vs. SSDI and would then have Medicaid and some other services. ARghhhh! I think everyone with a disabled child looks to the future at what will happen when they, as parents, are no longer living or physically able to support that child- what an awful thing to have to think about knowing that there aren't many great alternatives to quality care or an ability to live in society. To me there isn't enough taxpayer money to support people who can't support themselves here in the good 'ole USA. I guess this is why Disney is important to me- it's one place where I can escape from daily struggles to survive and can enjoy myself "like everyone else". Kathy

 

[laurietg]

"All I have to say is THANK GOD she is dead."

 

[missypie]

I would love it if one time, when you filled out your tax return, you were given a long form listing all of the programs funded by the federal govenment, and then you could check off which programs you wanted your tax dollars to fund. Of course, it wouldn't be binding, but I just bet that a lot more people would vote to fund things like medical and dental services and food aide than highways and bridges to remote areas that congressmen have horsetraded for their districts.

 

[spiceycat]

Sara - your husband is fighting for all of us....

rosemaria - yes I know several people like that - I feel sorry for them. that don't know the honor and presidge of sharing with others less fortunate.

Kathy - I think you are better off in Florida than you would be in AL.

I don't have any handicapped. (well I have a learning one) So I can only feel for those of you that do.

the roads here need the money.

however I certainly don't think the new energy bill. I mean the energy companies are reporting great earning - this bill helps them????I still can't figure out how it is surpose to help the American people.

I also don't like that the drug companies expect the American people to foot their entire research bills. this has to STOP.

if other nations control the price they charge for drugs - then stop dealing with these nations.

 

[MommytoMJM]

Ditto everything Kathy said!

I talked to a Social Worker at The Children's hospital here and she told me point blank that I was in the wrong state to have a special needs child....let alone be disabled myself......UGH!!!

I paid into the system for years and we get NO help at all....DH makes 10 a month too much for food stamps, etc..... it really sucks...

 

[heatherfeather24]

Dr. Laura is full of it. I pay A LOT of taxes and have been fortunate in that I don't deal with disabilities in my daily life. Programs for those with special needs -- children and adults -- is EXACTLY where I want my tax money going. I cannot think of a more worthy cause.

 

[JenJen]

Sue there are people that believe that people with any mental condition should just be put away in a institution!!!! Some people have no heart at all and it really is sad:-(
JenJen

 

[SueM in MN]

Dr. Laura is full of it. I pay A LOT of taxes and have been fortunate in that I don't deal with disabilities in my daily life. Programs for those with special needs -- children and adults -- is EXACTLY where I want my tax money going. I cannot think of a more worthy cause.

Agree!
One of the funny things is that Dr. Laura would probably be very unhappy with the hosts of the other radio shows on the station I was listening to.
Lori and Julia, the hosts who are on after Dr. Laura are a little far out. Their claim to fame is inventing a product that was the subject of an episode of S*X in the City!

 

[Mike Bartenhagen]

At the risk of getting flammed I do agree with Dr. Laura. She didn't say that people were not deserving what she said was that too many people feel entiled to others money before they look to themselfs. I think we all have to agree that we know people like that. I'll give you an example from my own community. We live in a small town and my son goes to the SN preschool. All of the qualified kids are eligable to ride the bus but we don't send Broc on the bus because we found a way to get our 2 daughters to preschool and so we find a way to get him there. On the other hand I see kids that have qualified with speech delays ridding the bus and always wonder why their parent don't take them to school, would they not go to school if they didn't have speech delays? Not that they don't have valid needs but does a speech need justify the use of our communitys SN budget for busing or would these dollars be better spent busing kids with mobility issues. If more of these parents took their kids to school could we use the savings to fund things like vocational training for the most involved kids in our community that are most in need of our special education dollars?
I also know of people in our communtiy that drive new cars and live in big new houses and go on vacations every year that take Medicade. Are these the people that should be taking Medicade or could they possibly drive a car that is a few years old and not take Medicade but leave more dollars there for a single mother struggling to make ends meet while raising an SN child?

I think the thing that frustrates people is that we have gone overboard. Our kids just started school last week and we got a letter about flouride treatments at school that cost $1.00 per month and the note said that if you couldn't afford it there was a governement plan that could cover the cost. Six dollars per year and they are offering a plan to cover it. I think it is those kinds of things that frustrate people and unfortunatly it carries over to the people that are really in need.

I have a son that will need care for his entire life and as many others have said I pay a lot of money every year in taxes and what I think would be of the most benifit to me is to pay less in taxes and keep more of the money that I make so that I can save and plan for my son's future and not worry about what programs will be around for him when he is older.

Mike

 

[LindsayDunn228]

GREAT post Mike!!!!!

 

[fran99999]

I agree on the bussing issue. I have DS6 who is having a very difficult time learning and had a speach issue. I had him in a private prochial school for Grade K. When the learning issue became alarmingly clear. After a year of school and many hours of private tutoring. He knows 11 of the 26 letters by site and still has trouble writing them, and knows 4 of the 10 numbers. I am lucky enough to have the alternative of public school to help him and have enrolled him for this Sept. I was shocked to have the SN people tell me that since he is SN he will be picked up from Daycare 1/4 mile away from the school transported to/from school. I had to fight with them to have him walk. I live one block over from daycare so even if he leaves from my house he is still within walking distance. He wants to walk with the other kids in his daycare. I have instructed them he will walk. If they used the $$ for the bus to add extra learning time to his special needs time I would be happy. But to have him take a bus when we can hear the bell from the school it is so close is stupid. I could see if he had walking issues or sight issues or was developmentally slow as to get distracted or lost on the way to school, as a safety issue. I had to sign a letter stating I did not want the bus for my son and that I would not hold them responsible for his safety in transporting him to/from school property.

I have had several people tell me I should move him to a school further away so he would be able to ride the bus. I just dont get it. I have to fight them to not waste $$ on a bus.

I paid $100 for a private tutor each week to come and help him retain the knowledge he has learned so far and the SN people said this was a waste of time. I told them the tutor (a SN teacher) diagnosed him with Dislexia and something else and they said they found no issues like this when he was tested. Now I am dislexic and so is my DH. I see it in his speach patterns such as he hears Mac & cheese and says cheese & mac. He writes his name backwards, I actually write faster and clearer backwards. he was also a diabetic baby at 10 lbs 13 oz, his lungs were just on the edge of the develop scale. they told me he may have learning issues because of the diabetic issues.

Social programs were develped for the social good of all. It is abused by many I agree. But the need is much greater than the abuse. I would rather pay extra for someone that doesnt need the services than let someone who does need the services go without. I actually took a salary cut last year so part of my salary could go to a budget that needed the $$ and was lacking in financial backing. Ok it wasnt much but that $$ clothed,fed and housed several of the clients for a few months. I just picked up a 2nd job to make up the difference in the pay. I am hoping this year to be able to accept a raise and maybe only work the one job. My Dh would be much happier if I didnt work 7 days a week. and my kids miss me but they are safe, fed clothed and loved how can I not make sure others are as well taken care of as I would my own kids. I sleep at night with a happy heart.

 

[3kidsmommy]

A different perspective: My son is 7, autistic, mentally retarded, adhd, and dsi. My first husband (his father) left me when he was diagnosed because he couldn't handle havign a special needs son. I had been a stay at home mom for 10 years. The judge granted me child support, no alimony, and the ex had to keep the children (3 of them) on his insurance policy. Great--BUT insurance doens't cover but a very small amount of his therapies. So, I went back to school, got SSI for him, which got Medicaid, and got remarried after a time. My new husband doesn't make much money...we haven't had a real vacation EVER. Disney in April will be our first in FOREVER and for that we are fortunate to have my dh's parent's be footing most of the bill. Anyway, SSI dropped to a very small amount (fine by me) but thankfully, Medicaid stayed the same for Chadnler---if I had to pay the copays over a two week period for Chandler's therapies--OT, SLP, PT and Feeding program--it would cost over $350. I am still a student in college! Even when I graduate, I won't make much--my degree will be in Early Childhood Education. Should my son lose out because private insurance only covers 20 visits TOTAL a year for therapies? He has 4 a week! I truly don't think anyoen with a CHILD who is disabled is trying to do anything but provide what might help their child. I PRAY I can find employment when I graduate, but must take Chan into consideration first...if he loses SSI, will he lose Medicaid? Will my employer be willing to let me take time off for our millions of doctor's and therapy appointments? Sure, if we made a ton of money of year, we wouldn't NEED SSI or Medicaid. But for the normal people like us, medical expenses of havign a special needs child can be so overwhelming that we choose between payign the electric and gas bill or for getting our children what they need. Have compassion...you never understand a person's situation until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That is where Dr. Laura is missing the boat. Who can know if that expensive car was bought BEFORE the child came along...or was a gift? Who can know if the income is pretty good, but the insurance bites? I will NEVER pass a judgement on ANYONE in regards for them trying to help their child. NEVER.

 

[pampam]

I hope I don't get flamed for this, but I am apalled at how very little help the disabled in U.S.A. seem to get from the government. Most of the posters seem to live in the States, and from what I am reading here, you seem to have to fight for every little scrap you get. Hey, are not the taxes to be used for the benefit of all, even those who are disabled? I live in Canada, so I have a different perspective I suppose, but my disabled daughter has always recieved the utmost respect from everyone. Before she reached the age of 18 she was elegible for handicap childrens benefits, which we didn't use, since we claimed her as a dependent on our taxes, and my husband cares for our needs. This was our personal decision. Others may decide differently. However, once she turned 18, she recieves disabled benefits, and claims her own income, which is non taxable. It isn't a lot, but it suffices. We all have free health benefits here, so that is not an issue. All her meds are paid for. Any assistive devices (wheelchairs, lifts, hearing aids, etc.) are covered for 75%. She had home schooling done with teachers, paid for by the gov't. Physiotherapy, Speech therapy, dental, Chiropidists, are all covered. I'm not saying it's a perfect system, but it seems so much better than what you folks have. Can your government not step up for the rights of the disabled? I don't know how you would change peoples attitudes, but I do know my daughter has never faced discrimination because of her disability.

p.s. On a bright side, I love your American's with Disabilities Act. We have nothing like it in Canada.

 

[vhoffman]

My dear MIL always viewed people with disabilities with scorn and contempt, and never hid her views from me, althoough I have rheumatoid arthritis. Thanks goodness I can work (I'm a CPA, currently have my own home-based business) and dh works, so we have a comfortable income. However, mil never missed a chance to imply that I was "faking" my symptoms to get sympathy, etc. She also treated other disabled people with contempt. My mother had asthma which could be triggered by smoking (mil is a chain smoker). She (mil) would insist on having family gatherings at her home, then proceed to chain smoke and actually blow the smoke right in my mother's direction. When asked to please not smoke around my mother, she's actually snear and say "she's not coughing" although she'd start coughing later. Once we actually had to take my mother to the hospital for an asthma attack during a Thanksgiving holiday. MIL just sneared and said since we'd used her phone to call 911 the ambulance would be billed to her and we should reimburse her! Needless to say, we never went there for a holiday again (and we never offered to pay the ambulance, since mil caused the emergency situation in the first place).

MIL's husband suffered from Parkinson's disease. She treated him shamefully during his illness. She never missed a chance to complain about him. She actually sat there and laughed out loud when he had difficulty eating and spilled food on himself. She said "Oh, its so funny, I just can' help it". I saw bruises and abraisions on fil from time to time and should have called Protective Services, but just never did. FIL died about 4 years ago. MIL didn't exactly seem awash in grief. She made dispariging remarks about her next-door neighbor who had various medical problems, for which she sought care. MIL said she was just seeking attention and getting an outing at Medicare's expense (right, going to therapy, etc., is the best deal in town!).

She despised a lady who was in one of her bridge groups because she had developed a hearing loss. MIL said "Oh, she says 'what', 'what was that? (ugly snear) we just dropped her from our group, we don't need to listen to that......"
Well, about a year ago, MIL suffered a massive stroke (probably brought on by the smoking she thought was her God-given right to do and blow in other people's faces). MIL is now paralyzed on her left side. God at least left her her right hand.....She now attends therapy, I guess for attention. She now lives with her son (my bil, not my husband). No one calls or comes to visit anymore, she spends all day couped up in the house, every little move is a struggle, she spills food, has difficulty talking, also needs a ventilator part of the time, well, maybe she's getting a taste of it back. No, its not fun, is it? Seems to me God just gave some of her rotteness back. She used to snear at the way I walk. The last visit (long ago) I walked into her room while she lay there, unable to get out of bed without assistance. The look on her face said everything. If she could do what I do it would no longer be something to be sneared at, would it?

And no, I'm not gloating at her situation. I actually have the decency to feel sorry for her. Her prediciment is a tragedy I wouldn't wish on anyone. However, "Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee".

 

[Brightsy]

And no, I'm not gloating at her situation. I actually have the decency to feel sorry for her. Her prediciment is a tragedy I wouldn't wish on anyone. However, "Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee".

(snipped some for length)

Well, it's the three-fold law in effect. Also known as What-goes-around-comes-around.
Still, her condition is a tragedy. Hopefully she'll learn a little something from it and become a stronger and better person.

Sara

 

[vhoffman]

ust a comment about the $1 per month flouride treatment program--it would probably cost the government $10 per month to administer it!

 

[vhoffman]

Medicaid doesn't take into consideration the value of your primary residence or two vehicles. Its possible the person commented on bought the house and cars before needing to go on Medicaid. Also, they might be stuck with an expensive house and cars. Perhaps they bought them when they were credit worthy. Their situation might now be different and they can't qualify for a new mortgage or car loan, even for a lower price. We had something similar happen years ago. We had been married a year, and both of us got laid off within a month of each other. We were renting a fairly nice, luxury type apartment. We couldn't move into a cheaper apartment, because we wouldn't qualify for a lease without a job. My parents loaned us the cash for a year's lease (we could qualify for a lease only if we paid cash up front), then we paid them back each month what we would have paid in rent. It saved us about $400 a month, which was sorely needed until we got back on our feet. However, not everyone has family who can do such a thing.