I had to "spank" my 8 year old DS today...it felt weird

[shortbun]

I am REALLY against hitting a child. That said, if I found my 9 year old torturing an animal, I might do it. Once. After that, I would schedule an appointment with my pediatrician and ask for a psyche consult for my child.
I'm not saying YOUR child needs one, but he SHOULD understand why NOT to hurt a defenseless animal, especially after he's been warned. I'd watch him carefully. If this one spanking did not shock his mind into understanding, I think you have more to deal with than a spanking will solve. I hope this doesn't sound too radical. Sorry if it does.

 

[MELSMICE]

Gonna take the other side here..And First to the Op,,I don't think you are a bad parent or anything because you spanked.. It just seems sort of silly to try and teach a child not to be physically violent to a cat ,by being physically violent to the child...It's about as silly as hitting a kid,for hitting someone else..(yes ,spanking is hitting)
I did this myself... My son hit my daughter and I responded by spanking him.. Hitting for hitting..It was pretty dumb

This is what I mean. How can you tell someone NOT to do something, when you are in turn doing the same thing to them? Just doesn't make sense.

I also don't think the OP is a bad parent. We all have our buttons that get pushed.

I think there are many other ways to handle this - taking away one privelege at a time; sit down with the boy & teach him how to handle a kitten; give him responsibilities for the kitten. Eight is old enough to understand that it is a living breathing animal but young enough to think a kitten is as cute as a stuffed animal - so why can't it be treated as such.

I have friends who do not spank. Their kids are the meanest, rudest kids. They scream and whine continuously

I don't spank my kids & they are not whiny, mean or rude. That's not to say I have not gotten extremely angry at them at times. I send them to their rooms & when I feel I am calm enough to talk with them I will go in & have a conversation with them about their behavior & what their punishment will be. Just what works for us.

 

[gina2000]

I am REALLY against hitting a child. That said, if I found my 9 year old torturing an animal, I might do it. Once. After that, I would schedule an appointment with my pediatrician and ask for a psyche consult for my child.
I'm not saying YOUR child needs one, but he SHOULD understand why NOT to hurt a defenseless animal, especially after he's been warned. I'd watch him carefully. If this one spanking did not shock his mind into understanding, I think you have more to deal with than a spanking will solve. I hope this doesn't sound too radical. Sorry if it does.

I very much agree with Shortbun. I would be very concerned about what my child was thinking when "playing" with a living being in such a fashion. I would probably spank once....but a visit for evaluation would be what I would immediately pursue.

 

[auntpolly]

C'mon - you're picking a fight with that statement; right?
You can turn around anything I say to make a debate and I will not debate you.


Southern4sure

I don't want to either - but I doubt if you could defend that statement -- unless you live in some kind of parallel universe!!

 

[disneymom3]

This comment is not reflected to all who do not spank, but from my experience. I have friends who do not spank. Their kids are the meanest, rudest kids. They scream and whine continuously. They totally disrespect their parents, the kids talk back and call them names. Their "punishment" is being sent to their room which has everything, tv, vcr, gaming systems, phone and such. How can that be a punishment?

Okay, I would say that the bigger problem these kids have is not whether or not their parents spank, it is the fact that they are spoiled to begin with. A time out or being sent to whereever is not going to help if the location they are in is a party! My kids don't get sent to their room because I don't want it to be a negative place. Sometimes they do need to go there to chill out, but for a time out, they have to come sit by mommy, or follow me around while I do my chores or whatever. I parent each of my children differently depending on their personalities and the needs of the moment. And, they have all been spanked--some more than others!

 

[GoldenGate]

If he is mistreating animals, maybe he has deeper mental problems.

 

[m&m's mom]

What I do not understand is how anyone can compare a "spanking" to abuse. There are those that do abuse and they need to be behind bars. But a spanking, esp if a child rarely needs it is ok. Any child is going to push buttons and see how far he/she will get. As a parent, you have to be ready for anything. I think the OP did the right thing. This was no walk up to the child and slap, hit or severely punish her child without explaining to the child why. The child had been warned before and keep pushing so the OP had to use a stiffer alternative. The child now knows if he continues to mistreat this cat, to expect stiffer punishments. OP, do not fret. You did the right thing. I have a 9 yr old and a 15 yr old. I havent spanked my kids in a really long time, esp the oldest. But they do know they are not to old for one.
This comment is not reflected to all who do not spank, but from my experience. I have friends who do not spank. Their kids are the meanest, rudest kids. They scream and whine continuously. They totally disrespect their parents, the kids talk back and call them names. Their "punishment" is being sent to their room which has everything, tv, vcr, gaming systems, phone and such. How can that be a punishment?

Southern4sure

PS: I have my flame gear on!...

I have to admit that my experience is the same as yours. I also have a few degrees in various Child Development fields and the same form of discipline does not work for every child.
I think the OP did the right thing.

 

[MosMom]

If he is mistreating animals, maybe he has deeper mental problems.

I agree with this. The issue in your post didn't strike me as a spanking issue. It strikes me as something a spanking might not fix. An 8 year old should know better than that and if it is a recurring problem, that would concern me even more. I might at least talk to his doctor and see what he/she thinks.

 

[vettechick99]

If he is mistreating animals, maybe he has deeper mental problems.

While this may be true, I for one don't feel like jumping on the serial killer bandwagon. When I was his age I had a cat who I did some questionable things with (I thought I was playing, she didn't agree). I didn't turn out badly and eventually I grew out of my crazy "animal playing" antics.

Sometimes kids just don't *think*. He needed a good spanking/talking to/whatever to get on the same page as mommy. Hopefully she won't have another problem in this area.

 

[Hillbeans]

When my brother was about 11 or 12, him and his friend threw my cat down the stairs just to "see if she'd land on her feet". I'm sure if I asked him to this day why he did it he would say "just because I was young and stupid".

Sometimes children unfortunately test things out on animals, and i'm in NO WAY condoning his or the OP child's behaivor, but sometimes kids do things "just because". I'm sure my cat was terrified, but he never did it again and my parents did punish him/ground him because of it.

I also do not condone spanking however in this case, it may have shown him that you're serious about the issue and maybe will scare a little sense into him.

 

[septbride2002]

While this may be true, I for one don't feel like jumping on the serial killer bandwagon. When I was his age I had a cat who I did some questionable things with (I thought I was playing, she didn't agree). I didn't turn out badly and eventually I grew out of my crazy "animal playing" antics.

Sometimes kids just don't *think*. He needed a good spanking/talking to/whatever to get on the same page as mommy. Hopefully she won't have another problem in this area.

Agree! I am almost to the point of hating that study just because of the serial killer band wagon. To the OP - I'm sure your son is FINE and that he is just testing some limits and not thinking completely through the situation.

For goodness sakes people he is 8 years old - he is not a minature adult.

~Amanda

 

[MosMom]

Agree! I am almost to the point of hating that study just because of the serial killer band wagon. To the OP - I'm sure your son is FINE and that he is just testing some limits and not thinking completely through the situation.

For goodness sakes people he is 8 years old - he is not a minature adult.

~Amanda

I never said serial killer but I do think it wouldn't hurt to speak with a doctor about it. There could be an underlying emotional issue. An 8 year old isn't a mini adult but is well aware that repeated abuse to a kitten isn't good. If the OP came home and he was BBQ'ing kitty on a spit, then yeah, I would think serial killer.

 

[septbride2002]

I never said serial killer but I do think it wouldn't hurt to speak with a doctor about it. There could be an underlying emotional issue. An 8 year old isn't a mini adult but is well aware that repeated abuse to a kitten isn't good. If the OP came home and he was BBQ'ing kitty on a spit, then yeah, I would think serial killer.

Nice Imagery! LOL! Of course if you were in Aisa you would be thinking - yummy! Can you imagine that cat is considered a delicacy there? I only know this because my neighbors (who are adopting from Asia) have been warned to read menu's very carefully when they are over there.

~Amanda

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I have spanked my son. It does feel weird--and in that instance, weird is good. If you said it felt good--I would be worried. It is best not to spank if you are mad. If I am mad, I have my son go to his room, or I go to my room. When I am calm, I will then decide what the appropriate discipline is. The concern I have is whether a spanking teaches that violence is ok.

 

[Planogirl]

Nice Imagery! LOL! Of course if you were in Aisa you would be thinking - yummy! Can you imagine that cat is considered a delicacy there? I only know this because my neighbors (who are adopting from Asia) have been warned to read menu's very carefully when they are over there.

~Amanda

In some Asian countries (not all), odd things are eaten. Dogs are popular in Korea from what I understand. Blech!

I don't think that controlled spanking teaches that violence is good. I think that's one reason why it's a good thing to never spank when angry.

 

[yeartolate]

I rarely spanked my son, but if I did it was becasue he was in danger of hurting himself, someone else ( I would have for a pet).

I don't think I spanked hin after he was 5, but I may be wrong. He does not remember me ever spanking him.

 

[Lisa F]

I agree with much of what has been said. The fact that you didn't enjoy it and it made you feel weird is a GOOD thing. I don't think it will teach your child to hit... it will teach your son that if he hurts another living creature there will be dire and shocking results. Better to learn that with a swat in the behind than for him to go after a stray dog and have it bite him or a kid in the school yard and get his butt kicked.

For the story where the kid learned to spank the cat, I highy doubt that was from a single swat on the behind in dire circumstances. If your child takes a spanking so lightly that they use it regularly in "play" then obviously spanking as a punishment is not working. I don't believe that spanking is the be all end all of punishment but I do believe sometimes it's necessary... for some kids. Only the parent can know. If you have found that you don't need to spank your kids, good for you. I was never spanked as a kid because I was the kind of kid for whom it would not have been effective. Taking away privileges was plenty. My sister was a totally different kid and got the occasional swat. We are both eternally grateful to our parents that they were willing to step up to the plate and parent us in whatever way they felt was necessary to turn out two wonderful adults (if I do say so myself).

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I posted about a passionate subject, and I really appreciate the tone of this thread has stayed civil. Thank you!

About why myson mistreats the cat, I have asked him, and he does not have an answer for me. I guess he doesn't know why. He loves the cat, and there is nothing special about the cat that he would be jealous about. He is not to the point where I need to concern myself with him being a serial killer. Believe me, my sister has a step son who was in that catagory, and I know what it takes, my son is not even in the same ball park.

Since yesterday, he has been gentle with the cat. Let's hope he will remember the spanking, and always be gentle. As for "hitting to negate hitting" I don't believe the spanking sent him a message that hitting is OK. For one, he does not hit the cat. He mishandles her. Does not hold her right, so that she is hurting or uncomfortable. I saw him try to kick the cat the other day, but not kick like a soccer ball, he was kicking her to see her slide across the floor. (picture sticking your foot out to trip someone) Nothing he has done with th cat is cruel or malicious. He just has not gotten it through his head that they way he treats the cat is unacceptable. Again, I am not trying to defend him, because obviously, I know it is a problem. I just think suggesting councelling and him being a serial killer is a stretch.

I do appreciate the fact that this thread has not gotten nasty. Thank you!

 

[shortbun]

Thanks for a little more explanation about how your son "mistreats" your kitten. I reread you first post and this last one is much clearer. The first merely said you caught him trying to kick the cat. I still think you should monitor your son with the cat because at age 8, he has required many reminders about how to handle it. I have a 9 year old; they are all different but should be able to be gentle with an animal with no problem.

 

[GalDisney]

I do not see anything wrong with spanking a child(on the rear). As long as they are spankings and not beatings. I do not agree with parents hitting a child across the face. Lord knows i had spankings when i was a child and it didnt harm me one bit. And if a child is mis -treating an animal. that is definate cause for a spanking, especially if previous non spanking discipline has not worked.