I Feel At My Wit's End--updated pg 4

[kilee]

I need a moment to vent so for anyone that can lend an hear-- thank you... .

I've posted a few times this school year about the problems we've been having w/ school bullies and such. My son just turned 13 and is in middle school.

Since the start of the year off and on he's had problems w/ these 2 boys (who are friends). My son spent the first almost 4 months on crutches w/ a full leg cast for a broken leg. They would take his crutches away and try to kick the crutch out from underneath his arm and such.

Then after the cast was off- they kept threatening to "take out" his knee/leg. He's been thrown into the lockers and brick wall no less than 3-4 dozen times this year by these 2 boys. He's had his locker emptied into the girls bathroom multiple times by them as well.

I've called the school repeatedly- and the boy's have been given lunch detention here and there- but thats about it. I've been told by the school liason essentially that this is a tough age and they just have to "tough it out".

Now, my son has gotten to the point he 100% HATES school. He can't stand the hassle w/ these 2 boys. He gets to the point he begs to stay home. The funny thing is usually ds is very confident, he has a lot of friends, he's involved in a lot of sports-- and he's actually much bigger than 1 of these kids. It's just he doesn't want to get "physical" and be forced to fight.

Anyhow, the school has been no help what-so-ever. Now, today my son comes home w/ his hat he bought last week. This is a hat he just had to have and saved his birthday money for (it was $36.95). He's had it 1 week. Anyhow, he put it in his locker this morning. Now, ds doesn't go back to his locker throughout the day- to avoid these kids. At the end of the day his hat was destroyed. It is a ivory baseball hat w/ a logo on the front. The once ivory hat looks like someone got red and green dye all over it. Now, on the last day of school last week the same 2 boys took the hat and stepped all over it and threw it down the hall. When my son took it back they told him they'd "get him". At the end of the day they were waiting near his locker and then were asking him mockingly "what was wrong".....laughing and such. It really seems clear cut that they did this. Of course no proof-but it seems so obvious. I called the school liason who basically said there's no way to know for sure and nothing they can do once again. Called the principal- and was told it was the school liason's job to handle. I got so frustrated I called the village police who told me they could take a report and such--only when I got there they told me I had to go to the county sheriff's because I live in the village but the school isn't in the village. Go to the sheriff's and nobody is there.

I am just so frustrated and don't know how many times I'm supposed to just turn the cheek-- because "this is a tough age" for the school to control.

 

[hentob]

Please call the police. Your son is being harrassed.

 

[Queen Quinnella]

No more talking on the phone. Go into the office and raise holy heck!

 

[Hannathy]

Go above the principal ! Keep going until someone listens, Go to a school board meeting.

 

[SC Minnie]

Your son is being bullied. Period. The school should have a zero tolerence policy against bullying. Go to the police and make sure they do something. Call the superindents office and find out what the bully policy is. Sounds like the school just doesn't want the hassle. The bad thing is if your son actually stands up to these boys and fights he will be in as much if not more trouble than they are.

 

[kilee]

I have an appointment w/ the school liason again on Thursday. The police basically told me to file a report w/ the school officer when I'm there on Thursday. I've been keeping a notebook w/ dates and such (just recently though).
If there parents are not contacted Thursday and more serious punishments are not issued....I will be contacting the superintendent. I also am going to inquire about a restraining order. Just wondering how the school is going to handle that one...

 

[preb]

Also, have you thought about signing him up for martial arts? It can be a great confidence builder (not that I'm saying he would ever want to use the skills). They have special courses on dealing with bullies.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

OMG, what a horrible situation for you and your son. If the school won't take care of it, then go to the police. I know you tried but file a report, but be persistant and don't give up. Do you know the parents of these boys?

 

[Cindyluwho]

If you call the State School Superintendant's office they will walk you through the steps you need to take. They'll most likely contact the school also, which will make them get their butts in gear. Good luck!!

 

[C.Ann]

Go to the top - don't bother with the principal.. If you get no satisfaction there, inform them that you will be going to the police to file harassment charges..

Kids don't just "bully" these days - we've all seen it in the newspapers.. Kids don't use fists anymore - they use weapons.. The bullying reaches a boiling point and eventually someone ends up dead..

Refuse to get out of their faces until they do something about it..

 

[Disneemomee]

The last thing any school principal wants in negative publicity. You need to go to his /her office and tell him directly that if something is not done to ensure your child's safety , you plan to go to the school board and make a formal complaint, then you plan to leak this story to the local papers about the "choas "in middle school, "how you FEAR for his safety,"how your child is being THREATENED"and if you are still not happy with the results you tell him and the school board that you will sue them, for not protecting the welfare of your child. I would also ask this non effective principal to tell the parents of these to bullies, that you are serious and that they to can be held liable for there childrens obnoixous behaviour.
You can also get your child a safety transfer to another school !

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

My DS had a problem with a bully in Middle School - toward the end of 8th grade it came to a head. DS had no problem standing up to the kid but the couple of times it became physical - not because he started but because the other boy did - he got reprimanded too. I told him not to do anything and to report it to the teachers. No one would do anything about it even after we all complained. The last 2 weeks of school the boy repeatedly threatened to beat up my son - with a couple of his buddies help (he didn't have the guts to take him on by himself). I finally told DS if that boy so much as looked at him - to go to the school office, ask to use the phone and call 911. Threatening to beat him up is assault and if the school wouldn't do anything about I sure as heck would. He never had to make the call but we were all prepared for it.

When both the boys turned out for freshman football - DS had the opportunity to lay this kid out - not once but several times as he played defense to the other boy on offense. Hasn't bothered him since. Might add that the bully is about 6'4" and weighs 280 and a total marshmellow - DS is 6' and weighs about 155 soaking wet but is all muscle.

I'd encourage your son to call the police - from school - if ANYTHING were to go on.

 

[noseybuddy]

The school saying "it's a tough age" is a load of crap and a easy, lazy way of them dealing with a serious issue they have going on at their school and just don't seem to care. I can't believe this has been going on for so long. I would go in and talk to that principal and I wouldn't be leaving until he takes the appropriate action against these boys. I worked in a school and giving them a lunch dentention for this kind of behavior is ridiculous. Kids could care less about a lunch detention. Their parents should have been called, brought into the office and a more severe punishment should have been given. to you and your son. Go into that school and demand that something be done. Good Luck!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

That is totally unacceptable.
Nobody deserves to be trapped into a situation where they have been picked up and thrown into lockers dozens of times.

If I was passing you in the grocery store and decided to toss you into the shelves of baked beans -- the Police would be called and charges would be pressed. The first time, The second time, and the thirteenth time. Eventually I'd go to jail until I learned to stop tossing you around.

It is ridiculous that because it is 13 year old boys (tough age or not) the school somehow thinks anything different is the right thing to do.

The only thing the school has right is that 13 year old boys will continue on this path. However the solution is NOT to wait it out. The solution is for somebody in their lives to decide to be an adult and make them stop.

Tell the "liason officer" that the next time a kid breathes wrong around your son that nobody in your family will be contacting him -- it will go straight to the Police. Tell him he might want to warn the other adults responsible for these little cretins that this is what is exactly is going to happen.

Sorry, I think I just took over your rant.

 

[kilee]

You all have given me some other avenues- and I want to thank you all for that. I needed to get this off my chest because I can't handle it anymore. I told my dh I'm really afraid I'm going to look like a screaming maniac in the office on Thursday because I just don't feel like I can keep my composure anymore.

The principal almost out-right refuses to take these calls saying it's the liason's job. It's not like I'm a chronic caller/complainer. This is only the 3rd or 4th time I've called. I actually try to take care of these things myself at home w/ ds.

Now, the liason did want to remind me I didn't have an "angel" either. When I asked him if my ds was physically hurting people or bullying them- he said no. BUT-- we did have to punish him a few weeks ago for running in the hall. Well, long story short-- he ran in the halls I guess to get away from these other boys. He still did his punishment, and in 7 yrs that is the only thing he's gotten into trouble for. I don't think that puts him in the same "league" as these boy's.

I don't know the parents. I couldn't even find phone #'s listed for them.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Now, the liason did want to remind me I didn't have an "angel" either.

oh Great. That is known as Blame The Victim.
This guy is priceless.

I suggest that you go in there Thursday, take out a yellow pad and a couple of pencils, and let him know that you want to keep careful notes on your meeting. That tends to make them kind of squirmy.

If he pulls it again, just calmly say that you realize your son might also break some disciplinary rules and you fully accept that standard consequences will apply if that happens.

Then tell him again --

My son....if he is abused one more time.....police report will be filed.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I agree--speak up.

Someone in our homeschooling group took their son out b/c of bullying and he is much happier. While I'm not directly suggesting H/S--just sharing that there are options when a situaton is beyond your control and the school doesn't do anything about it.

Are there any other educational settings you can transfer him too--a private school or anything?

We may not all be angels--but this boys will be boys crap is nonsense when it comes to the stuff you describe is happening to your son.

That is terrible he gets punished for running from the bullies--and the bullies are free to be creeps.

 

[BrinxFam]

Our oldest DD experienced some verbal abuse from some girls at the high school she goes to. During her freshmen year she hated school so when this year began we told her that if one of them laid a hand on her in anger to simply go to the office, call mom who would call dad, call the police and tell them where she was and request an officer to come to the high school, and dad and I would bring our attorney. Needless to say, once the kids and parents found out that we had an attorney that was willing to help us out, this has been a great school year! DD hasn't had any bullying beyond a few words here and there.

I agree that you should go to the superintendent but I wouldn't wait until Thursday. I would go as soon as possible. If you do have to go through the school board take some legal representation with you. From experience, if it is you alone, they tend to think of themselves as much more superior than you. They cannot allow your child to be treated this way. He is entitled to a public education with fear. Good luck!

 

[C.Ann]

Now, the liason did want to remind me I didn't have an "angel" either. When I asked him if my ds was physically hurting people or bullying them- he said no. BUT-- we did have to punish him a few weeks ago for running in the hall. Well, long story short-- he ran in the halls I guess to get away from these other boys. He still did his punishment, and in 7 yrs that is the only thing he's gotten into trouble for. I don't think that puts him in the same "league" as these boy's..

------------------------------------

And I would be VERY quick to point out to the liason that your son does NOT have to qualify as an "angel" to attend school without being bullied..

Oh - and one other thing.. Bring a notebook and pen to the meeting and start writing like mad.. I have found it ALWAYS makes people very nervous and their tone and attitude changes dramatically.. Right off the bat, open that notebook and say to the liason "And your full name is???" - start writing and don't stop.. If they want you to sign anything, don't - and if they want to "show" you anything, your response should be, "I'll need a copy of this for my files.."

 

[kmp1191]

Bring a tape recorder....that way you won't have ANY mistakes or miscommunications!!

Good luck!!