I don't deserve to get presents...UPDATE Post #65

[dizluvah]

OP if you decide to keep the necklace you can just buy a extender - I am a plus size gal and had to buy an extender for a string of pearls that my sister bought me- seriously we don't go anywhere that I dress up for, where on earth will I wear pearls - but anyway it was the "best" gift I've ever gotten from my sister and she was so excited so I kept them and bought an extender online for like $5 - my hair falls below my neck so noone can see the extra 2inches I get from the extender, now if I can just ever get DH to take me somewhere that I can wear them....

 

[disykat]

I had the same problems with the stereotypical gifts. I finally told dh to stop reading those women's magazines and listen to what I want. That sort of helped him "get it." At least now he gets me very SMALL things. If he doesn't spend much money, I'm happy.

My favorite gift is no gift at all. I just don't enjoy the process. I get a bunch of things I don't like and have to pretend to like in exchange for giving people a bunch of things they don't like and have to pretend to like. It doesn't make sense to me.

Our family is pretty low key about gifts and I always thought it was because I really don't enjoy the gift thing. I was surprised to find out this year that my 14 year old has already lost interest in it as well. Even though he got a new video camera he is really excited about, he said "we could skip the gift part, I don't really care about that, all I want is the food!" That boy takes after his mother!

 

[BelleWDW]

Well I tell DH no more jewelry....except earrings.


So far he's given me diamond and opal earrings.
This Christmas was pearl Earrings.
He picks very simple classic things
He's a good listener and jewelry picker

When i want unusual, "crazy" earrings-I buy them

As far as the MIL-I think a purse is a very personal thing, and not something I'd want as a gift

 

[SwedishMeatball]

No flames from me.

No flames from me!

No flames from me either.

No flames here either.

No flames here!!

no flames here either.

This is ridiculous. The OP took the trouble to get all dressed up in her flame suit, and now people just aren't cooperating. This thread is lacking some serious entertainment value.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We just buy our own gifts. I am sure a lot of people will say that it is crazy what we do but it is what makes us happy.

DH always wants garage stuff that weighs over 50lbs and I just cannot lug that stuff around.

I got my XBOX360 and I am happy.

Now if we bought a bunch of gifts that might be different but normally we just get 1 or 2 gifts for each other.

 

[Mommy2three]

I got a wash machine, a very expensive one (cabrio) that we found on craigslist for 75.00, and had to order a part for it that cost 75.00. So a 900$ wash machine that was only a year old that someone didnt want to get the part for and put it in (so they just went out and bought a new wash machine). and I got my android phone too. I needed a new wash machine...with 5 people in the house, 3 of who are kids who have a ton of laundry, it is nice to be able to do it all in just 2 loads!

 

[Tigger2252]

You won't get any flames from me either! I don't understand why people ask for a list if they aren't going to get anything on it. I have a close friend who loves Christmas. She loves seeing people open the gifts she has purchased, especially my two kids. The kids are older now though and are difficult to buy for. They really like gift cards. Every year she asks, every year I tell her gift cards. I know she is on a fixed income so I don't want her to spend money on things we will never use. It is very difficult, if not impossible to buy clothes and jewelry for other people IMHO. Your taste is not the same as a 16 or 20 year old (or mine for that matter).

I told her the same thing this year. I said the kids would really love ITunes songs, or a Walmart gift card to buy magazines, etc. Instead she bought them 3 or 4 gifts each that they will probably not use. For me she bought 2 paperback books that I have already read, and a turtleneck and sweater that I will never wear (I don't like turtlenecks and have said so many times). I understand that she enjoys seeing people open the gifts she bought, and love her for thinking of us, but she could still wrap up the gift card if opening the presents is the big deal right? She said she wouldn't be hurt if we wanted to exchange things, so after she said that I mentioned that I had actually read the two books already and would like to exchange them for 2 I hadn't read yet. She said she couldn't remember where she bought them. I told her that was fine, that I liked to re-read good books anyway.

She asked for flannel pajamas and flannel sheets. Guess what I got her? Right! Flannel pajamas and flannel sheets.

Oh well, what are you going to do?

 

[N.Bailey]

If you got rid of the Coach bag, would MIL know you didn't have it anymore? I'm sure you don't want to hurt her feelings, so I say this loosely, if no one would know, plop the thing on eBay and sell it. You won't get what your MIL paid for it, but you will likely get a fair chunk of change to spend on something you really want.

I'd suggest the same thing with the jewelry, but I think that's too iffy. You might end up letting it go for next to nothing. I just never thought of eBay as a very good outlet for selling jewelry at all.

No flames here though. I totally understand what you're saying. I really don't like flowers at all. Well, not the kind you have to buy. I like them well enough planted outside the house and such. I just think it's a huge waste when you're just going to watch them die. I LOVE candles though, but it took me over 10 years to get my husband to stop buying flowers and start buying candles. Heck, I'd love a Peppermint Patty to dozen red roses. Eventually it did escalate and DH and I had a nice long talk. He was angry that I was unappreciative, but I was angry because I felt like he wasn't hearing me. Listening maybe, but most definitely not hearing. Needless to say, I have a very nice candle collection.

After our talk a few years back, the next gift he bought me absolutely knocked my socks off. My favorite food in the world is the lobster, crab, and seafood stuffed mushrooms from Red Lobster. The nearest restaurant to us is about an hour away, but he drove 2 hours to get me two of those appetizers and brought them home to surprise me. The thought and the effort were certainly not lost on me and to this day, I think it's truly the best gift anyone ever gave me.

 

[MIGrandma]

No flames from me, I agree with you. It took years for my DH to figure out I don't like bath oils and bath beads. I don't take baths. I prefer showers.

The last several years I've actually written out a "Mom's Christmas Wish List" and put it on the refrigerator. Now he gets me things off that list. Occasionally he deviates and gets something else (little things) he thinks I might like or use, and most times he is spot on with those too. Like a small travel alarm clock, that lights up the time when you push a button. And a reading light to wear around my neck. But he gets those things in addition to some of the things I want too.

I used to want nice jewelry, and one year he got me a beautiful diamond necklace. I absolutely love it, but I'm afraid to wear it! I don't want to lose it!

Maybe putting a "wish list" on your refrigerator would get you that food processor you want next year. I found that you can drop a million hints and many times they don't "hear" them. They need to see the written word!

 

[Imzadi]

One word: eBay.

Get cash for those items. Someone will want a brand new Coach bag and pay for it. You might be able to return the jewelry for different items that can be more easily sold on eBay.

It's time to tell DH that it's long past the time to stop listening to Mommy. Try to explain to him that his mom and yo have different values and ideas of what makes a great gift.

Next year, don't hint. Just say, "What would really make me happy this Christmas is: __________. A (food processor) is a really personalized item that would really make me happy because I personally got to pick it out."

 

[N&B'smom]

If he had given me a check like he usually does, I could get myself the food processor that I really wanted.

Your husband usually gives you a check for Christmas????

 

[Liberty Belle]

I know how you feel.

My mother in law asked me for a list of things I wanted. I put a couple of things and then listed colors and scents I liked. I specifically put down three perfumes I really liked (and in all price ranges - from Armani to Bath and Body Works). She gets me a gift set of Fifth Avenue (not on my list!) cologne. When I opened it she said, "We just love Elizabeth Arden!" (We being her and my sister in law). I don't like the stuff and now will have to try and find someone who likes it or just throw it away. I don't even know where she bought it to try and return it.

 

[Imzadi]

When I opened it she said, "We just love Elizabeth Arden!" (We being her and my sister in law).

Too bad you couldn't have said, "Well, would you or DIL like this then? It's not my scent."

Maybe you can save it and re-gift it back to one of them saying, "I know how much you just love Elizabeth Arden."

 

[Nancyg56]

LOL ..

I finally bought myself the Kitchen aid stand mixer in Nov after three yrs asking him for it.

I had to post a picture of a Kitchen-aid on the fridge for a few weeks before Christmas the year DH got me mine.

This is ridiculous. The OP took the trouble to get all dressed up in her flame suit, and now people just aren't cooperating. This thread is lacking some serious entertainment value.

Your husband usually gives you a check for Christmas????

What is wrong with a check? A gift card is the same thing but you are restricted to the stores you can use the money at.

 

[momof1princess]

sorry OP, no flames here. i'm the same way. i LOVE things for my kitchen and i'd been eyeing 2-3 different sets of pots & pans for Christmas (still using the ones i got as wedding gifts 17 years ago), but i couldn't make up my mind which one, although i was partial to the black, as my kitchen is black and white. well, DH surprised me with the black set of pots and pans AND a digital food scale! i was over the moon! LOVE them both! he also gave me some money, because he knows i love to save birthday and Christmas money for vacations. oh, and i gave him money because he prefers to pick out his own gifts and he's making a trip to the woodcraft store next week.

 

[BelleWDW]

Your husband usually gives you a check for Christmas????

That is waaaayyy too impersonal. i can write my OWN check from our account-dont need HIM to do that.

 

[KirstenB]

Janice, if you can't return the Coach, you could ebay it. The Zoe is huge over there. Or just wear it. It might grow on you.

 

[bumbershoot]

My MIL tried to do a good thing by telling her son to always get me nice personal gifts and not things for the house. ...but DH had to go with MIL's rule and buy me a necklace--something I don't want or need.


Each of the past two years, she bought me a nice Coach bag and I loved her to pieces for it.

He watches a lot of football and you know how Zales and Kays advertise there. I'm sure those commercials influenced him, plus he's had his mother's romantic conditioning.

I do think any daughter-in-law should be thrilled to pieces over receiving a genuine Coach bag.

I wouldn't be thrilled to get such a bag from anyone! Vegetarian, only use leather when there's no other good options (I try to buy my athletic shoes from New Balance since they have some no leather, and a few minimal leather, wide width shoes, always buy Payless manmade heels, etc).

And I definitely wouldn't appreciate someone else choosing purses for me 3 years in a row!

I'm glad you and DH talked. Something that took a long time to get my DH to hear is...you need to pay attention to ME, instead of what your MOM is telling you. And he definitely needs to pay attention to YOU vs commercials that are intended to get people to spend money at those places!

I had to say, over and over, things like..."I'm the person in front of you, telling you what I like." Your mom needed big bling, I don't. Your mom likes yellow gold in intricate settings, I prefer a silver color, and platinum makes me happy." Since platinum is $$$, I only have one thing made of it. And I like simple stuff. He finally got it that I was there, telling him what I wanted. And stopped being sad that he couldn't buy bling like his mom likes, stopped buying me flowers that I had to find a vase for, put in water, change the water, then toss when they got stinky... etc etc.

Life is infinitely better now that he gets it.

This yule I bought the purse I wanted (19 bucks, JC Penney, manmade materials, very cute! haven't seen a purse I really liked in years; the style out there is NOT me) then handed it off to DH so he could pretend to DS that he snuck off and bought it, I also pointed them to the other thing I wanted, then went off to get the groceries at Costco and I'd "just meet them at the car while they looked around". I got what I wanted and we were all happy!

It really was still a very thoughtful gift because it was a dolphin and he knows I love dolphins and he also knows I like to burn candles. He was thoughtful but didn't get it quite right.

He didn't think about the fact that you likely don't enjoy watching dolphins melt!

Every day things are what I hate spending my money on. I don't WANT to spend money on laundry detergent, but it's sort of necessary. I don't WANT to replace my ratty old pot holders...but I sort of like not having 3rd degree burns on my hands. Practical =fun to me!

I like it! Great way to put it!

I like scrapbooking stuff. But officially, scrapbooking is for the whole family, so it shouldn't be a gift *for me*. I tormented myself with that thinking for about 4 years. This year I gave up. I like scrapbooking, I like the admiration I get from my family for what I do, and the items needed to make them is a good gift for me! So I got some scrapbooking paper in my stocking. Well, under it, b/c I didn't want to roll it up.

As far as the MIL-I think a purse is a very personal thing, and not something I'd want as a gift

Good point, especially with the weird styles in purses that are out there right now.

She asked for flannel pajamas and flannel sheets. Guess what I got her? Right! Flannel pajamas and flannel sheets.

Has she thought through actually wearing flannel while sleeping on flannel? I did it once, thinking I'd be warm and cozy. Instead, I was trapped in my bed! It's like velcro...

Maybe you can save it and re-gift it back to one of them saying, "I know how much you just love Elizabeth Arden."

I like it!

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Maybe next year you should just forego the gift giving... I mean, if what you want is a food processor, just go buy it. The money is both of yours anyway. That way you won't have to worry about hurting his feelings and vice versa. I guess I just figure if I wanted something that specific from your spouse, it's not really a gift. It's just someone else taking the time to go to the store to buy it.

Didn't explain that well. I'm not flaming... I wouldn't tell someone else how they should feel. But for me the whole fun of getting gifts is not knowing what you're getting.

 

[Ephany]

No flames from me! It's taken DH almost 10 years to listen to me and what I'm saying rather than what he thinks he should buy. This year everything he got me was from my wishlist, except for two small stocking stuffers. It was such a relief to not be disappointed. He did great and we both loved our presents.

My MIL on the other hand is still buying weird, random stuff. She asked me what I wanted, I said Amazon gift cards to replace some of my hardbacks in kindle form. She didn't like that answer (too impersonal), so she asked DH. He said Amazon gift cards. What I received was a $$ poo brown leather journal with gold roses embossed on the front and a sweater 2 sizes too small. I've never kept a journal and won't start now and the sweater is not my size/style/color etc. Both items are being returned to sender even though I have to pay to ship them back. Even DH agreed that in a looong line of bad Christmas gifts, these were pretty bad. At least his stuff was the right color/size/style....