I discovered my wife was having an affair today

[mikehn]

I get Jerry Springer and Dr. Phil all in one thread, awesome!

 

[tiff211]

A lot of it is how we look at ourselves. It can be a catch 22. When we put on weight, we look at ourselves as unattractive and carry ourselves that way as well. Stop wearing the sexy undies, lingerie and all the things that made us attractive to our SO. Then they find us less attractive and that makes us feel less attractive. A lot of what makes one attractive is confidence and carrying yourself like you are da bomb whether you are 120, 220 or 320!

 

[Angelhalo]

Here's to hoping you never go bald!

 

[HoneyBee06]

I wouldn't find my spouse attractive if she gained alot of weight. I'm sure I will be flamed, but MOST guys feel this way. We signed on with the woman we married, if a cow comes to pasture....it just isn't a good thing and the marriage will suffer.

Is this a joke? Because I was cracking up when I read it.

 

[HoneyBee06]

I'm only on page 5 or 6 of this thread but I need to make a quick post.

WOW. Just...wow. Some of the responses I've read are insane. I don't know if people are just trolling or if they really are that awful. Either way....wow!!

It's really sad to think that there are actually people out there that would say such things about their spouses. If your spouse gains weight...you aren't attacted to them anymore? Yikes. What if your spouse is in a fire and gets severely burned and scarred? Would you not be attracted to them after that too?

I think if you wouldn't attracted to your spouse no matter what they look like...then maybe you never should have married them to begin with.

I understand if someone is really overweight to an unhealthy degree. I wouldn't want my husband to be so overweight that it would cause health problems. I mean, I don't want him to die. But if he puts on some extra weight...I really don't care. He'd still be attractive. He could lose all of his hair, or have a combover...and I still wouldn't care. If there was a horrible accident that left him disfigured...I'd still be attracted to him. I am attracted to the person he IS...not what he looks like.

But maybe that just makes me the crazy one.

Those of you that critisize your spouses looks probably just have very low self-esteem. You really should work on that before you worry about what your spouse looks like. I should feel sorry for you. But you really don't deserve my pity.

Have fun in your clearly unhappy marriages.

 

[HoneyBee06]

Now maybe all of you are vastly different, maybe hubby and I are unique. Well, that just goes to show that you all shouldn't be giving this guy advice! If you can't relate to losing some attraction while continuing to LOVE, then back off. You don't understand, so you can't give advice.

Lucky for me (and probably many others)...I have continued to love my husband AND find him physically attractive no matter what his weight is. For me, those two go hand in hand....and that's a good thing. It means that he could weigh whatever he wants and I'd still think he was attractive.

Also lucky for me...I didn't bother giving the OP any advice because it sounds like he doesn't want any real advice anyway.

 

[Wishing on a star]

1) About you being less attracted to her, due to familiarity. What did you expect when you got married? A life-long commitment comes with *surprise* a rather intense amount of familiarity. If familiarity is causing you to be less attracted to her, then YOU (yes YOU) have a responsibility as her husband to find ways to make your relationship fresh, exciting, and new. If familiarity is a problem for you, you will never be successful in a marriage to ANYONE.

2) As for her gaining weight making you less attracted to her. Guess what? ALL of us, in the end -- you included -- are going to end up saggy, wrinkled and liver-spotted. That is the way life works. When you sign on to a life-long commitment -- which marriage is supposed to be -- both you and your partner will not stay 20-something mean, lean fightin' machines forever. Get past the shallowness and learn to love your wife for more than her appearance.

I personally feel sorry for your wife that she feels she has to go online to find sexual and emotional gratification.

The OP is long gone...

But this post says it all!!!

When a wife has to verbally beg her husband for attention, respect, love, appreciation, physical closeness, etc... something is wrong.

Something about the original post just sounds 'off' to me.

The OP needs to decide whether he is commited to his wife or not.
The reason he gave for not thinking of leaving was the very young children.

If he wants to make his marriage work, he and his wife need to get 'together' and resolve their issues.